Revelations
by SitkaWild
Summary: Catherine and Sara must learn to work together. Catherine/Sara, plus a little Sofia/Sara because I can't help myself.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure how many people are actually reading CSI fan fiction these days, but I'm trying to get back into writing and this was always the funnest/easiest form for me. I hope you enjoy it!**

 _Sara_

The scorching heat of late August was not making this endless week any more bearable. I felt a bead of sweat forming at the back of my neck as I reached for the doors of the lab, grateful for the cold rush of air that greeted me.

We had just wrapped a double homicide case involving two kids, a prostitute, and a psychopathic lawyer from Colorado. I'm not sure if it was the heat, the nature of the case, or the fact that Ecklie was looming over our heads for the department's quarterly review, but tensions were running high.

We had thrown the bastard behind bars for two consecutive life sentences, but not without a series of arguments, double shifts, and a particularly intense altercation between Catherine and I that ended with some heartfelt threats from Grissom and an evening off. I had a feeling that I would be hearing more about that this evening, but I planned to stay as invisible as possible until that moment inevitably arrived.

Captain Brass caught my eye as I entered the lab, the smile on his face a much needed reminder that not all of us were drowning in the proverbial darkness. My focus immediately shifted to the familiar figure in front of him- full weight shifted to one side, hand on her hip in typical 'no bullshit' fashion. My pace faltered slightly, chest tightening, in dread or excitement I wasn't sure- all I knew was that this sure as hell wasn't the time or place to figure it out.

I hadn't expected Sofia back from administrative leave for another few days, but time has a way of slipping away from you here. She looked much more at peace than the last time I had seen her- a light flush creeping onto my cheeks at the memory of that unexpected series of events. She turned her head, ice blue eyes glancing at another approaching officer and I snapped myself back into the moment, flashing a smile at Brass before ducking down an adjacent hallway. The discussion that her and I were or were not going to have was one more thing I was determined to avoid for the time being.

The bright lights of the lab were doing nothing for the pounding in my head and a cup of coffee was the first thing on my priority list, the exhaustion of this past week still weighing heavily on me. A night off didn't hold the same novelty when it was forced, or preceded by a verbal war and the threat of termination. I had taken the time to rehash my smoking habit and drive myself to the brink of insanity by going over the workings of the case again and again.

I never claimed to be the picture of mental stability.

I rounded the corner towards the break room, immediately greeted with the sight of Catherine heading down the hall towards me, focused intently on the contents of a manila folder, brow furrowed. I turned on my heel, cursing under my breath as I redirected myself towards the locker room in what I hoped was an unnoticed maneuver. I had a feeling the only thing that would annoy her more than running into me would be to catch me avoiding her- a real testament to our relationship. I had no plans to start off this shift the same way I ended the last one, so as childish as it felt to be sidestepping my supervisor, the safest route was to steer clear of the red head for the time being.

Eyes set on the locker room at the end of the hall I quickened my pace with determination. The last hurdle was making it passed Grissom's office unnoticed. A momentary 'keep your shit together' meditation and a cup off coffee and I would be ready to face this night. Five more paces…

"Sara, can I see you for a minute" Grissom's muffled voice echoed into the hall.

I closed my eyes with a deep sigh, remaining in place for a few solid moments before turning back towards his office with the resolve to make this as quick and painless as possible.

He was leaning back in his chair when I entered the room, pen still in hand, hovering over a thick stack of paperwork. I plastered a smile onto my face as I met his eyes, resting my hands on the back of the chair across from him casually. "What's up boss?"

He regarded me with silence for a long moment before gesturing to the chair

"Please, sit down"

My smile faded as I set my bag down, dropping into the stiff chair tiredly. He looked exhausted, dark bags coloring the skin beneath his eyes and I felt a slight sense of guilt wash over me for all the tension this case had caused- it had clearly been a difficult week for us all.

I was about to say something to that effect when I heard the familiar click of heels come to a halt behind me, the rustle of a folder being snapped shut, followed by a husky, humorless chuckle

"Really Gil, is this necessary? Because I've got court in an hour"

I felt myself immediately stiffen, cursing whatever god was responsible for this onslaught of unfortunate events. Just one cup of coffee and an Aspirin, was that so much to ask? I focused on glaring daggers at Grissom, whatever tenderness I had been feeling moments ago gone. He paid no notice, gesturing to the chair next to me

"Sit down Catherine"

She sighed, walking around to drop into the neighboring chair in much the same fashion, shooting a bitter glance over at me as if this was somehow my doing. The familiar smell of jasmine and sandalwood invaded the room, somehow always a comfort despite the typical animosity that accompanied it. She was dressed for court in a dark blouse unbuttoned just enough to toe the line of professional and suggestive- the line that she seemed to balance expertly on in most aspects of her life. She pulled her dark frame glasses off her face in annoyance, folding them into her lap before gesturing to Grissom tiredly in an invitation to begin.

"What happened here the other day was unacceptable. I've tolerated your arguments over the years because you two, regardless of your conflicts, make an excellent team. But when it disrupts the workings of the lab and _my_ boss becomes involved, I cannot look the other way"

"Look Grissom, I am sorry that things got as heated as they did, I really am" Catherine said, meeting his gaze steadily, regretfully. _Good, let's just leave it at that._

"But what do you expect when I'm dealing with someone who went over my head in what was not the first but _second_ act of insubordination this week, and refuses to hear what I am saying at nearly any given time…"

I snorted, turning to face her angrily. Of course she couldn't just leave it there. Typical. We hadn't spoken once since said argument happened two days prior, and clearly nothing had been resolved.

"Excuse me, but you want to talk about not hearing what someone has to say? Not only was I right about the knife, which I asked you to look over the evidence on countless times, but it was the missing piece that ended up putting Harmond away for good, and for that you should be thankful"

"You cannot really believe that you were in the right going behind my back to the DA with that evidence, regardless of the outcome. You have absolutely no regard for anyone around you and I am so fucking tired of dealing with it Sara, I mean how am I supposed to work with that?" She spat, turning towards Grissom with the last bit, but her bright glare continuing to burn into my own.

"That's fucking rich Catherine, coming from someone who..."

"Enough" Grissom exclaimed, the metallic thud of a pen slamming onto his wooden desk startling me slightly.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about, it needs to stop. I have a months worth of work to catch up on" he said, gesturing to the piles of paperwork taking over the space in front of him "and no time to keep the two of you in line- a job that I shouldn't have to do in the first place"

It wasn't often that Grissom raised his voice, and I would be more taken aback if I weren't so busy holding Catherine's dark glare.

"Until further notice, you will be working all of your cases together, without incident. I'm serious, there will be consequences if I so much as hear that the two of you are going at it"

That was enough to shift our focus back onto Grissom, the scowl on Catherine's face deep enough to convey both of our displeasement. He held a hand up to her before she had a chance to begin the rant we both knew was on the tip of her tongue, looking over at me sternly "I don't want to hear it. You will learn to work together, or one of you goes. Possibly both of you, and that's not a position I would like to find us in. So go, sort it out. You've got a 419 in Henderson"

He tossed the case file onto the only clear spot on his desk, which I grabbed without hesitation.

"You got it" I mumbled with a tight lipped smile, not bothering to address Catherine as I stood and headed out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading and/ reviewing :)**

 _Sara_

"Long night?"

Sofia leaned casually against the doorframe of the locker room, arms crossed loosely over her chest. I met her gaze as I sat down on the bench tiredly, sore from hours of hunching over an evidence table with nothing at all to show for it.

"That would be an understatement"

"Tell me about it" she sighed, pushing off the door and wandering over to sit down next to me. The energy that she embodied earlier had clearly faded- half moons darkening the skin beneath her glacial eyes, a light slump to her shoulders.

"How have you been?"

"I'm alright. Happy to be back here- it turns out I have no idea what to do with free time"

I chuckled, "yeah, tell me about it"

She smiled gently, gaze focused on the ground in front of us. I took the moment to look at her- really look at her. Her blonde hair was tied into a loose ponytail that fell down her strong back. I took in her rounded eyes, her high cheekbones, the perfect line of her nose. I lingered on her full lips for a few moments, dropping down to her rounded jaw, the soft curve of her neck.

Her beauty was soft, yet disarming. Obvious, yet more striking the longer you were in her presence. Aside from avoiding her in the lab and tolerating her at crime scenes, we hadn't spent much time together. This amiability was unfamiliar territory for us.

"I wanted to uh, thank you, for coming by the other night"

She turned her face to look at me, blonde hair falling to the side. Her eyes were the brightest shade of blue and I searched them for a few drawn out moments

"And I'm sorry, if you feel like things got weird…"

I frowned lightly, my eyes not leaving hers. She had been the one to initiate things, but I had been nothing if not willing. I thought that much had been entirely clear.

It was after the Bell shooting, after I had caught her in Grissom's office. It had been a difficult week and it didn't take much to irritate me. No matter how much I tried to justify my actions though, I couldn't get the image of her pleading eyes, her tired words out of my mind. She was in a vulnerable state and I had berated her for reaching out.

It was early morning when I found myself hesitantly standing outside of her condo with the singular goal of making amends, a twelve-pack of beer in hand. She greeted me silently, coldly- arms crossed, glancing from the peace offering to me with untrusting eyes. It took a few minutes to convince her to let me inside, her state of exhaustion working in my favour. Any other day I'm sure I would have been immediately silenced by a door slamming in my face.

It wasn't until our second beer that she began to let her guard down. By our third she confessed her fears about the shooting. Allowed a few silent tears to fall. Told me that she was unsure of herself. She seemed so hesitant to share anything personal, yet desperate for some human connection. I found myself settling in on the couch beside her, giving up my previous post on the bar stool across the room.

By our fifth beer I told her she was beautiful. I realize that was veering slightly from my original plan, and perhaps a little out of left field, but I couldn't help myself. It was a mixture of the liquor and the bluest eyes I had ever seen curled into the couch beside me, long legs pulled up beneath her, blonde hair loose and wild.

It was sometime after that that she kissed me- tentatively, softly. I knew, even in my intoxicated state that this was a blind grasp at comfort and distraction. And I, in my intoxicated state, reasoned that who was I to deny her that.

It was soft and slow, and then suddenly it was her teeth against my neck and my fingers raking at the muscled skin of her back, pulling her ever closer. The memory of her moans against my hot skin, her soft hands everywhere- beneath my shirt, tangled painfully in my hair- was enough to send a flush of heat through my body.

I'm not sure which of us came to our senses first, swollen lips and desire hooded eyes, but I left before it went too far with a few tender words and the assurance that she would be okay.

"Nothing happened that I was in any way opposed to" I assured her gently.

She held my gaze for a long moment, hint of a smug smile tugging at her lips as she looked away, standing up and heading towards the door. She paused next to me for a moment, resting her hand on my shoulder and leaning in ever so slightly

"Good, because I'm really not that sorry"

And with that she was gone. I smiled to myself, watching her saunter back down the hall. I had fully expected some sort of awkward justification of her actions where she blamed the liquor and her emotional state. I really had to get out of the habit of giving her such little credit I thought as I stood, shutting my locker with a dull thud.

Maybe this week could still turn itself around after all.

/

The next couple weeks went by smoothly, all of our cases opened and closed in a reasonable time frame. Catherine and I were actually getting along- perhaps out of necessity more than anything else, but we had settled into a good working rhythm nonetheless.

Sofia had taken to bringing me coffee every now and then, slowly getting to know each other through occasional break room conversation and using one another as a venting board on the particularly aggravating days. It wasn't much, but I knew that she drank her coffee black and that she had a particular distaste for one of the new officers, Officer Keaton. It felt easy and comfortable- a nice distraction from this often grisly job.

It was in the break room, discussing the delicate techniques of coffee roasting with her and Greg where Catherine found me, folder in hand, coming to a halt in front of the large table.

"Hey Catherine, you want a cup of coffee? I just got a new bag in, it'll change your life" Greg spoke with a smile, wheeling his chair in the direction of his personal coffee maker. Every once in a while he brought in some incredible international bag and for the next week or so a chosen few of us got to enjoy the priceless gift of decent coffee.

"Not now Greg… thanks"

She threw in the formality as an after thought, turning her focus to me.

"Sara, we've got a body off highway 19"

She seemed tense, her voice on edge. I turned to her, motioning to my cup

"Can I finish this first?"

"You should really grab some to go, it's much better than the swill I'm sure you've been drinking all day" Sofia advised gently, gesturing towards the lab coffee station. Catherine focused her eyes on the blonde- not quite a glare, but not far from it.

"I'll meet you in the car" she threw out, turning on her heel to go, the sound of her exit echoing down the hall.

Sofia and I looked at each other- a question in her eyes, a plea for help in mine.

"Do you want a Valium for her?" Greg asked incredulously, motioning towards her retreating form. I rolled my eyes before downing the contents of my cup in one long swallow. He offered a sympathetic smile as I stood to go

"Pray for me" I mumbled on my way out.

/

Our drive was long and mostly silent, Catherine's hands gripping the wheel tightly. It was nearing the scene that I finally mustered the courage to find out what had her so worked up.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Straight to the point was usually the best route with her.

She let out a quiet laugh, giving her head a subtle shake

"Yeah, fantastic"

I hesitated for a few moments before turning to face her

"Catherine, what's going on?"

She was silent, eyes focused on the road as I observed her quietly.

The stress of this job rarely seemed to have an impact on her, not physically anyway. It wasn't uncommon to see the rest of us wandering around with unruly hair and exhaustion written all over our features- yesterdays clothes and deep lines framing our sleep deprived eyes. And then there was Catherine, effortlessly drifting in on hour 15 wearing 5-inch heels with her bright eyes and jasmine hair, side swept bangs perfectly falling across her flawless face. _"Some sort of sorcery"_ Greg had commented once over our sixth cup of coffee of the night, watching her click away down the hall, hair bouncing lightly against her shoulders.

So it didn't surprise me that she looked incredible now despite her anxieties, the fading light from the setting desert sun illuminating her hair, manicured nails tapping anxiously against the wheel.

"Lindsay has taken to wandering across the city instead of going to school, and refuses to talk to me" she suddenly spoke up, gaze remaining on the road ahead

"My mother is in no discrete terms blaming this on my constant absence, and she's probably right. And Ecklie is dragging me through the mud and I can't do anything about it because I need the promotion to day shift supervisor and he knows it"

She sighed, leaning back in her seat tiredly

"The worst part is that I don't think he's ever going to give it to me. He's just using it as a ploy to keep me jumping through hoops for him, the son of a bitch"

I wished that I could tell her she was wrong, or shed some positive light on the matter, but unfortunately that sounded exactly like Conrad Ecklie- typical power hungry moron. My hands became fists just thinking about his smug face.

I decided to focus on the Lindsay matter instead.

"Where has she been going?"

"Walking around the strip, meeting friends at shady coffee shops- you know what those places are like"

She ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes tightly for a brief moment. I could almost feel the stress radiating off of her.

"Sam caught her once near one of his casinos, and Brass found her this morning at some run down coffee place- apparently also a fan" she rolled her azure eyes over at me with a look of annoyance, eliciting a small smile

"Catherine, she's 14 years old… it's not okay, you have every reason to be upset, but try not to beat yourself up, kid's act out at this age" I told her gently

"I just can't help but feel like things would be different if I were around more… it feels like every bad decision she makes is an intentional plea for attention that I can't seem to give her"

I reached over to touch her arm softly, running my thumb over the soft material of her shirt in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. Her bright eyes met mine and I gave her arm a light squeeze

"Lindsay is a great kid, and you are doing an incredible job raising her. You show her every day what a strong, confident, hard-working woman looks like, and she will come to appreciate that. You can already see it- that girl is a force"

Her eyes held mine for a few drawn out moments before darting back to the road, a smile pulling at her lips for the first time I had seen all shift. I let my hand fall from her arm, pulling it back into my lap

"Besides, think back to what you were doing at 14- it can't have been any better"

She flashed me a look, narrowing her eyes slightly

"Why would you assume I was doing anything unsavory?"

I snorted, leaning back against the door

"Right, like you were the picture of innocence"

"I was busy riding horses in the middle-of-nowhere Montana, how much trouble could I really have gotten into?"

I pursed my lips into a smile and she shook her head in amusement, a hint of a smile playing at her lips.

"Sounds like you were already deep into the thug life though"

I felt myself tense- my life at 14 was about survival more than typical teenage antics. I was jumping between foster homes and learning to take care of myself- learning to _defend_ myself. That was the year I broke three bones and switched schools twice. Things that Catherine never needed to know. I just smiled, winking at her playfully.

"You have no idea"

We pulled onto the scene, police cars gathered around an inconspicuous area along the desert sand.

"You know, that _was_ the year I discovered the farm boys though" Catherine mused, catching my eye with a wink of her own. I smiled, climbing out of the Tahoe with a renewed faith that this day might go a lot smoother than expected.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for reading/reviewing! I hope you're enjoying it.**

/

 _Catherine_

Ligature marks on thin wrists, a single stab wound to her bare chest. I snapped a few photos, white-blonde hair reflecting in the flash, a haunted look in her milky blue eyes. There was a pool of blood beneath her, and a single yellow flower resting between her pale lips.

It was the fourth case we had seen like this in the past few weeks and I couldn't quite decipher my feelings- something between fury and heartache. Possibly both. Probably both.

I gently touched her fingers, looking under her nails for any signs of a fight. The manicured tips were clean, no sign of defense.

"Not again"

I looked up at the brunette whose approach I hadn't heard, kit in hand, brown eyes looking mournfully over the body. I sighed, sitting back on my heels with a gentle nod.

"Same MO. Single stab wound to the chest, blonde hair, blue eyes. PD identified her as Madison Adler, 16. Missing since Saturday"

Her eyes focused on me, brows lightly furrowed

"You okay? I can take over the body if you'd rather take the perimeter"

She had been the one to process the bodies at the past three scenes, not pausing to ask me which I preferred. I knew she saw Lindsay in their lifeless forms too, and while I appreciated the gesture more than she could possibly know, my determination to keep my personal feelings separate from my work was strong.

I offered her a grateful smile

"You start on the perimeter, I'm almost finished here"

She gave me a hesitant nod, eyes lingering on me for a moment before turning towards the moonlit desert.

I returned my focus to the body, reaching down to pull the flower carefully out of her mouth. It had been identified in the first investigation as Arnica Mollis- a flower native to this area. I recognized it as the roadside wildflower that Eddie had once picked a clumsy bouquet of- an attempted apology for a road trip dispute that left me pulled over on the edge of the interstate crying tears of frustration with a screaming baby, listening to his drunken pleadings through the passenger side window.

I dropped the flower into a small container, sealing it up and tossing it into an evidence bag. Flowers were over rated. Love, at least in any romantic form that I experienced it, was over rated. By the time I had finished processing the body I had definitively sworn off of flowers, love, men and any more unnecessary double shifts- my head pounding, eyes blurry from too many hours of focusing on intricate details.

I left her with David, grateful that he was the coroner on call tonight. He had been there for the other three girls as well, and I could tell that he was feeling the gravity of these murders just as much as I was.

I pulled my flashlight out as I turned towards the vast desert, heading off in search of the brunette. I saw the light from her flashlight flickering in the far off distance, near the base of a range of low hills. I silently cursed my choice of footwear, hesitating just long enough to remember the chill of the late autumn air. I felt a shiver run through me, rubbing my arms with a general sense of displeasement as I started in the direction of the light, grabbing my radio to inform Officer Jackson of our little venture.

By the time I reached her I was slightly winded, heels digging awkwardly into the ground beneath me.

"Find something?" I asked, my breath like smoke in the dim light. She sighed, pushing back onto her feet

"No"

I looked at her in disbelief, throwing my hands up in a silent question

"I followed a set of tire marks out here, I thought maybe he had left a path, but it's just kids on ATV's. They meet up with a bunch more up here" she explained, pointing to a mess of tire treads beside her.

"I got some photos just incase, but I'm sure the path is just coincidental, our guy is not that sloppy"

I sighed, glancing back at our tiny vehicles in the distance. I didn't have the energy to be upset

"There is an upside to being curious though" she told me, switching off her flashlight. I frowned as she walked over, gently taking hold of mine and doing the same

"We'll be taken out by a pack of rabid coyotes and won't have to make the trip back?" I asked bitterly, my eyes slowly adjusting to the dark.

The moon was nothing more than a sliver, leaving the desert blanketed in heavy darkness, aside from the distant flashing of police lights

"Look up"

I glanced at the sky above us, my breath catching in my throat at the magnitude of the stars. As often as we were out here, this was never something I had enough time to notice or appreciate.

I surveyed the ground for a moment before turning to sit on an even patch of grass. Sara looked down at me quizzically. I shrugged

"I need a minute before our trek back"

I could just barely make out her pursed lip smile, her tall form following suit and dropping down next to me. I leaned back against my hands, focusing up at the sky.

For a moment, there were no dead girls with haunted eyes and heartbroken families, no daughters to worry about. Just Sara, myself, and a million stars.

"Look to your right, you see those two bright stars?"

I followed the line of her outstretched finger, nodding softly

"If you connect them over to those bright stars there, and down there, it forms what looks a bit like a tea pot. That's Sagittarius"

It took me a moment to draw the invisible lines between stars, but then it was there, clear as day. I glanced over at her, my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness. She was focused on the sky, dark hair softly illuminated, long legs bent in front of her. I drank in the sight of her so relaxed. It felt like a rare and precious gift- the stars, the silence, a moment where I could enjoy the familiar comfort of the younger woman's presence without tension or reason for argument.

It wasn't unusual for us to be getting along, but our peace was typically, quite dramatically broken by some sort of argument- my temper and her defensiveness a lethal combination. I had to hand it to Grissom though, somehow forcing us together had, so far, been a remedy to the building tensions between us. That meant one less weight on my already overloaded shoulders.

"Beautiful" I mused, focusing back on the sky. We sat in silence for a few drawn out minutes before I felt the cold begin creeping its way beneath my thin jacket, my jaw tensing at the sensation. I pushed off the ground, brushing the remnants of sand off my dark pants

"Well I figure we've got a few good minutes before hypothermia sets in" I grumbled, bliss short lived, the distant lights a reminder of our lengthy walk back. It was only a moment before I felt the weight of a jacket thrown over my shoulders. I turned to look at Sara, nothing more than a thin shirt covering her form. I opened my mouth to protest but she cut me off, starting to lead the way back to the scene

"No more complaints for the entire walk back"

I hesitated for a moment, feeling a bit like a scolded child, but she glanced back, shooting me a playful grin and the feeling dissipated. I wrapped myself in the warm jacket, a size too big but all the cozier for it. It smelled lightly of Patchouli and tobacco- familiar, yet scents I hadn't distinguished before. I hadn't realized she was smoking again, though after the heavy few months we've all had, it didn't really surprise me. Hell, I probably would be too if it weren't for Lindsay. Ironically though, she might be the one to drive me back to it. I pushed all thoughts out of my mind, every few awkward steps taking a second to look up at the starlit sky.

/

"Please tell me you guys have something"

Ecklie greeted us as we entered the break room. Sara headed straight for the coffee, my eyes meeting his as I took a seat in the chair opposite him

"We have a few fibers that I found in the victims hair, the flower from her mouth- though that hasn't helped us in the previous cases-, and a few shoe prints leading away from the scene, but there is nothing actually connecting them to the body dump"

He sighed, leaning back in his chair

"People are getting anxious, we need to give them something- some sort of illusion that we are getting somewhere with this. Even better, it would be helpful if you guys could actually find something useable out there"

I felt my blood pressure rise, narrowing my eyes at him. It was going on my 16th hour and I was in no mood. I opened my mouth to say my piece when he held up a hand tiredly

"I know, you guys are doing everything you can, I'm not blaming you. The undersheriff is on my case to get some information, and you know that he doesn't have any patience for the process. Do we have any suspects at all?"

Sara slid a cup of coffee in front of me, dropping into the neighboring chair

"We have one guy- an older brother of one of the victims friends. Sofia and I questioned him briefly at his house the other day. I got the vibe that he was just generally strange more than suspicious, but we could bring him in, press him a bit more" she offered, taking a sip from the large mug in her hands.

I took a sip of my own, grateful for the comfort of an imminent caffeine fix. It was the perfect balance of cream and sugar and I glanced over at Sara, surprised by her knowledge of this small detail. I guess that was an upside to spending the majority of your days with someone.

"That's better than nothing, get Curtis to bring him in first thing tomorrow. You guys should get some rest, you look like you could use it" he said, standing to go

Sara shot him a smile as he exited the room before averting her eyes over to me, frowning lightly

"I take a bit of offence to that"

I scoffed, taking in the dark bags under her chocolate eyes, the frown lines becoming creases in her otherwise smooth forehead, the oversized coffee in her pale hands

"You should, you look as fresh as a daisy" I commented dryly.

She shot a light-hearted glare at me, taking another long drink of coffee.

"Seriously, you should get some sleep. We can look at this with fresh eyes tomorrow"

I took a moment to finish off the remnants of the warm liquid, standing up and rinsing my mug out in the sink, suddenly reminded of the grating headache that had been pulsing through my head for the past few hours.

"Oh, here. Thanks"

I slid her warm jacket off my shoulders, laying it across my vacant chair

She smiled lightly, brown eyes meeting mine

"No worries. I couldn't have you falling into a hypothermic state on our journey across the desert" she said simply, throwing my earlier dramatics back at me, pursing her lips together into a smile.

"Goodnight Sara" I emphasized each word, biting back a smile of my own on my way out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**I am great at finding inspiration and writing down moments / pieces of a story that come together in my mind. I am not so good at writing the connecting, in-between parts. This story came from a few middle chapters that I wrote first, so bear with me as I try to cohesively get there. Your thoughts are always much appreciated. Thanks for reading!**

/

 _Sara_

I saw a flash of blonde out of the corner of my eye, glancing up from the microscope I had been hovering over for the past hour to scan the length of the hallway through the wide glass windows of the lab.

I hadn't seen Sofia in days.

This wasn't unusual for us, but the sound of her voice was becoming something of a drug; the sway of her curved hips as she walked, demanding everything and nothing at all. I frowned lightly as my eyes caught the cerulean gaze of Hodges in the lab across from me.

It didn't quite garner the same affect.

I focused my attention back on the task at hand, the sound of a soft knock keeping me from delving back in. Glacial eyes greeted me, a bemused look on her face. I felt a flutter in my stomach. _Get a grip on yourself._

I offered her a smile, followed by a questioning look

She opened her mouth to speak with a heavy inhalation, pausing for a moment before shutting it again, bemused look returning as she met my eyes.

"Yes?" I asked in amusement, leaning forward against the table.

"I just interviewed Ronald Talbot" she finally spoke, wandering over to rest against the table next to me. I laughed gently- I could only imagine what that interrogation must have looked like.

"Went well I'm assuming?" I asked, not bothering to hide the amusement in my voice

"That depends on your definition of well"

The faint lines next to her eyes crinkled as she smiled. It took me a few moments too many to tear my focus away from the subtle details of her- the constellation of almost imperceptible freckles that trailed from just below her jawline to the crook of her neck- any more disappearing under the dark material of her blouse. The soft curve of high cheekbones. The galaxies in her eyes. _Jesus Christ, stop._

"He didn't do it" I gathered, more of a statement than a question

"No, I have no doubt that he's not our guy. He's far too busy working on recording a debut album in his basement to bother with something as trivial as serial killing. But I would like to thank you for having me drag him down here and question him again. It's been a fun afternoon"

I pursed my lips into a smile, leaning back in my chair.

"Full disclosure, he asked me out"

I raised my eyebrows, grin widening. The image of the rail thin, long haired 19 year old with an unnervingly robotic voice and self proclaimed 'swagger' asking out the gorgeous, impatient woman next to me was too good.

"Amazing, when is the big date?"

"Tonight. He tells me he only has time for the classiest women though, so I'm a little nervous"

"You should be" I shot, her hand colliding with my shoulder roughly, shooting me a light hearted glare.

"You getting anywhere with those fibers?" she asked as she came to stand behind me, directing my focus back to the task at hand.

"Well, I can tell you that they're beige carpet fibers. But with nothing to compare them to, they're pretty much useless for now"

She hummed in understanding, leaning in to look at the case documents spread in front of me. I felt her warm hand grip the arm of the chair, pressing against the bare skin of my forearm. The smell of vanilla and leather invaded my senses, blonde hair brushing my collarbones lightly.

"Tough case" I felt her hot breath against my ear, her voice barely a whisper. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, a flush of heat spreading through my body. It was impressive how quickly she could alter the entire feel of our exchange. I straightened up slightly in attempt to regain control of myself, fighting the urge to lean back in search of more contact.

"Get a drink with me after shift?"

Her husky voice was intoxicating. I let out a light exhale, about to answer when someone cleared their throat from the doorway. I jumped lightly in my seat, eye's flying up to the door. Sofia simply glanced up, leaning away from me casually, disturbingly good at feigning innocence.

Warrick's arms were crossed, the raise of an eyebrow almost imperceptible.

"Evening ladies" he greeted us casually, amusement clear in his bright eyes.

"Hey" I smiled, though my eyes held his heavily, daring him to even think it.

"I just wanted to see if you need any extra hands on the serial case, I finished up early and I imagine you must be swamped"

Sofia pushed off my chair, glancing down at me with gentle eyes

"I've got to go document that interview, can I take that as a yes?" I felt a light blush creeping onto my cheeks, nodding once

"Yep, yes" I answered awkwardly, a smile tugging at her lips as she turned to go, giving Warrick a nod on her way out.

"We actually have hit about a dozen dead ends- we have got absolutely nothing to go on right now" I told him tiredly, the weight of this case resuming it's place on my shoulders. He nodded, coming in to lean against the desk across from me. "Sometimes it just takes a little patience" he offered with a reassuring smile.

He allowed a few moments of silence to pass before meeting my eyes again, quirking an eyebrow.

"Don't" I warned, shaking my head lightly. He chuckled, pushing off the desk

"Mmhmm" he hummed knowingly, shooting me one more glance on his way out. "Good for you man"

I groaned, leaning back in my chair. So much for discretion.

/

His name was Liev Erikson- 6'0, dark hair, darker eyes. He couldn't have been more than 40, charming smile revealing a set of perfect teeth. I hated him instantly.

Brass had flagged me down me in the hall to introduce us- I figured he was the new district attorney doing his obligatory rounds, or perhaps a new judge getting acquainted with the CSI's as they rarely, but occasionally did, not paying much attention to the way he held my hand for a lingering moment after offering a customary handshake, pearly whites gleaming.

"Liev will be taking over as day shift supervisor, effective tomorrow" Brass explained casually. I felt my chest tighten, smile faltering. _Fuck._

"It's nice to meet you Sara, I look forward to working alongside you and your team"

"You too" I replied, forcing a smile that fell away the moment him and Brass continued their journey down the hall. I had been certain that Catherine had that job in the bag, Ecklie had been priming her for it. I hesitated in place for a long moment, debating whether I should steer clear of the situation entirely or seek the red head out to see how she was handling the news. The first option was by far the most appealing, but I found myself altering course anyway, heading towards the break room.

It was by chance that I caught sight of her, a flash of red appearing through a crack in the blinds of Ecklie's office. As someone who had been on the receiving end of Catherine's wrath one too many times, I could say that I didn't envy him one bit. I watched as her form paced passed again, hands gesturing wildly.

"I hope he's okay in there" Grissom commented, joining me in observing the scene. I glanced over at him with a frown

"I don't. She deserved that promotion Griss"

He sighed lightly, giving me a soft nod

"I know, I did everything I could. Unfortunately it's ultimately not up to me"

I sighed, knowing that the rest of this week was going to be a nightmare.

"Who even is that guy, Erikson?" I asked, not bothering to keep the distain out of my voice.

"Transferred in from Los Angeles I believe. Supposedly he's very good"

We watched as another flash of red hair appeared, followed by her muffled voice through the wall. Grissom eyed the window warily, probably wondering whether he should intervene or not, apparently deciding against it as he shifted his full attention to me.

"I was just coming to find you- you have a fifth body- out 40 miles past Henderson" he informed me with a sympathetic look. I felt my stomach drop, a mix of anger and discouragement taking over. I glanced back into Ecklie's office at my partner's rigid form

"Do you want to tell her or should I?" He asked, passing me the case file with a lightly raised eyebrow.

/

I predictably drew the short straw in that deliberation, giving her a few minutes to calm down before following her path into the locker room quietly. Her hands were balled into fists, focusing on the contents of her locker with an indiscernible stare. I expected a lot of things out of the next few hours of my life, but nothing prepared me for the silence that followed.

She let me drive to the scene without argument. I told her all about the documentary I had watched about women serial killer's in a far-fetched attempt to distract her from her thoughts. I even brought up the awkward, singular date I had gone on with one of the well-known officers earlier in the year, hoping to peak her interest. She simply glanced over at me with another unreadable look before focusing back on the barren desert passing by.

It was unnerving to say the least.

It was morning by the time we had finished processing the scene, heading back to the lab with slightly more to go off of than what we had found at any of the previous dump sites. Hopeful wasn't the word for what I was feeling- determined maybe. Fuelled by rage, definitely.

Another girl, barely 16 was dead, dumped naked, bruised and battered 40 miles from anything. There was a weight in my chest that had only been growing since the first body we found, the contrasting feelings of determination and deep seeded exhaustion a difficult combination.

Catherine was leaning against the side window as I drove us back towards Vegas, bright eyes staring absently at the road ahead. I opened my mouth to speak, before slowly shutting it, knowing that any words I could find wouldn't be the right ones. I glanced over at her again, fighting the urge once again to ask her if she was okay.

"You can stop looking at me like that, I'm fine Sara" she finally spoke, as though she could read my mind- the first words unrelated to the case she had uttered to me all day. Her eyes remained on the road and I sighed as we pulled up to the first set of lights entering town, focusing my eyes back on her.

"You deserved that promotion Catherine"

She chuckled lightly, shaking her head

"It doesn't matter. Ecklie has his own fucked up political agenda and being deserving doesn't play much of a role in getting anywhere around here" she told me tiredly, turning her gaze back to the window "I just wanted to have more time for Lindsay... it doesn't matter"

"Things are going to be okay" I told her after a long, drawn out silence. As soon as the words left my mouth I realized I was saying them to myself as much as to her.

Moments later I felt her soft hand reach over to rest gently on my arm, eyes still focused out the window.

 _Things are going to be okay_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for reading / reviewing! I really appreciate it. I promise this will become a Catherine/Sara story in due time.**

/

 _Sara_

I pulled my jacket closer around myself as I leaned against my SUV, boot clad foot pressing back against the door. November in Nevada was unpredictable, but this year had been especially cold. My lips felt slightly chapped, hair full of static on the best of days. I'm not sure my California bred body (or soul, for that matter) would ever entirely adjust to the desert.

With all of the trace evidence from our scene this morning being processed, and the rest of it logged in, Grissom had in no uncertain terms told Catherine and I to take the evening off. In typical fashion we had brushed this off and remained stationed at the evidence table, examining shoe impressions quietly until he came back with eyebrows raised and a lecture on the tip of his tongue.

I knew that we could usually argue our way out of this, but Catherine by this point seemed to have little strength left for fighting, and honestly I wanted to know that she was getting some much needed rest.

Also, I had a date.

Was it a date? That was probably a strong word to use. A get together? That suggests more than just the two of us. A meeting?

 _Yeah, the breathy invitation to get drinks with her a few weeks after straddling you topless on her couch would definitely be considered a meeting… please fucking relax_

I rolled my eyes at myself, reaching into my back pocket to grab my pack of smokes. It had clearly been a while since I had been interested in anyone. A few dates here and there over the past year, more than a few meaningless hook-ups. The dating pool of Vegas was quite small, if the fact that I was having drinks with a co-worker was any indication.

"I never took you for the type"

I glanced up to see the blonde approaching in typical hip-sway saunter, gesturing towards the cigarette in my hand.

I shrugged, offering her a smile before taking a quick drag

"Tough few months" I explained simply

A tight black jacket was wrapped around her frame, jeans hugging slim legs, heeled boots bringing her up almost to my height. Her loose hair fell over one shoulder, bright eyes accented with a touch of dark liner. She looked gorgeous and I felt a hint of a smile pull at my lips, a little surer of myself.

She didn't hesitate in stepping into my personal space, eyes meeting mine as her hand reached out to take the cigarette from me, fingertips brushing mine lightly. She held it effortlessly between slim fingers, bringing it up to her lips to take a drag, turning her head to slowly exhale a breath of smoke.

She handed it back, glancing at the run down diner behind us, cocking an eyebrow and nodding towards the building

"Really?"

I smiled, dropping the remainder of my smoke on the ground, putting it out with the toe of my boot

"I know it looks like a dive, but I promise you'll enjoy it. They have beer on tap"

She smiled, eyes meeting mine in amusement

"Say no more"

/

She chose a corner booth by the window, observing what seemed like every inch of the place as she sat down- old style diner stools, pale blue curtains right out of the 50's. A large, older woman with immaculately permed hair and an air of general disinterest dropped a couple of menu's in front of us, lipstick the same pale pink as her uniform, a name tag with RUTH typed in large black letters.

"I had you pegged as more of the seedy bar type" she commented, leaning back against the pastel booth to focus on me. I raised my eyebrows at her, searching her blue eyes in question.

"I mean, in a sexy way" she elaborated, a light blush creeping onto her cheeks as she glanced down at the menu with a half smile.

"Don't discount the sexiness of old school diners" I replied with a smirk, motioning over at Ruth in reference

"Sexy uniforms, an evening buffet, cozy corner booths…" I listed off huskily as she chuckled, shaking her head lightly

"Whatever does it for you" she teased, the feel of her ankle hooking gently around my lower leg surprising me, blue eyes glancing up from her menu to meet mine steadily. There it was, her typical unwavering confidence that once again had me desperately wondering how long we were going to keep up this dance. Her foot slid up ever so slightly, and that was all the answer I needed.

"Stop trying to peg down my type" I told her, smile pulling at my lips.

The diner was a frequent morning stop for me- perfect for an after shift breakfast, or beer, depending on the day. I glanced around the familiar space, curious of the kind of company this place kept at 5 pm on a Tuesday.

A couple dressed in full leather that I presumed owned the two Harleys outside were eating a breakfast special in silence. A college kid with chemistry books spread out in front of him, deeply focused, half drank beer resting loosely in his hand. In a booth across the room there was a group of young teenagers laughing loudly, an array of soft drinks scattered across the table, sharing a plate of fries. It was by chance that I glanced at the kid closest to the isle- long blonde hair, azure blue eyes. I felt my chest tighten, keeping my eyes on her for a long moment, just to be sure.

She glanced up at me briefly, eyes passing over us before they flew back, locking with mine widely. I watched her curse quietly, saying something to the boy next to her. He looked up at me, smile fading immediately as he reached for what looked like a bottle of some sort that was tucked into the seat next to him, throwing it into his backpack in a far from discrete attempt at concealing it.

I looked back over at the blonde who was glancing over the menu, leg comfortably intertwined with mine. The V of her dark shirt that had been hidden by her jacket revealed just enough cleavage to distract me for a few long moments, the knowledge that I was going to have to cut this short excruciating.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I have to go deal with something" I told her, glancing back at Lindsay to make sure she hadn't bolted. Sofia looked up at me in question, following my line of vision over to the table of kids

"It's Catherine's daughter Lindsay. They're drinking- I've got to make sure she gets home"

She sighed, dropping the menu and pulling her leg back, offering me a sympathetic smile.

"Go, I'll deal with the rest of them. But you owe me a drink" she mused, sliding out of the booth.

I shot her a final apologetic look before heading over to the table.

Lindsay straightened up, folding her hands on the table in front of her, impressively good at hiding her nerves.

"Hey Lindsay, mind if I have a word with you?" I asked, though my stern gaze didn't hold much of a question. She hesitated for a moment, probably weighing her options before rolling her eyes, saying something under her breath to the guy beside her as she slid out of the booth, following me over to another table near the door.

"I'm just hanging out with friends, I'm doing nothing wrong" she stated defensively, crossing thin arms over her chest as she sat down across from me. I could see Catherine in everything from her defensive stance to the flash of anger through her identically bright eyes. _This is just fantastic._

"Really? So if I looked in your friends backpack I wouldn't find any alcohol?"

"You can't just search peoples bags for no reason- I know our rights" she shot back. I sighed impatiently, sitting forward

"Look Lindsay, there are a lot of things I would rather be doing right now than this, but your mom is a friend and I can't just look the other way"

She snorted, leaning back against her chair "Please, I know that my mom is not your friend"

I frowned, gesturing over at the table where her friends sat

"In a minute detective Curtis is going to be talking to your friends. Now you can either get a ride with her down to the station to deal with Brass and have your mom come in on her night off, or you can let me take you home. Your choice"

She furrowed her brow in frustration, the freckles scattered across her nose a reminder of the seven year old that used to ask me endless science questions, listening to my words intently as she shared granola bars with me in the break room.

I sighed, leaning forward to look at her with kinder eyes

"Look, I know that you think this is just harmless fun, but you're 13 Lindsay, and this is downtown Las Vegas. I don't even feel safe wandering around here without my gun. Will you please let me take you home?"

She held my gaze for a few moments before sighing, rolling her eyes, but nodding in agreement.

I called Catherine from outside the car, listening to a mouthful of choice expletives patiently, eyes on Lindsay who eyed me warily from the passenger seat.

"Is she mad?" she asked timidly as I crawled into the car, glancing over at her hugging her backpack absently. I sighed, thinking through my words before nodding simply

"Yeah, she is"

She dropped her blonde head back against the headrest with a dramatic sigh as I pulled out of the parking lot.

/

Catherine greeted us at the front door, glass of red wine in hand. She gave Lindsay a mouthful, reaching out to grab my wrist gently as I moved to slip away unnoticed mid lecture. She sent her upstairs with a promise of a conversation in the morning before turning her attention to me.

"Sara, thank you" she breathed, leaning back against the doorframe tiredly

"It's no problem Cat" I answered with a sympathetic smile

"Come in for a drink?" She asked, and I could tell it wasn't her first glass- if not by the invitation itself, then by the heavy lidded gaze she currently had fixed on me.

Even in her pajamas she looked gorgeous- a black jumper that flowed around bare feet, a sharp contrast against her pale skin, V-neck leaving little to the imagination. Her red waves fell loosely around her shoulders, bright eyes looking up from beneath side swept bangs.

By the time I met her eyes again she had a slight smirk on her lips, wine glass resting loosely in hand. I cleared my throat lightly, looking away with a pursed lip smile. _Don't even go there._

"I should really go…" I spoke, realizing I had nothing to follow that with. Go where? Home? Those four walls were suffocating.

"Got a hot date?" she asked, gesturing vaguely at my form. I may have run a brush through my hair, worn something a little nicer than what I usually wear to the lab. I had even thrown on some mascara I had found drying out in the back of my bathroom cabinet for good measure. I sighed, running a hand through my dark waves

"I could actually use a drink" I told her on second thought, ignoring the question entirely.

She smiled gently, pushing off the door frame to lead me inside.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for reading! And thanks Imagifictions for the reviews- much appreciated :)**

 _/_

 _Catherine_

A loud bang jolted me awake, eyes flying open to take in my blurry surroundings. I blinked a few times, slowly focusing on Lindsay's form standing in front of me, a manicured hand resting on her hip. Her backpack was sitting on the coffee table, clearly the source of the noise. I squinted at her as I ran a hand through my matted hair, head throbbing.

"I'm going to school" she stated blankly, my eyes still adjusting to the light. I glanced around the room, half coherent. Apparently I had slept on the couch.

"What time is it?" I asked, my voice like gravel

"Six. I'm going in early, Jane's sister is picking me up"

I knew that this was an attempt to get out of that talk I promised her last night, and I shook my head lightly with a humorless chuckle

"You are quite the keener today. I want you home right after school, you and I need to talk"

She sighed, her rolling azure eyes the most common sight for me these days

"Whatever"

I reached out to grab her soft hand, squeezing it gently until she met my gaze

"I love you, have a good day"

"Love you too" she mumbled, throwing her backpack over a slim shoulder. Blue eyes glanced past me with a smirk as she turned to go

"Tell Sara hey for me"

My eyes flew over to the space next to me where the brunette lay, long legs curled up, pressed intimately against mine. I pushed up onto my elbows, eyeing the coffee table with our abandoned wine glasses and the three bottles we had slowly worked our way through.

The throbbing in my head was incessant and I groaned softly- it wasn't often that I drank these days, and this was a grating reminder why.

I pushed myself the rest of the way up, focusing on the younger woman sleeping peacefully, dark hair falling over her relaxed face. It was rare that I got to see Sara so unguarded, especially when it was just the two of us. Even at her most relaxed, I could sense the walls like barricades.

Over the course of this brutal case, my power battle with Ecklie, and the issues I've been having with Lindsay, she had been quietly, tactfully supportive. The guys had been too- offering me kind words and taking me out to keep my mind off of it all, but she had this way of knowing when to be there and when to give me space, though remaining just an arms length away. It was surprising and comforting, and I was deeply grateful.

One glass of wine had become three, which became three bottles from my 'special-occasion' stash in the basement. It wasn't exactly a celebration, but I figured fuck it- life is unpredictable enough and I was just miserable enough to make it justifiable.

We had discussed everything from our current case to our lives to articles from the latest Journal of Science. I had laughed, a lot more than I had in the past few months.

I let my eyes wander over her thin form. Her arms were littered with freckles, a few almost imperceptible scars splayed across her olive skin. I focused on where her legs were slightly intertwined with mine, a hint of a tattoo peeking out from beneath the tight leg of her jeans. I reached out to push it up ever so slightly, revealing a blue sunflower. The things I didn't know about this woman were endless.

I hesitantly untangled our limbs, immediately missing the warmth. I stood up slowly, groaning quietly as the pounding in my head increased ten fold. Glancing at Sara to be sure she was nowhere near waking, I dragged myself towards the bathroom for a quick shower.

It took about twenty minutes to revive myself, throwing on some makeup to counterbalance the way I was feeling, downing a large glass of water. I headed back into the living room, kneeling down next to the brunette. I brushed her dark hair away from her face, sliding my hand up to shake her arm gently

"Sara, hey"

She mumbled something unintelligible, blinking her dark eyes open with a squint. I smiled as she glanced from me to the surroundings of the room and back again in confusion, clearly trying to piece together her current situation.

"Good morning sunshine" I mused, giving her arm a squeeze before sitting back on the coffee table. She glanced behind me at the bottles littering the table, groaning quietly in realization

"I fell asleep" she stated, dropping her long legs off the couch to sit up tiredly.

"Yeah, it's about 6:30. I'm going in early to see if any results are back from trace"

She nodded, running a hand through her hair as she blinked a few times, heavy eyes meeting mine

"Yeah me too"

I slid the sunglasses I had resting on top of my head down to cover my eyes, eliciting a smile from her

"Feeling okay this morning Ms. Let's-raid-the-wine-cellar?" she teased, voice raspy from sleep

I shook my head lightly, immediately regretting it, reaching up to press a hand over my temple with a pained expression

She laughed as she stood, her hand smoothing gently over my head in a fleeting, sympathetic gesture

"Let me buy you some breakfast before we head in- you look like you could use some coffee"

"Observant as always" I mumbled, standing to follow her towards the door.

/

She was smirking at me across the booth of our go-to restaurant- mediocre food, mediocre service, but the closest place to the lab. I glared at her from behind my sunglasses, pushing the eggs I had ordered around on my plate with disgust.

"Just try to eat, you'll feel better" she told me gently. I shook my head, dropping my fork onto the plate and sitting back, raising my hands in defeat

"No, I can't do it"

Her grin widened, taking a bite of French toast.

I caught sight of a dark haired figure walking through the door, familiar brown eyes scanning the room. Groaning tiredly I slid a hand up in a feeble attempt to block my face from view. Sara raised an eyebrow at me in confusion and amusement, glancing around slowly

"If you're trying to look inconspicuous, it's not working" a deep voice spoke gently

I sighed, pushing my sunglasses up onto my head, squinting up at Liev's face with the brightest smile I could muster

"Not at all Liev, good morning"

Sara snorted quietly across the table, taking a long sip of coffee as I threw her a warning glance

"You two must be just headed home"

"Just heading in actually- we took last night off" I told him, glossing over the part where Grissom nearly had to manhandle us out of the lab.

"I'm going to use the washroom- I'll see you around Liev" Sara spoke with a smile, sliding out of the booth. I silently cursed her as he took the opportunity to slide into the now vacant seat, looking at me with those dark almond eyes.

I was putting a genuine effort into giving him a chance, but his presence was a constant reminder of being denied a promotion I not only deserved, but spent months working alongside Conrad to ensure. Also, he was a complete misogynist. I could spot that in a man from a mile away.

He was quite attractive with his dark hair and broad build. His eyes were so brown they were almost black- dark, shapely eyebrows framing them. Chiseled jaw line, charming smile, dimples. Usually that would do it for me, but something about him was putting me off.

Perhaps it was the way he moved around like he owned the place after only a couple weeks, appearing much more frequently than I had expected as we worked opposite shifts. I had watched him put his moves on Sofia in the break room the other night, leaning casually against the wall as she poured herself some coffee. I couldn't hear what was said, but I could sense the annoyance in her furrowed-brow frown and heavy stare, offering him a few select words that seemed to back him off quickly enough. I wasn't even fond of the woman, but I found myself silently willing him away from her.

He had attempted conversation with me a handful of times, each of which I had managed to dodge easily enough. That is, until now.

"When do you have another night off?" he asked casually, leaning forward against the table between us. I shook my head lightly, wrapping my hands around the warm cup of coffee in front of me.

"I never have a night off, between the cases I'm working and my daughter…"

He smiled, tapping his fingers on the table lightly

"Well whenever you find yourself with some extra time, I would love to take you for dinner, or breakfast, whichever comes first. It would be a real pleasure to get to know you Catherine"

I sighed, leaning back against the cushion behind me. He had confidence, I had to give him that. He sat back before I could answer, shooting me a dimpled grin

"Just think about it, I'll be around. Good luck with your case today" He said, holding my gaze for a drawn out moment before standing. I offered him a half-hearted smile, raising the large mug to my lips.

It was a few moments before Sara dropped back into her spot, warm eyes meeting mine

"I don't like that guy"

I snorted, reaching for my purse

"You don't say" I said sarcastically, motioning to the waitress for our bill.

/

"Please tell me you found something" I said tiredly as I entered the lab, moving to stand behind the bench Wendy was sitting at, observing a vial of sorts. She sat it down gently, shooting me a smile as she slid her chair across the length of her workspace, grabbing a manila folder.

"The trace you found on your vics shoulder was a mixture of soil and motor oil- synthetic blend, but a low viscosity. 0w, which is typically used for vehicles in much cold climates than Nevada"

I took the folder from her, flipping it open to observe the charts for myself

"So, we're probably looking for a non-local, or someone who spends enough time up North to justify using this stuff" I mused, meeting Wendy's dark gaze

"Yeah, or a mechanic maybe. Either way, that should narrow down your scope a bit"

I smiled, raising the folder towards her with a grateful look

"Thank you"

There were so many people we had spoken to regarding these cases that it was difficult to keep them straight. That was the obvious place to begin though, revisiting all of our suspects.

I found Sara in her usual lab, long legs bent beneath the stool she was perched on, brow furrowed in concentration as she stared down at her own trace results. She tore her eyes away from the file as I entered, coming to stand next to her

"Tell me you have something, because the fingernail scrapings came back with nothing but desert soil" she said, brown eyes meeting mine warily

"He's possibly a mechanic, or someone who spends a lot of time up North. It was motor oil on her shoulder, the type used in cold climates"

She frowned lightly, opening the folder I had placed in front of her. I watched quietly as she went through her own internal thought process.

I noticed the way her forehead wrinkled softly as she focused, the slight narrowing of her eyes as they scanned the graphs in front of her. Her dark hair was tied at the back of her head, and I caught sight of a faint scar trailing from just behind her ear to the base of her neck, almost hidden by the line of her hair.

"The second victim, Emma O'Riley- her uncle had just moved in with them from Colorado- it gets pretty cold in the mountains"

Leave it to Sara to remember these things. I nodded, turning to lean back against the table

"Do you remember where exactly he moved from?"

She shook her head, reaching into her pocket to pull out her phone

"Sofia might, she was questioning the family too"

It took a few moments to get through, Sara's fingers tapping against the table- impatiently or nervously, I couldn't tell.

"Hey, it's me. Do you remember questioning the O'Riley family a couple months ago, with the uncle that moved from Colorado?... Do you remember exactly where he was from?"

She listened for a few moments, eyes coming up to meet mine with a light nod, telling me that it was a solid lead

"Do me a favor and bring him in for questioning as soon as possible"

I watched a sly smile appear on her face, the lines beside her eyes crinkling lightly as she turned slightly away from me, lowering her voice

"I'm sure you'll think of something. Thank you"

She set down her phone, lips pursed into a slight smile which fell away the moment she met my scrutinizing gaze. In the year and a half that the blonde had been around, Sara had never regarded her with anything less than irritation.

"She's on it. Uncle moved from Breckenridge- right in the heart of the mountains"

I nodded slowly, offering her a smile

"About time we caught a break"

"Should we go out tonight and celebrate?" she teased, fully aware of the fragile state I was left in this morning. I grabbed the folder from the table, smacking her arm with it as I turned to go

"Be nice. I'm going to fill in Ecklie, he's been circling like a vulture for a progress report"

She chuckled at the begrudging look I shot her, eyes following me out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts :)**

/

 _Sara_

"How long are we going to leave him in there?"

I was leaning heavily against the wall in the small area attached to the interrogation room, gazing through the glass with narrowed eyes at James O'Riley.

He was a strikingly handsome man- tall and robust with a neatly trimmed beard and eyes the deepest shade of cobalt. Thick, dark hair was tied into a neat bun at the back of his head, a few intricate tattoos covering olive skinned arms. He was dressed simply but well, the Rolex on his thick wrist gleaming beneath florescent lights each time he raised it to check the time, his patience waning.

It had been forty-five minutes. Sofia had disappeared for most of it, returning silently with the same unimpressed expression that she had left with, brows furrowed, two cups of coffee in her pale hands.

She passed one to me, leaning back against the wall with a silent shrug, raising the cup to her lips. It had taken her the better part of the morning to track him down and I could tell that she was in no mood for the nonsense that was likely about to ensue.

"I just spoke to Grissom- the oil on the victims shoulder isn't enough to get a warrant for his truck or garage. We're going to have to hope that he offers it up willingly"

I took a long sip of coffee, eyes narrowing even further in annoyance. The likelihood of that was slim to none.

She inhaled lightly, the way she does right before saying something delicate

"Let me talk to him for a few minutes before you join us"

I glanced over at her in question. Between the two of us, I was definitely more tactful. If something were to send him out the door before we were finished asking questions, it would without a doubt be her smooth but brazen form of interrogation that always seemed to take people by surprise.

That being said, I would hardly call myself a tactical person. The effectiveness of our team dynamic was clearly debatable.

"You're glaring daggers at him and we don't even know if he's our guy yet. Just let me ease into this"

In response to my silence she turned towards me, tilting her head to rest softly against the beige wall. I traced my eyes over her features- the wave of blonde hair that fell loosely over strong shoulders, the smile playing on her lips, her soft cheeks. I shifted my gaze forward, pursing my lips into a smile despite my irritation. Her beauty was like the edge of a sharp knife and she knew it- I could see it in her glacial eyes.

"Fine, but try not to scare him off before I get in there"

She chuckled, eyes remaining on me for a moment before pushing off the wall towards the door.

The tension between us was palpable and unclear. I could tell she was enjoying this- keeping us balanced precariously on the brink of something that, should we tumble over the edge of, I knew would be intense; keeping me guessing. It was confusing and frustrating and entirely arousing.

I wandered slowly up to the window, resting my coffee on the ledge beneath it as she took a seat across from O'Riley. I promised Brass that if any suspects in this investigation so much as looked at her the wrong way, I would intervene. He knew just as well as I did that serial killers rarely strayed from their general MO, but that seemed to do little to ease his mind. Sofia was one of the few soft spots he had- a fact that had been made abundantly clear over the past few months.

"You work with cars, Mr. O'Riley?" she asked, fingertips strumming lightly against the Styrofoam cup in front of her

He nodded, folding calloused hands together on the table

"I'm a mechanic"

"So you must be exposed to motor oil, day to day"

I shook my head softly as she took a sip of coffee, maintaining eye contact. Right to the point- so much for easing into this.

"Yeah, the younger guys at the shop do most of the oil changes, but I still do a few here and there" he answered, voice gruff

"What about your truck, when is the last time you changed the oil?"

He held her gaze for a few long moments, probably trying to figure out where she was going with this.

"A few days ago, it was long overdue"

Of course. I felt the grip on my cup tighten absently- I don't know why I ever assumed that people would make things easy for us.

"We found traces of motor oil on the latest victims shoulder" she elaborated, immediately eliciting a deep tenor laugh from O'Riley

"That's what you dragged me down here for? Anyone who owns a vehicle, or has been _near_ a vehicle could be exposed to motor oil"

"The oil had a low viscosity, which I'm sure you know is used in much colder climates than Nevada. You recently moved from Breckenridge, right James?"

He leaned forward in what felt like a threatening manner, lowering his voice but his tone remaining eerily calm

"My niece is dead, and you ask me to come down here so that you can indirectly accuse me of murdering her and a bunch of other girls, with no evidence to support this besides a smudge of motor oil?"

Sofia remained unfazed, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow slightly. This was going about as well as I expected. I figured it was as good a time as any to join them.

I smiled stiffly as I entered the room, walking over to sit down next to the blonde.

"Sir, my name is Sara Sidle, I'm with the crime lab. We spoke briefly a couple months ago. We are not accusing you of anything here, just simply trying to figure out who did this, and right now that means ruling you out as a suspect"

"And how do you plan on doing that exactly?"

"Well, if you would be helpful if you let us test your garage for any traces of oil, to run against the sample we have"

His blue eyed gaze was heavy- unnervingly so. The contrast of his calm words and violent eyes was eliciting an uneasy feeling beneath my skin. I refused to be the one to look away first, and he eventually sat back in defeat with a shake of his head

"I'm sorry, but you are wasting your time here. My family is grieving Emma's death, the last thing I need is the lot of you tearing through my home. You're just going to have to believe me when I say that I had nothing to do with this"

"If you don't give us the go ahead, we'll get a court order" Sofia spoke impatiently, jaw flexing in irritation.

"So get one"

He held her gaze for an unsettling amount of time, the blonde staring back with a cold intensity that rivaled his own. Eventually he pushed away from the metal table, slowly standing up.

"I wish I could be of more help. Good luck with all of this"

We watched him stalk out of the room, door drifting quietly shut behind him. I felt Sofia glance over at me, leaning back in her chair tiredly

"That was a long shot anyway"

I furrowed my brow, staring heavily at the door.

"He's got psychopath written all over him"

"He's unnerving, I'll give you that. But you need to find something else to tie him to this before we can go any further" she told me gently, standing up and grabbing her coffee, shifting her weight to one hip as she looked down at me. I leaned back, tilting my head to meet her eyes.

"Maybe we can convince the brother to let us look around his garage. I know he already denied us, but if he thought it could eliminate his brother as a suspect…"

She slid her free hand down to my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to let you hash that out with Catherine, let me know if you need me to drag in any more strange men"

I smiled, my eyes wandering over her form as her hips swayed out of the room.

/

"No"

I narrowed my eyes, dropping down into the chair across from Catherine heavily

"This is the best lead we've had so far and I'm not ready to just give up on it Catherine. James was staying at Sam's place for weeks before he moved, there's a chance that he left behind traces of oil from his truck"

She leaned back, popping her last grape into her mouth, dropping the empty stems onto the plate in front of her with a sigh- clearly annoyed that I was interrupting the last peaceful moments of her lunch break.

"The brother said no, Sara. He's not going to just change his mind because you ask nicely- or in your case, aggressively. Besides, he knows what we're looking for, I'm sure he would have cleaned up anything incriminating by now"

I crossed my arms over my chest, frowning deeply.

"That's why we have to move fast. If nothing else it will give us a chance to look around, see if we can find anything else to link him to this"

"No Sara. I'm serious- the guy just lost his daughter, give him some space" she breathed, running a hand through her red locks tiredly

"All we need right now is a complaint of harassment to really boost the reputation of this lab" she added sarcastically.

"Since when do you care about the reputation of the lab? You're starting to sound like Ecklie" I shot, azure eyes sending me a warning look.

I sighed, leaning forward

"Catherine, who knows when we're going to get another lead…"

"Sara, I said no, just let it go" she interrupted, eyes widening briefly in annoyance as she stood, grabbing her plate off the table and heading towards the sink.

/

It was Greg's soft, pleading eyes that had me wandering into the crowded pub a few blocks away from the lab, unzipping my leather jacket slightly and running a hand through messy hair in a half-hearted attempt at appearing presentable.

Most of the night shift crew had managed to slip away early, thanks to Grissom and an unusually quiet few nights that left little work to be done. Even for Catherine and I there was little we could do to further our investigation at this point. I had fully intended to remain hidden away in the depths of the lab, further exhausting any evidence we did have, but Greg had found me and all but dragged me away. I had bought myself another hour of concentration with the promise that I would wander over for a drink later. So here I was, scanning the room, spotting Gregs waving hand at a corner table in the back of the bar.

"I was wondering if you were actually going to show" he spoke through a wide smile as I slid into the seat next to him, his thin arm snaking around my shoulder. It felt like an eternity since I had spent any time at all with them. As charming as navigating the complexities of Catherine's moods and riding the waves of confusing sexual tension that had taken over my workplace environment was, I missed the simplicity of working with the guys.

Nick shot me a smile, raising a hand to catch the attention of the waitress who was making her way through the crowded room

"First round is on me"

"That's very generous of you Nick" I said with a smirk as he glanced over at Warrick, patting his shoulder heavily

"Thank my friend Warrick here, he just keeps throwing money at me"

Warrick shook his head with a chuckle, raising a beer to his lips

"You just wait, next week drinks will be on me"

"I'm going to hold you to that" Nick laughed, averting his focus onto the approaching dark haired waitress with a charming smile.

I ordered a beer, noticing for the first time the half empty cocktail glass to the left of Warrick, my smile faltering slightly. There had been an unfamiliar air of ease between Catherine and I over the past couple months. I had found myself genuinely enjoying her company, my heavily guarded walls slipping down just slightly- enough for her to begin seeping slowly in. But in keeping with our trends, an argument had caused the heavy tension to return all at once between us. It felt more personal nowadays, these disagreements.

Warrick nudged me lightly, a coy smile playing at his lips

"Will Sofia be joining us tonight?" he asked quietly. I frowned, taking a sip beer with a single shake of my head- as much in response to his question as in warning to keep quiet about it.

"God I hope so" Greg cut in, leaning forward on his elbow with a grin

"I think I might finally be getting somewhere with her- we discussed music for like twenty minutes yesterday, she's got good taste. And she's been laughing at all of my jokes. Do you guys think I should just ask her out?"

Warrick caught my amused gaze and I couldn't hold back a quiet laugh, reaching out to smooth down Gregs messy hair affectionately. Sofia would eat him alive. Luckily an attractive new face in the lab was all it would take to lead him off of this heavily treaded path straight to disappointment.

"I think maybe you should keep playing the long game there buddy" Warrick advised with a chuckle, taking a swig of his beer.

A flash of red appeared behind Nick and I glanced up to meet Catherine's gaze as she slid into the vacant seat quietly. She looked slightly taken aback by my presence but recovered smoothly enough, offering me a hint of a smile. She looked incredible as always, lips painted a violent shade of red.

I raised the bottle to my lips, pouring the amber liquid down my throat, averting my focus away- anywhere else.

We spent a couple of hours catching up. Nick told us all about his newest conquest- a flight attendant from Georgia that sounded as though she was dripping with southern charm. Greg recounted his recent trip out East to visit his sweet, overbearing parents before switching to enthusiastically discussing a podcast he was listening to about the mob days of Vegas with Catherine.

It felt simple and comfortable, two words that couldn't be used to describe much in my life these days. I was quietly grateful that I had allowed them to drag me away from the migraine inducing florescent lights and heavy folders full of disturbing pictures and complex charts telling me nothing besides how little we were actually working with.

It was sometime after my fourth beer that I slipped outside for a cigarette, the cool November air a welcome relief against my overheated skin. I was trying not to let the stress of work seep any further in, but despite my best efforts all I could focus on was the image of James O'Rileys angry, dominating stare and the sound of Catherine's dismissive words. I lit a cigarette, taking a long drag as I leaned back against the side of the stucco building, looking up at the barely visible stars.

"I'm not sure I'd call that 'fresh air'" Catherine's husky voice met my ears. I blew out a deep breath of smoke, eyes remaining on the light-polluted sky

"You here to lecture me?"

I heard her sigh, coming to stand closer, heels clicking against the pavement

"No" she answered simply, crossing her arms over her chest

I could feel the weight of her gaze on me, and after a few long moments gave up resisting the urge to glance over at her. A navy jacket was pulled loosely around her slight frame, red hair falling in waves around her shoulders. Her bright eyes were highlighted with dark lashes, a slight blush coloring her pale cheeks, from the alcohol or the cold I wasn't sure.

A flash of amusement across her features told me I was staring and I felt a warm rush creep into my cheeks, averting my gaze to the ground as I brought the cigarette back up to my lips.

Despite the absolute exasperation that she elicited in me most days, there was no denying that she was beautiful.

"I really don't want to fight with you" she spoke heavily, voice laced with both annoyance and exhaustion.

"Then stop fighting me" I shot back, aware that I was being petty but too buzzed or too jaded to care.

"Look, I want to catch this guy just as much as you do, but we have to do it right. If you go talk to Sam O'Riley, chances are he will slam the door in your face and file a complaint, which means Ecklie breathing down our necks for the rest of this investigation. Is that what you want?"

I dropped the remainder of my smoke to the ground, turning to face her. Her eyes traveled over my form slowly, heavy gaze slightly unfocused. They traced over my shoulders, up along the curve of my neck, across my tired features, eventually meeting my eyes once again- a little softer this time.

"I don't want to see any more girls die because we didn't do everything we could to catch this guy"

She nodded softly, biting down on her lower lip as she stepped closer. Her hand slid up to gently grasp my upper arm, fingertips lightly trailing over the cold leather beneath them. My chest tightened, her bright eyes blinking up at me from beneath her red fringe.

"Me too Sara. I am with you, if O'Riley did this, we will nail him"

It took me a few moments to shake myself out of the daze that she had effortlessly put me in, giving her a small nod of understanding. She slid her hand down my arm gently to give my hand a soft squeeze, the smell of jasmine, sandalwood and hints of gin momentarily overwhelming my senses

"I'll see you tomorrow" she said, breaking away from my gaze after a few moments with a soft smile. She hesitantly let go of my hand, stepping away from me before turning back in the direction of the bar.

"Goodnight" I called after her, my brain on a few second delay.

 _What was that?_

Her way of getting whatever she wanted, of course. Like flexing a muscle. I sighed, grabbing for my pack of cigarettes. I'm not sure when she realized that those tactics would work on me. More importantly, I'm not sure when those tactics had _begun_ working on me. Was there anyone that couldn't be swayed into submission by her soft touch and blue-eyed gaze? I felt a wave of annoyance, the familiar deep seeded exhaustion settling in like a heavy fog.

Flicking my smoke with my thumb I glanced over my surroundings, eyes passing over a young couple pressed intimately together further down the wall; a group of men engaged in a deep conversation, smoking near the dumpster. It was closer to the door of the bar that I caught sight of a familiar figure leaning against the wall in much the same fashion as me, a cigarette resting loosely in hand. He turned his head, long hair falling down his back, cobalt eyes locking heavily with mine.

I felt my breath hitch, my heart rate speed up, suddenly feeling naked without my gun despite being surrounded by people. I watched him flick his cigarette into the ally casually, turning to saunter slowly in my direction.

 _Fuck._


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for reading! I have no idea if you guys are enjoying this or not, but I hope you are. Thanks again Imagifictions for the reviews :)**

 **/**

 _Sara_

This is the sort of situation that university forensics courses don't prepare you for. All of the suspect handling enactments in the world won't ready you for a serial murder suspect cornering you in an alley while you're off shift, alone and a little drunk. My heart was pounding in my chest, all of my effort going into keeping the fear and anger I felt out of my features.

Crushing the remainder of my cigarette beneath the toe of my boot, I glanced up at James's approaching form, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked before he had a chance to speak. He looked different in the dim lighting of the alley- larger somehow. Far more intimidating than he had seemed in the confines of the interrogation room. He walked past me to lean against the side of the building, the feel of his bright eyes raking slowly over my form deeply unnerving.

"Enjoying my Friday night- there's no crime in that"

I couldn't keep the distain off my face, nails digging into the soft skin of my palms.

"I was just leaving" I said stiffly, moving to pass him.

"I was actually hoping to run into your friend, Detective Curtis" he mused, eyes following me while remaining casually propped against the wall. I felt my stomach clench, turning back towards him swiftly. The bastard had followed us.

"I liked the vibe she was giving me- that smouldering anger thing is crazy sexy"

His voice was deep, like gravel and I felt my hands ball into fists, taking a step towards him.

"You stay away from her" I warned, jaw clenched. He laughed, reaching for another cigarette. He held the pack out to me in offering, which I blatantly ignored.

"It's ballsy of her to be out wandering around looking for a guy that kills women who look- if I have my facts straight- just like her"

I knew that he was trying to provoke me, and that his six feet of pure muscle would be utterly un-phased by my attempted violence, but I felt anger flowing through me in waves. If I wasn't sure this guy was guilty before, I knew it without a doubt now.

"Sure she's a little older, but I could imagine that if someone was getting a bit too close, one might consider adjusting their target, purely for the sake of getting a point across. Don't you think?"

His tone was casual, almost conversational, and the rational part of my brain shut down. It took three steps to reach him, his calloused hand grasping my wrist before I could even release a punch, lowering my arm back down slowly. I winced in pain and he chuckled, dark hair moving in waves as he shook his head

"I like your enthusiasm, but this would not look good for you. Don't cause a scene"

I shoved his hand away from me bitterly, taking a second to discreetly glance around, noting that everyone seemed to be entirely unaware of us.

"You're going down, you son of a bitch" I hissed, turning once more to go.

"See I thought you were fucking the detective- I'm good at picking up those vibes" he mused, taking a sharp drag of his cigarette. I didn't even pause my journey towards the door. I didn't care what he thought he knew. All I could focus on was trying to remember where Sofia had said she would be tonight, reaching into my pocket for my phone.

"But then I see you getting cozy with Catherine and now I'm not so sure. Unless you're banging both of them, in which case I am very impressed by you"

I felt my stomach drop, my fists clench, feet turning me back around on their own accord. He had no way of knowing Catherine's name, not without making a point of looking into it. He also had no way of knowing there was something between Sofia and I- he couldn't have simply read that through our body language. Had he followed us before?

He seemed satisfied by my reaction as he walked towards me, taking a final drag of his smoke before flicking it into the ally and focusing his cobalt gaze on me. He leaned in closely, lowering his voice a few octaves

"I imagine she must be stressed, what with that beautiful daughter of hers running all around this town when…"

I had him shoved against the wall before he could finish his thought, the force of my anger momentarily overthrowing his brawn. One hand on his throat, another on his chest, I pressed him back against the cold building, fingers straining with the pressure I was applying to his windpipe. At that point I didn't care who was watching.

"You touch her and I swear to god I will kill you" I hissed, the smile forming on his face causing me to vibrate with anger. I knew that someone would come break this up soon, and I gave him a final shove, holding his gaze as I backed away.

I turned towards the bar, pushing past a rowdy group of girls who stumbled past me into the alley, all short dresses and too much perfume. I scanned the room for the guys, pulling out my phone to a message from Warrick confirming that they had left. I felt sick, weaving my way towards the exit. The fact that I shouldn't be driving didn't even occur to me as I headed briskly out of the bar towards my SUV. I dialed Sofia's number, cursing when it went to voicemail.

It was late- she was probably asleep or on shift I told myself, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. I began dialing Catherine's number before thinking better of it. What was I going to say, our murder suspect threatened your daughter, watch out? That conversation could wait until morning.

It was a short drive to the lab, my mind racing. I replayed the encounter over and over- why would he reveal himself so clearly as guilty to me? Was he just messing with us? He must know that we would be keeping a heavy eye on him now.

I took a few deep breaths in the confines of my car in an attempt to get ahold of myself before entering the lab. My hands were shaking- from anger or adrenaline I wasn't sure. I balled them into fists, my wrist throbbing violently where he had grabbed me.

Once inside I headed straight for Grissom's office, keeping my head down incase Ecklie, in typical fashion, decided to make an appearance at the most inconvenient of times. I felt eyes on me and glanced up at Hodges who was observing me strangely from one of the labs. I ignored it, turning sharply into the cold, dimly lit office.

Grissom glanced up at me from behind his glasses with a look of confusion, pen in hand. I closed the distance between the door and his desk silently, pressing my hands against the cold metal, a little out of breath.

"I ran into James O'Riley at the bar. He threatened Sofia and Lindsay- he knew things he wouldn't know if he hadn't been watching us. He is our guy Grissom, without a doubt"

The words tumbled out of my mouth, his blue eyes squinting lightly in question, putting the pen down and folding his hands in front of him patiently.

"And before you ask, yes I'm a little drunk and no Ecklie didn't see me come in" I threw in, dropping into the seat behind me, running a hand through my hair.

He raised an eyebrow lightly, but ultimately didn't press the fact that I should absolutely not be there in this slightly intoxicated, rattled state.

"So he provoked you. Did you take the bait?"

I frowned, absently wrapping a hand around my rapidly bruising wrist, rubbing it gently.

"If you're asking me if I responded to him, I did. Are you even listening, he threatened Lindsay!"

He glanced momentarily at the open door before dropping his stern gaze back to me.

"So you allowed a suspect, that we have no incriminating evidence against at all, to bait you into attacking him, drunk at a bar in front of- I'm assuming- a room full of people?"

His voice was uncharacteristically harsh and I slunk back into my chair slightly, still rubbing my sore wrist, dropping my angry frown onto his desk.

"It was outside" I mumbled, as though that made any difference at all, opting to leave out the fact that I had also made some fairly aggressive threats.

He opened his mouth to speak and I shook my head in annoyance, placing my hand firmly on his desk once again.

"Look, I get it- I should have done a lot of things differently, you can lecture me all you want, but we need surveillance on Catherine and Sofia's places for tonight. I need to talk to Brass" I spoke rapidly, moving to stand. He held his hand up, eyebrows furrowed.

"Sit down Sara. You shouldn't even be here, Ecklie would have a field day with this"

He eyed me with irritation as he picked up his phone, resting the receiver against his shoulder as he dialed.

/

"SARA"

I jumped in surprise, eyes flying open. I glanced around with sleep-blurred vision, squinting at Catherine's perplexed expression through the window of my Jeep.

 _What the hell?_

I lowered my knee down from its spot against my door, tingling painfully from the awkward position as I slid my sunglasses up onto my head, rolling the window down as I hazily pieced together my current situation.

"Hey Cat" I spoke, frowning lightly at the grating sound of my sleep laced voice. She shook her head with a bemused frown, gesturing to my present position.

"What is this, have you even been home?" she asked, eyes noting the outfit I had been wearing for the past three days. I rubbed my eyes with a tired fist, still adjusting to the mid morning light.

"You know what, don't even answer that. I've been calling you for the past hour, what is going on?"

After getting ahold of Brass and confirming that an officer was stationed outside of Catherine's and Sofia's places, Grissom had all but thrown me out of the lab. Home was the last place I wanted to be, so I figured a few hours of sleep in my car would be enough to allow me back in to work on the case. Based on the glaring sun and Catherine's presence, I had slept longer than initially planned.

I glanced over at the passenger seat, grabbing my phone and frowning at the lightening symbol. I threw it back on the seat, turning towards Catherine.

"Phone's dead, sorry. Last night got a little out of hand"

She crossed her arms, sunlight illuminating her hair as she jutted her hip out in what I had come to recognize as a symbol of annoyance.

"Care to explain why I woke up to an officer outside of my house this morning? He didn't seem to know exactly, and Brass and Grissom are also ducking my calls"

I sighed, leaning back against the seat, attempting to formulate the right words in my head. I didn't get much of a chance before Catherine reached in to unlock the door, jerking it open in one swift move. She grabbed my arm, using the other to keep me upright as she pulled me, stumbling, out of the jeep.

"You are unbelievable, you know that? You don't sleep for days on end, you barely eat- you can't live off of coffee and cigarettes, believe it or not"

I wasn't sure where this sudden outburst came from, but I followed behind begrudgingly as she kept a firm hold on my forearm, heels clicking against the pavement as she led me towards the doors of the lab.

"I'd tell you to go home but I know you won't listen. So you throw on those spare clothes in your locker and get your head in the game. And please, tell me what the hell is going on"

I bit back a smile at her bossy manner- annoyed but somewhat charmed by her small form dragging me along beside her, the motherly lecturing that was typically reserved for the guys a sign that she, against all odds, might actually care. It felt like a small victory that I hadn't realized until now that I was hoping for.

"I don't really know how to say this, but O'Riley threatened Lindsay last night"

She spun around, mouth opening in a silent question, dropping my arm.

"He approached me outside the bar just after you left- he knew your name, he knew Lindsay has been wandering around town. I just… I lost it, Cat"

I could sense the fear behind her eyes, shaking her head lightly in confusion

"How would he know that?"

I shrugged, running a hand through messy hair

"I have no idea. I think he's been watching us- that's why I got Grissom to call Brass and put an officer outside your place. I just wanted to be absolutely sure he wouldn't try anything last night"

Her eyes caught a glimpse of my wrist as I dropped it back down to my side, immediately reaching out to grasp the bruised flesh gently in her soft hand.

"Did he do this to you? That son of a bitch"

The anger in her voice was heavy as she turned my wrist over in her hands, running a thumb over it gently.

"I'm okay, it could have been worse"

Her bright eyes met mine, hand sliding up to grasp my arm again, this time far more gently.

"Come on- let's find you something to eat and talk this out" she said as we resumed our journey towards the locker room.

/

Catherine scavenged through the fridge, finding someone's apple and half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that she gave me no choice but to eat, putting on a pot of coffee as I walked her through my encounter with O'Riley. I opted to leave out the parts about Sofia, and the part where he speculated that Catherine and I were sleeping together. That seemed to be the safest bet on all accounts.

I finally agreed to a shower, relieved to find myself alone in the row of cubicles. I rinsed patchouli shampoo through my dark hair, resting heavily against the tiled wall with an exhaustion that a few hours of restless sleep in the parking lot couldn't remedy. I washed my body with harsh, exaggerated motions as though my stress was something soluble, something tangible, clinging lightly to my golden skin.

I dried my hair, threw on the jeans and black t-shirt I had in the back of my locker for days like today. Catherine was already in one of the labs, pulling all of the evidence we had collected so far. I was heading out in search of her when I glanced up, locking eyes with Sofia. Her expression was unreadable, a brown paper bag in her grasp. She was just coming in- a black trench coat wrapped tightly around her form, cheeks rosy from the cold.

"Jim tells me I have you to thank for the wake up call I got from officer Keaton this morning" she spoke smoothly, sauntering up to me with a light smirk.

"It involved coffee and muffins, and an eyeful for him as I don't sleep in much" she breathed the last part, leaning in just close enough for me to hear, pressing the paper bag into my hands gently. The smell of vanilla and musk was intoxicating, and it wasn't until she leaned back that I remembered the pressing matter at hand.

"I tried to call you- I just wanted to be sure you were safe" I told her, a bemused look crossing her features. I secured the paper bag absently in one hand, grabbing hers gently with the other, leading her into one of the empty labs.

"I ran into O'Riley at the bar last night, he was saying some pretty threatening things about you" I explained as I leaned back against the drafting table, resting the bag beside me absently.

"What sort of things?"

"That he was hoping to run into you, that it was ballsy for you to be working a case that involved blonde haired, blue eyed women being killed. That it wouldn't be strange for a killer to change his MO just to get a point across"

The words were spilling rapidly out of my mouth and I felt her hand come to rest on my waist gently, blue eyes searching out mine. I met them after a moment, my stomach suddenly in knots again. She offered me a soft smile.

"He's trying to get a rise out of you Sara. He knows you're onto him. I'm okay"

I think I surprised both of us when I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her, the wool of her jacket scratching my cheek lightly. I wasn't much for physical contact- more so because I was never quite sure when or how to properly go about it than that I wasn't comfortable with it. But I had spent the night with images of her lying lifeless in the desert somewhere, those brilliant eyes of hers an unfamiliar shade of milky white; of O'Rileys hands causing bruises across her soft skin.

I knew that she was probably right, that he was trying to upset me and had no actual intentions of hurting her, but the thought of it made my stomach turn. Who knew that I was actually growing to care about her beyond our flirtatious back and forth.

She didn't hesitate in returning the embrace, arms snaking securely around my waist. Aside from that night months ago, we hadn't shared much physical contact. I had fantasized about pushing her against every single surface in this lab, in PD, in my apartment, but never once thought about this tender sort of affection. I was surprised at how natural it felt, as though this was something we did every morning.

I held onto her for a few drawn out moments before pulling back, leaning against the table once again, meeting her eyes.

"Just keep the security for a while, okay? Please?" I spoke gently, a light smile gracing her lips.

"I never thought I'd see the day that you were concerned about me" she mused, her hand that was still on my waist boldly sneaking just beneath the material of my shirt, tracing her thumb over the skin of my hip. I forced myself to ignore the way my stomach muscles clenched, my heartbeat increased. I smirked, shrugging lightly.

"What can I say, you're growing on me"

She tilted her head, bright eyes holding mine as her thumb trailed lazily over the soft patch of skin.

"Sara, Ecklie is looking everywhere for you" Greg's voice pulled us out of whatever daze we were in, Sofia subtly pulling her hand away from me and turning around as I glanced up to meet Greg's apologetic gaze.

"Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it seems important"

"Okay, thanks Greg" I nodded with a smile, pushing off the table slowly. He turned his focus to Sofia, a charming smile painting his features

"Detective" he said in greeting as Sofia sauntered towards the door with a smirk

"Good morning Greg" she answered, shooting me a smile through the window as she headed with him down the hall.

I watched them go, glancing at the paper bag beside me. I unfolded it, peeking in at three fresh blueberry muffins. I pursed my lips into a smile, grabbing the bag and headed begrudgingly out in search of Ecklie.


	9. Chapter 9

**You guys are just going to have to put up with some Sara/Sofia love for a bit longer. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the reviews!**

 _/_

 _Sara_

It's difficult to explain the way anger throbs through my body like a secondary pulse in moments like this. The way the edges of everything else blur; soften into a temporary state of non-existence. Grissom's attempts at rationalizing the situation to me are lost in this haze- the truth behind Ecklie's words, the softness behind Catherine's silent presence.

He had waltzed in here with his striking eyes and charming smile, Judy leading him straight to Ecklie with all the grace of a swooning teenager. I don't throw around the word hate easily, but the sight of him in Ecklie's office, bright eyes glancing over to regard me with a look of practiced concern elicited a feeling that could only be described as such.

The bruises on his neck were faint, but startling- blurry fingers a deep shade of plum. I unconsciously balled my hands into fists, soft fingertips pressing into my palms. How could I cause such damage? Hate was powerful thing.

"Sidle, please, come in" Ecklie spoke tiredly from behind his desk. My frown deepened, glancing over at Grissom who was settled in the depths of his office, ever the neutral presence. Catherine was beside him, her gaze focused absently on the ground. One look at her seemed to erase any semblance of regret I may have been feeling, and I focused back on O'Riley with a deep glare as I walked in with as much confidence as I could muster, settling into the empty seat.

What followed was a blur. A forced apology thick with barely contained sarcasm before O'Riley left with the assurance that I would not only be disciplined, but would have no dealings with him in the future. _Fine by me_ I thought irritably, holding eye contact with him all the way out the door.

I clenched my jaw and waited for the reprimand from Ecklie- I could admit that allowing him to get into my head was a mistake, and I could stomach the lecture if it meant getting back to work.

"You're on suspension Sidle- one week, unpaid" he said coldly, sliding some papers into a folder before standing up. I felt the anger that had been sitting like a weight in the pit of my stomach spread like wildfire, glancing over at Grissom for some semblance of support, finding nothing but a look of calm resolve.

"You have got to be kidding me. He is just doing this because he knows that I'm on to him. He is dangerous, and manipulative, and you have me making apologies for standing up to him while you cater to all his requests- do you realize how fucked up that is?"

"Sara, the guy came in here with bruises around his damn neck from you- from an attack, not an act of self defence. You threatened his life, you drove your vehicle drunk, for the second time that I'm aware of. If anyone in this department pulled any of that, they would be in the same boat as you. Just go home, when you come back I'm sure there will still be a slew of cases to pick from"

 _Fuck that._

I stood up abruptly to face him as he brushed past me, my eyes burning holes into the back of his head.

"You can't take me off this case, I've been working it for months, I know the ins and outs better than anyone involved" I said, my voice too loud for the small space; not loud enough for the rage that was pulsing through me. He threw an expectant look over at Grissom who was eying me warily, before continuing towards the door.

"Do you want me to make it two weeks suspension? Go home Sara" he repeated, shooting me a final look before disappearing down the hallway. I spun around to face Grissom who was silently following suit, offering me a sympathetic look as he paused briefly in front of me.

"He's right Sara, you crossed a line. This case is getting too personal, it's affecting your work. Catherine and I are going to do everything we can to catch this guy- just try to get some rest" he said gently before heading out the door, the situation undoubtably getting too involved for him. His words did nothing but fuel my rage, my sights finally shifting to Catherine.

She had remained silent for the entire ordeal, and I was torn between throwing all of my anger in her face and ignoring her entirely. The moment my eyes fell on her I knew it would be the former.

"What the fuck was that?" I spat as she stood up, blue eyes coming to meet mine for the first time since I had entered the room. She sighed, running a hand through her wavy hair tiredly.

"It's just the politics of it Sara- O'Riley came in here making a scene, what was Ecklie supposed to do? Besides, maybe a few days off wouldn't be so bad. We basically have him under…"

"No, stop" I hissed, eyes burning into hers. Who did she think she was? We had been working this case side by side for months- it was her daughter that I was trying to defend out there. I felt a sudden wave of nausea hit me, entirely overwhelmed by the case, the sight of O'Riley with my fingers etched violently onto his skin, the gentle way that Catherine had treated me earlier vs. this painful form of indifference.

"I shouldn't have touched him, but he was threatening Lindsay and I snapped. Now I'm thrown off the case I've been pouring myself into for months and you couldn't even say one single thing back there to support me?" I asked, cursing the pathetic sound of my voice getting caught in my throat. It always came down to this with us, except this time I had made the monumental mistake of allowing her to begin tearing down my walls, and instead of the typical rage I felt in these moments, it was like a direct punch to the stomach.

 _Don't you dare cry in front of her- don't you ever._

Her eyes were pleading with me silently, shaking her head lightly as she took a step towards me, propelling me back an equal distance with a look of utter indignation.

"Fuck you Catherine" I spat, holding her azure gaze for a few heavy moments before brushing past her out the door.

/

The occasional car passing was the only relief from the silent hum of my apartment, the feel as though I might eventually suffocate between those four walls creeping on slowly. I was flipping through a forensic anthropology book absently, eyes barely skimming the pages as I tried fruitlessly to focus on anything besides the thoughts that were slowly tearing me apart. I had some left over pain killers in the drawer beside my bed, the temptation to pop a few just to knock me unconscious was strong. It's not like I had anywhere to be.

A knock on the door jolted me out of my self pitying daze, saying a silent prayer as I stood that it wasn't Grissom coming by to patronize me with his concern over my wide array of alleged issues, or Greg with his sweet eyes full of apologies for leaving me at the bar the other night- something that wasn't at all his fault but I knew he felt guilty about regardless.

I glanced through the peephole, relieved to see Sofia's form- a bottle of whiskey held loosely in hand. She ran her fingers through her long hair, glancing down the balcony walkway, shifting lightly in place. She may have been the only person I wasn't cursing the existence of at that moment in time, feeling a hint of a smile appear as she bit down on her bottom lip, mumbling something beneath her breath before stepping forward impatiently to knock once again.

She was made up of such a collection of smooth flowing dualities- patient yet wildly impatient, quiet yet talkative, hard yet impossibly soft. The only thing that didn't seem to waver in her was her confidence- an attribute that seemed to cross over into every aspect of her life. The sudden tenderness that I felt for her in that moment, observing her through my peephole at 5 pm on a Tuesday was so strong that it took me slightly aback.

I pulled the door open before she had a chance to knock again, biting back a smile as she blinked in surprise, fist raised overhead

"Hey" I greeted- the first gentle word I had uttered in hours.

"I heard what happened- I thought you might need some company" she explained as she dropped her arm down, raising the bottle slightly in reference.

It was apt the way she used 'need' in place of 'want'- something that someone who had been in a similar situation enough times could understand. The desire to shut everyone out while you quietly tear yourself down to the bones. Sometimes, company was vital.

"Well, since you brought Whiskey" I said, stepping back to allow her into the apartment. She smiled softly in amusement as she walked passed me into the room.

Shrugging off her heavy jacket she wandered slowly around, eyeing the details of my apartment. I grabbed her coat and the bottle, slightly unnerved by her wide eyed attention to every inch of the small space. I wasn't used to having visitors, at least none that bothered examining the books stacked in my large bookcase, the picture frames resting on my desk in the corner.

"This is not what I expected your apartment to be like. It's beautiful" she mused, fingertips trailing over the frame of one of the large paintings hanging on the wall. She must have realized how that sounded, glancing over her shoulder to take in my raised eyebrow with a smile.

"I mean, you're never here so I just assumed you hadn't made much of a home out of it, but this is so warm" she complimented, turning back around to drop onto the couch, fingers gliding lightly over the soft material. I poured us each a drink- hers on the rocks, a minor fact that I was sure she had never told me but somehow inherently knew. She smiled in thanks as I passed it to her, dropping down next to her.

"I think I figured if I made it homey enough, it wouldn't feel so suffocating" I told her, surprised at my honesty. Her blue eyes held mine as she nodded softly.

"I think I figured if I left mine bare, the emptiness would feel like a result of that, not of a result of my own life- or lack thereof" she replied after a moment, in reference to her beautiful condo that didn't hold much besides unpacked boxes and a fridge full of beer.

I imagine I would have kissed her in that moment had my confidences been higher, but the second wave of tenderness that hit me within a few minutes in her presence felt terrifying and I still wasn't quite sure what a woman like her was doing here with a violent, unstable human being like me, so I took a sip of whiskey instead, offering her a soft smile.

We fell into easy conversation, doing everything I could to steer the direction away from the events of the past 24 hours. She told me about her family- about growing up in Utah, in Colorado. She told me about her hard mother and her sweet father- what it was like living in a van for three months of the year at fourteen, traveling around the states. I told her that my parents were self proclaimed hippies and left it at that, making up for my lack of detail by telling her all about life in San Francisco- about my first boyfriend, the moony eyed love affair at fifteen that had lasted all of three weeks; about my first girlfriend, the way she had fractured vital pieces of my heart.

There was something so comforting about her presence- about the way she really listened, blue eyes focused on me intently as I spoke freely about intimate details of my life as though I hadn't built up the equivalent of an emotional bomb shelter years ago.

 _She has dimples_ I noted after my fourth scotch, mesmerized by the sight of her laughing at an irrelevant story about my university days. She was closer to me than when I had first sat down, our legs nearly touching. I'm not sure which of us had migrated across the small distance, but I had my suspicions. She rested her arm against the top of the couch, running a hand through her tussled hair- cheeks a little rosy from the whiskey, smile still gracing her lips.

I felt my body reacting before my mind had a chance to catch up, sliding a hand up to touch her face gently. She watched me with a heavy intensity as I trailed a thumb over her soft jaw line, eyes taking in her features from this proximity- the light creases in her bottom lip, the high curve of her cheekbones, her dark eyelashes.

Glacial eyes dropped down to my lips as my hand slid up into her hair, suddenly no more than a breath away. I felt a wave of desire surge through me, threatening to drown me entirely. It didn't matter. I closed the distance between us without a second thought, capturing her lips in a kiss.

She responded immediately, her soft hand sliding up to my jean clad thigh. We had been dancing around this for months, and it made the simple act of kissing feel like lighting a fire doused in gasoline. She slid her tongue into my mouth, taking control of the kiss as I tightened my grip in her hair, my other hand moving to her waist. She tasted like whiskey and honey; smelled of vanilla and something indiscernible- smoky and soft and entirely Sofia. It was intoxicating.

It was mostly men I had been with over the past couple years. It was simpler that way- little chance of emotional attachment, easier to walk away from in the middle of the night. I would have traded every single one of those experiences for the feel of kissing her- the softness of her hair tangled between my fingers, the sound of her quiet moan against my lips as I slid a hand beneath the barrier of her shirt to feel the soft flesh of her hip. My god, could she kiss.

I was beginning to lose myself entirely in the feel of her when she pulled back with a shaky breath, eyes dark with desire as she gently slid my hand from beneath her shirt, holding my gaze. I looked at her with a silent question as her thumb trailed over my knuckles in a reassuring gesture.

"Talk to me about what happened today" her voice was deep and quiet, and I frowned in confusion.

 _What?_

"What?"

"At work, with Ecklie and O'Riley… If you keep that up I won't be able to stop, and I came here to make sure you're okay. So talk to me"

I leaned back, frown deepening slightly. Did she not realize that this is exactly what I was trying to escape? That the absolute last thing I wanted was for her to stop?

"Seriously?"

She leaned back against the couch, bright eyes holding mine.

"You blew up at the lab today, I saw you high tailing it out of Ecklie's office, and since you're here drinking with me, I assume he suspended you. I'm really trying to be a friend here Sara. Are you okay?"

I shook my head lightly with a quiet laugh, looking at her incredulously.

"Yeah, I'm fantastic" I told her sarcastically, voice laced with annoyance. She squeezed my hand gently, forcing my gaze back up to meet hers. My irritation immediately dissolved into a deep seeded fatigue, squeezing her hand back softly in a wordless apology.

"You are the one thing…" I started, pausing to curse the whiskey, my exhaustion, her goddamn hypnotic presence. So much for attempting to recapture the upper-hand in this undefined game that we seemed to be playing.

"You are the one thing that doesn't feel completely overwhelming right now- I just want to keep you separate from all of that bullshit" I sighed, leaning heavily back into the cushions.

She reached over to grab the whiskey, uncorking the top to pour us each another glass.

"You tried to attack a man to defend me- I am not separate from any of it. Also, I didn't come over here just to be a distraction for you" she told me, passing me the glass and leaning back with a quirked eyebrow.

I smiled despite my annoyance, taking a sip of my drink silently.

"How long?" she asked, referring to my suspension.

"One week, unpaid. And I'm off the case" I told her tiredly. She shook her head, cradling the glass in her hands.

"Well that's bullshit. Catherine didn't have anything to say about it? Seems like something that would have her jumping at their throats"

I snorted, giving my head a single shake.

"No, Catherine only stands up for the things that affect Catherine" I told her bitterly, taking another long drink, wincing at the burn that quickly became a soft warmth spreading through my entire body.

"He threatened Lindsay, Sof" I spoke quietly after a moment, the nickname flowing easily from my lips as I sunk back deeper into the couch, the sharp edges of emotion beginning to emerge from the depths that I had pushed them to.

"He threatened her, and I attacked him for it, and she didn't even try to defend me- to say anything at all"

I felt Sofia's heavy gaze on me as I downed the rest of my drink, leaning forward to rest my glass on the table, running a hand through my dark hair tiredly. I really didn't want to think about her.

"Would you have done the same, in my position?" I asked quietly, redirecting the conversation, eyes focused on the details of the hardwood floor beneath us. The question that had been gnawing at me since morning.

"At the bar the other night?"

I nodded, turning my head to look at her. She held my gaze for a few long moments from her position, legs curled up beneath her on the couch, downing the rest of her drink with ease before turning to face me entirely.

"If a probable serial killer whose cases I had been working got in my face after a rough week and a few drinks, threatening you and Catherine's 14 year old daughter? It's likely"

Her voice was like rough silk and I felt the burn of tears behind my eyes, biting down on my lip in defiance against the rush of emotions.

"My parents… they were good people, with a wicked violent streak" I said, my voice light but internally horrified at the way the words spilled out of my mouth on their own accord, Sofia's hand moving to cover mine tenderly.

"It scares me sometimes, that I might have that in me"

After a moment of silence I chanced a glance over at her. It surprised me to see no pity in her eyes, no sympathy- what I had grown used to in the handful of times I had opened up about any of this. Instead there was a softness; a kindness. She leaned forward and cupped my cheek, pressing her lips to mine gently in one fluid motion, pulling back to look at me once again.

"You are stubborn and difficult and passionate and intense" she said, causing my brow to furrow softly, "but not violent, Sara. I know violence in someone when I see it, trust me" she said, running her thumb over my cheek gently.

The weight of my exhaustion seemed to descend on me all at once, closing my eyes against the slight spin of the room, the whiskey I had rushed through finally catching up with me.

She was touching my hair, and then she was tugging me to my feet, leading me towards the bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching her rifle through my dresser with her typical air of confidence, easily grabbing a few things as though this wasn't the first time she had done so. She held up my old Star Trek t-shirt, quirking her eyebrow in amusement.

"Didn't take me for the type?" I teased. She smiled, balling it up in her fist.

"Actually, it fits"

She threw it over at me, chuckling as it collided silently with my unimpressed face. I shot her a playful glare, watching intently as she turned around, pulling her own shirt over her head, blonde hair cascading down the golden skin of her back. My exhaustion was overpowering my desire, but just barely.

I slipped out of my jeans and crawled beneath the covers, watching as she did the same- the sight of her in my Harvard t-shirt, long legs bare, disappearing beneath the covers with ease both strangely comforting and surreal. I had never liked people staying over. It always felt like more of an inconvenience than anything- taking up my space, never able to entirely relax, definitely not able to sleep.

But here she was, inviting herself into my bed, throwing an arm over my waist gently, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps it was the whiskey.

It was definitely the whiskey.

I knew that seeing her in such a soft, unguarded state was a direct result of it. I had a feeling that I wouldn't have her warm, half naked body moulded against mine if we had remained sober, though she was a woman full of surprises. Either way, I was grateful for it.

For the moment I let all of the debilitating thoughts and emotions that had been circling through my mind like a closed circuit drift away, the feel of her steady breath against my neck lulling me slowly to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

_Catherine_

I should turn around and go home.

I know it. Every rational thought that I've had in the past twenty minutes is some version of why I should veer off the direction I'm headed and go home- shower off this nightmare of a shift. I could feel the bruise forming over my cheekbone, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd consumed anything more than black coffee. But there I was, slowly climbing the stairs to Sara's apartment.

She had gotten under my skin, with her anger and her accusations. What had started as a desire to reassure her- to wipe that pained look off of her face rapidly turned to exasperation. She had no right to speak to me that way- not as her co-worker, and certainly not as her supervisor. As far as arguments between us go, this was fairly benign, but I felt the effects of it like a brand.

I had set out in search of the brunette, but as I marched down the hallway my thoughts began to gain an angry momentum. They turned to the disturbing sight of Sara's thin fingers marking O'Rileys neck, the smug look on his face as Sara apologized through clenched teeth. The bruised flesh of her thin wrist- the thought of him provoking her, alone in the ally. The naked, battered bodies of Emma O'Riley, Erica Holms, Sage Kelly… the way that he had known about Lindsay.

My sights had shifted and I turned a corner sharply, adjusting the trajectory of my snowballing rage. I came to an abrupt halt as I narrowly avoided a head on collision with Liev, his chocolate eyes regarding me with an edge of concern. He took the opportunity to grasp my shoulders gently, as though to steady me, and I didn't bother trying to keep the distain out of my eyes as I moved out of his grasp and around him with ease.

"Whoa, Where's the fire?" he asked, turning towards my retreating form. I didn't offer him an answer or explanation, heading full throttle towards the parking garage with a burning sense of conviction.

In hindsight, this may not have been my best move, but I was vibrating with the emotion that had been building up since the night before. I confronted him near his truck, his thick frame turning to regard me with more of that smugness from earlier. I got in his face. I asked him what kind of sick bastard tortures and kills their own niece. I asked him if it made him feel powerful. I told him that Sara wasn't the only one that was going to see to it that he got taken down.

I'm not sure exactly which part caused him to snap, but my face was burning and I was stumbling backwards from a sharp blow before I knew what was happening. I tried to keep the fear out of my features as I straightened back up to look at him, feeling an edge of satisfaction at having broken his ever-present façade of unnerving calm. I called him pathetic. He hit me again, the metallic taste of blood overwhelming me a moment before Liev intervened violently, twisting his thick arm behind his back, slamming him against his car. It was another few moments before Brass, followed closely by a young officer appeared, narrowly contained rage etched across the older mans features.

I blatantly ignored everyone's requests that I go home, burying myself in a B&E case that was wrapped up far sooner than I had hoped. After that, it was Ecklie that was gently but firmly ordering me home. I knew that it was only by sheer luck that I was avoiding a lecture, his energy clearly spent from dealing with the backlash of Sara's encounter. That, along with the sherifs ever-pressing demand for updates on the case, of which there were none, aside from the chaos that we seemed to be inducing ourselves. I didn't envy him at all.

I had sent a begrudging Lindsay to stay with my sister until we either caught this guy or I came up with a safer solution. While O'Riley's threats may have been futile, even an ounce of risk wasn't worth it when it came to her. So here I was, avoiding my empty house by walking into yet another lions den. Just call me a masochist.

I knocked, crossing my arms protectively over my chest in preparation for what I assumed was coming. She had made it clear how she felt about my silence in Ecklie's office, and I was sure that 20-some hours was not enough time to naturally remedy her anger. But this was far from my first altercation with Sara, and it was out of exhaustion more than anything that I was dreading this.

It was her eyes that had me pushing boundaries that I had set for myself years ago. When it came to most things I had no problem pushing in the places that I felt needed to be prodded at, forcing myself into situations that weren't always comfortable. But when it came to Sara, it was different. There was something dark in her that kept me at a distance- not out of fear, but out of respect for her way of coping with this job, with this _life_. If she asked to be left alone, I respected that. If she needed space, I gave it to her. But yesterday, the look of absolute betrayal in her eyes had me standing outside her door, trying to come up with the proper words.

After a few moments I heard the chain being slid out of the lock and the door was pulled open, revealing a set of icy blue eyes. _What the hell?_ I felt my arms to fall to my sides, mouth opening in a silent question.

Sofia's long hair was messy from sleep, her slim body covered in nothing more than a dark grey Harvard t-shirt that fell barely to mid thigh. She held a heavy coffee mug in both hands, leaning slightly against the doorframe, quirking a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me. The shock must have been apparent on my features and I shut my mouth quickly, shifting my eyes to the confines of Sara's apartment, momentarily searching for the brunette before meeting her eyes once again.

"Sofia"

"Catherine" she greeted casually, glancing over my tired form, pausing momentarily on my cheek with a slight furrow of her brow and I cursed silently, knowing it was leaving more of a mark than I had hoped. She hesitated a moment, but apparently thought better than to mention it, stepping back into the apartment with a slight gesture of her hand.

"Sara's in the shower. There's coffee if you'd like to come in"

If she had any concerns about being caught half naked in her female co-workers apartment, she made no show of it, taking a long sip of her coffee.

I weighed my options heavily, but in the end my pride outweighed the strange tightness in my chest and deepening sense of exhaustion that this entire situation elicited. I straightened up and gave her a brief nod, following her inside.

I had never been inside Sara's apartment, and my expectations of it were pale compared to the reality. Where I had pictured plain, bare walls there was a beautiful array of paintings and photographs hung tastefully throughout, walls a deep shade of burgundy. A large bookshelf holding enough books to give Grissom's collection a run for its money stood in the corner next to a deep brown sofa. There were two abandoned glasses on the coffee table next to a nearly empty bottle of Scotch- the good stuff, I noted. I felt a pang of annoyance for no reason that I could pin down, turning towards the granite island, trailing my fingertips across it slowly. I noticed a few photographs tacked to the fridge, but the weight of Sofia's gaze held me back from further observation, turning back to look at the younger woman once again.

"Never been here before?" she asked, a question that, paired with her heavy gaze, came across more loaded than it initially sounded.

Before I had a chance to answer or analyze her sudden intensity, Sara appeared from the hallway, rubbing her wild hair with a small towel. I straightened up instinctively, her tall frame coming to a slow halt as her eyes fell on me.

"What are you doing here" she asked blankly.

 _Here we go._

I absently took a step towards her, trying to remember the words I had settled on on the drive over. Sofia's tired gaze travelled between the two of us before she set her empty mug down on the counter, running a hand through her unruly hair.

"I'm going to take a shower, give you two a moment" she spoke in her husky voice, meeting Sara's gaze briefly before heading down the hallway. I watched her go, toned legs that carried on for days entirely on display as she disappeared into the bathroom. When the hell had this happened? Sara had never regarded her with anything more than a sense of slight irritation, and now they were… I cut the thought off sharply, focusing back on the matter at hand, eyes shifting back to Sara who had her arms crossed over her chest, brow furrowed lightly as she waited for an answer.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay"

She let out a humorless laugh, dark eyes narrowing slightly "Right, because you care so much about my well being"

"I am in no mood to fight you, Sara"

Her gaze was set somewhere over my shoulder as I spoke, a frown playing at her lips. She shifted her eyes back to mine with a loud intensity.

"Well thanks for stopping by, I'll be fine" she spoke coldly, raising her arm to gesture towards the door. I frowned, shaking my head sharply, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You're upset with me for not having your back yesterday, but did you ever think for a _moment_ that maybe I did? That maybe I spent twenty minutes arguing with Ecklie, trying to talk him out of taking you off the case?" I asked her, my previously pale-with-exhaustion demeanor replaced with the beginning sparks of anger. I uncrossed my arms, resting a hand on my hip in irritation.

"You are so quick to jump to the assumption that I would let you just get thrown under the bus, that you don't even give me a fucking second to explain myself" I said, shaking my head with a slight chuckle, pacing to the other end of her small kitchen before turning back around.

"Not that I need to explain myself to you, I am your supervisor and I don't know where you get off…" I was interrupted by her sudden presence directly in front of me, her soft fingers coming up to turn my chin to the side gently, but firmly. I watched her closely in confusion as she focused on my face with, if possible, a deeper frown than she had greeted me with. I quickly realized what had distracted her and moved to step away.

"Who did this?" She asked, though by her clenched jaw and cold tone I could tell that she already knew the answer. I sighed, meeting her soft brown eyes with a light nod towards her bruised wrist

"Your friend James" I said, absently reaching up to touch my sore cheek. "I confronted him in the parking garage- entirely over the line, I know, but I couldn't let him leave without saying something. I guess he felt confident enough outside of the station to attempt a heavier form of intimidation"

I avoided her eyes, half expecting a somewhat deserved attack about how hypocritical this entire situation was, but instead I felt the warmth of her in front of me once again, her hand coming up to cup my cheek gingerly as she ran a thumb over the bruise softly. Her fingertips lingered on my flesh, coming down to gently touch my painfully split lip. My eyes were searching hers as they trailed over my skin with a pained look of heavy concern. I felt her grasp my wrist gently, stepping back to observe the angry red marks on my forearm that were sure to bruise. She cursed lightly under her breath, her stormy eyes coming up to meet mine, this time with a look of utter resolution. "I will kill him"

There was a tightness in my chest at her words, at the look in her dark eyes, at the feel of her thumb trailing lightly over the pulse point of my wrist, still in her gentle grasp. An entirely different tightness than what I felt at the sight of Sofia dressed in Sara's shirt, leaning casually against her doorframe as though she belonged. I filed it away for the moment under feelings-I-don't-have-the-time-to-explore, though somewhere deep down I knew that 'courage' was a more appropriate word for what I was lacking. It took me a few moments too many to break away from her gaze, shaking my head lightly in an attempt to focus myself, red waves tumbling over my shoulders.

"I'm alright- the important thing is that we've got the bastard behind bars for the time being". She quirked an eyebrow at me in question, to which I put my hands up in defence.

"Not my initial intention, but a lucky development nonetheless"

She smiled lightly, taking a few steps back to put some space between us.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, my head was not in the right place" she said, leaning back against the counter, animosity turned to softness in the blink of an eye. Our patterns really were remarkably predictable. She gestured towards the coffee pot "Want some coffee?... You know you really should be at home getting some rest, not here worrying about me"

Her tone was relaxed and I knew that she was more concerned about me than annoyed about my concern. "I can't help it" I spoke softly, causing her to glance up at me once again, a question in her dark eyes.

"Though I was obviously beaten to the task of consoling you" I said, motioning in the direction of the hallway. "I didn't mean to interrupt you two". Her eyes widened slightly and I couldn't help a small chuckle, her cheeks reddening slightly as though she was only just realizing the situation I had walked into here. "That's…not exactly what it looks like" she mumbled, turning towards the coffee maker.

"Sara, I've been around long enough to know that that's exactly what it looks like. It's okay- your secret is safe with me". She opened her mouth to say something, a look of conflict crossing her features, before closing it with a slight shake of her head, muttering something indiscernible under her breath. My desire to know exactly what was going on between them was heavy, but now wasn't the time to start asking questions that I wasn't sure I would like the answer to. The bigger question being, why did I care? Was I upset that she hadn't trusted me with this? I once again shut off my thoughts before they got away from me, reaching out to touch her back gently, feeling her muscles twitch lightly beneath my hand.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, try to get some rest"

She nodded, hands resting on the counter in front of her. "I'm sorry that he…", she hesitated briefly before gesturing towards me vaguely with a defeated sigh "I'm sorry".

I rubbed her back gently for a moment, drinking in the sight of her in a thin t-shirt and form fitting jeans, bare feet pressing into the soft rug beneath us, her dark hair was still wet and wavy from the shower. It felt intimate- probably the most unguarded I had ever seen her, and I found myself hesitant to let go of the moment. After a few long breaths I sighed gently, letting my hand fall away from her and retreating towards the door, heels clicking softly against the hardwood floor.


	11. Chapter 11

**Things get a little sexy here, just a heads up. Thanks for reading and for your** **input- it's always appreciated!**

 _Sara_

The loss of contact stung, my body desperate to maintain contact as her soft hand fell hesitantly away. I felt sick with the thought of O'Rileys hands on her- of anyone's hands on her. We may have been at odds on the best of days, but that wasn't from a lack of love. The sound of the door falling shut behind her was distinct, leaving me once again in a deafening silence.

I pressed my fingertips against the countertop, watching the nail beds drain of their color on top, becoming a deep shade of crimson below. I needed a cigarette. I needed more comfort than the warm cup of coffee in front of me had to offer. I needed to go back to work- to find a way to keep this pathetic excuse of a man behind bars.

"Everything okay?" Sofia's husky voice broke through the silence. I turned around to regard her, hip leaning against the counter, bathed in golden, mid morning light. She was dressed in yesterdays jeans and my t-shirt, sunlight illuminating her eyes an impossible shade of blue.

"O'Riley was arrested for assaulting Catherine" I told her, running an anxious hand through my damp hair.

"How the hell did that happen?" she asked, creases forming between her eyebrows, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She decided to confront him after our meeting, alone, in the parking garage" I said, voice laced with irritation. What the hell had she been thinking? He was clearly deeply unstable. She sighed, shaking her head with a quiet chuckle.

"Quite the audacity that woman has"

That was the understatement of the year.

A beat passed, Sofia glancing out the large window before looking back at me.

" _You_ okay?" she asked, bright eyes searching mine. I nodded softly.

I had woken up to a room bathed in sunlight, a thin arm thrown over my waist, her head resting against my shoulder, drowning me in a sea of blonde hair. After a moment of panicked confusion, the pieces of last night flooded back to me and I relaxed beneath her, the slow rise and fall of her chest against my ribs deeply calming. Eventually I forced myself to untangle from her sleeping limbs, heading for a shower.

It was the first proper sleep I'd gotten in what felt like months. The comfort that her presence offered was immense, and I was entirely unsure how to express that, so I just held her gaze and pursed my lips together into a soft smile.

"I'm good" I answered gently, hoping that the weight behind my words was transferring through some form of silent clairvoyance. As much shit as I talked about Grissom being socially stunted, I was really not far ahead of him there.

"Nice shirt" I commented, eyeing the loose Harvard t-shirt she was wearing, the dull grey contrasting against the vivid blue of her eyes.

She smiled, looking down at herself, subtle dimples gracing her cheeks.

"I got mine wet from the shower, I figured you wouldn't mind" she explained, glancing back up at me sheepishly. I smiled, lifting my mug up to my lips in an attempt to disguise my unmasked adoration.

"I don't" I assured her, taking a drawn out sip of coffee.

"Catherine thinks we're fucking," I stated casually after a few long moments of silence, cringing slightly at the crudeness. That was the most accurate term I could think to use- 'having sex' sounded too clinical, and 'making love' would have been a lie, we both knew that.

I suppose I was trying to throw her off guard, take the upper hand in the confidence department for once, but when her expression remained unchanged, aside from a slight arch of an eyebrow, I knew that was a foolish thought.

"Aren't we?" she asked, casual tone matching my own. I felt the warm liquid take a wrong turn down my windpipe, attempting a less than graceful recovery with a short, repressed coughing fit, my dark eyes eventually making their way back to hers, watering slightly. I had assumed as much, but never quite knew what to expect with her. I suppose this effectively cleared up any confusion.

A lazy smile played over her features as she uncrossed her arms and pushed off of her spot against the counter, sauntering towards me. I was both aroused by and envious of the confidence that she so effortlessly embodied- the grace in her movements, in her words; the way she seemed to see right through me. I wondered what it felt like to be so sure of yourself- to not feel your heart threatening to pound through your chest in moments like this. Her eyes- those goddamn eyes- didn't leave mine until she was directly in front of me, dropping down to play over my lips, the curve of my neck, my chest. I felt my breath hitch in anticipation.

After their languid journey over my rigid form, her eyes reconnected with mine. She reached up to brush a stray lock of hair away from my face, her tongue darting out just enough to wet her lips- an act that I had come to know as unconscious. Her fingertips reached out for my hips, but stopped just before they connected with the thin material of my shirt, glancing back up at me with electricity behind her eyes.

"Sara… this doesn't have to happen today, or at all if you don't want it," she paused for a beat before leaning in, her mouth a few inches from my ear "but I think that you do… I know that I do". Her breath was hot against my skin, the faint smirk playing at her lips as she pulled back my final undoing. She moved to step away, to put some space between us but I reached out to wrap my hand around her wrist, pulling her back to me.

I didn't hesitate in sliding my fingers into her damp hair, other hand snaking around to her lower back as I captured her lips in a searing kiss. She whimpered softly, hands finally taking purchase on my hips as her tongue slid into my mouth.

I wanted beneath her skin- I couldn't seem to get close enough, my fingertips slipping just beneath the waistband of her jeans, nails scraping gently at the base of her skull as she captured my bottom lip between her teeth, moaning quietly.

Her hands travelled slowly up from my hips, along my ribcage, brushing against the sides of my breasts, dragging my shirt up with them. I helped her pull it off hastily, her lust-darkened eyes raking over my bare skin. I took the opportunity of momentary distraction to grab her hips and take a few steps forward, pushing her back to collide with the island. She gasped at the impact, recovering quickly as she tangled a hand in my hair almost painfully, recapturing my lips as her other hand trailed up my stomach, seeking out my soft breasts with a rough urgency.

This was deeply and obscenely good. I couldn't hold back a throaty moan, pressing a thigh firmly between her own, kissing her with every ounce of pent up energy that had been building since the first time she looked at me with something more than a question. I grasped the bottom of her shirt, tearing if off and tossing it aside, taking a moment to drink in the sight of her in a black lace bra, body pressed flush against mine, long leg wrapped around my waist, lips lightly parted with the intensity of her heavy breathing.

She scraped her nails down my side and I pressed my thigh up between her legs, watching her eyes fall shut, a moan escaping her lips as she rocked her hips against me.

Her beauty was dizzying. She tasted of honey, of sunshine, of dark coffee. Her hair felt like silk between my fingers and I tangled them gently in it, losing myself in the feel of her. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that here, in front of my large window, up against my kitchen island was not the ideal place for this- Mrs. Keaton next door sure to be home and aware, in her nosy way, of the intoxicating noises escaping Sofia's lips, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

She had unbuttoned my jeans and was pushing them impatiently down my long legs as her lips trailed hungrily over the expanse of my neck. I stepped out of them easily, kicking the crumpled item to the side as I unhooked her bra between two fingers with only a momentary fumble, silently praising myself for that rare act of coordination, my other hand unzipping her jeans.

She slid out of her lacy underwear at the same time, her surprising affinity for lace a fact that was sure to cause endless future distraction. I wanted to step back and admire her- drink in the sight of her swollen lips and messy hair, her golden skin, the bare curves of her body, but I couldn't keep my hands off of her long enough, my lips attempting to memorize the shape of her by touch alone. Her soft moans were slowly undoing me, and when she slid her hand down to massage me gently through my dark, modest underwear, I saw stars. My knees went weak, grasping the edge of the island with one hand, the other finding her soft hip, breaking away from her lips to breathe some expletive against her hair.

I gave in to the sensations for a few long moments before I grasped her wrist gently, pulling her hand away, trapping it against the island. She opened her eyes to meet mine with a question, but I moved my hand between us, sliding two fingers along the length of her and her eyes fell shut, blonde hair falling in a cascade down her back as her mouth fell open in a silent moan.

I moved them slowly back and forth along her soft wetness, making sure to press gently against her clit each time. She grasped my shoulder, nails digging into my flesh as her head fell forward against my neck, panting sharply against my hot skin. I slid two fingers into her deeply and her teeth dug into my flesh beneath her lips, a loud moan muffled as she bucked her hips against my hand.

I began a steady rhythm, using the weight of my thigh to push into her. I could tell that she was trying to hold onto some form of composure and failing beautifully as she attempted to bite back the noises escaping her lips. I moved my mouth down to her neck, adding a third finger and shifting my thumb up to slide over her clit at the same time, other hand finding her ample breast, hard nipple straining against my fingertips.

"Fuck Sara" she moaned out in a strangled voice, hips moving in time with my thrusts. I wrapped my arm around her waist to support her as she tore the hand that I had trapped against the counter away, grasping my shoulder and raking her nails sharply down my back, grabbing my curves roughly with a loud whimper. It didn't take her long to come, head thrown back, soft body convulsing against mine, nails dug painfully into my skin as the most arousing string of noises I'd ever heard escaped her lips.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her, her body sagging forward slightly, nails becoming soft fingertips trailing down my arm, her temple resting against my cheek as she attempted to catch her breath.

I ran a hand through her hair gently, the throbbing between my thighs verging on painful. I couldn't help rubbing my thumb carefully around her sensitive clit, eliciting a quiet whimper of approval against my neck. I grabbed her hips, lifting her the slight distance to rest on the edge of the island. Her eyes, now a shade of deep oceanic blue, watched me lower my mouth to trail open mouthed kisses along the inside of her perfect thighs, dark hair falling over my shoulders. She spread her legs to allow me better access and I grasped her hips, sliding my tongue gently along the length of her.

"Yes" she moaned almost inaudibly, one hand grasping the back of my head, the other resting behind her, propping her up on the smooth countertop. I moved my tongue against her quickly and firmly, my hand coming down to slide three fingers into her, moving rapidly. She cried out, nails scraping at the back of my head desperately as she gave up any attempt at holding herself up, falling slowly back against the island. Her legs wrapped tightly around my shoulders, heels digging into my back as she held my hair in a death grip. I stole a glance up at her, breasts heaving as her back arched, head thrown back- my own arousal nearly overwhelming me. Her loud moans and choice expletives gave way to a charged silence, hips rocking against my fingers as she came hard against my mouth, shaking beneath me.

She held me in place for a few long moments as she caught her breath, eventually slowly releasing me. She ran a hand through her wild hair before pushing herself shakily up. I met her gaze with a smirk, stepping between her legs to press a soft kiss to her jaw, her temple; her sweaty forehead. She leaned in, kissing me gently with a lazy smile. I brushed her messy hair away from her face, her cheeks rosy. It was surreal to see her like this, beauty soft and untamed. If I thought kissing her was mind blowing, this was something else entirely.

She inhaled quietly, sharply, pausing as though trying to come up with the proper words and I couldn't help but chuckle, running a hand through her hair gently. To say there had been some pent up tension would be a drastic understatement.

"God" she breathed out, grasping my shoulder softly.

"Actually, its Sara" I teased.

She shook her head softly in amusement, dropping down to the floor, into the space between my body and the island. She leaned in to press her swollen lips to mine, softly sliding her tongue over my bottom lip, grip on my shoulder tightening.

"Bed" she whispered softly, fingertips leaving goose bumps as she trailed them down my stomach to gently grasp the waistband of my underwear. I grunted in agreement, sliding a hand down to her lower back, kissing her deeply as I began walking us slowly towards the bedroom.

/

"Those things are going to kill you, you know"

I glanced over at Sofia from my perch on the edge of the bedroom window, a slight breeze ruffling my hair as I raised my eyebrow at her hypocrisy, flicking the cigarette between my fingers against the makeshift ashtray beside me. I had made the decision that a deeply stressful suspension from work, combined with incredible sex was enough to justify smoking inside, blowing white billows out the large window into the cool December air. I never did this, which seemed fitting amidst this week chalk full of firsts.

She was sitting on my bed, tangled up in my dark sheets, a long leg jutting out from the soft material casually as she sat propped up against the headboard. We had spent the better part of morning in bed, half of it talking quietly about everything unrelated to work. It felt nice to focus on something else; on her hypnotizing voice, the hint of her own unique accent tugging at the edge of certain words.

I learned that she was a runner and a hiker and a horror movie buff. I learned that she had a soft affinity for the ocean- a fact that I held close, as a Californian born and bred. I learned that I was far from the first woman she had been with, if the way her mouth moved expertly over my body hours earlier was any indication.

A sharp ringing cut through the peaceful stillness, both of us stiffening at the sound, eyes falling to the offending item on the beside table. Sofia shot me a quick look before sliding off the bed, grabbing her phone.

"Curtis" she spoke, the professional air immediately returning to her as she moved swiftly into the living room to gather her clothes, already aware it was a call of duty. I took a long drag of my smoke, listening to her low, muffled voice from the other room. She returned a few moments later with a frown coloring her features, buttoning up her jeans with one hand, phone still in the other.

"Alright, I'll be down there in twenty"

She snapped the phone shut, sliding her bra on as she met my gaze.

"They may have found another body that matches the serial MO" she spoke softly, eyes holding mine as though to gage my reaction. I felt my stomach immediately drop, a deep frown settling onto my face.

"We have O'Riley behind bars- what does that mean?"

She didn't bother trying to answer that, closing the distance between us, taking the cigarette from between my fingers to take a final drag before crushing it out, sliding her hands up to rest on my shoulders gently. I grasped her bare hips as she reached up to cup my cheek, running a thumb over my creased brow with an intense look that I couldn't quite decipher.

"I'll keep you posted, okay?"

I nodded, a hint of a grateful smile ghosting over my lips as she leaned down, tangling one hand gently in my hair, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

The contrast of comfort the morning had offered and the sickening news of another body discovered was overwhelming, my mind on overdrive. I needed to know how long the body had been there, if there were any notable differences in the MO- was it possible we had pinned all of this on the wrong guy?

It was a never ending hour of barely managed distraction later when the sound of my phone vibrating pierced through the silence of the apartment. I dropped my book down on the table with a clumsy urgency, reaching for the phone. I glanced at Catherine's name displayed on the screen, immediately raising it to my ear.

" _Sara_ " she barked, the familiar sounds of the lab faint in the background; the quiet, rapid clicking of her heels telling me that things had gotten hectic over there.

" _I may have just gone over two departmental heads and threatened Ecklie's life, but I need you down here. Consider your suspension on suspension- I'll fill you in when you get here_ "

I silently praised her for saving me from this slow torture, already heading in the direction of my closet.

"I'll see you in twenty" I said, dropping my phone onto the dishevelled bed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Happy holidays!**

 _Catherine_

The handful of pills I tossed back with the remainder of my lukewarm coffee were doing nothing to remedy the pounding behind my eyes, the quiet hum of the break room lights wearing steadily at my nerves.

I had spent the better part of the last 20 minutes laying the weight of my frustrations out on Grissom, his tired grey eyes watching me pace through his office, listing off the reasons why I needed Sara here and not at home climbing the walls. He was the one who had forced us together in the first place, I pointed out, and I wasn't about to walk someone new through every detail of the five prior cases involved in this investigation. I hadn't the energy or the patience.

He had more or less ignored my argument, instead making a half-hearted attempt at corralling me out of the lab and into the Tahoe for the three-hour drive to the scene. I had dug my heels in the sand, figuratively speaking, and sent him off with the promise that Sara and I would be close behind.

Ecklie was typically much more difficult to combat, but I was never one to back down from a challenge. The sheriff, alongside the mayor had put him through the ringer before I even stepped foot into his office- the press already swarming the crime scene, demanding answers we didn't have. His pale demeanor seemed to dampen even further at the sight of me storming in, ready for a fight. I barely got half way through my on the spot speech about the insanity of keeping one of the lead CSI's in this investigation cooped up at home instead of adding her invaluable skills to- as of the last 24 hours- the most public case of the year before he warily agreed to cut short her suspension for the time being.

It wasn't that her suspension was entirely unjust- her tendency to take things 15 steps too far was typical and needed to be addressed, but now was not the time. I was running on fumes and while Greg was proving himself to be quite the adept CSI, and Grissom always added an experienced perspective, they were no replacement for Sara here. It had been us from the beginning, processing their abused bodies and speaking to their grieving families. It was us with the weight of their losses on our shoulders, dealing with the excruciating knowledge that they would still be alive if we had managed to nail this guy down sooner.

I sat back, running a hand through my hair tiredly as I glanced impatiently up at the clock. The desire to keep moving was overriding the sheer exhaustion that was tugging at the edges of my composure. If I stopped, the unwarranted but deeply seeded guilt of holding Lindsay up at my sisters house until this case came to a close would begin to wear away at me. The weight of the sixth young girl dumped like trash in the Middle of Nowhere, Nevada would settle its entirety on my conscience. The nagging, undetermined feeling of unease at the knowledge that Sara was involved with Sofia fucking Curtis would force me to dig down to the root of my discomfort, and I was not about to enter those murky waters.

I tapped my white tipped nails against the cluttered table with a sigh, eyes set on the doorway. A few moments passed before I dropped my palm audibly against the cool surface with an exaggerated sigh, glancing back over at the clock.

"Hey" Sara's raspy voice cut into the quiet of the room. I turned to her with a searing look of annoyance, taking in her black ensemble. _Fitting_ , I thought absently.

"It's about time" I snapped, pushing myself swiftly out of the chair. She frowned, but chose to keep quiet as I grabbed my kit from the table, brushing past her out the door.

Her mile long legs had no trouble keeping up with my hurried pace as I headed towards the parking lot.

"Another body was found near Tonopah" I tossed over my shoulder.

Sara wrinkled her nose "Tonopah? That's way out of our jurisdiction"

"The case belongs to Los Vegas PD, and us by extension. We're the ones who have processed the last five scenes- like hell we're leaving this one in anyone else's hands"

I unlocked the Denali with the automatic remote, lifting open the trunk. Sara tossed her kit into the back beside mine, taking a moment to glance over at me, eyes squinting against the harsh afternoon light.

"Are you sure you're up for this, you've barely had a break in days" she asked gently. I sighed, nodding sharply before pulling the hatch down with a heavy thud. As if I could manage any sleep at this point.

A slight redness against Sara's neck caught my eye just before I turned towards the driver's door, squinting slightly as I walked up for a closer look. Her forehead creased with a frown as I leaned close to examine a faded, but still quite violent looking bite mark against the pale skin of her shoulder.

 _How fucking classy_

"You've got to be kidding" I snorted, grabbing the collar of her dark, form fitting shirt and tugging it over the offending mark. She absently reached up to feel what I had covered, a rush of crimson spreading across her pale cheeks as she opened her mouth to attempt an explanation.

"Is she a fucking vampire by night?" I asked sarcastically, cutting her off before she could attempt to stumble through an awkward explanation, "Tell your girlfriend to be a little more discreet"

I broke off my searing look with a pivot on my heel towards the driver's door, wavy hair blowing in the heavy wind.

/

After a near silent drive down Interstate 95, through the host of small towns making up the South Eastern edge of Nevada we pulled up onto the scene. It wasn't difficult to find, with a surprising number of news vans and people crowded along the inconspicuous span of desert just outside of the modest town of Tonopah. I sighed, flipping my sunglasses down from their perch on top of my head, glancing over at Sara who was frowning at the mass of people ahead of us.

"Well this is fantastic" Sara deadpanned, glancing over at me. I met her brown-eyed gaze briefly, shrugging as I reached for the door handle.

"This is a high profile case now, you've got to expect the news vultures to be second on the scene" I told her, though I was equally irritated by the mess of camera men and reporters in finely tailored suits seeking out any comments from law enforcement, clearly busy with more important things. I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror, cringing slightly at the stark bruise coloring my cheek, running my tongue over the slowly healing split though my lip. The lipstick that I had applied in a fairly effective attempt at concealing it had worn off hours ago, and I was back to looking like a valiant member of Fight Club.

Grabbing our kits from the back, I led us through the small but aggressive mass of people, confidently side stepping the questions hurdled at me as I ducked under the crime tape that an Esmeralda County officer held up for me. I nodded at him in thanks, glancing around to take in the scene.

I noticed Grissom and Greg knelt down around the body, the soft blonde hair and pale skin of the victim blending in with the desert sand. Based on their closed kits and deeply concentrated examination, I figured that they hadn't beaten us here by much.

A few officers stood by a squad car, one keeping an eye from a distance on the crowd behind us, another older man speaking to Detective Curtis. She was dressed in a similar black get up to Sara's, her LVPD vest snug around her slim form. I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses at her presence- the icing on top of the god damn cake that was this endless shift. Sara managed to detract herself from the masses and catch up with me at the same time Sofia noticed us, the brunette's annoyed glare softening slightly as the detective excused herself from the conversation and headed towards us with her signature swagger, ray bans covering her eyes from the harsh yellows and burning reds of the setting sun, a toothpick jutting out from between her teeth.

"Hey" she greeted, glancing at Sara for a moment in confusion, but ultimately getting straight to business

"A couple of hikers found the vic on their way back into town. A school ID identifies her as Eliza Hayes, 16, resident of Henderson"

"Do you know the TOD?" I asked, the question that had been tugging at my mind since Grissom had passed me the case. She shook her head, pinching the worn toothpick between her fingers as she took it from her mouth, glancing over in the direction of the body where Grissom was still knelt down, nodding towards him.

"Esmeralda County coroner just gave Grissom the run down, they're sending over a car to transport the body back to Doc Robbins" she explained, a mumble of static on her radio stealing her attention.

"I'll catch up with you guys" she said, a statement clearly directed at Sara despite her attempt at seeming impartial, raising the radio to her mouth as she turned to head back in the direction of the squad cars. Sara's eyes lingered on her retreating form for a drawn out moment before she turned towards the body, heading over to touch base with Grissom.

Breaking out of his deep thought process, he glanced up at us briefly- immediately doing a double take, a slightly bemused look on his face as he paused, an evidence bag containing something indiscernible in his grasp.

"You know, the speed limit is not a suggestion" he commented, grey eyes meeting mine steadily for a moment before focusing back on the body.

"Time of death was approximately 48 hours ago" he stated, sensing my first question.

Sara glanced over at me, "That means O'Riley would have had time to kill her, dump the body, and end up at the bar with us on Saturday night"

The expression on her face matched the burning feeling at the back of my throat- the taste of bile overwhelming. I had expected a sense of relief at this news, as losing our primary suspect would have been a major blow, but I just felt sick. The thought of his hands on Sara mere hours after murdering Eliza Hayes was almost too much to stomach.

I raised a hand to my head as I glanced at the surrounding desert, knowing that the actual radius of the scene was impossible to judge. Based on the previous scenes he hadn't left any trace behind aside from the body itself, but god willing, he was bound to mess up eventually.

"Greg is working the perimeter- Sara, go talk to the responding officer, get his run down on the scene" Grissom ordered with ease as I bent down onto one knee next to him, grabbing the pair of gloves he was offering, taking my first real look at the body. I could sense Sara eyeing me warily, hesitating for a moment before turning towards the squad cars.

The girl looked eerily similar to the other victims, though that was to be expected. She was naked, with ligature marks around her wrists obviously from being bound. A single, fading Arnica Mollis was placed carefully between her cracked lips. I avoided looking directly into her vacant, milky blue stare as I brushed back her long hair gently, observing what appeared to be faint ligature marks around her pale neck.

"This is new- the other victims didn't have ligature marks anywhere aside from their wrists"

"Maybe she put up more of a fight" he suggested, the words simply adding to my growing nausea.

The mantra I had adopted for scenes like this, some version of _don't compare her to Lindsay_ , was only serving to focus my thoughts on the young blonde. There were times when my well-developed tactics fell short, and the desire I had now to break away from the scene just to hear her voice was so powerful I almost considered it. Instead, I unlatched my kit, settling into a more comfortable position, ignoring Grissom's heavy gaze.

He either knew better than to ask if I was okay or was unsure how to broach the subject, but regardless I could feel his concern like a comforting embrace.

We managed to collect a few fibers from the body, along with trace of an unknown substance around the marks on her left wrist. Fingernail scrapings appeared promising based on the amount we were able to gather, and I managed to sift through a good portion of sand once the coroner had removed the body, coming up with a few bags of possibly relevant items for Greg to go through back at the lab.

The guys left shortly after the body, followed closely by Brass and Sofia and the majority of officers on scene. The few reporters that had stuck tirelessly around until that point had decided to call it quits, leaving Sara and I doing a final scour of the desert with our flashlights, a single squad car left with us. It was a thick drop of cold rain against my nose that told me it was time to call it a night, heading towards the brunette who was kneeling on the ground, observing something beneath the glow of her light.

I placed a hand on her shoulder, partially to attract her attention, partially to help keep my balance in the particularly sandy stretch of the scene that the heels that I insisted on wearing dug awkwardly into.

"Find something?" I asked, getting a headshake in response, her long fingers dropping the piece of dried out wood back onto the ground with a sigh before glancing up at me.

She looked young in her current position, brown eyes soft and heavy lidded. I almost reached down to brush a stubborn lock of hair away from her face when another raindrop jolted me back to reality, glancing wearily up at the dark, starless sky.

"I think we're done here"

She pushed back onto her feet, a gust of wind from the west, more powerful than the heavy breeze that had been blowing steadily throughout the day swept over us, Saras unruly waves whipping to the side as she squinted, shielding her eyes from the sudden uprise of blowing sand. She glanced up at the sky for a moment before nodding in agreement, reaching down to grab the kit stationed near her feet.

We managed to get the Denali packed up and safely inside the confines of it before the rain really started to fall. I had relinquished ownership of the keys to Sara, ever insistent when it came to driving. She flicked the wipers on to max speed as we pulled out of the now deserted space, heading back onto the road towards home.

It took two counts of light hydroplaning on the highway that was beginning to resemble a river, my white knuckled grip on the door handle, and a threat against Sara's life if we somehow managed to make it home alive to convince her that we needed to stop. There was no way we were going to make it the 200 miles back home in this downpour, and I had no interest in pulling into one of the many ghost towns we drove through out of necessity 50 miles down the road, and spending the rest of the night crammed in the confines of the car.

She shot me an amused glance as she pulled sharply into a turn out, redirecting us back towards Tonopah, "I never took you for the type to be afraid of ghost towns". I snorted, crossing my arms in some sort of defiance against that accusation. The truth was, I had no interest in anything paranormal- horror movies were not my cup of tea and the thought of being near anything considered haunted made my skin crawl. But I wasn't about to admit that to anyone, least of all Sara.

"Not wanting to spend the night in one doesn't make me afraid, it makes me sensible. Now, it says there's a Holiday Inn near the outskirts of town"

To my incredible dismay, all 140 of the rooms were booked. I wasn't sure how such an obscure place could have an entire hotel booked solid on a Monday night, but it was fitting with the sort of day I was having. Christmas time, Sara pointed out softly in response to my bewilderment, grabbing her phone to search for another option. After a few tries she managed to find one, throwing her phone into the center console, offering me a weary smile as she shifted the Denali back into drive.

I didn't bother to ask where we were going, fully aware that I was not going to like the answer. The half illuminated sign indicating that we were arriving at the 'ECONO INN' confirmed my suspicions, letting out a heavy sigh as I shot a glare over at Sara, entirely unjustified, but I needed somewhere to place my blame for the moment.

"This looks like the place where I worked my last 415" I commented bitterly, her brown eyes flicking over at me briefly in annoyance as she pulled up in front of the faded yellow building, paint peeling off of the ancient siding.

"You wanted to stop so here we are" she said, voice laced with irritation as she jerked the key out of the ignition. I must have really looked rough, I thought as her dark eyes softened the moment they landed on me, taking in my tired form.

"It's just for a few hours and then we'll be back on the road" she assured me, offering a half smile before grasping the door handle and taking a deep breath before throwing the door open and jumping out into the pouring rain.

I followed suit, unable to contain a loud shriek at the sensation of cold rain pelting my skin like bullets, bouncing off of my entirely non-weatherproof jacket. Sara shouted in surprise as one of her long strides landed her in an unseen puddle, splashing water up to soak into the leg of her pants. I couldn't hold back a laugh, diving in through the door that she yanked open, both of us thoroughly soaked.

Deeming me unfit to interact with the general public, Sara dealt with the entirely unenthused young motel clerk whose name- Delilah, her nametag read- was about as starkly contrasting to her personality as this weather was to sunny Eastern Nevada. She passed us two keys with a pale hand, nails painted the color of midnight, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the room.

I pushed open the door, flicking on the lights, a scowl settling onto my face as I took in the room. Two double beds with bedspreads that looked older than me sat in front of us, the dizzying pattern of faint pink roses on the walls clashed with the large painting of the Grand Canyon displayed proudly over one bed, another painting, this one of a waterfall hung over the other. I settled my weight onto one hip, raising my hand to rest on it out of habit as I cursed every factor that had contributed to landing me here.

I felt hot breath against my ear, the feel of Sara's form coming to stand directly behind me causing a shiver to run down my spine- a reaction entirely unrelated to the chill encompassing me.

"Second guessing a night in the Denali?" she asked quietly in amusement, her lips almost brushing my wild hair. I was sure the act was unconscious, but it propelled me into the room anyway, moving to stand beside the farthest bed.

"The lab will love this" I commented- at 50 bucks a night, I'm surprised they hadn't made this chain our specified emergency accommodation. I knew full well that Ecklie was unimpressed with my expensive taste in hotels- an indulgence I took advantage of at the labs expense whenever I was in the position.

I dropped down onto the bed, watching as Sara busied herself with peeling back the comforter that we both know would light up like Christmas beneath a black light between two pinched fingers; throwing the excess of pillows onto the far side of the bed. I shrugged off my soaking wet jacket, tossing it onto the grotesquely upholstered chair beside the door, aware that there was no way it would dry by morning.

Sara disappeared into the bathroom and I lay back against the surprisingly comfortable bed- made softer I'm sure by the fact that I had been on my feet for the better part of the past 48 hours. I glanced over at the bedside clock- 11:45. I sighed, kicking my low-heeled shoes off over the edge of the bed, running a hand through my tangled waves, cursing the fact that I didn't have a brush to tame them.

It was too late to call Lindsay I noted with a pang of despair. I was desperate for some time with my daughter and there was not a spare moment to give her. Not that she needed to see me like this anyway I thought, reaching up to touch the tender flesh of my cheek.

Sara emerged from the bathroom, nothing more than a black sports bra that concealed the light swell of her breasts and modest underwear covering her form. On their own accord, my eyes travelled slowly over her body, examining the expanse of her olive skin, littered in dark freckles and a few faded scars. There was a particularly visible one stretched across the length of her hip, the muscles of her toned stomach rippling slightly as she leaned forward to pull back the sheets, dark hair brushing over her shoulders.

She was beautiful. It was a strange revelation that I hadn't come to in the 7 years we had known each other. I was aware that she was attractive, with half the lab having fallen under her easy, unusual charm. Her smile may even have thrown me off guard a time or two, but I had never looked at her as anything more than the stubborn, workaholic that had a tendency to get under my skin. Her hair was almost curly from the rain, the muscles in her arms flexing ever so slightly as she pressed them onto the bed, crawling onto the mattress. I felt a familiar tension beginning in my lower stomach, radiating downwards as I watched her, frowning lightly at my bodies response. I chalked it up to the exhaustion clearly wearing at my sanity; the bad porno type scenario we were currently in; the six months that I had gone with nothing more than a painfully awkward date with a defense lawyer that my sister had set up against my will. I had allowed him to press me up against my car for a few long minutes at the end of the evening out of some desperate hope that it would spark some interest, but ultimately slipped away at the first opportunity.

My eyes finally reached hers and she offered me a crooked smile, climbing beneath the covers.

"Sorry- I'd put on pajamas if I had any" she offered, clearly mistaking my arousal for discomfort. I chuckled, shaking my head lightly.

"I've seen a lot of women in a lot less- it'll take a bit more than your sports bra to offend me"

She smiled, flashing a glimpse of the slight gap between her teeth before leaning across the bed, setting her phone on the bedside table. My eyes widened slightly as I noticed faint nail marks trailing from her shoulder downwards over her ribs, disappearing beneath the cover of the sheets.

"Seems like things are going well with Sofia" I noted, humour lacing my voice. Bite marks and nail scratches deep enough to last- clearly she was doing something right. I ignored the sensation that thought elicited, watching her roll towards me with a questioning glance.

"Your back", I elaborated.

She sat up slightly, attempting to look over her shoulder before reaching around to feel her skin, eyes widening as they found the source of my amusement.

"Oh my god" she mumbled, a blush coloring her cheeks as she lay back against her pillow, eyes trained on the ceiling, "You have witnessed way too much of my personal life today"

I laughed, rolling over to fully face her "I like this side of you". I may not have been keen on the knowledge that Sofia was the one sharing Sara's bed, but it was nice to see the lighter side of the brunette for a change. "I never would have taken you for such a pro between the sheets"

She frowned up at the ceiling, cheeks turning a deeper shade of crimson, clearly wondering whether to be offended or embarrassed.

"Thanks" she shot at me sarcastically, though punctuated it with a soft smile.

Her dark hair was growing out longer than I was used to seeing it, the protrusion of her collar bone more prominent than it should be, telling me that the stress of this week- hell, this year- was getting to her. Her typical diet of coffee and cigarettes was concerning to say the least, but I was really in no position to judge.

"Are you going to tell me about you two?" I asked quietly after a few long moments of silence. She held her gaze on the ceiling for a drawn out minute before rolling over to look at me.

"No"

I frowned lightly and she sighed, eyes trailing over my features before caving in. The charming purple-black coloring to the right side of my face had a way of swaying people in my favor I was quickly coming to realize.

"There's nothing to tell, Cat. Not really. We have a… connection. We connected. I hope we keep… connecting"

I snorted, shaking my head lightly at the younger woman. Such a romantic.

"When did this start?"

She hesitated for a moment, "August"

I felt my eyes widen, leaning towards her slightly "In AUGUST?"

She looked both surprised and amused by my outburst, readjusting herself beneath the covers. How the hell had they been together for five months without my knowledge? I prided myself on knowing what was going on around the lab, especially the things people thought they were keeping quiet, but this had slipped completely below my radar.

"I mean, we kissed in August, and then danced around the subject for four months, and now we're… I don't know. Connecting"

I nodded softly, trying to keep the mix of frustration and amusement off my features. I was glad that her and Sofia were doing so much 'connecting', because my attempts to make a connection of any sort with her were like pulling teeth.

"You can talk to me about these things, you know"

She smiled softly, "There's really not much to say. She's smart, magnetic, tough... crazy beautiful", her eyes averted towards the wall for a moment, losing herself in thought before finding mine once again, fingertips playing with the edge of a crisp sheet. "I don't know what we're doing. But whatever it is, it's the only thing that has been keeping me sane these past few weeks, and I don't want to jinx it"

She smiled at me sheepishly and I refused to acknowledge the tightness in my chest at her words; at the way her eyes softened while she spoke of her.

"I'm happy for you"

Her brown eyes searched mine for what felt like an eternity before it became too much and I broke away, glancing down at my damp clothes. I rolled over to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling my shirt off in one swift motion. My hair cascaded over my shoulders and I once again cursed the absence of a brush in this room, wondering as I unbuttoned my pants whether I had stashed a hat anywhere in the Denali.

Sara's slight deer-in-the-headlights look caught my attention, her eyes trailing down my neck, settling on my chest for a few moments before continuing downwards. I couldn't hold back a smirk, glancing down at the deep maroon bra I was wearing, showing off my ample cleavage, a sharp contrast against my alabaster skin. I may have been running on no sleep and sporting a busted up face, but at least I had this. It made me feel just the slightest bit better, which is why in that moment I decided to casually push it a step further.

I stood up, pulling down the zipper slowly to reveal a glimpse of my matching maroon underwear. Her eyes were transfixed on my hands and I made a show of pushing the material down my soft, milky legs, bending down to remove them entirely, putting my chest at eye level to her. I watched her unconsciously bite down on her lower lip as I stood back up, arching my back slightly into a soft stretch.

Her eyes were dark, trailing up over my body, eventually coming to meet mine with an intensity that shifted the power balance sharply as an entirely unexpected wave of desire sparked up and travelled through me like wildfire. She held my gaze steadily, the timid shock that had began this replaced by something else entirely.

I felt the hint of a smirk tugging at my lips- unable to decide between the arousal, confusion, amusement, or fear that were vying for my full attention. There was no mistaking the tension that had fallen between us in the eternity that was the ten seconds of this exchange.

I was acutely aware that I was the one to break the moment, turning to pull back the covers and crawl beneath them silently. It was out of character of me to back away from a moment like this, but I wasn't entirely sure that this wasn't some form of delirium beginning to settle in. Sleep was the wisest thing I could do at that point I told myself.

 _You can't make monumentally bad decisions if you're unconscious._

Sara cleared her throat, rolling over to face the wall. I reached out to flip the switch on the small lamp between us, plunging us into darkness, but kept my eyes on her dimly lit form lying across from me until I couldn't hold them open any longer.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for reading, and thanks so much for those taking the time to review- it keeps me interested in writing this!**

 _Sara_

"Catherine"

I tried once again, arms crossed as I stood beside the worn motel bed, staring down at the lump buried beneath blankets, messy hair concealing the small portion of her face not covered.

She was working herself to the bone- not that she had much choice in the matter I thought in annoyance as my phone vibrated in my back pocket for the third time that morning, undoubtedly another message about the mandatory meeting Ecklie had called for as soon as we made it back into town.

I sighed, leaning forward to shake her shoulder gently, "Cat". She mumbled something unintelligible as she burrowed deeper beneath the covers, golden light filtering in through the open blinds, illuminating the bit of red left uncovered. I took a breath, saying a silent prayer that a few hours of sleep was enough to raise her mood up from the depths of hell that it had descended to yesterday, pulling the covers down to expose her face to the light.

"Catherine" I pressed loudly, boldly reaching out to brush the pile of hair away from her pretty face. She wrinkled her nose, squinting open one eye at me in annoyance. I immediately grabbed the large coffee and the paper bagged breakfast sandwich I had snuck out to pick up at some local, overpriced café, holding them up as a sort of peace offering with an unsure smile.

"Morning. We've gotta go," I extended the cup towards her slightly "I brought coffee"

She groaned, rolling over onto her back, pushing a tired hand through her hair. "What time is it?" she asked, voice a few octaves lower than usual, sliding her leg out from beneath the covers as her eyes drifted sleepily open.

I averted my gaze to the window, shifting weight to my right leg awkwardly, craving a cigarette. This room was entirely too small for the distance I needed from her. She was the most infuriating force in my life on a good day, but I had eyes and a sex drive and she was doing an extraordinary job at overwhelming both.

"It's um, 7" I cleared my throat lightly, passing her the coffee. She looked at me quizzically, amusement tugging at her features as she slid up against the headboard, blankets pooling around her waist.

 _Give me a break._

"Thanks" she husked, running fingers through her hair as she glanced out at the sunlit parking lot.

"Ecklie want's us back at the lab ASAP," I grabbed my coffee from the bedside table, sitting down on the edge of my bed "Mandatory meeting, I wonder about what"

She smiled at my sarcasm, throwing back the covers and sliding her pale legs over the edge of the bed, "I need a shower, I feel like I got caught in a downpour and slept in a questionable motel bed."

She stood with a small, cat like stretch, padding sleepily towards the bathroom. On their own accord my eyes drifted over to watch her move, hips lightly swaying, deep maroon underwear barely covering the pale, firm curve of her ass. She disappeared into the bathroom and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding, rolling my eyes at myself as I patted down my jacket pockets in search of my cigarettes, heading for the door.

/

"I hear you two spent the night together" Greg inserted himself between us as we walked down the hall towards the break room, waggling his eyebrows. I frowned, shaking my head lightly in annoyance. "Please tell me things got at least a little sexy."

Catherine smiled, eyes meeting mine briefly before wrapping an arm around Greg's shoulder. "Oh Greg- a seedy motel room, soaking wet clothes, a rainstorm- what's sexy about that?" she husked, tossing the waves that she had somehow managed to finger comb back to perfection over her shoulder, shooting him a wink. His smile grew, letting out a dramatic groan as we broke off into the break room, "You're killin me!"

"Don't encourage him" I scolded with amusement, grabbing two oversized mugs from the shelf above the coffee maker as she dropped down into one of the chairs with a smile. The memory of her body stretched in front of me- alabaster skin and bare curves that had previously been left to imagination; the burning look in her bright eyes flashed through my mind and I physically shook my head in a vehement attempt to clear it. I could have sworn that there had been intent behind her actions- I had watched her flaunt her looks countless times, it came like second nature to her, and it looked a lot like the way her azure eyes had burned into mine last night. I wasn't sure what she was playing at, but ignoring it seemed like the safest bet on all accounts.

"Good morning, thanks for gracing us with your presence"

I glanced up at the doorway, greeted by Ecklie's tired eyes and perpetual frown. I felt my body tense up, stirring Catherine's coffee with a sudden vehemence. I was hoping for at a few minutes to settle in before this began.

"We got here as fast as we could Conrad" Catherine sighed, leaning back in her chair, a razor sharp edge to her blue-eyed stare.

His gaze shifted from me to her, straightening the neutral toned tie that I could have sworn he wore daily with a pale hand. "Meeting commences in five minutes, do not leave this room," he ordered, shooting me a final glare before disappearing out the door. Catherine snorted, azure eyes meeting mine with a look of gratitude as I slid a mug in front of her, taking a seat to her right.

"You'd think that having a room full of evidence to catalogue and the entire state's eyes on us for answers would take priority here" she shook her head in bemusement, sinking back into the soft backed chair, taking a quick moment to glance at her nails on the hand not gripping her coffee like a life line.

I had shared my vexed thoughts on that particular matter on the drive here, taking the time to go over the aspects of the scene and compare it to the others. Just like the previous six though, it all came down to the evidence we were able to gather, which meant that time spent waiting for this politic based confrontation to begin was time wasted.

"Good morning ladies- nice to see you in the light of day" a low alto sounded from the doorway.

I repressed an eye roll, glancing up at Leiv's entirely too enthusiastic face, dark eyes predictably focused on Catherine who hadn't bothered to look up, flipping through the newest quarterly edition of The Forensic Examiner. "Good morning" she replied absently, azure eyes scanning over an article on molecular death, manicured hand raising her coffee mug to her lips.

He sat down slowly in the seat next to her, eyes dropping to the article as he leaned in to feign interest. He was about a subtle as a hurricane in his attempts at garnering the red heads attention. He was hardly the first to fall for her blatant charm and devastatingly good looks, and I was well versed in the inevitable downfall.

Brass was the next to join us, bee lining for the coffee, thick hand landing solidly on my shoulder as he passed "Glad you two made it back in one piece- that storm last night was nasty"

I shot him a smile, absently glancing at the vacant hallway, wondering if Sofia had been called in for this. Part of me hoped she had managed to escape it, but the greater, more selfish side was longing for her presence. Jim glanced over his shoulder, as though he could sense my silent question. "If it lifts anyone's spirits at all, Sophie is on her way with a basket of muffins"

I smiled at the imagery, about to comment on the absurdity of that idea was when the blonde sauntered in, as if on cue- gun holstered at her waist, aviators resting on top of her head, pushing back lengthy hair away from her face that was sporting a deep, nasty looking gash across her high cheekbone- sure enough, a basket of muffins held securely in one strong hand.

Jim smiled from behind his mug and I gave her a quizzical look as she dropped it down at the center of the table ungracefully. Blue eyes held mine for a brief moment before taking a scan of the occupants of the table.

"These smell delicious, I had no idea you baked" Liev commented, clearly impressed as he stood to lean over the table, large hand rifling through the basket in search of some specific flavor. She shifted glacial eyes over to him in annoyance and Catherine let out the muffled laugh that I had managed to contain into the back of her hand- the blonde with her shit kicking boots and impatient stance giving her head a slight shake, slim hand brushing the loaded piece at her waist as she rested it on her hip. "They're from a bakery down on Jefferson"

I wasn't even sure she knew how to work an oven, based on her empty kitchen and her affinity for snack food. I grabbed a blueberry- the same delicious type she had brought me a few days ago, smiling at her as she dropped into the seat next to me. "Muffins? Interesting choice" I noted quietly in amusement.

"As of yesterday officer Keaton was released from surveillance duty on my condo. Thought it would be cute to bring me a whole basket of muffins this morning" she tossed her sunglasses onto the table, gesturing vaguely at the basket with a crinkled eyebrow, "What would I possibly do with _a_ _dozen_ muffins?"

Eli Keaton was a kind eyed, marginally sleazy but goodhearted cop who had transferred in from Los Angeles a few months back. He couldn't have been more than 30, with his thick blonde hair and boyish good looks. It was a minor case of mishandling evidence in his first week that had initially grated at Sofia's nerves, ever unsympathetic when it came to people being careless in our line of work. Her annoyance didn't deter him from falling for her brash attitude and sharp beauty, and it had been some strange form of disheartening fun watching him clamor to win her affections.

This was just the latest attempt and I couldn't help a quiet chuckle, her irritation at the kind gesture strangely endearing. I shifted my boot-clad foot beneath the table to collide gently with hers- some painfully innocent form of affection.

"Well I for one am grateful for the guy" Jim reached over to grab the last blueberry, raising it slightly in reference. His hound dog eyes fell on Catherine, observing her for a moment silently before going against his better judgment and asking the question that anyone paying the least bit of attention knew that she was sick of hearing, "How you doing Cath?"

She glanced up, offering him a quick smile, expertly repressing her irritation. The fading bruise coloring her cheek was a neon sign asking for the exact sort of attention she hated, and despite her calm demeanor, I knew she was still picturing the young, lifeless face of Eliza Hayes, quietly furious that we hadn't managed to stop this unnecessary horror sooner. She was far from okay.

"Alive and kicking Jim."

"Word is there's muffins somewhere around here" Nick popped his newly shaven head around the corner, soft brown eyes landing on the basket as the corners of his mouth curled up in satisfaction, sauntering in, followed closely by a disheveled looking Wendy Simms. Her usually sleek, black ponytail was loose and un-kept; the dark circles under her eyes rivaling even mine. She grabbed for a lemon poppy seed, eyes falling on Sofia as she wandered over to the couch, collapsing unceremoniously onto the dark leather. "You bake now?"

Sofia smiled, shaking her head as she absently reached over to take hold of my coffee mug, raising it to her lips, "What do you think?". I watched her take a long sip, glancing around to see if anyone noticed the oddly intimate gesture, though no one seemed to be paying any attention.

"Really, you took the last poppy seed?" Greg complained, drawing my attention over to his boyish form poking through the quickly dissipating array of muffins, brown eyes shifting over at Wendy in mock annoyance. She held up a hand, dark eyes narrowing slightly "Do you know how many hours I have been processing evidence from that semi explosion on Flamingo yesterday? Many. And Hodges is at a forensic technology conference in Miami all week, which means we're short staffed," she crossed one long leg over the other with a quiet huff, raising the muffin in her hand up at Greg vehemently " _This_ is my first meal since yesterday".

He held his hands up in defense, dropping down next to her. "Okay, I get it, no need to get _hangry_ with me" he nudged her slim shoulder gently, a repressed smile tugging at her lips.

Despite the obvious exhaustion weighing down the majority of us, and the underlying sense of anxiety this case was causing, it was nice to be together. Comfortable conversation was taking place around me, Sofia occasionally stealing a sip of my coffee, glancing over with a sly smile. I made a mental note to force a bandage onto the two-inch gash decorating her cheek, which she was stubbornly brushing off as a scratch- an injury from the brutal scene last night. An oil tanker had driven into a convenience store, leaving the building in shambles and the body count at 13 with a few critical injuries expected to become fatalities. We had gotten the gory details over the radio on the way back into town.

The relaxed atmosphere of the room shifted immediately as Ecklie breezed back in, undersheriff McKeen following moments later.

"Okay, social hour is over. Unless this meeting pertains to you, get back to work. God knows you have enough of it"

Nick and Wendy cleared out, the Texan shooting me a sympathetic smile on his way out the door, holding up the remainder of his muffin at Sofia in thanks.

Ecklie took a scan of the occupants of the table, frown deepening as he exhaled a tired sigh "Does anyone know where Gil is?"

I was sure that he had taken a case with Warrick in a valiant attempt at avoiding this little powwow- not that I could blame him.

"Typical" he muttered at our silence, pressing his hands against the table, fingernails worn down to the skin. "Let's just get right down to it then. James O'Riley was released on bail this morning. His assault case won't see the inside of a courtroom for at least a few months"

I felt my stomach turn over, the muffin I had just eaten threatening to resurface. I should have expected that, but hadn't. I shifted my focus to Catherine, her expression remaining unchanged, though her crossed arms were pressed protectively against her slight frame, complexion paling even further. I balled my hands into fists, a surge of anger coursing through me.

"He assaulted a law enforcement agent- those cases always take priority" I interjected, tearing my eyes away from her to meet Ecklie's sharply.

"He's a wealthy man Sara, he got a good lawyer. And frankly, when you throw in two assaults against him from our side before his charges were even filed, it really doesn't paint the picture of him as a monster to the judge"

I opened my mouth to protest, feeling Sofia's hand sliding onto my knee - gently but firmly. I shook my head with a humorless snort, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms over my chest, standing down for the moment.

"This entire ordeal has been a PR nightmare, and now that he's out I don't want either of you so much as glancing in his direction" McKeen's bright eyes burned into mine, daring me to challenge him.

"Well that's not going to happen, we're working a case with him as our primary suspect- how do you expect us to do our job?" Catherine rested thin arms on the edge of her chair, foot tapping a hole into the carpet.

"Take a page out of Grissoms book- work the evidence, avoid the people. If you have a solid reason for speaking to him, Brass or Curtis can be on the frontlines there," he glanced at the blonde in acknowledgement. "As I'm sure you're aware the press has picked this up, and that means I expect you all to be diligent and professional in this investigation- there are a lot of eyes on us"

I could practically feel Catherine's eyes rolling beside me, Greg shifting in his chair. "With all due respect, I'd like to think that we're always fairly diligent and professional, regardless whose watching"

Pale blue eyes didn't bother to meet Greg's, instead breezing over mine and settling on Catherine, the stress lines creasing his face more prominent than I remembered. "I'd like to think so, but after last weeks incidents, I feel that I need to reiterate the expectations around here"

"Okay," Catherine re-crossed her arms, shaking her head lightly with a quiet scoff "You've made your expectations of Sara and I crystal clear, no one else has given you any reason to be this condescending"

McKeen seemed genuinely surprised at her audacity, a hint of a smile tugging at my lips. Ecklie let out a tired sigh, running a hand over his head- clearly more familiar with being on the receiving end of Catherine's indignation. "Let's all just do our part to nail this guy while doing our best to uphold the reputation of the lab, okay?"

"You've got it boss" Liev chimed in over our collective silence.

"Which leads me to the next point" McKeen cut in, "The Feds have caught wind of this, and have been in contact." A series of quiet exhalations and under the breath expletives sounded around the table, the older man holding up a hand "it is still under our control for now, but don't be surprised if a small team shows up to aid in the investigation in the coming weeks. As you well know, they take rank, so please be accommodating"

 _Fucking fantastic._

Again, I should have seen this coming. Of course the FBI would insert themselves into the middle of this with the best of intentions. In reality, it meant everyone felt the need to constantly look over their shoulders, as the quality of our work was consistently brought into question- if the handful of times we had found ourselves working along side them was any indication. A bunch of power mongers, swooping in to criticize our technics and take the credit once all is said and done.

McKeen's phone buzzing for the third consecutive time put a definitive end to the conversation, everyone beginning to disperse. Brass's phone soon after penetrated the silence, his tired voice spouting off a few single worded questions into the mouthpiece before he snapped it shut, grasping his mug with a thick hand, downing the rest of the lukewarm contents before pushing up onto his feet. "Okay kid," his eyes met Sofia's "suspicious circs down on Freemont- I'll meet you out front in ten"

She made a move to stand and I shook my head, pushing her gently back into her seat as I stood. "Hold on there Rambo, let me patch you up"

I moved to the cupboards, opening a few doors, finding nothing but a sea of random things in some concerning state of organized chaos.

"Where have you been?" Catherine's exasperated voice sounded from her seat behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Grissom meandering in from the hall, shrugging lightly, "I had a case"

I found the kit in the last cupboard, pursing my lips in satisfactions as I pulled it out, moving back to the table.

"And this didn't seem important at all?"

He frowned, raising an eyebrow at her "Let me guess- you both got a lecture; the press is watching, so be on our best behavior, and expect a visit from the feds?"

I sat down, taking a moment to run my fingers gently through Sofia's silky hair under the guise of a thorough examination, trailing my thumb over her soft cheek- her bright eyes burning into mine.

"I guess mandatory meetings don't pertain to you then" Catherine huffed behind me. I glanced sideways at Grissom with a look of sympathy- silently grateful to not be the one on the other end of her foul mood for once.

"What is this about, Catherine? O'Riley being out of jail? The feds coming to breathe down our necks? Because you really should have seen that coming"

Sofia winced slightly as I laid a small, medicated Band-Aid over the gash, smoothing down the sides, offering her a gentle smile. She glanced over my shoulder at the two squaring up with a flash of frustration- at the hostility or their general presence I wasn't sure. Her fingertips gently brushed my hand as her eyes met mine again. "You know, this look is far less intimidating."

I chuckled, shaking my head lightly. "Thanks" her soft fingertips grazed my hand once more before standing up. I pursed my lips together into a smile, leaning back into the chair, "go get em'"

"You really are a piece of work, you know that?" Catherine shot, standing up to cross her arms over her chest. I narrowly managed to suppress an eye roll, pushing out of my chair and moving to stand next to her. Grissom, ever calm in the face of her out bursts just shrugged lightly, taking the seat that Jim had vacated.

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." He held her gaze, pushing his glasses up with his index finger absently. "Mark Twain" he cited after a moment, apparently picking up on the fact that we were in no mood for guessing games. The look she gave him could have seared through flesh, but he either didn't notice or didn't care, motioning a hand at her in acknowledgement "Do you need a few days off, Catherine? It might be good for you"

She cocked an eyebrow, weight resting on one hip, lips parted with a quiet huff. I knew he meant well, but it was incredible how oblivious he could be. There were some infinite truths about Catherine, one of which being she did not do well without adequate sleep, and I could tell that this was headed nowhere productive fast.

She opened her mouth to say something assumedly volatile and I slid behind her, noting the smell of jasmine as my hands moved to her tense shoulders, the touch distracting her just long enough to direct her towards the door.

"Okay, we're going to start logging evidence" I tossed over my shoulder, turning to offer him a quick smile, all but shoving her out of the room.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this.**

 _Sara_

Soft lips trailed slowly down the length of my neck, hands sneaking beneath the dark material of my shirt, warm body pressed flush against mine. "Sof" I moaned quietly in a half-hearted attempt at garnering her attention, hands sliding down to the soft curve of her ass, obviously on a different wavelength than my brain.

Her tongue snaked out against the hollow of my neck, hands on a slow, steady path up the length of my toned stomach. My head fell softly back against the lockers, my brain engaged in a battle of wills with my body. She pressed a firm thigh between my own, fingertips gently brushing the skin along my ribs. "Fia" I breathed in warning, a quiet moan escaping her lips as her hands found my silk clad breasts, mouth making its way back up along my throat.

"We're… at work" I managed to grit out weakly, my hips softly bucking against her thigh with a muffled moan. One hand came up to tangle firmly in my hair, bright eyes meeting mine before capturing my lips in a deep kiss. Work had taken up almost every waking moment over the past week, which meant that aside from crossing paths in the hallway and casual break room conversation, she was unreachable. I was desperate for the feel of her.

She had found me hiding out in the locker room, spending the better part of my break reveling in the silence of the usually abandoned space. Catherine and I had turned the layout room into a time line of every case in our investigation- lifeless photos of all the girls laid out neatly, blown up angles of small wrists and pale throats; folders containing lab results offering us next to nothing in the center of it all. It had all become just a bit too overwhelming.

Blonde hair tied into a tight ponytail, white blouse unbuttoned just beyond the line of professional, she had come in to say goodnight, naïvely thinking that a chaste kiss goodbye would follow with her walking out the door. She bit down on my lower lip, sucking it into her mouth as her hips pressed firmly into mine, my breath hitching. She whimpered against my lips- a desperate, intoxicating sound that sent a bolt of desire straight to my core. The final threads of my self-control were wearing dangerously thin.

I grasped her shoulders firmly, pushing her back just enough to slide out from the space between her body and the lockers, taking a few steps back. I ran a hand through my messy hair, attempting to catch my breath, "We can't do this here." She reluctantly turned to lean back against the locker, chest heaving, open buttons of her blouse offering a teasing glimpse of her ample breasts. My mind immediately betrayed me.

 _Toned curves clad in nothing but dark lace, glacial eyes burning into mine. Back arched off my bed, lips parted in a silent cry, fingers gripping dark sheets as my mouth moved over her._

My eyes travelled up along the curve of her neck, over disarmingly soft features before meeting hers- dark with desire. Her lips were swollen and lightly parted, and before my mind could catch up with my body, I had closed the distance between us, one hand grasping her hip possessively, the other tangling in her silky hair as I captured her lips once again. "God I want you" she exhaled against my lips, tongue sliding into my mouth languidly as she melted into me, my self-control out the window.

A sound at the door broke into our lust-induced haze and I took an immediate, clumsy step backwards, running a hand over my mouth awkwardly. Sofia, ever cool in compromising situations looked just as guilty as I did, smoothing a hand over her now loose ponytail, trying to get her breathing under control.

Vivid green eyes met mine, shifting over to Sofia as a smirk spread over handsome features. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or mortified that it was Warrick once again catching us in a moment of distraction. He shook his head in amusement, continuing towards his locker with a chuckle, "I don't know how you two are keeping this under wraps, you all are about as subtle as a car crash"

Sofia groaned quietly in embarrassment, glancing over at me apologetically. "I told you" I mumbled, pursing my lips into a crooked smile as she stepped forward to smooth down my wild hair, glacial eyes holding mine steadily. "I'll see you later" she husked after a long moment, turning to saunter towards the door, giving Warrick's muscled shoulder a firm, cordial pat on the way by. "Goodnight" he called after her, both of our eyes watching her sway out of the room before shifting his gaze over to me with a cocked eyebrow.

I was standing with my hands shoved into my pockets sheepishly, the hint of a cocky grin painting my lips. He laughed, reaching behind him to grasp the dark material of his shirt, pulling it over his head. "I like her for you, you know. I never would have pictured you two together, but it works"

"We're not really… together" I mused quietly, a slight frown elicited at my own words. I hadn't given much thought to what this was- I was too busy obsessing over her mouth at any given moment to have thought further than when I could kiss her again. He chuckled, pulling a new shirt out of his locker. "Well, whatever you two have got going on, it seems like a good thing"

I nodded lightly, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth- it was a good thing. She was a good thing. That much I knew. I gave his shoulder a squeeze on my way out the door, throwing a gap toothed smile over my shoulder "Yeah, it is. Night Rick"

/

I needed a cold shower or a strong cup of coffee I decided as I adjusted my course towards the break room, an extra bounce in my long strides. It was a simultaneously beautiful and terrible distraction sleeping with someone from work. _Dating someone from work?_ I shook my head in an attempt to clear that now invasive thought- in four short hours we had a date with the remnants of a bottle of whiskey and some grim sounding movie that she had used her charms to get me to agree to, and that was all that mattered.

I made it halfway across the break room, heading in the direction of the coffee maker before I noticed the out of place figure on the couch, turning to meet Lindsay's blank azure stare. I glanced up at the clock- quarter past 11- before meeting her eyes once again with a soft smile. "Hey Linds, what are you doing here?"

She rolled her eyes, swinging one leg across the other as she leaned even further back into the dark leather. "Just slowly dying of boredom" she replied flippantly, shifting her gaze over to glare vehemently in the direction of the bookshelf. I noted her short dark skirt, the slight v of her deep red shirt; bright eyes lined with a layer of black. Deciding that nothing good could have transpired, I poured myself an extra large mug of coffee and took a deep breath before wandering over to casually situate myself on the left side of the large couch.

She glanced over, holding my gaze in the same unnerving way Catherine does, as though she was trying to burn her way straight into my thoughts, before turning towards me- apparently deciding that talking to me was better than whatever she had been doing previously.

"My friend McKenna was having a party and I wasn't allowed to go, but I went. I don't get to go _anywhere_ anymore- just school and aunt Nancy's. Literally"

I wanted to rewind back to a few minutes ago when I had made the swift, last minute turn towards the break room for a quick caffeine fix instead of continuing back to the layout room to face a frustrated Catherine and an array of blown up autopsy photos, but I had made my choices. I took a long sip of coffee, waiting for her to continue.

"But aunt Nancy came by the house on her break and figured out I was gone- called McKenna's parents and dragged me out of the party like a _child,_ " I had to bite back a smile at that, watching as she flipped long hair over her shoulders, "It was SO embarrassing. And now I have to hang out in this miserable cave until mom is done work".

I offered a sympathetic half smile "Hey, it's not so bad here. There's some interesting books on the shelf if you're bored- you used to love hanging out here" I reminded her. I could vividly remember the excitable seven year old that would ask one question that led to a hundred more, each one only vaguely related to the last. She shot me a look, to which I sighed, slumping back against the couch in defeat, draining a good portion of my coffee. The brink of 14 was not my favourite age.

"I'm sorry about your luck Linds" I reached across the short distance to give her shoulder a squeeze, nodding towards the fridge "I think Greg left some meatball parm in the fridge if you're hungry". I knew that he had- he had been working his way through it painstakingly slowly over the past couple days. The smell of it made me nauseous, permeating the entire lab every time he heated it up, and he seemed to get some sort of devious satisfaction out of torturing me. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to kill the source of my daily misery.

I was about to get up, having left Catherine alone in the disheartening space of the decorated layout room for far too long now, but the indecipherable look in her young eyes held me back. "Aside from your ruined night, is everything okay?"

She was silent for a minute, an unusual occurrence for her, before she sighed dramatically. "No. Nothing is _okay._ I am on house arrest, my mom doesn't want to spend time with me, I am so sick of having Jeremy in my space, I am pissed at aunt Nancy but it's not like I can go home. I just wanted to have a night with my friends, and now McKenna is going to _swoop in_ with her stupid hair and steal Colton, even though we were supposed to be at this party together"

I watched a tear escape the corner of her eye, a manicured hand coming up to harshly swipe it away before it had a chance to fall, smearing a streak of mascara across her pale temple. She glanced up at the door, making sure no one was around to witness her display, reminding me so much of Catherine it was mildly unnerving. If dealing with her was anything like trying to stumble my way through Catherine's maze of emotions, I was in trouble here. I turned towards her fully, cradling my mug in both my hands, trying to come up with the right words and naturally falling short.

"Your mom wants nothing more than to spend time with you Linds. I promise you that" I sighed, pushing a hand through tangled hair. I hated seeing the toll that this case was taking filter down to Lindsay. It was more than that, I was fully aware of the rough path Catherine and her had been treading over the past year, but the stress and painfully long hours certainly weren't helping.

"You know that she is the lead on this major investigation- there are girls not much older than you being killed, and she is putting all of her energy into making sure that no one else get hurt. She is so tired Lindsay, she is just trying to do her best- to catch this guy and to keep you safe." I offered her a soft smile, tilting my head lightly "I know that she would so much rather be hanging out with you"

Her bright eyes burned into mine. "You've spent more time talking to me tonight than she has" she replied before sighing, pulling her legs up beneath her thin form. It was impossible to know if my words were having any impact at all, but this was about the extent of my abilities in the realm of pacifying teenage anguish. Her soft voice broke into my thoughts, "I wish that you and her were friends"

"We are friends" I frowned slightly, the blonde quirking an eyebrow expertly, exuding a confidence of someone much older than 13. "Then why don't you ever do anything together?"

"We have breakfast sometimes. I was over at your place that one time" I reminded her, a defensive edge to my voice. Catherine and I had managed, against all odds, to build up some semblance of a friendship after a long 7 years, and I was proud of that feat.

"Right, that time you dragged me home when I was out with my friends?" she asked, the dark glint in her eye contrasting against the slight smirk pulling at her lips.

"Do you like hiking?" I asked suddenly, feeling the unexplainable need to prove the reality of my fragile friendship with Catherine- to myself or Lindsay I wasn't quite sure- while simultaneously trying to keep in control of this conversation. She looked at me quizzically, shrugging absently "Dad used to talk about taking me, but never did".

I pushed back the anxious churning of my stomach at the mention of Eddie, offering her a smile. "Maybe one day I'll take you and your mom up to Red Rock Canyon. Even in the winter it's beautiful, you'd love it"

Her eyes lightened up a bit, tilting her head to the side "Really?"

I nodded, reaching out to muss her perfectly straightened hair lightly, small hands coming up to bat me away in annoyance, though the first real smile I had seen all night was gracing her lips.

"I was wondering what happened to you" a soft voice drifted in from the doorway. We both turned to regard Catherine, hand on her hip and a small smile playing at her lips.

"Sara's taking us hiking" Lindsay announced, the hint of childlike enthusiasm a heavy contrast against the dark makeup and revealing clothes adorning her pale frame. Catherine's eyes met my timid ones, her smile morphing into a smirk as I silently cursed my hasty words.

"She is?"

I smiled awkwardly, pushing myself up off the couch as I went to drop my now empty mug into the sink. It was a ridiculous idea, amidst the media frenzy and possibility of the feds swooping though the door at any minute, not to mention the coronary that Ecklie seemed to be on the verge of. If you added that to the fact that Catherine was not a hiker and really- despite my insistence of our blossoming friendship- seemed only mildly fond of my company, the idea was completely ludicrous.

That being said, the thought of a day spent hiking through the canyons was almost too tempting. It had been months since I had made it anywhere past the outskirts of Vegas on my own time and I was itching to get away from the constant hum of the city. "I mean, if you'd like, I could show you guys some pretty incredible places"

"That sounds great, Sara" she spoke, suddenly a mere whisper away. Her fingertips grazed my wrist, taking purchase of it and squeezing gently, bright eyes burning into mine in silent thanks. "When can we go? This weekend?" Lindsay asked hopefully, tearing my focus away from Catherine.

It was Friday, and though we didn't expect to have more than a handful of hours before ending up back here, we did- tentatively speaking- have Sunday off. Bright eyes met mine briefly before giving a slight nod. "Don't think for a second that you are off the hook for your behaviour tonight- but work permitting, we can plan on going Sunday." Lindsay rolled her eyes, leaning back into the couch in distain, but after a moment glanced up at me with a shy smile.

I shot her a wink before turning back to Catherine, surprised by her soft, blue-eyed gaze focused steadily on me. She crossed her arms over her chest, lips parting as though she was about to say something, an unreadable look passing over her delicate features before she sighed, pressing her lips together into a fine line and rotating on a 5-inch heel towards the small blonde, "Let's go Linds."

She grabbed her bag, the number of eye rolls she had thrown out within the five-minute period staggering. "Finally" she muttered under her breath as she brushed past Catherine towards the hall. "Bye Sara" she tossed over her shoulder.

Catherine shot me a weary look, running a hand tiredly over her head. I tucked a stubborn lock of hair behind my ear, lips pursing together into a smile. "Good luck" I offered as she turned to go. She sighed, sending a final soft smile at me over her slim shoulder before clicking out of the room.


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm not sure that this turned out as I wanted, but I don't have time to obsess over it, so hopefully it doesn't disappoint! Thank you guys for reading, and taking the time to let me know your thoughts. I appreciate it so much.**

 _Catherine_

The crisp December breeze teased wisps of white blonde hair, branches on the neighbor's trees swaying silently as I raised my porcelain mug up to my lips- the first decent coffee I had consumed in days. Tired grey eyes met mine from two houses down, the hand of a well dressed man whose name I hadn't bothered to learn in our six years here gave a cordial wave, briefcase in hand, before lumbering into a dark blue suburban. I raised my hand in greeting, offering a brief smile from my post on the front steps.

The sun had just peeked over the horizon, bathing the neighborhood in a soft orange glow. Everything appeared deceivingly peaceful beneath the gentle hues of 6 a.m.- the faithful slowly waking for Sunday prayer; the debauchery of a Saturday night in Vegas calmed down to a quiet lull. Here, you could almost pretend that the perpetual noise of downtown wasn't an easy 15 minutes away.

I flexed a foot in my sturdy, unworn hiking boot, flipping my sunglasses down from their perch on top of my head to cover tired eyes. I had almost protested when Sara announced that she would pick us up at 6, but the eager look in her soft eyes had me biting my tongue. She was doing this for Lindsay I had reminded myself numerous times while stumbling sleepily through my morning rituals, fighting the urge to crawl back into bed and bail on this trip entirely.

She had attempted to quell Lindsay's anger towards me with gentle words shared in the break room the other night- I had managed to catch most of them, lingering outside until they were finished talking, my heart a lump in my throat. Despite her basic social ineptness and her struggle with emotional depths, she, in her own charmingly awkward way, seemed to constantly have the right words.

Bonding with my daughter, acting as a support system for me without even realizing the extent of that kindness- I was beginning to feel a soft, malleable _something._ I could still see her dark eyes raking slowly over my body, meeting mine with a steady, burning confidence. I could feel the way her fingertips traced over my skin after my incident with James O'Riley, soft and concerned. I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut against those invasive thoughts, pushing a hand through carefully styled waves.

This was absurd for so many reasons. We were co-workers, we spent the better part of our waking hours together- there was no room for strange tensions or failed romance. She was dating Sofia, who despite my distaste for, seemed to make her genuinely happy. She was a woman, and the last time I checked I was still entirely interested in men. And most importantly, this is Sara we were talking about- stubborn, reckless, angry, historically speaking quite intolerant of me in just about every sense. It had to be the tensions of the past couple months; the high running emotions blurring lines that needed desperately to be re-sharpened and set into stone.

The sound of Sara's approaching Subaru drew my attention to the street, Lindsay pushing off of her perch against the bottom step, tugging out her ear buds as she headed towards the approaching car. I glanced down at my watch- 6 o'clock on the dot. A smile skirted over my lips as I stood with a light stretch. How very predictable.

"Morning" she greeted with a smile as I slid into the passenger seat, eyes taking a quick scan of my form, lips pursing into an amused grin. I tossed red waves over my shoulder, eyes narrowing slightly, "What?"

She shot me playful look as she shifted the car into drive, glancing in the rearview mirror at Lindsay briefly before pulling back onto the road. "You're very prepared for someone who doesn't hike"

I glanced down at my grey wool top, covered by a down insulated zip-up vest. My black leggings had been sitting in the back of my closet since that one January I had convinced myself I would take up running in my nonexistent free time. The boots were expensive and unworn- a gift from Nancy who a few years back had been naïvely hopeful that five dates with a climbing guide meant that I was on the verge of going against all of my natural instincts and following her footsteps straight into the world of outdoor extremism.

I shot her a look, absently reaching down to straighten out my vest- a shade of blue that perfectly accentuated my eyes, "You're really laughing at me for being _too_ prepared for this?" She glanced over, smile melting from amused to gentle "You look great Cat"

"I still think you look ridiculous" Lindsay piped in from the back seat, a teasing look in her eyes as I turned around to regard her with annoyance. Barely 6 a.m. and this was already shaping up to be a long day.

Sara asked Lindsay about school and the blonde dove straight into a long-winded description of every class, eventually falling into a conversation about her fascination with cellular biology- 9th grade level, but impressive nonetheless. I was stunned, listening to the depth of information that she so easily shared with her. My attempts at asking about school were typically shut down with a few single worded responses and a general air of annoyance. Any information I did manage to get was based entirely in the ongoing dramas of thirteen-year old life.

It was nearing the canyons when Sara's phone buzzed in the center console, her features darkening as she glanced down at the name lighting up the front. I watched the muscles of her jaw clench as she pressed the Bluetooth button on the dashboard with a slight hesitation. "Sidle"

" _Sara, you can't keep dodging my calls_ " Ecklies tired voice sounded through the speakers. I observed her closely, shoulders tense, a scowl settling onto her features. "No, apparently I can't- you're impressively persistent. What can I do for you Conrad?"

" _The sheriff has called a press conference for tomorrow morning- I need bodies. You and Catherine are the leads in this investigation, I need one of you up there as a face of the lab_ "

I dropped my head back tiredly against the dark headrest and she snorted quietly, "What happened to 'do not under any circumstances speak to the press'?"

We had gotten quite the lecture, primarily aimed at Sara, about keeping our heads down and our mouths shut, so I had to admit, this was an audacious and unexpected change of direction.

There was a tired sigh on the other end, " _Different circumstances, Sara_."

"I am better behind the scenes, you know that."

Another sigh, followed by the ruffling of some papers " _Fine, Catherine has a knack for dealing with the press anyway_ "

I threw my hands up in silent exasperation, glaring over at Sara who met my eyes apologetically. "Catherine is um, not really at her best right now" she chanced another glance over at me, meeting my unimpressed look. "And those bruises are still healing, it might raise some unwanted questions. I would ask Grissom"

I flipped the mirror down from above me, observing the healed flesh of my cheek. There was barely a mark left. " _Right, thanks so much for all of your help_ " he sneered before the connection clicked off.

"You look fine Cat" she assured me with an amused grin as she reached forward to scan through the radio. I gave myself one last glance for good measure, meeting my own azure eyes in the small mirror before flipping it up, satisfied.

"You know Grissom is not going to do it" I muttered, fully aware that any attempts at saving me from the press were futile. That was my arena- much to my dismay.

Her phone buzzed again and she let out a low growl, jamming the Bluetooth button with an irritated force, "What"

" _Good morning to you too sunshine_ " a smooth, accented voice laced with amusement sounded over the speakers. Sara sighed, tension melting as she leaned back against the seat, shooting a glance in her rearview mirror at Lindsay, engrossed in her phone, ear buds on.

"Sorry, I thought you were Ecklie"

" _That's actually what I'm calling about. Thought I'd give you a heads up that he's scouting out recruits for an impromptu press conference tomorrow- you're on the top of the list_ "

"You're about a minute too late with that warning"

She sighed, the sound of a car door slamming muffled on the other end. " _And? Because I was calling to warn you, but actually hoping he might talk you into it so I wouldn't have to face this alone_ "

She smiled, giving her brunette head a light shake that obviously went unseen.

"Sorry, you're on your own there. But Grissom might make an appearance"

She chuckled lightly at the blonde's quiet groan, the corners of her eyes crinkling, hand sliding down to hold the bottom of the wheel casually " _Yeah right. Chances are he nabs Catherine, you know she just eats up the attention_ "

I raised my eyebrows at Sara who cleared her throat lightly, about to cut their conversation short when Sofia muttered a curse under her breath, the sound of her voice indiscernible and distant for a moment before she sighed into the mouthpiece.

" _I've gotta go- enjoy your day away from this headache"_ her irritated voice shot before the connection clicked off. Sara pursed her lips into a smile as she flipped the radio back on to some quiet blues station that she had previously settled on.

"She's charming" I muttered, leaning an elbow against the edge of the window, watching the endless miles of shapeless desert pass by. I meant it sarcastically, though I had to admit there was something strangely alluring about her. To me, she wasn't much more than a bitter pill that I was forced to swallow on an almost daily basis, but with her confidence that bordered on cocky and her undeniably good looks, it wasn't much of a question why Sara had fallen for her.

She offered me an apologetic smile, grabbing her aviators from the center console, sliding them over her eyes- something to do with her hands as she found herself caught in a rare moment of emotional transparency. "Sorry about her. She's been just as overworked as us these days".

Sofia's perception of me incredibly low on my list of concerns, I let it go, my mind wandering to the press conference- a formal invitation for discontented chaos. In serial cases like this, press conferences seemed to quell the publics concerns just as much as rile them up, especially when the extent of our information was minimal at best. But the sheriff had pushed it about as far as ethically possible without so much as a word on the matter- likely dreading this break to the silence more than anyone. I sighed, focusing back out the window at the natural walls of red stone we had driven into, firmly shutting off any work related thoughts. It could wait until tomorrow.

/

The breeze had died down by the time we made it to the trailhead, Lindsay and Sara taking up the lead as I settled into an easy pace a few steps behind, drinking in the stark beauty of southern Nevada. Snow coated the ridges in the distance, the warm Mojave sun having melted the remains of the light snow that had fallen last week in the lowlands, wreaking a slight havoc with the early morning commuters.

The two of them had fallen into easy conversation, Lindsay, in typical fashion, shooting off one question after another about Sara's widespread adventures. I found myself entranced as she spoke of her travels- two months spent wandering through South East Asia between her third and fourth year of university; a trip to New Zealand in her late 20's where she had fallen in love with snowboarding. Most fondly she spoke of trails winding along the coast of southern California, sunlit and warm.

I had never considered Sara an interesting person- I really hadn't considered her much at all outside of the lab. But here she was, speaking of early mornings spent surfing the cold water of the Pacific, afternoons spent bouldering in the hills, back in her carefree days in San Francisco. At one point Lindsay had turned to me with a spark of excitement to ask if Sara could take her rock climbing. I cringed at the thought of her scaling up steep rock walls, held up by little more than a rope and carabiners. I had given her a soft non-answer, unwilling to flat out deny her today. The let downs could wait.

I found my eyes wandering over Sara's form as we walked, long legs clad in tight hiking pants, a deep shade of olive green. She had shed her thin down layer to reveal a form fitting black shirt that clung to her toned form as she moved. It wasn't difficult to imagine her on the cold beaches of Southern California, a wet suit clinging to her tall frame, dark hair damp and wind-blown, skin that beautiful shade of deep olive; relaxed, sand beneath her bare feet, shooting that charming, laid back smile at passers by. I could practically see her peeling the neoprene from lightly muscled arms, revealing her toned stomach, the swell of her chest barely concealed by…

I barely managed to stay upright as I stumbled over a loose rock, launching myself forward and sending it tumbling over the edge of the path, my ankle twisting at an almost painful angle, sunglasses slipping down from my their perch on top my head to rest halfway down my nose. I attempted to play it off as Sara turned towards me with concern, shooting her a smile as I pushed the glasses up casually.

 _You need to get your shit together_ I berated myself as she turned back around, dropping my gaze and keeping it trained on the ground in front of me.

I had built my life around appealing to men, something that came to me with a natural ease. Looking back, I seemed to fall from one relationship to the next without much thought, eventually entering into my passionate and tumultuous relationship with Eddie that carried me through far too many years.

Lusting after women was not something that I did. For years I had made my livelihood in the company of gorgeous women- even kissed a few on a handful of particularly wild occasions, too high or drunk to think anything through. But it had never occurred to me to take it further than that- there was just no attraction that went any further than a general appreciation for beauty that comes along with being in the company of women.

But Sara was something different entirely. Her beauty was complex and deep. It was in her expressive eyes; in the way that subtle Californian accent rolled off the edge of certain words. It was in the strength of her slim body, the freckles that littered her skin. It was in the way that she held a certain easy confidence at the same time as a modest unawareness of her appeal. It was in her convictions- as aggravating as it was to deal with her while she was holding steadfast to them. It was in her laid back nature, but also the more intense side of her that drove me crazy in more ways than one. It was in her smile.

I glanced up at her, laughing at something Lindsay was saying, a nervous flutter oscillating through my chest. I muttered a curse to myself quietly, digging fingernails into my palm deeply. I needed a good fuck and a quality man to date, in that order. I needed this drawn out investigation to come to a close so I could put some distance between us. We were friends- it had taken years to be able to consider ourselves that. I was not about to let this sudden, delusional attraction that had found its way in seemingly overnight destroy our newfound peace.

/

It was around noon that we made it to the main point in our hike, walking out onto a high ridge overlooking the vast desert- snowcapped mountains in the distance. I wiped sore hands on my leggings tiredly, ignoring the red dust from our scramble to the top streaking brightly across the black material. Lindsay wandered to the edge, blatantly ignoring my requests to be careful. "You can see everything from here" she announced excitedly, her wide-eyed wonder worth every hour of walking in these blistering boots.

Sara took a long drink from her worn, dark blue water bottle, glancing over at me with a relaxed smile. "Worth it?"

I took in the view once again- the gradients of color, the vastness of the lightly overcast sky, the view of the Sierra Nevada mountains looming large in the distance. I met her brown eyes, frustration tugging at the back of my mind as I realized I couldn't adequately express how grateful I was to her for this. I nodded, running a hand through my now limp waves, offering her a smile. "Absolutely"

Sara pulled a small stove-like contraption out of her backpack, using a match to light a flame beneath, which heated the water above- quickly producing three small, speckled camping mugs of apple cider to combat against the December chill. It was incredible how at ease she seemed out here, away from the horrors of our job. It was an entirely different side to her- a side that I could easily get used to.

I pulled my vest back on, the cold creeping in once again as I wandered over to the edge of the cliff, Lindsay helping Sara lay out the lunch she had picked up for us. Nancy had taken me up into this area years ago, right after Eddie's and my divorce had been filed. It had been a sweltering day in late August and I had cried on the edge of some gorgeous summit in a rare moment of weakness, her thin arm wrapped around me, trying to cheer me up with a succession of bad jokes, entirely inappropriate for the situation. She snuck along some whiskey disguised in water bottles and by the end of it I was sufficiently drunk, feeling far better than I had in weeks. That was the entirety of my experience with hiking, until today.

I drank in the view for a few long minutes, my mind battling the onslaught of thoughts that never seemed to entirely quiet these days. Lindsay's voice beckoned me back to a burgundy and white Mexican blanket laid out beneath a small Joshua tree- three sandwiches from one of Vegas's genuinely decent café's set out next to the steaming cider. I felt my stomach rumble, realizing the extent of my hunger as I came to drop down in the vacant space left for me.

"This is amazing Sara, thank you"

She smiled timidly, mug held between two hands as her brown eyes came up to meet mine. "I figured we better make our day off count- I hope turkey and brie is okay"

I ignored the way my stomach fluttered beneath her gaze, offering her a quick smile in response, taking hold of my own mug, grateful for the comforting warmth.

/

A rugged overlook a ways off the main path caught Sara's attention, eagerly turning around to face the sad sight of Lindsay and I, messy haired and panting, hands covered in red dust from scrambling up the last 200-foot ascent. She had made a valiant attempt at coaxing us into joining her, but we managed to convince her that she would be better off going alone, grateful for the brief rest for our clearly out of shape lungs. I waited until she had disappeared around the corner of a boulder to collapse unceremoniously against the rock wall, eyes closing against the burning pain in my chest.

"Are you okay? I'm not sure you should be doing such strenuous activity"

Lindsay took in my tired form, a hint of genuine concern in her eyes as she came to slide down next to me. I rolled my eyes, unscrewing the cap of my water and taking a long drink.

"You know, I'm not _that_ old" I protested, the blonde raising an eyebrow at me, face quickly breaking out into a smile at my unimpressed look.

"You having fun?" I reached over to brush a few strands of hair that had fallen out of her loose ponytail away from her face. She looked so grown up these days- the softness of her young face beginning to thin out, wide blue eyes holding hints of budding maturity. It was the freckles littering her cheeks and small nose that hadn't changed one bit. I pressed my thumb to her nose adoringly, eliciting a laugh as she dodged lightly out of my reach. "Yeah, I like hiking" she kicked her foot at a small stone on the ground in front of her.

"I think it's cool that Sara has a girlfriend" She announced after a moment of silence, leaning forward to rest thin arms on her bent knees. I leaned back against the rock behind us, turning to face her. _Clearly you haven't met her_ I wanted to mutter. Biting my tongue, I gave her a soft smile.

"If they ever broke up, I bet she would date you" she threw out nonchalantly, bright eyes staring out at the canyons. I chuckled, pushing a hand through my limp hair. "Well they're not broken up, and I date men, Linds. You know that. Sara and I are just friends"

She glanced at me over her shoulder, holding my gaze with identical blue eyes, a look that perfectly conveyed the sentiment 'oh please'.

 _What…_

I frowned, entirely taken aback as she pressed her lips into a smile and focused back on the scenery in front of us. Was I really that obvious? I wasn't even sure of my feelings and my 13-year old daughter was picking up on them- that was absolutely fantastic. If she could see through me, could Sara? I quickly dismissed that thought, knowing that Sara, for all of her deep seeded knowledge, was about as emotionally dense as they come.

I decided not to insult Lindsay's blindsiding intelligence, sliding a leg down flat against the stone ground, staring up at the cirrus clouds painting the sky with a quiet sigh. "She's got a girlfriend. If you care about someone, and they are happy, you don't do anything to mess that up." I held her gaze as it met mine, silently but firmly stressing my point. I needed to get in my teaching moments were I could these days.

She pushed up onto her feet, dusting off her beige pants as she glanced up at Sara's approaching form. "I don't know, she seems pretty happy here with you" she commented quietly before wandering over to jump up onto a nearby boulder, balancing her way across it before bounding across to another.

"You guys missed out- the view from up there is amazing" Sara came to lean against the rock beside me, taking a moment to catch her breath, wiping thin hands on dusty knees as she smiled down at me gently. "We'll probably make it back in about an hour. You can get back to civilization". She pursed her lips into a teasing smile and I held her brown-eyed gaze silently, her dark brows furrowing after a moment, face falling.

"You're not having fun are you" she stated more than asked. I immediately shook my head, red waves falling over my shoulders as I moved to stand up. She reached out to grab my hand, hauling my sore body up off of the dusty ground. I kept a gentle hold on her, meeting her eyes with a soft, reassuring smile. "Today has been perfect, Sara. I…" I shook my head, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "There's nowhere I would rather be"

Brown eyes searched mine softly and I felt my heart rate quicken, the feel of her soft skin beneath mine, her body mere inches from me overwhelming my senses. I brushed my thumb over her knuckles, resisting the urge to tug her closer- close the small gap between us. It would be so easy to push her back against that rock wall- to feel the muscles that had been tormenting me all day beneath my hands. I wondered what her lips felt like…

 _This is not the time._

I dropped her hand abruptly, letting it fall to her side as I averted my gaze down at my water bottle, distancing myself from her by dropping down to grab a drink- my mouth suddenly bone dry. It was never going to be the 'time', I chastised myself harshly, gulping down the last quarter of my water despite the grueling hour still left in our hike. She was in a relationship, and even if she wasn't, it's not like she was about to jump into bed with me. I was well aware that I could turn most heads, even the enigma that was Sara Sidle's, but when it came down to it, we were like two opposite ends of a magnet. It was never going to happen. Besides, I'm about as heterosexual as they come.

 _Really, Catherine? Are you really?_

I snorted quietly at myself, screwing the cap back onto my bottle with an unnecessary vigor, turning back to face the brunette. Her eyes were focused down at me intently- heavy and scrutinizing, as though I was some puzzle she was trying to solve.

"Are you okay?" she crossed her arms over her chest, concern in her voice. I was nodding before all of the words had left her mouth, offering a tense but genuine smile. " Yes"

"I know that it's been a difficult couple of weeks"

She left that statement open and I sighed, glancing over at Lindsay jumping between boulders in the distance. I let the silence hang for a moment before daring to look back at her, finding nothing but softness and concern in her eyes.

Before I could tap into my better judgment I was standing, hesitating for a just a breath before sliding my arms around her waist, my cheek coming to rest against the hollow of her neck. It took her a moment to respond- a fair reaction, as I'm not sure we had shared anything more intimate than a comforting hand on the shoulder here and there over the past seven years. She smelled of earth and patchouli; felt like safety and imminent danger, all at once.

"You being there for me- for Lindsay… it means everything. This past month would have been a lot harder without you, Sara" I spoke gently into her shoulder, her arms moving to wrap around me securely, a hand rubbing a slow, comforting pattern over the small of my back. I tried not to focus on the feel of her body against mine, her face pressed into my tangled hair. Before I could allow myself to revel in the feel of her, a painful sense of vulnerability began to creep in and I pulled away gently, giving her arm a final squeeze before putting some distance between us.

I could still feel the weight of her eyes on me as Lindsay rejoined us, sliding her arm casually through mine, asking Sara something that my hazy mind didn't catch as she tugged me back towards the trail.

/

A mile out of the park boundaries, the quiet buzz of Sara's phone indicated that we had returned to the land of cell towers. She sighed, glancing at the offending item with irritation as it buzzed a few more times with a slew of incoming messages. "Welcome back to reality"

I rolled my eyes at the succession of loud dings and buzzes coming from the back seat, glancing back at the small blonde eagerly flipping open her phone. "Sounds like Colton missed you" Sara glanced in the rearview mirror, meeting Lindsay's embaressed gaze with a teasing smile. "Sounds like Detective Curtis missed you" she shot back casually, clearly impressed with herself as Sara's brown eyes widened slightly, clearing her throat as she focused back on the road, a hint of confusion written across her features.

I chuckled quietly, pulling my phone out of a small pouch in my backpack, dolefully holding my thumb down over the power button, watching it spark back to life. I glanced over at Sara, her brown eyes flicking over to meet mine, offering me a soft smile. There was a tightness in my chest- I wanted so much more than a day alone with her. I didn't bother to unpack that loaded thought, leaving it heavy and untouched in the back of my mind.

Predictably, messages from Ecklie and Grissom flooded my inbox. I sighed, clicking on Gil's last message, eyes scanning over the words a few times, my stomach plunging violently as I processed the meaning behind it.

 _444- officer involved shooting. 3439 Flamingo. All hands on deck_

I glanced over at Sara, fingers tapping casually against the steering wheel to the beat of the soft music filling the car.

"Sar" I cleared my suddenly dry throat, an air of seriousness immediately overcoming her as brown eyes flicked down to my phone and then back up to meet mine, "what's going on?"

"Officer involved shooting, all hands on deck"

I could almost see the color drain out of her face, fingers tightening around the steering wheel, the muscles of her jaw tensing. She was eerily silent for a moment, before uttering a tense "where?"

"Downtown, Flamingo"

She gave an almost imperceptible nod, the tension inside the confines of the car palpable as the vehicle picked up speed. I wanted to ask if Sofia was on shift today, but the look on her face was enough to tell me that she was. It could be anyone- hell, it could be one of the boys, though I'm sure we would have heard about it by now if it was. I leaned back in my seat, pinching the bridge of my nose in response to the beginning tinges of a headache starting to settle in, thumb lingering over Grissoms name, ready to call but inherently knowing that he wouldn't pick up.

After a moment I settled on tossing the item back into my bag, pushing both hands into my messy hair tiredly. Nothing like gunfire to the put a punctuated end on a beautiful day.


	16. Chapter 16

_Sara_

The steady noise of PD in a state of utter chaos had become nothing more than a background hum, my pale hands resting on the edge of the double-sided mirror looking into the interrogation room. I had a headache from clenching my jaw for hours on end and assuming the worst, eyes focused steadily on the blonde stationed, statue like, at the table.

Her ponytail was loose, creases settled between knit brows as she stared absently at the metal surface in front of her. They had taken her blood-spattered blouse into evidence, a black sweater with LAS VEGAS PD printed across the front in aggressively large lettering covering her form, a size too big.

I felt nauseous.

They had called off the 'all hands on deck' order almost as soon as we were on route, instead turning the scene over to Greg and Nick to collect as much evidence as they could to back up what was sure to be a slam dunk case in court. They had caught the shooters on their way out of the city- three kids, barely 18 with AK47's and a personal vendetta against the institution.

As far as anyone could tell, it was spontaneous and rage-fueled, and they had killed two out of the three cops they had been targeting, leaving a small café- a quick stop on their way back from a grizzly scene out in Henderson. Sofia was the lucky one and my hands were still shaking.

I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder, Warrick's form appearing beside me, gaze focusing on the blonde. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, grateful for the comfort.

"Those kids just… shot at them. Senseless violence, I can never wrap my head around it." My voice was tense, fingers pressing against the wooden ledge.

"Yeah well, they're going to pay for it" he squeezed my shoulder gently, green eyes settling on me. "Have you been in there?"

I shook my head, "Ortega needs to talk to her first- get her account on record"

I ran a tense hand though my hair, forcing my gaze away from her. She had just watched two people die at her side- two of her subordinate officers, left with blood spattered clothes and what would become, in the best case scenario, an everlasting emotional scar. Why no one was in there with her was beyond me. Beneath the sadness and the mental exhaustion, anger was bubbling viciously in my chest- an all-consuming feeling, aimed at the situation in its entirety.

"I passed Ortega on my way here, he's been cornered by the Sheriff, and you know that's a conversation that won't get put on hold. I'd say you have some time- girls been through enough today"

His hand slid from my arm, pausing a moment to rub the back of his neck tiredly before shooting me a final comforting glance, heading back out the door.

I peered down the hallway for a lingering moment- just long enough to ensure that Ortega wasn't in fact on his way before heading straight for the small room.

She glanced up as I entered, bright eyes holding mine as I walked over, trying to keep the magnitude of emotions I was feeling out of my features. I leaned against her side of the table, immediately seeking out her hand.

"Hey"

It was soft and held more emotion than I had anticipated. She dropped her gaze down to our intertwined hands.

"Hey"

It was quiet, almost a whisper.

My eyes travelled over her form- silky hair nearly falling out of its loose hold behind her head, a single spatter of blood that had been missed, violently contrasting against the side of her pale neck. I felt my jaw clench painfully, running a thumb over her knuckles.

"I am so sorry"

She gave her head a single shake, lines between her furrowed brows returning as she leaned back slightly in her chair, bright eyes meeting mine once again.

"That's just the job, isn't it? You wake up fully aware that you might not make it home. That something really fucked up might happen" she sighed, running her free hand over her mouth with a humorless chuckle "But you know, as prepared as you think that you are, you never actually think it will"

I squeezed her hand, at a complete loss words. I wanted to tell her that my heart felt like it had stopped beating in the gaping space where I wasn't sure if she was still breathing. I wanted to ask if she was okay, but that was clearly an absurd question. I wanted so much to be better in these situations.

"I am here, okay?" I glanced warily over at the mirror for a brief moment. Anyone could be out there watching us- Ortega, Ecklie, Mckeen. I could be potentially making this situation infinitely worse.

 _Fuck it._

I pushed off the table, dropping down onto my knees next to her, using both hands to clasp hers tightly. Her bright eyes burned into mine, the horror of the day obvious behind them despite her naturally calm demeanor.

"I am so glad that you're okay" my words were soft and direct, unshed tears collecting in glacial eyes that bore into mine, lips pressing together tightly for a moment, keeping a valiant hold on her composure. She looked so much younger with this heartbroken desperation in her eyes. It felt completely gutting.

"I wish I could…" I hesitated, running a hand through my hair with a sigh, fighting back the tears that were suddenly threatening to escape. _Stay with you, protect you, grab Ortega by the throat and force him to make getting you out of here his first priority_. I left the jumble of thoughts unspoken, squeezing her soft hands.

"I have to go, I'm not really supposed to be in here" I told her, as though she wasn't entirely aware of that.

"I'll be around. Please call me if you need anything" I forced a half smile, giving her hands a final squeeze. "Even if you don't… just call." She nodded, a ghost of a smile playing across chapped lips as she hesitantly released her grip on me, running a cold hand over my disheveled hair before pulling it back into her lap.

"Take a shower" she advised as I stood, turning to go. I glanced back over my shoulder with a quiet chuckle.

"Noted."

/

I aimed an exhalation of smoke up towards the starless sky, mentally compiling a thorough list of reasons why I needed to stay at the lab on my night off. Grissom had been adamant lately about us taking our night's off- no doubt having picked up on Catherine's short fuse and my slow spiral into homicide induced depression when our doubles became triples and our workweeks began bleeding into each other.

The thought of my apartment just added to the nausea this evening had elicited. I was debating whether to delve back into the serial case that was still sitting like a stone in our case log or slip in to help Nick and Greg catalogue the evidence from today's open and closed massacre when I felt a soft hand on my arm, dragging me out of my thoughts.

"Hey"

Azure eyes met mine softly, her hand hesitantly falling back down to her side. I took a final, deep drag of my cigarette before dropping it onto the cold ground.

"I thought I might find you up here" Catherine glanced around, examining the empty scape of the roof- the apparently not-so-secret spot that I had began using years ago as a place to escape.

She still looked ready for a _Backpacker_ magazine shoot, wavy hair falling flawlessly despite all that it had endured today. My brows creased as I absently forced my fingers through tangled hair, suddenly acutely aware of my own disheveled state. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to see how you're doing- I lost track of you earlier"

I had bolted out of my Subaru the moment it had been jerked into park in front of the lab, leaving Catherine trailing behind me, eventually lost. I offered her an apologetic half smile.

"Sorry about that, I had to…" I trailed off, gesturing vaguely at the door behind her. She nodded, smiling softly in understanding.

"I know." She sighed, glancing around in typical observant fashion before regarding me once again. "Do you want to grab a bite? A drink? It is still our night off"

The thought of a drink was so tempting I almost considered it. I knew she could use one too, after what I imagine must have been a particularly heavy one-on-one with Brass, who had just lost two officers and witnessed the imprinted horror in Sofia's bright eyes.

 _Sofia_. I shook my head, "I need to be here"

She settled a hand on her hip, fixing me with a steady, unreadable look that had become all too familiar over the past few weeks. It was almost scrutinizing, but soft and slightly bemused. I shifted uncomfortably beneath her gaze, fingers reaching around to tug the pack of cigarettes out of my back pocket.

"I know you want to be there for her Sara, but there's nothing that you can do here"

I lit my smoke, inhaling deeply, holding it in for a drawn out moment before exhaling sharply, leaning back against the cement wall. The burn in my lungs felt necessary, like a silent reminder that things were not okay.

I wasn't sure how to explain how I knew that Sofia wasn't going to ask for help. That I recognized a piece of myself in her that was dark and destructive and deeply vulnerable. I just shook my head once again, flicking glowing embers onto the dark ground.

She sighed, weight shifting to one slim hip, that unreadable expression becoming a much more typical look of bemusement and general annoyance.

"You know what, you're right, sitting up here giving yourself black lung and thinking of ways to avoid Grissom- who by the way has instructed anyone who see's you to send you home- is really productive"

"I missed the part where what I'm doing is any of your business" I pressed my foot back against the wall, crossing an arm over my chest. "And you don't get black lung from smoking" I added with a scowl, knowing that she was entirely right, frustrated by her rationality.

She threw her hands up in defeat with a roll of blue eyes, taking a few steps backwards towards the door with a humorless chuckle, "Alright, fine. My mistake, all around" she shot, more sadness in her tired glare than anger as she turned on the ball of her foot to go.

She was trying. She had become one of the closest people to me over this past year, and fighting with her no longer felt like a commonplace activity. She had wrapped her arms around me in the canyons earlier, thanking me for being some incredible version of myself that I felt as though I was constantly falling short of- probably because of moments exactly like this.

"Cat, wait" I took a heavy drag off my half finished smoke before tossing it down to crush beneath my worn out boot. She stopped, turning back to me with tired eyes. I started towards her, about to speak when the basement door was jarred open, drawing both of our attention to the back of the roof. Greg poked his head out to scan the area, stepping out once he spotted us. I narrowed my eyes in annoyance.

"Does everyone know that I come up here?"

He gave me an amused glace as he approached, "Of course. Did you think that yours and Jackie's 'top secret' cigarette breaks went unnoticed?"

I just frowned as he shoved his hands into his jeans, shoulders tense against the evening chill.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing- you seemed pretty stressed out earlier" his brown eyes held nothing but softness, offering a hint of a timid smile.

"Also I needed some fresh air- it is getting pretty intense downstairs, with the entire PD asking questions and the sheriff trying to put together a cohesive press conference for the morning, covering all of this" he gestured vaguely into the air- the magnitude of the days events too vast to confine to a single sentence. Add that to the un-addressed issue of a child targeting serial killer still at large and there weren't really adequate words. "Poor Ecklie looks like he's going to stroke out any minute"

Catherine groaned, pressing her palm to her forehead, snapping shut bright eyes. "The god damn press conference, right"

I found myself moving towards her without much of a thought, coming to stand behind her tense form. My hand slid onto her shoulder supportively, feeling her relax beneath my touch, leaning back ever so slightly until I could feel her body lightly pressed against mine. It didn't look like anything unusual to an outsider- especially Greg who had grown used to the increasing intensity of the love/hate part of our relationship over the past few months, but I felt it like a surge. The physical aspect between us had been virtually non-existent up until recently, and there was something equal parts comforting and terrifying about it.

It felt like an electric current every time she touched me, and I was chalking it up to the fact that while she was my good friend- or enemy, depending on the day, she was still Catherine- razor sharp, eyes like oceans, a face that could sway even the hardest of men. I couldn't imagine anyone not being affected by her soft jasmine hair brushing their jawline, body pressing just close enough but remaining just far enough away to make their head spin. I clamped down on those thoughts, meeting Greg's gaze with a soft half smile.

"I am okay Greg, really. Thanks for checking in"

He smiled and I gave Catherine's arm a squeeze, her blue eyes glancing up over her shoulder at me in question, hair brushing lightly against my collarbone.

"I guess we could both use a beer, huh?"

I felt a combination of relief and nerves as the softness returned to her features, those impossibly blue eyes holding mine for a split second longer than necessary before nodding. "Like you wouldn't believe" she muttered as she moved out of my space, heading in the direction of the door.

Her hand came to rest on Greg's shoulder as she paused beside him, squeezing it softly with a reassuring smile.

"Hang in there. It's going to be a long few days but when we all come out on the other side, breakfast is on me"

His smile widened slightly as she moved past him, brown eyes shifting to me. I gently grasped his forearm on my way past, some deep comfort in the feel of him. "You sure you're okay?" he asked and I nodded, leaning in slightly. I let my temple rest against his for a few brief moments before moving away, shooting him the most reassuring smile I could muster before continuing towards Catherine, waiting at the door.


	17. Chapter 17

**Seasonal work means exhaustion and no free time, but here you go. Thanks so much for reading- if you're still into it, I'll keep writing it. Let me know!**

 _Sara_

I wiped sore hands on the worn out knees of my climbing pants, streaking chalk across the black material, keeping my eyes trained on Lindsay who was clinging nervously to the wall in front of me.

"Grab the rock by your right hand"

I pointed enthusiastically to the small red plastic piece jutting out from the wall, moving to her left side.

"I can't" her voice was tense as she shifted slightly on the tiny surface of the holds beneath her feet. With her slight build and inherent coordination, she was doing better than half of the climber's bouldering around us in the small gym.

I smiled, watching her tense gaze fixed on the grip I had pointed out.

"Sure you can"

A look of indecision crossed over her features, before her eyebrow's knit together in determination. She launched herself forward, grabbing the small hold seamlessly, switching balancing legs to step onto a higher grip. Without much hesitation, she swung up to grab the final hold on the route, pride rushing through me as I let out a holler of excitement. She dropped down onto the large mat beneath her and I spun around on the toe of a worn out climbing shoe, meeting Catherine's amused gaze from the observation area.

"Did you see that?" I called, grabbing the blonde as she ran up, snaking an arm around her front and pulling her small frame back against me.

"Did you see mom?"

Catherine's smile was infectious, bright eyes shifting from me to Lindsay, raising her coffee mug up at her in recognition.

"I saw- you're a natural babe"

The blonde tilted her head back to look up at me with a wide smile, chalky fingers gripping my arm.

"I told you that you could do it"

I gave her a small squeeze before releasing her from my grip, watching her dart back over to the wall.

It was a real testament to the determination Catherine held to keep my mind off of the chaos at work and the three days and counting of silence from Sofia that was quietly turning me inside out that she had not only agreed to this, but suggested it. After the horrific shooting and a particularly exhausting double shift, she had dragged me out for a lengthy breakfast, forcing me to eat something more than the toast that I had reluctantly attempted to order. This morning before we left work she cornered me in the locker room with an offer she knew I wouldn't refuse.

Regardless of her efforts, there was a knot in my chest that I couldn't seem to relieve. Time that wasn't occupied by Catherine I spent jogging through the quiet neighbourhoods of Vegas, running long overdue errands, burying myself in backlogged cases at work- doing my best to avoid the complete upheaval of PD. I smoked two packs of cigarettes without realizing. I drank coffee instead of sleeping, the murmur of my police scanner a familiar comfort.

After the second day of reaching Sofia's voice mail, I sought out Jim, placing a black coffee onto his desk with a gentle smile. He was drowning in paperwork and departmental meetings, his tired eyes softening at the sight of me. I had attempted to be casual when asking if he had heard from her, though observing the half moons beneath my worried eyes, I could almost see the exact moment that he pieced it together.

He moved around his desk, resting a heavy hand on my shoulder as he told me not to worry- that she was an escapist when drowning herself in the job wasn't an option. "She's been on my mind too, but she'll come around when she's ready. Just give her some time."

Catherine smiled as I approached, flipping shut the book she had been reading with a manicured hand.

"I'm not sure if I should be thrilled or horrified that she's so into this"

I smiled, dropping down into the seat next to her, tilting my neck back into a slight stretch. "Relax Cat, she's not free climbing mountains"

She sighed, adjusting her gaze from Lindsay over to me. Her phone buzzed against the small wooden table, though she paid no attention to it, leaning back in her seat and crossing a slim leg over the other.

"Yeah well, don't mention the idea in front of her or she might make it her next goal. She's been begging me to take her down to the coast to attempt surfing ever since _someone_ brought it up last week." She ran fingers through silky hair- more blonde than red as of a few days ago, a soft smile on her lips despite the blatant irritation her voice held.

I watched Lindsay hesitate for a few moments on a hold, finding her footing before pushing up along the route. I felt a swell of pride at her determination, a trait clearly inherited from her ever-confident mother- piercing eyes burning into my flesh from two feet away.

I turned, meeting her intense gaze. I barely had a chance to begin analyzing that penetrating look before she blinked, eyes softening as she casually brushed back a stray lock of hair. "I promised Lindsay we would order pizza tonight- you in?"

I felt my lips twitch into a smile, holding her gaze for a few long moments before looking away, back over at Lindsay, getting pointers from an older girl with wild curls pushed back with a bright head band.

A few months ago we could barely stand to be in the same room together. Now the ease with which she invited me along was surreal- the effortless way in which she made me feel welcome a sharp contrast from the years she had spent just as effortlessly making me feel entirely unwelcome. I knew that this was nothing more than a soft kindness- a way of keeping me from retreating into the darkness that she knew well that I had a tendency to fall into when things got too heavy. But regardless, I was grateful to not have to face my apartment or Gil's uncomfortable mix of concern and irritation at my insistent presence. I nodded, turning my gaze back to meet hers. "I'm in"

Her phone buzzed again, my hand vibrating lightly against the tabletop. She picked up the offending item but didn't pay it any attention, flipping it over in her hand absently as she glanced over at another wall, observing the harnessed climbers with mild interest.

"Don't let this deter you, but I may have also promised a movie of her choice" she shot me a tired look, sliding her hand to my forearm absently. "There will be wine"

"As long as it's not another bad 90's horror movie, I'm in" I mused, feeling a tightness in my stomach as soon as the words left my mouth. Cheesy horror movies were Sofia's entertainment of choice. The last one she chose had been particularly awful, sitting cross legged beside me, blatantly ignoring the incredulous looks I shot over at her every once in a while, a bowl of popcorn in her lap as she stared at the screen, enthralled.

She had an endearingly irritating habit of talking at the screen- shushing me with a little frown of annoyance when I tried to answer her rhetorical questions. I had managed to maneuver my way out of the worst of them by using her weak spots to my advantage- soft kisses against the back of her neck; nails lightly raking over the muscled flesh of her stomach, driving her to indefinite distraction.

I absently glanced over at the lockers, knowing that she hadn't returned my calls in the few hours that I had been away, but feeling the overwhelming urge to check anyway. I turned back to meet Catherine's soft gaze, fingers squeezing my arm supportively, apparently having picked up on my sudden tension.

The table vibrated once again and I let out an annoyed exhalation, nodding towards her phone "Are you going to get that?"

She sighed, shooting the item a distasteful look, "No"

I raised an eyebrow in question and she groaned quietly, sliding her hand off of my arm to push a stray lock of hair behind her ear, my skin immediately missing her warmth.

"Liev is trying to get me to go out for drinks with him tonight"

My eyes rolled instinctively, reaching up to tug out my tight ponytail using my fingers to tussle out my wild brunette waves

"He is persistent, I'll give him that"

I felt her eyes trailing over my form, tongue darting out just enough to wet her lips as her fingers tightened their grip on her coffee mug. Eventually they met mine, blinking a few times as she took in my growing smirk.

"Huh?"

I leaned back in my chair, smirk in tact as I shook my head, slightly bemused. I refused to allow myself to dissect the way her behavior towards me had altered over the past few weeks. It would be so easy to read lust in that azure gaze trailing over my skin; to mistake her lingering touches for desire. This was Catherine Willows- I knew the dangers of reading into her effortless charm.

A light blush crept onto her cheeks as she attempted to play off whatever had just happened, turning slightly to wave her hand in Lindsay's direction, motioning to her wrist in the universal 'it's time to go' motion.

"So are you going to?"

She glanced back at me, a light frown tugging at her features. "Going to what?"

I chuckled, gesturing towards her phone "Have drinks… with Liev…"

She took a long sip of coffee, holding my gaze for a drawn out moment, attempting to keep the hint of a smile off her face. "No" she said finally, dropping her heeled foot to the ground and grabbing her book- some heavy read on blood spatter analysis- off the table.

I refused to acknowledge the slight sense of relief I felt, watching her stand up with a light stretch, turning towards the younger blonde jogging towards us.

/

We ate pizza on the back porch despite the chill, sharing a bottle of red wine. Catherine had strung up fairy lights back in July when we had celebrated Nick's birthday with a barbeque and a few too many pitchers of white wine Sangria. The vines that Lily planted had taken over the space with their green and yellow beauty, now brown and dried out from the winter chill. They still held a certain charm though, beneath the soft glow of lights.

Lindsay sat cross legged on the chair beside me, wrapped in a dark blanket, taking the reins of the conversation as she scarfed down the better part of the large vegetarian pizza, casually tossing all of the mushrooms she came across onto my plate, the olives onto Catherine's.

Grateful for the teenagers solid hold on the conversation, I allowed my attention to sway towards Catherine, observing with an absurd level of intrigue the way her wine glass rested loosely in her thin hand; the way she leaned softly back in her chair, focusing on Lindsay's words with genuine interest- something about Colton and a trip to San Diego for spring break. Halfway through the casual attempt at convincing her of this audacious plan, she shifted her gaze over to meet mine with an amused look, taking a sip of wine and a slow, deep breath. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders, golden beneath the dim lights, and I found myself tearing my eyes away from her to drain my glass of wine in a single swallow, ignoring the burning feel of her analytical gaze.

/

I forgot the name of the movie before it even began- some romantic comedy that Lindsay found wildly entertaining, curled up on the couch against my side, giggling between handfuls of popcorn.

Catherine had positioned herself in the small spot to my left, the feel of her leg pressing lightly against mine the central point of my focus until I eventually drifted off, lulled to sleep by the wine and quiet laughter.

I dreamt of gunfire and a faceless blonde lying lifeless in an empty street, crimson soaked hair and a revolver still resting loosely in her pale hand. Of the gun aimed at my bare chest, the shapeless face morphed into Sofia's, beautiful features contorted in pain. Of empty canyons and warm arms sliding around my waist from behind, soft lips brushing against my ear.

"Sara"

The gentle sound roused me back into consciousness, blinking heavy eyes open to meet a soft azure gaze. Catherine smiled, a warm hand coming up to touch my shoulder softly.

"Movies over" she whispered, hand hesitantly dropping away as I shifted slightly, her body angled towards me on the couch, one leg tucked casually beneath her. Her hair was lightly mussed, a light flush to her pale cheeks. The low V of her navy top was offering a teasing view of her ample chest and I quickly caught myself before my eyes could wander too far, flicking up to meet her impossibly blue ones.

I blinked a few times, adjusting to my surrounding as I ran a hand through my hair. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep"

She shook her head lightly, "Don't be- I would sit through 100 cheesy romance movies with you if it meant you would close your god damn eyes for a while"

I felt a small tug at my heart, lips pursing into a smile at the very Catherine-like sentiment. She smiled softly, an elbow leaning against the back of the couch, her head coming to rest against her hand, the other sliding onto my leg softly, as though this sort of intimacy was completely commonplace for us.

"Stay"

I felt my skin instantly burning beneath her touch, fingertips gently pressing into my jean-clad flesh. I held her gaze for a steady moment before my eyes fell to her lips, lingering for a moment before moving down the ivory curve of her neck, over her freckled shoulders, down to the swell of her breasts, the pale flesh moving with each breath. I knew this was a dangerous move, but couldn't bring myself to care.

It took a few moments to remember myself, eyes slowly returning to hers- suddenly a deep shade of navy. The pressure of her fingertips increased slightly- intentionally or not I wasn't sure, but I couldn't suppress a sharp inhalation at the feel.

Her heavy gaze dropped suddenly down to my lips, tongue darting out to wet her own unconsciously. "The spare room is… um… made up" she mused quietly, eyes flicking back up to mine.

She was gorgeous. It wasn't a revelation or an unusual thought, but from this proximity her beauty was more intimate; more intricate. There were flecks of amber in her wildly blue irises; a faint scar against her smooth temple.

 _Stop._

"Catherine…"

She hummed softly in response, gaze heavy and unfocused. I felt a wave of desire, feeling myself leaning in ever so slightly.

 _Absolutely not- stop_

"I can't stay" I finally managed to get out, my voice huskier than it had been moments ago.

She hesitated a breath before moving her hand up to run gently through my hair, eyes transfixed on the slow movement of her own fingertips.

"I'm worried about you" she whispered.

I reached up to gingerly wrap my hand around her soft fingers, pulling her hand down into my lap.

"I'm okay. Really, you've been…" I tried to grasp the proper words, my body working independently from my brain as I reached out to brush a stray lock of hair away from her face. It would be so easy to sink my fingers into her jasmine hair- capture those lips that had been distracting me for longer than I would ever admit with my own. It would be so easy to stay.

I dropped my hand away, taking a deep breath as I stood suddenly, a confused look coloring her soft features. I didn't know how to articulate that the combination of wine, our proximity, my vulnerability and her overpowering beauty was a lethal one, so I just offered her a soft smile before turning to head towards the door.

"Thanks for today, it was uh, a lot of fun"

I turned back to her from the safety of the entrance, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets, cursing my tactlessness. She hadn't moved, though a smirk had formed on her lips, azure eyes focusing on me intently.

"I'll see you tomorrow… night. At work"

 _Smooth. Real Smooth._

I rolled my eyes at myself as I turned to go, grasping the door handle, about to make a much-needed escape when a sinking realization set in. I took a breath, turning back around to face her, eyeing me expectantly with a barely concealed grin.

"You drove me here" I stated, smiling sheepishly as I awkwardly shifted my weight, running a hand through my dark hair. "I can call a cab… I'll call a cab"

She chuckled, sliding her legs off of their perch on the couch.

"Let me grab my keys"

/

Wandering slowly up to my apartment, lost in thought over the deeply confusing tension that had been growing between Catherine and I, my chest tightened almost painfully as I rounded the corner, greeted with the sight of a figure leaning against the railing- blonde hair tied into a loose ponytail, illuminated by the distant street lights. My pace slowed though never fully halted, clenching my fists as I walked, fingers aching for a cigarette. I needed to stop smoking and engaging with such jarring women.

She wore a black t-shirt, tucked loosely into dark jeans that clung to mile-long legs. A cigarette was resting between thin fingers, bare forearms leaning against the cold metal ledge. As I approached she turned her head in my direction, glacial eyes sharp and unreadable.

She straightened up, turning to lean back against the railing, taking a long drag and blowing a casual breath of smoke up into the air as I approached.

"You're a bad influence" she raised the cigarette slightly in reference, scattering glowing embers to the ground with a flick of her thumb.

Her ability to disguise her feelings was unnerving as ever, though her fingertips tapping silently together was a tell of her unease, as was the tension she held in her jaw. I had spent months obsessing over her intricacies from a distance- I knew her well.

I remained for a long moment between her and my door, arms crossed as I held her steady gaze. I could feel the painful tension in my own jaw, refusing to let it show on my features.

I wanted to hold her, offer her a haven where she could drop this fake air of indifference. I wanted to kiss her, memorize her feel. I wanted to leave, disappear into the confines of my apartment without so much as a word.

Instead I moved forward, fingers brushing hers as I grasped the remainder of the cigarette, taking a final drag before dropping it to crush beneath my boot. Her eyes dropped down to my lips as I blew out a slow breath of smoke, distracting her momentarily before they moved back up to mine.

"You've been on my mind"

She nodded softly, glancing down at her hands.

"How are you doing?"

She chuckled softly, blue eyes looking away from me as she crossed her arms with a slight shrug. "I'm alive"

When her eyes met mine again they were bright with unshed tears, a shaky hand moving up to run over her tied back hair.

"Honestly, I'm driving myself a little bit crazy" she spoke quietly, a small smile void of any actual joy drifting across her features. The innocence of her wide blue eyes was something I knew that few people ever saw; the silent plea for comfort.

The smell of vanilla and leather mixed with the undertones of whiskey and stale cigarettes invaded my senses, her body relaxing into mine as I enveloped her in my arms. She exhaled a shaky breath against my neck, her temple soft beneath my lips. She felt like home- vital and familiar. I hadn't bothered to attempt to define what this was between us- not exactly dating, not quite _in_ love- but I did love her. I loved her fiercely.

She pulled just far enough back to look at me, a cold hand coming up to rest softly on my neck.

"Sara… it scares me to feel like I need anything. I pride myself on being self sufficient, on not _needing_ things" she ran a hand over her wild hair, glancing away for a moment, my eyes memorizing the shape of her soft features. "I felt like I needed you, after the shooting, and that terrifies me… I don't…"

Two tears streaked down her cheeks as her eyes met mine once again, the first real break in her composure that she had allowed in front of me. She immediately brushed them away with the back of her hand, my arm tightening its grip around her waist as my hand came up to cup her cheek softly, running a thumb over her soft skin. She shook her head lightly, the pain etched across her features like a direct blow to my chest.

"I know the feeling"

She took a shaky breath, reaching up to run the soft pad of her thumb over my bottom lip gently before her lips were on mine, soft and demanding. She tasted of whiskey, honey and salt, the wetness of her tears dampening my own cheeks.

Her fingertips that had made their way beneath the material of my shirt became nails, digging lightly into the flesh of my back before dragging them across my skin, eliciting a quiet gasp. She hummed quietly, a hot reverberation against my neck before her teeth grazed the skin beneath her lips. I bit back a moan, hands sliding down to her waist.

I hesitated, trying to focus on something other than the feel of her mouth moving down my neck, mildly head-spun by the abrupt change of course this had taken. I knew all too well what it was like to need someone to drag you out of the depths of your own mind; offer an undeniable distraction. Even better, I knew what it was like to bury your emotions and slowly self destruct.

Sensing my hesitation, she pulled back just far enough to meet my eyes with a burning intensity that was almost tangible. I felt a wave of desire flood through me beneath her gaze, pale hand sliding into my hair, pulling me closer as she captured my lips in a bruising kiss. I moaned as a hand found its way to my toned stomach, moving slowly up to roughly cup my breast. I tightened my grip on her hips, pressing a thigh up between hers, pinning her back against the railing in the process. She whimpered into my mouth, hips rolling forward against me.

"Sofia…" I whispered, grasping at the final threads of my composure.

Her ragged breath was hot against my lips, glacial eyes flicking up to meet mine, heavy lidded and intense. "Fuck me" she breathed.

This time there was no hesitation, lost in a mess of hands and teeth and desperation. She came once against the inside of my door, my name on her lips- again on the couch, fingers tangled painfully in my hair. The third time her teeth clenched violently against my shoulder, body shaking in my steady arms. I ran my hand over her soft back, pressing kisses into her damp hair. She caught her breath, fingertips lightly tracing the skin of my shoulder for a few long minutes before her body began to shake, wracked with violent sobs.

"I've got you" I whispered softly against her hair.


	18. Chapter 18

**_Catherine_**

Quiet bird songs. The smell of freshly brewed coffee slowly awakening my senses. A vicious pounding behind my retinas.

I cracked an eye open with difficulty, taking in the unfamiliar white duvet I was buried beneath, the white walls, an enormous painting of a city scape on the wall- New York maybe? I shut both eyes again, rolling over onto my back, my bare skin gliding beneath soft sheets.

 _…_ _fuck._

I forced my eyes open, squinting against the brightness of the room as I lifted the blanket tentatively, as though I might somehow be mistaken.

The soft curve of my breasts greeted me; the flesh of my pale stomach.

I dropped my head back into the plush pillow, attempting to piece together my night as I slowly adjusted to the asylum-like white of my surroundings.

There was whiskey, that much I knew. The expensive kind, like earth and smoke. I felt my stomach turn over at the thought, running a hand through my tangled hair.

Liev, his throaty laugh and midnight eyes. My hand on his thigh, tossing waves of blonde hair over my shoulder in an effortless act of casual seduction. Not that I needed to bother- I knew that he wanted this since he waltzed into the lab, all lingering gazes and unwarranted confidence. I remembered his hand on the small of my back as he guided me out of the bar, moving up my thigh in the darkness of the cab. I remember his mouth, rough and desperate against my pale flesh.

I heard rustling from somewhere outside of the bedroom, glancing warily over at the open door. This was not an ideal situation. I took a quick account of the room, spotting my bra discarded over by the large dresser, my pants laying near the edge of the bed. I was too old for these sorts of liquor fueled escapades, I chastised myself tiredly.

Pushing myself up, I reached down to untangle my underwear from crumpled pant legs, quietly cursing them as I fumbled impatiently with the lacy material. My mother had been staying with us temporarily to allow Lindsay a few nights at home, returning late from bridge night- lightly intoxicated and overflowing with wine induced contentment. I had slipped into impractically high heels with a general air of unease, painted on a layer of subtle lipstick for good measure, trying not to take my suppressed frustrations out on my mother and her irritatingly good mood. I left determined, confident and painfully overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed because… _Sara._

I dropped the newly freed item onto the bed beside me, weakened by the memory, a wave of nausea washing over me as I pushed back my hair.

 _Sara's pursed lip smile as she locked eyes with me from her seat on the balcony, beautiful beneath the soft glow of lights. Sara's strong thigh beneath my fingertips, her chocolate gaze completely disarming as it travelled over my body. Sara's body pressing Sofia back against the balcony rail, the blonde's throaty moan loud enough to hear at the end of the long, open hallway._

I had gone up after a lengthy internal debate in the confines of my car, parked in front of her building. Confusion had been tainting the soft edges of time spent with her, acutely aware that 46 was an absurd age to be questioning something as basic as my sexuality. Was sexuality actually all that basic?

These were the questions plaguing my anxious mind beneath the glow of fluorescent street lights, one foot hovering over the gas pedal while my fingertips played lightly over the smooth handle of the door.

I wanted Sara. That was what it came down to. Sense and consequence took a backseat to the fact that I was never one to question my impulses, so I firmly decided: fuck it all _._

I chuckled humorlessly as I pulled dark jeans up my legs, body sore in all those familiar places. For someone so sure of herself, I had made a lot of questionable decisions in the span of 12 hours.

The worst thing that could happen, I assured myself on the short walk to her building, was she would invite me in for a drink and I would go home in an hour. It would be nice to soak in the feel of her warm apartment, take in all of the small details I hadn't been able to the last time. I wanted to be her sole focus, just for a while.

I hadn't accounted for her beautiful, heartbroken girlfriend, or the fact that this wasn't a fucking Nicholas Sparks novel.

I remained statue like at the top of the worn cement steps, forcing myself to commit the scene before me to memory as a vicious reminder of what wasn't mine. My eyes burned with the image of Sofia tearing the brunettes shirt over her head, pushing her back against her door roughly, kissing her tenderly. It was when she dropped to her knees, mouth trailing over Sara's toned stomach as she popped open the button of her jeans; Sara's hand tangled in her golden hair while the other fumbled for the door knob that I turned away.

I felt bile rising in the back of my throat, my chest tight. I needed something. I loathed the out-of-control feel of needing anything, but in that moment I couldn't fight the overwhelming desperation for an indefinable _something_. I turned, quietly making my way back down to the safety of my car, immediately grasping for my phone resting in the center console. I flipped to the unread messages in my inbox, Liev's name standing out like a lifeline.

"Good morning beautiful"

My eyes shot over to the doorway, Liev in a pair of tight grey boxers, holding a steaming cup of coffee. I eyed the mug longingly for a moment as I slid an arm over my bare chest, eyes flicking up to meet his with a forced smile.

"Morning" I slid off the bed to retrieve my bra from the ground, grabbing my shirt in the process as I padded to sit on the other side of the bed, my back to him. He chuckled lightly.

"Come on now, I think we're a little beyond being shy"

I scowled at the wall as I pulled on my shirt, tussling out messy hair with tired fingers before turning back towards him, trying to keep the slight distain out of my eyes. I had asked for this, after all. He had done nothing wrong.

"I'm making breakfast- I thought we could spend the morning together" His weight sunk into the mattress beside me, passing me the coffee. Too groggy to deny it, I accepted with a hint of a genuine smile, taking a drawn out sip of the perfectly made liquid, reveling in the simple comfort.

"Maybe have a repeat performance of last night…"

I sighed, swallowing as I pushed the mug back at him, ignoring the confused look coloring his handsome features as I stood up, glancing around for my purse.

"I have a daughter to get back to, and work to do"

"You work the night shift, and isn't she at school?"

I shot him an irritated glance, turning in a rapid circle on the plush carpet as I scanned the room.

"Okay, you got me, I just can't be here right now" I brushed past him into the massive living room- also white I noted with a hint of misplaced irritation.

"Catherine, can you just slow down for a second"

I spotted it next to my jacket that had been discarded carelessly on the floor. I had a vague memory of being pushed up onto a desk, eyes falling on a large surface with a few items and papers littering the ground around it, confirming my suspicions.

I turned back to him, shrugging my black leather jacket on with a sigh. "Liev… last night was fun…"

"Let me take you out. A proper date" he moved towards me, my eyes taking in his handsome features, his chiseled form. He was everything that I would classify as 'my type', right down to the olive skin. And yet, I felt nothing aside from a wave of unease every time those dark eyes fell on me.

"It is really not a good time for me"

He moved into my space, reaching out to brush blonde hair away from my face, dark eyes traveling over my features with a soft smile.

"You seemed to be having a pretty good time last night" he sighed, leaning back slightly to rake his eyes over my form. "You are so god damn sexy, you know that?" he mused, fingertips trailing down my jawline. I moved away from his touch, eyes a dangerous mix of warning and distain as I turned to go, "I know".

I exhaled deeply as I found myself alone in the spacious hallway, nails digging painfully into the flesh of my palms.

/

Popping two extra strength pain killers into my mouth I mumbled an expletive at an obnoxiously loud truck trying to wedge itself into the endless line of traffic in front of me. Tossing back the lukewarm coffee I had stopped to grab on my way in to work, I cursed my mindless decision to take that unnecessary detour.

An accident on Flamingo had two lanes closed down, my fingertips drumming anxiously against the steering wheel. Where were all of these people going at 8:40 on a Tuesday night anyway? I frowned at the glow of tail lights in front of me, adjusting my focus towards the distant mountains, silhouetted against the burnt orange sky.

By some miracle I made it on time, breezing into the break room with a forced air of confidence. I could handle facing Sara without replaying last nights scene on repeat; I was ready to delve straight into whatever we were assigned, caffeine-trembling hands and aching head aside.

I sighed, shooting Greg a tired smile as I went about preparing myself some herbal tea, wondering for a fleeting moment who exactly it was I was trying to fool.

Sara was the next to filter in to the break room a few minutes later, brown eyes immediately meeting mine with a soft smile. I felt my stomach turn over with nausea while butterflies rose in my chest, eliciting some sort of half smile, half grimace that I tried to conceal behind a sip of tea. A hint of concern tugged at her features, about to speak when her eyes flicked up to Greg who had made his way into the center of the room, steaming cup of coffee in hand. She froze, staring at him with an unreadable gaze as he slowly made his way towards her, extending the mug out tentatively like some sort of peace offering.

I leaned back, crossing my arms loosely over my chest as I witnessed this bizarre exchange.

"Peace? It's my finest brew. I promise I'll be mature about this"

She eyed him up for a long moment, irritated expression finally softening into submission as she took the mug from him with a nod of thanks, dropping down into the seat next to me.

"Are you going to tell me what the hell that was about?" I asked incredulously, glancing between the two of them.

Greg glanced over at Sara, as if awaiting permission to spill whatever it was, an almost giddy look in his eyes. She frowned, gesturing vaguely towards me before sinking back in her chair, letting her arm fall in defeat. "It's really not a big deal. Greg called to check in on Sofia this morning…"

Greg was at my side immediately, sparkling eyes betraying his casual tone. "I just wanted to see how she was holding up, after everything, you know" I glanced over at Sara who had flipped open an issue of Forensic magazine, eyes staring blankly down at the page as she sipped her coffee. "But guess who accidentally answered, all grumpy and sleepy"

Sara shot a glare over at his grinning face. "Stop naming dwarves"

He ignored her, rubbing his hands together with child like excitement. "Can we please talk about this? How long have you two been hiding this from us?"

Her deepening glare did nothing to deter him, rolling his toffee eyes with a soft smile. "Come on, I told you when I was dating Rachel, that crazy hot rookie from Chicago"

Sara scoffed, flipping shut the magazine she had been half-heartedly pretending to read. "Key word- crazy. You went on three dates with her and she turned out to be a complete nut case"

I raised an eyebrow at her harshness, the little unintentional pout on her lips almost comical. He just smiled, pointing at her knowingly.

"So it's been more than three dates"

She ran a hand through dark hair, shaking her head lightly, a hint of a smile playing over her features. Glancing over her shoulder cautiously to make sure no one else was within earshot, she turned back to him in defeat.

"Okay, yes. It's been more than three dates, but I haven't even figured out exactly what it is we're doing, so I would prefer not to talk about it, okay?"

He raised his hands in surrender, shooting her a grin. "I'm just happy with the knowledge that it is happening"

She rolled her eyes and I took another long sip of lukewarm tea, looking everywhere but directly at her.

"Glad to hear she finally reached out"

She shifted her focus over to me, nodding softly. "Yeah… turns out its not that easy for her to accept a shoulder to lean on"

I couldn't have held back the scoff that escaped my lips even if I'd tried.

 _Right- a shoulder, to lean on._

I avoided her furrowed brow gaze, raising my cup to take a drawn out sip of tea, trying to ignore the increased pounding behind my eyes.

I was saved from any further scrutiny by Warrick's arrival, offering us a half hearted wave as he made a bee line straight for the coffee.

"Blue Hawaiian, freshly brewed for your drinking pleasure" Greg leaned back in his chair with a grin, Warrick shooting him a grateful look over his broad shoulder. "You're a god send man, thanks"

"Rough day?" I met his bright eyes as he came to take a seat next to me. "You have no idea- Nick and I just finished pulling a double about…" he glanced up at the clock hanging on the far wall, "four hours ago. Let's all pray for a quiet night"

I raised my mug slightly in agreement. "Amen"

He lifted an eyebrow in amusement, "Says the lady who got two days off this week" he pointed a finger over at Sara, "You both should be feeling fresh as daisies"

"Well I know at least one of them has been busy with some… extra curricular activities" Greg waggled his eyebrows at Sara who's expression darkened into a warning glare.

"Stop"

Warrick chuckled behind a sip of coffee, offering the brunette a sympathetic glance. "He knows?"

She gave a silent nod and Greg's brow knit slightly, gesturing towards Warrick dramatically. "Come on, you told this guy before me?" He glanced over at the other man, taking in his slightly raised eyebrows with a feeble smile, "no offence"

"Can we get on with our night please, where is Grissom?" I interjected, glancing up at the clock- 9:20. It wasn't like Gil to be late for evening assignments.

"He's still in a meeting with the undersheriff, presenting the finalized verdict of the Sedin and Scott case to the D.A"

Oh, the ever present misogyny of this place. Of course the undersheriff would hand pick Gil to present the case, despite his obvious disinterest in the task and inability to navigate those delicate waters.

I scoffed, running my fingers tiredly through my hair, "with the grace of god I'm sure"

Sara's dark eyes fell heavily on me, forehead creased in confusion "what is up with you today?"

I glanced away, over at the unusually still hallway. "Nothing, just a long night".

When I met her eyes again they were still clouded with confusion, undoubtedly wondering what I meant by that, as I had dropped her off at nine with the intention of a hot shower and an early night.

I was pleased by her uncertainty. I wanted it to sit in her mind like a stone, heavy and unrelenting. I wondered if the thought of Lievs strong hands on me would rattle her, raise bile in her throat the way Sofia's mouth against her soft skin burned the back of mine. Just because I read lust in her eyes without a shadow of a doubt, it didn't mean that she wanted me in any other sense. Did I want her in any other sense?

I was torn out of my thoughts as well as my unconscious staring match with Sara by Warrick's deep voice, "Hey, Sofia"

 _Just fucking perfect._

My eyes flicked over to the doorway, the blonde's strong form standing uncertain in the doorway. A ghost of a smile passed over her lips as she glanced at Warrick, glacial eyes falling on Sara who had turned around to regard her softly. She wore all back, a tight shirt that hugged all of her muscled curves. She was bare-faced, hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, effortlessly beautiful. That irritated me almost more than her presence, watching as she moved into the room.

It's not that I wasn't sympathetic to her experience, and deeply grateful that she had made it out alive, but she had been a tough pill for me to swallow from the start. And now…

She glanced briefly around the room, doing a double take at Greg who was sporting an unnervingly wide grin. Her forehead creased lightly as she furrowed her brows at him in confusion, Sara whipping her head around to shoot him a warning look so penetrating the smile practically melted from his features.

"Hi you guys" she greeted, the look of concern that she had entered with still deeply set on her face.

"I just heard… I'm heading to Sedin's memorial service right away, I just wanted to check in. I figured you would already be on your way"

She stood next to Sara, resting a hand on the back of her chair- not quite touching, but the intimacy was obvious. I glanced at the confusion coloring everyone's faces. "What are you talking about?"

Her bright eyes met mine, lines furrowed between her eyebrows. "No one told you? They found another body that matches the MO of your serial cases. Down in the outskirts of Henderson- just outside of Mission Hills"

My nausea returned ten fold at her words, eyes immediately darting over to Sara who met my gaze briefly, suddenly looking just as pale as I felt.

"It just came in, Jim's already on his way… Where's Grissom?" She asked, echoing my previous question. I was on my feet at the same time as Sara, anger bubbling up in my chest at the lack of consideration of me as an authority figure, available to step-in in situations exactly like this. "For his sake, I hope no where nearby".

Sara brushed past Sofia, her hand settling on her waist for a fleeting moment, speaking something quietly to her before following me out into the hall, rushing to keep up despite her mile long legs.

"Hey, I'm sure he's just tied up in a meeting, you know how it is" I dismissed her words with a wave of my hand, "Then the case should have been directed to me… the job of distributing cases should have been passed off to me".

Her hand on my arm halted my furious progression. I hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath before turning to look into soft brown eyes. Her hand slid down my arm, gripping my hand gently "You're right, absolutely, but try to focus all of this energy into the case, okay? You know it isn't the time to address this"

The warmth of her fingers wrapped around my hand was too much; the flashes of last night still assaulting my mind- out of control of my own judgment. The six lifeless bodies of young girls that had haunted my mind for months were flashing through my consciousness on repeat. The thought of Lindsay's bright smile panic inducing instead of comforting.

Her thumb rubbed softly over my skin and I felt the prick of tears behind my eyes, pulling my hand away harshly.

"… Just grab our kits, okay? I'll find out the address"

My voice sounded hollow, fury temporarily put on hold as I spun on my heel, overrun with a deep seeded exhaustion as I continued down the hallway with a tightly clenched jaw.


	19. Chapter 19

**This is a bit of a run-on chapter, but at least it's a chapter. Thanks for the reviews, they keep me interested in writing! I promise this will be a Catherine/Sara story, it's getting there. If it's not obvious, I adore Sara/Sofia together. But I _will_ tear them apart, just for you guys. **

_Sara_

I blinked tired eyes at the empty road ahead, reaching over to jab the worn button on the dashboard for the sixth time, upbeat pop music filling the vehicle. I let it play for a moment, finger hovering over the button before pushing it again. Quiet blues music replaced the sound as azure eyes shifted over to me with unconcealed irritation.

"Can you just choose a station, please"

I sat back, holding one hand up in surrender before returning it to the wheel.

It had been a brutal scene, the familiarity of it all an added weight on everyone's mind. The MO had been the same- seventeen year old girl, single stab wound to the chest, flower resting tauntingly between parted lips. A fractured wrist and split lip told a story of resistance. The look contorting her soft features was one of fear so vivid even David had avoided looking directly at her, vacant eyes an unnervingly familiar shade of blue.

Music felt completely out of place, bordering on inappropriate, but the ride out had been so painfully silent I wasn't sure I could endure another 45 minutes of complete dismissal from a despondent Catherine. So here we were, listening to Norah Jones croon about sunrises as we sat with the horror of the evening heavy in our chests.

I chanced a glance over at her, staring idly out the window. The angry tirade that had begun our evening had quickly dampened into a quiet weariness, punctuated by a relentless irritation at what seemed to be my general existence. She had dismissed me all evening, the anger sitting at the back of my chest dampened only by the exhaustion that seemed to have engulfed her completely.

"Do you want to stop for a coffee?" I tapped my thumb against the steering wheel anxiously.

"No" she spoke to the window, throwing an absent glance over her shoulder at me as an afterthought, "thanks".

"Breakfast?" I questioned weakly. She shook her head, strands of blonde hair illuminated by the dashboard lights tumbling over a slim shoulder.

I tightened my hands on the wheel, biting back the emotions threatening to surface. The violent ebb and flow of our relationship seemed to be back with more vigor than ever. We weren't threatening each other over case details anymore; yelling in hallways or punching lockers with overflowing frustration, but things had been easier then. Less convoluted. Her soft closeness, followed by this unwarranted dismissal was less like irritation and more like a knife.

I knew that now wasn't the time to address it. Our day had barely begun.

"Why are you being like this?"

I couldn't let it go.

It took her a moment to acknowledge my words, her gaze burning into the side of my face as my fingers unconsciously tightened against the wheel.

"Like what?"

 _Right._

I took a breath, silently reminding myself that peace never comes when one of us doesn't remain level headed, and Catherine had made it painfully obvious that tonight that person wasn't going to be her. I glanced over, her shoulders pulled slightly back, already on the defense. I took a second to think out my words, keeping my tone gentle.

"You've been dismissive all night, Catherine. You completely took over that scene- I don't mind taking statements from PD and working the perimeter if it's a conversation, but you brushed me off like some rookie back there- spoke to me like one in front of the under sheriff- in front of _David_ for god sake. I did nothing to deserve that"

She scoffed- that quiet, humorless sound- shaking her head lightly. "I'm your supervisor, Sara. I'm sorry if that seemed unfair to you, but I was just doing my job"

Fingernails dug into soft leather, pursing my lips together tightly.

"Don't play the supervisor card here- we have been working this case as equals for months, so don't act like the condescending bullshit you pulled tonight was just you 'doing your job'"

She chuckled, blonde head shaking in the dim lighting of the passing streetlights as we entered the shady outskirts of Vegas.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't _friendly_ enough for you today, but focusing on the case takes precedent over your feelings"

I tore my eyes away from the road to glare at her violently, her focus back out the passenger window.

"Seriously? I do know that" I spat, shaking my head bitterly. "I can't keep up with your moods, Catherine. One day we're friends, the next you won't even fucking look at me let alone give me the time of day. It's exhausting"

"You know what's exhausting? Your deep seeded issues with authority. Why does it always come down to you trying to fight me on every little thing? It's getting really old"

"I'm not trying to fight you, Catherine! I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you"

I grunted quietly in unsuppressed irritation, narrowing my eyes at the approaching lights. I took the left turn onto Jefferson too fast, swaying us to the side heavily. She shot me a glare, leaning back against her seat.

I took a deep breath, followed by another one, trying to channel some of the calming techniques Sofia had, with an air of half-seriousness, taught me one night over a bottle of whiskey. They were designed for dealing with difficult civilians- techniques she clearly never actually bothered putting into practice.

"Look, I know that you're having a tough night- you've made that _abundantly_ clear, but you don't get to treat me like shit because you're unhappy. I'm not exactly having a great night either"

"Jesus Sara, if you're so aware of my feelings, then you should know to just back off"

She pushed a hand through her hair, closing her eyes as her head came to rest heavily back against the seat. I stared at her for a moment, irritated at the way my eyes lingered on the soft curve of her neck, the perfect line of her jaw.

"Fine" I spat, turning my attention back onto the road.

I bit my tongue for the rest of the drive, desperate to get out of the tense space as we pulled into the vacant lot at the back of the building. I threw the Denali into park, slamming the large door, the sound echoing through the concrete space.

I jammed the keys into my pocket, walking around the SUV with the weight of the night heavy on my shoulders. I glanced over at Catherine as she shut her door, turning to lean back against it with a deep, shaky breath.

"I'll be in in a moment"

I frowned, crossing my arms protectively over my chest as I observed her from a distance. A few moments passed before I glanced over my shoulder at the lab, silently weighing my options. Running a hand through my hair and taking a breath, I turned back towards the car.

Her eyes were shut as I approached, stopping awkwardly in front of her. She didn't acknowledge my presence as azure eyes opened, staring somewhere over my shoulder for a moment before dropping her gaze to the ground.

"Look, you don't have to talk to me" I spoke quietly, a soft tenderness for her abruptly replacing the heavy unease as I breathed in the smell of Jasmine and sandalwood, fingers reaching out for her on their own accord. My hand stopped midway on its trajectory towards a stray lock of hair that had fallen over her soft features, redirecting it to rest casually on the frame of the door next to her head. She glanced up, slightly bewildered at my actions as I silently cursed her for being so wildly intoxicating.

"I hate that you treated me like that tonight, and I hate that you won't fucking look at me" I punctuated my statement with a slight tilt of my head, trying unsuccessfully to catch her bright eyed gaze. She shook her head lightly, waves falling over her shoulders as she shifted, moving to slide out from the space between my body and the SUV.

"I'm too tired for this Sara"

I knew I should let her go, but as usual when it came to her, my body was faster than my brain. My free hand caught her waist before she could move too far, gently but firmly pushing her back against the door. The hitch in her breathing was audible, lips parting lightly in surprise.

The sudden intimacy of this position was unintentional and entirely overwhelming. I tried to ignore the heat spreading up through my body at the feel of her all but molded against me.

Her eyes darted from my neck to my lips, lingering for a moment before moving back over my shoulder with a look of angry determination.

"Why won't you look at me?" I asked softly. She sighed in annoyance, resting her head back against the window, looking up at the light polluted sky for a moment before dropping her gaze down to meet mine steadily.

My hand was still on her waist, moving slightly beneath her deep breaths. We remained like that for what could have been an eternity, but I'm sure was more like a handful of seconds. The intensity behind her eyes was unnerving to say the least- a dangerous mix of anger and what I could have sworn was arousal, but was more likely some new found level of distain.

I had maneuvered us into this position- and god was it a good position for her- chest heaving lightly, body slightly arched backwards with the gentle curve of the vehicle, unsure what to do with her hands. But I hadn't exactly planned an exit strategy that didn't look like giving up.

I didn't get long to consider my options before she abruptly pushed off the Denali in a single, swift movement, bringing her body flush against mine. My breath caught heavily in my throat, finding myself suddenly staring at my own bewildered expression in the car window. The smell of jasmine completely overwhelmed me as my grip on her waist tightened in an attempt to steady myself, blonde hair brushing against my lips, hot breath playing over my ear.

Fingertips brushed over my stomach, so subtly that for a moment I thought I might have imagined it, her voice dropping down to the lowest, huskiest alto I had ever heard it reach as she whispered darkly "Get over yourself"

 _Jesus Christ._

My body arched slightly into her on it's own accord, stumbling blindly somewhere between fury and arousal as she pulled back just far enough to meet my gaze, bright eyes holding a dangerous intensity. She hesitated for a moment, as though daring me to do something, before sliding gracefully out from the space between me and the car.

 _…what?_

I stared at my own wild reflection for a stunned moment before turning to watch her walk away, hips swaying with each angry step.

"Grab my kit, I'll get you a coffee" she tossed over a slim shoulder. I forced my teeth to unclench when the pressure in my jaw became too painful, glaring at her retreating form as I turned back towards the Denali.

What the fuck was that? I let out a quiet growl of frustration, slamming my fist against the trunk door before forcing it open.

Get over myself? She was the one ping ponging between friendly and distant… between outright seductive and aloof. Was she just fucking with me, or did our proximity affect her the same way it did me? If by some insane chance all of these flirtatious moves of hers were born out of desire, where the fuck was this going?

Nowhere healthy, I told myself firmly. Nowhere I would escape from in one piece. I trudged bitterly towards the lab, the feel of her body against mine still lingering against my flesh, hauling both of our heavy kits at my side.

Rounding the corner, scowl firmly set, I was greeted with the unexpected sight of Sofia leaning against the stucco wall, heeled foot pressed back against it, a half smoked cigarette set stiffly between her fingers. Wendy was perched next to her on the wide cement ledge, thin arms crossed over her chest, a long jean clad leg thrown across the other.

The blonde threw a glance over at Catherine, disappearing through the glass doors before glacial eyes drifted back to take in the sight of me with an amused raise of an eyebrow.

I felt my tension ease slightly as I approached, glancing at Wendy, a sour look painted on her features, eyeing the cigarette dangling a foot away from her with what could only be described as painful desire. Eyes meeting Sofia's once again, I raised an eyebrow right back.

"You her bell boy now?" she asked, smirking softly as I moved in front of her, setting the kits down heavily. I puffed out a breath, pushing a lock of wavy hair behind my ear before snatching the smoke from her hand.

"You're smoking at work now?" I countered, relieved at the ease of her presence, her face breaking into a small grin as I took a much needed drag. She wasn't supposed to be working tonight, but I didn't question it, grateful for her presence. I could sense Wendy's gaze moving between the two of us for a long moment before a knowing smile tugged at her lips. "Oh, okay. You two… got it. Fantastic"

I turned my gaze towards her as she dropped her dark head back against the building, pretty features illuminated by the slow rise of the February sun.

I gave the blonde a questioning look, which she dismissed with a single shake of her head. She looked tired, noting the messy ponytail that had replaced the perfectly crafted one she had been sporting earlier.

"What is going on around here?"

She took a breath, about to speak when the lab door flew open, the click of Catherine's heels resounding through the vacant parking lot as she approached with just as much vigor as she had left with.

"The feds are here" she spoke softly against my hair, twisting the cigarette out of my grasp to take the final drag before stamping it out against the wall behind her, tossing it into the trash can a few feet away.

Catherine strode up, waves bouncing against her shoulder, hand out in the universal motion for "gimme"

"Can I have one of those, please"

Sofia's eyebrow raised once again, another smirk forming on her lips.

"Sure"

I glanced at Catherine with a scrutinizing look, which she blatantly ignored.

"You haven't smoked in years, are you sure?"

Scoffing, bright eyes making a point of meeting mine, she snatched the cigarette from Sofia's outstretched hand, leaning forward to allow for a light.

"Yes, I'm sure"

My gaze narrowed into a glare as Sofia casually stuck another one between her lips, glancing between the two of us with an air of intrigued amusement.

"So we're just going to stand out here chain smoking then? It can't be that bad"

Sofia sighed and Wendy turned her brunette head towards me, irritation heavy in her dark eyes.

"I just spent two hours explaining to that…" she pressed her lips into a thin line, hands coming up to mimic a half hearted choking motion " _difficult_ woman why we have found next to no trace evidence on any item or sample collected from any crime scene related to this serial case, to point us towards any direction. As if it's my incompetence holding this case back"

Typical. I offered her a sympathetic smile, Catherine's eyes rolling straight up to the heavens as she exhaled a breath of smoke, crossing freckled arms over her chest.

I let my eyes trail over her tense features, bright eyes directed everywhere but at me. I shifted my weight uncomfortably, body still humming from the feel of her. Sofia's shoulder pressed against mine as she adjusted her position against the wall, feeling myself automatically leaning into her.

 _What the fuck are you doing._

"It's what they do. Agent Callum asked Brass for another detective to be put on the case- apparently being involved in a recent shooting makes you less of an asset" Sofia spoke calmly, but I could feel the tension in her body, eyes focused absently on the cotton candy sky.

The audacity of these people. I shook my head, taking the cigarette from her grip, my fingertips gripping her hand for a drawn out moment as a silent comfort, eyes focused on Wendy, who seemed more irritated than anyone by this.

"What?"

The brunette had sat forward, dark eyes narrowing at Sofia.

"They can't do that. You just went through hell and that makes you unfit for federal work?" she scoffed, folding her arms over her chest, eyes softening slightly. "I'm sorry Sof"

I couldn't help the frown that tugged at the corner of my lips, shifting my gaze back to the blonde- that perpetually smug grin playing over her lips as she caught my gaze, giving her head a single, dismissive shake, brushing off my unspoken question.

"Everyone above me apparently has better things to do, and anyone below me isn't qualified enough" she shrugged lightly, sending a gentle smile in Wendy's direction. "She's not getting rid of me that easily"

A figure casually approaching from the parking lot grabbed my attention, dark eyes meeting mine momentarily with a smile, two coffees in hand.

"Has something terrible happened I should know about?"

Liev moved to stand beside Catherine, too close, glancing down to meet her unfazed glance with a toothy grin.

"Yeah, the feds are here" she took a quick drag of the smoke resting effortlessly between delicate fingers.

"Shouldn't affect you at all" I threw in, covering my bitterness with a forced smile

He nodded, focusing back on Catherine, taking a slight step back as he fully took in her current state.

"Cigarettes, really"

His tone held a level of disappointment and I was suddenly grateful for her break in composure.

"When the occasion calls for it, yeah"

He chuckled, shaking his dark head slightly "well, I can't say it doesn't look good on you"

I didn't bother trying to conceal the roll of my eyes, letting my own cigarette fall to the ground, stamping it out with my booted foot, a little rougher than necessary.

"I was hoping to see you, I brought you a coffee"

He seemed pleased with himself as he passed her the steaming cup, which she assessed hesitantly, as though he was offering something much more loaded than a simple cup of coffee. Eventually she allowed a grateful smile to grace her lips, accepting it readily.

"Thanks, I need it this morning. What are you doing here, it's like 5:30"

She stubbed out her own smoke with a heeled toe, smoothing down her perfectly placed hair. He shrugged, glancing up at us with a smile "figured I'd come in early, catch up on some paperwork. Walk with me?"

He offered up a muscled arm in an expensive looking dress shirt, a deep shade of evergreen.I shifted uncomfortably against the wall, dismissing the burning in my chest as some sort of stress induced heartburn. Azure eyes flickered over to me and I was suddenly aware of the scowl settled deeply onto my features. She seemed to be weighing her options for a moment before a smooth smile slid onto her features, her hand grasping his arm gently.

"Thanks for the smoke, I'll see you inside" she spoke to Sofia and I respectively before falling into step beside Liev.

 _Seriously?_

Sofia chuckled beside me, running a hand over her loose ponytail.

"Of all the men in this place" she mused once they were out of earshot. Wendy let out a deep sigh, uncrossing long legs and dropping off the cement ledge heavily.

"I'd settle for less if he'd bring me decent coffee in the morning" she smoothed out her dark t-shirt, glancing up to shoot us both a smile.

"See you guys in there"

She turned to go, not before holding her fist up at us in some show of strength and solidarity.

Sofia chuckled, glancing over at me. I must have still had the scowl on my features as her chuckle turned into a throaty laugh, shifting against the wall to face me. Her eyes trailed softly over my features.

"Did you pop a Xanax this morning? Why are you so relaxed?" I muttered, absently leaning into her.

She reached out to brush back a stubborn lock of dark hair.

"Two officers are dead, the feds are in the building, everyone is tip toeing around me as though I'm about to go off the fucking deep end. My mother is in town, surely waiting for the most inconvenient moment to show up" she took a deep breath, pushing a hand through her tied back hair out of anxious habit. "I can't stress anymore, I'm maxed out. I am just… going with the flow"

I felt a surge of tenderness, eyes shifting around to make sure we were alone before moving into her space and capturing her lips in a soft kiss. She smiled against my lips, hand coming up to tangle in my hair as she kissed me back languidly. For a moment, everything else faded into irrelevance.

I pulled back, lips grazing over her cheek, tilting my head in the direction of the doors.

"We should probably flow back to work"

She shot a weary look over at the lab before begrudgingly pushing herself off of the wall, moving to haul Catherine's kit up over a strong shoulder.

"I'll help with your slave duties"

I shot her a look of mock irritation, grabbing hold of mine, suddenly brought back to the heavy reality of the evening.

 _Go with the flow._ What a radically simple concept. I took a deep breath, ridding my mind of as much pent up tension as would ease off with a single exhalation.

"Sara... they're going to try to shake you. Don't let them"

I met her soft gaze, falling into step beside her. We were going to get through this- this day, this case, this exhaustion.

 _flow._

.


	20. Chapter 20

**I hope you all haven't completely lost interest in this. Thanks for reading!**

 _Catherine_

A sharp knock on my door startled me into consciousness, blinking slowly as I lifted my head off of numb arms. I glanced up at the clock, squinting tired eyes at the face of it- 4:30. Running a hand through mussed hair, I retrieved my abandoned pen, glancing down at the half finished paperwork sprawled out in front of me.

"Come in"

Nick popped his head around the corner, his smile calming my overworked nerves as I motioned him inside. Of all the people that could have been on the other side of that knock, his face was a relief.

"Sorry to bug you, I know it isn't easy to find a little peace around here"

Between Agent Callum making herself at home in the layout room, plastering every inch of space with gruesome photos from every scene in the series of cases involved in this investigation, Sofia's calm demeanor slipping more and more frequently, and Sara wrapped up in all of it, it was a bit like stepping around landmines out there. Not to mention Ecklie checking in every few hours, clearly shouldering the brunt of the stress from both the sheriff and under sheriff. I had bee lined straight for the safety of my office the moment I found the opportunity. Perhaps it was running, but I saw it as more of a strategic retreat.

"It's okay Nicky. What's up?"

He let himself in, closing the door gingerly behind him. I raised an eyebrow as he took a seat across from me, brown eyes bright as ever despite the dark half-moons hanging low beneath them.

"It really is nice in here" he leaned back, crossing thick arms over his chest. "Quiet. I've gotta say I miss that around here"

I snorted, leaning forward onto my forearms tiredly.

"Yeah, well don't count on things quieting down around here for a while. Not with the under sheriff hovering, and Nancy Drew holed up in the layout room"

Nick chuckled, "How are you holding up?"

What a loaded question. "Well I'm neck deep in paper work and I might be the first person to ever be grateful for that"

He smiled softly, glancing at the small towers of folders I had strewn around me.

"I'm okay, Nicky. Taking things day by day. Now what can I do for you?"

He held my gaze for a long moment, as if to assess whether or not he should believe that. I offered him a smile, grateful for the comfort of his concern, but unwilling to get into the details of it. It wasn't a lie- I was okay. No better, no worse.

"It's Greg's birthday next week"

 _Right._

"Now I know it's not an ideal time, but it's been a while since we had something to celebrate. I was thinking we could all get together at Joes"

Thank god someone still had the capacity to remember things like birthdays. I had very nearly forgotten that Lindsay's was a couple weeks away.

"That's a great idea, it would be nice to get everyone together. If I can manage to escape this place for a few hours, I'll be there"

He smiled, giving me a nod as he stood.

"Tuesday- don't forget now. I know you've got a lot on your plate"

"I won't. Hey, did you see Agent Callum in her 'office' on your way here?"

He shook his head as he opened the door, glancing briefly down the quiet hallway

"No, just Sara. She's been hunched over those crime scene photos for hours"

I let out a deep breath as the door fell shut behind him, pressing my palms into my eyes. I dropped the pen I had been toying with absently onto the desk, pushing up onto legs in desperate need of a stretch. I wasn't going to make it through the rest of this night without caffeine. Also, the masochistic side of me was longing to speak to a certain grudge-bearing brunette.

I walked quietly down the hall, trying to keep the resounding click of my heels to a minimum. It was like dodging bullets around here lately- step in the wrong spot and Ecklie and his particularly bitter attitude found you and began another round of 20 questions. Turn a corner at the wrong time and Agent Callum roped you into a condescending conversation about some impossible to recall detail of one of the cases. Even Sofia had become a welcome sight to me these days.

The layout room looked like a hurricane of organized chaos. Folder lay open, pictures taken down from their spot on the wall and sprawled across the table. Sara sat on a worn out stool, one leg bent, foot resting on the lowest rail. She was just as Nick had described her, bent over photos, dark brows knit in concentration. Her fingertips tapped absently against one of the pictures, a lock of hair falling from behind her ear as she turned her head to focus on another shot. I longed to brush it back; to be close to her. I was feeling her distance like a vivid ache.

"How's it going in here?" I let my gaze drift over her, leaning against the doorframe. She didn't bother looking up, but I could see her shoulders tense slightly.

"Fine"

She had barely spoken to me in three days, much less looked at me. I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping that the weight of my gaze would garner her attention. The dark circles that had become a permanent fixture beneath chocolate eyes had faded; the way her small bones jutted almost violently out from beneath her skin had softened slightly. Her alabaster complexion even had some color to it, telling me she had managed to get out into the late February sun.

I was grateful to see her healthy, but it was a raw sort of gratitude. Like a painful lump lodged in the back of your throat despite it all. Sofia was good for her. Sofia seemed to know exactly how to love her, and as hard as it was to watch, it was a constant reminder that I needed to be better. A better friend, a better partner. I wasn't going to lose the closeness we had developed over my traitorous heart.

"I'm drowning in six months worth of paperwork in there. I didn't realize how much had built up"

Nothing. Radio silence

"Are you okay?"

She sighed, eyes lifting up to gaze at the wall in front of her in irritation before glancing briefly over at me, that familiar closed off look in her eyes as they met mine.

"I'm fine, Catherine"

I tried to hold her gaze, but it drifted back down to the photos in front of her. I ran a hand over my hair, feeling the beginnings of a dull headache beginning to set in.

"I'm grabbing a coffee, can I bring you one?"

She gave her head a subtle shake, flipping another picture over the previous one.

"I'm fine, thanks"

 _Fine._ That word out of her mouth was like a grindstone to my patience. I ran my tongue over my bottom lip, pushing off the door with a narrowly suppressed roll of my eyes.

"Fine" I spoke quietly, lingering in the doorway for a moment before giving up and continuing towards the break room.

/

The momentum behind the serial case interest was only growing as the days past, the discovery of Hailey Porter, the seventh victim in our investigation, seemed to be the gasoline on the proverbial fire that was the unwavering attention of all of Nevada.

The Arnica Killer, as the press had so originally titled him, had made front page news for the past five days. Online articles were circling, criticizing law enforcement; building their own theories on what exactly was going on. The idea that the recent police shooting was somehow linked to the serial cases was just one of the ludicrous theories making its rounds. Sofia had taken being sprawled across the Las Vegas Tribune two days in a row on the chin, though I had caught her storming out of Brass's office with all the silent power of a hurricane, an almost violent sway to her hips as she past me with a single shake of her head, as if to say "don't ask".

Agent Callum seemed particularly irritated by the explosion of press coverage, creating a chain reaction of upset all the way down to poor Judy, a cold edge to her usually sweet demeanor. I had no doubt that she was sick of dealing with our tension and tight lipped smiles; of the onslaught of calls from the press, trying to get in touch with anyone who could speak on the case.

She let out a heavy sigh as she dropped slim hands onto the table, her dark, violently angled bob falling forward as she leaned over the table.

"There is nothing tying these victims to one another. Three of them went to the local high school, two were homeschooled, two were drop outs. None of them were friends. They don't live in the same neighborhoods…"

"As far as we can tell, the only criteria is that they are blonde haired and blue eyed- between the ages of 15 and 17. Though there have been…" I glanced over at Sara, jaw set as she stared at the folders in front of us "threats outside of that range"

Hazel eyes shifted over to me, an expectant raise of an eyebrow a silent request to explain. I sighed, leaning my hip against the table.

"Detective Curtis, as well as my daughter were threatened by one of our suspects about a month ago"

"James O'Riley, undersheriff Mckeen did fill me in on that shit storm of a situation"

She sighed, drumming her nails rapidly against the table for a moment before straightening up and turning to me. "Are you still convinced that he's our guy?"

I shifted my gaze over to Sara, arms crossed as she focused on Callum with an almost eerie intensity, answering before I could form words. "Yes"

"Compile a solid list of evidence outlining your reasoning, get some sleep, and you two will explore that avenue tomorrow" she flipped shut the manila folder in front of her, turning on a heel to go.

"Without any substantial evidence implicating this guy, this will be your only opportunity to dig any deeper" she glanced over her shoulder to meet Sara's heavy gaze. "You had better be very certain about this. I'll deal with the Sheriff, but no one is going to be happy about this"

The sound of her exit resounded down the hallway, leaving Sara and I in a deafening silence.

I stared at the empty doorway for a few moments before glancing over at Sara, absently straightening the papers in front of me. I could feel the weight of her eyes on me briefly before moving to take a seat on one of the stools.

"That's good. That's…. something. We should start from the beginning- the motor oil we found on Emily Samuels arms"

She let out a sharp exhale, eyes scanning over the papers in front of her

"I've got this, you should go home"

I felt the chill of her words like a violent shove. Resting a hand on my hip, I took a breath to calm the anger that had suddenly leapt into my throat.

"Are we really still doing this?"

Dark eyes finally met mine, heavy and neutral "We're not doing anything. I'm going to write this up"

She slid off the stool, making her way towards the door. I wasn't going to tolerate it, not tonight. I started moving forward, ready to intersect her when a form appeared in front of me, effectively blocking me. A hint of a smile tugged at Grissom's mouth, oblivious to the anger rolling off me in waves.

"How's it going with Agent Callum?"

I held my eyes on Sara as she moved down the hall, disappearing around the corner silently. I flicked my gaze back to Grissom, narrowed and intense.

"I am going to kill her Gil, I have had it . This is all essentially your fault, you do know that right"

Both eyebrows raised, his head tilting slightly "Agent Callum?"

I didn't bother to conceal an eye roll, hand coming to rest on my hip as I gestured towards the empty hallway emphatically "Sara. She is just…" I pursed my lips together, lacking the proper words, before moving determinately around him and following the brunettes path down the hall.

/

I threw open the door to the roof, scanning the open space briefly before storming towards Sara, leaning back against the nearest edge, predictively lighting a up a cigarette. The pink hues of the sky contrasted against the dark cityscape, Sara's form barely illuminated in the soft light.

I didn't stop until I was inches away, her dark eyes unreadable but seemingly un-phased by my explosive entrance. She raised her hand up to take a drag, my fingers darting out to snatch the smoke from her before it could reach her mouth, tossing it onto the dark ground.

"What the fuck!"

I crushed the burning ember out beneath my toe, glaring at her with silent determination.

"You don't get to run away every time you don't want to have a conversation" I rested my hands on my hips, her dark hair blowing lightly in the cool breeze "And I'm sick of watching you smoke these things, do you even care what they're doing to you?"

She snorted, crossing her arms loosely over her chest "Isn't that a bit hypocritical?"

I ignored her, taking another step forward

"You know, this is getting old. I am sorry that I lashed out the other day, I really am, but the way you've been treating me is completely unwarranted, not to mention unprofessional"

"If you want me to be able to remain professional, then you need to stay away from me. Stop trying to engage in conversation, stop asking me if I'm okay"

Her voice was firm, a few decibels above usual. I threw my hands up, shaking my head in bewilderment.

"You don't want to be friends, that is fine, but don't you dare bring this attitude back down there with you, this department is hanging on by a fucking thread"

I held her gaze for a moment, vibrating with anger as I spun around on a heel, starting back towards the door. I made it six steps before I reeled back to face her.

"You know what, it's not. It's not okay"

This wasn't going as well as I had anticipated on the trip upstairs, but that was a risk of throwing yourself head first into things on the turn of a dime. I marched back over to her, unable to put an exact name to the feelings clawing at the back of my throat.

"I am sorry about the other day. I'm sorry about all the other days when I have been less than agreeable. What do you want from me Sara?"

She stared at me with narrowed eyes, arms crossed protectively over her chest.

"I miss you, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I miss spending time with you, I miss working with you without this animosity. I miss…." _The feel of you, your soft arms, your smile…_

I ran a tense hand through my hair, glancing away for a moment before refocusing on her, still an unreadable look on her face. God she was infuriating and beautiful, the first light of morning softly illuminating her features.

"Can you just fucking say something here?"

She took a breath, thinking out her words for a long moment.

"You're beautiful"

Oh. I felt my heart clench, but the rush of butterflies oscillating through my chest quickly faded into a heavy confusion as I realized that this wasn't a compliment. It wasn't even an affectionate observation, just a bland statement that seemed more irritating to her than anything.

I opened my mouth to speak, hesitating for a moment before closing it once again, furrowing my eyebrows slightly in confusion.

"You're beautiful and you use it to manipulate people, I've seen it a thousand times. Men fall all over themselves around you, and you use it to your advantage. It's… impressive"

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest, shifting my weight onto one hip, wondering where the fuck she was going with this. I could feel the anger vibrating beneath my skin, my teeth literally digging into my tongue to keep the defensive rhetoric from spilling out.

"It took me a while to realize you've been using it on me"

I felt my frown deepen, taking a step towards her. "What?"

She let out a humorless chuckle, shaking her head softly

"The motel last month, pinning me against the Denali, ' _get over yourself'_ " she repeated my own words bitterly. I was inches away from her in a heartbeat, anger and nausea fighting a wild battle in me.

"You pinned me against the god damn car Sara" I reminded her in a harsh whisper, a warning edge to my voice.

"That's right, sorry, you did nothing manipulative there" she rolled her eyes and I clenched my right hand into a fist to keep it from swinging. I took a breath, closing my eyes for a moment in an attempt to calm down.

"Why would I be manipulating you?"

"You tell me, Catherine. To keep things civil between us? To keep me from crossing you while we have to work so closely?"

The nausea was beginning to win the fight, the edges of my anger fading into a deep, heavy dejection. How could she think I would do that to her? That I would toy with her emotions like that? I admit that the reasoning behind my actions was murky at best, but at the core of them was the desire to be closer to her. I searched her eyes, finally recognizing the hurt beneath that wall of false indifference.

"I wouldn't do that, Sara"

She was in my space so suddenly it felt like vertigo, an ever cool hand pressing softly against my stomach, the other gripping my waist. The earthy smell of her overwhelmed me, the feel of her body pressing firmly against mine. I had to grip her shoulder to steady myself, her hot breath playing over the sensitive skin of my neck, lips just brushing my ear as she whispered huskily "what do you call this, then?"

I bit back a moan, my body arching in to her, fingers digging into the skin of her shoulder for a moment before I remembered myself and everything felt wrong. I shoved her backwards, her back colliding gently with the cement wall. I could feel a lump building at the back of my throat, taking a few steps backwards.

"Was pretending to dislike Liev part of it too?"

 _Oh give me a fucking break._

I could feel the burn of tears threatening to fall, taking a step backwards. How could she think so little of me? I felt the exhaustion blanketing me like a thick fog.

"You know what, I'm done trying with you. But for the record, I never faked a god damn thing"

Her eyes immediately softened, taking a step towards me. I wouldn't cry in front of her- I wouldn't let this tear me apart. I held myself with as much poise as I could muster, turning to go.

"Catherine…"

I didn't turn back. I knew that Liev would be waiting for me, ready with an offer to spend the morning together. I knew that I would accept. I knew that this was a poor substitute for what I actually wanted. She was a god damn headache, a deep seated heartache, but he paled in comparison.


	21. Chapter 21

_Sara_

"We can't just drag him down here, we shouldn't even be speaking with him"

A sigh, tongue running over an upper lip in annoyance.

"Then we stop by his place, ask him a few questions- it won't look good for him to resist"

A soft snort, manicured hand coming to rest firmly on the curve of a slim waist.

"As opposed to the innocence that he has tried so hard to maintain- come on Sofia, you know we have no grounds here"

My gaze shifted back to the blonde from where I was quietly stationed, leaning inconspicuously back against the wall. I was remaining Switzerland wherever possible these days.

"So what exactly is our plan then?" Glacial eyes shot over to Agent Callum, before shifting back to meet Catherine's irritated gaze. "Because clearly you have found nothing probative"

Catherine scoffed, eyes to the sky, tongue wetting her lips as though preparing for a proper argument. Callum seemed to pick up on this, stepping forward with a click of dangerously high heels, manicured hands coming to rest on the file littered table. "Maybe we sideline this for now, until we have more to work with"

"Or maybe, we need to give him the chance to mess up, give us an in"

"Oh, you mean like assaulting a CSI, or threatening lives? That clearly wasn't enough to keep him in our reach, what more could he really do to incriminate himself? Confess?"

I could see the tension in Sofia's squared shoulders, biting down on her tongue before tearing away from the glaring match she was engaged in, turning towards Callum.

"We are getting nowhere. This is the best lead we have, we may as well make another attempt at following it while we're sitting around waiting for him to make another move"

Catherine took a step forward, eyes narrowed "Really, is that what we're doing here?"

"Okay" Callum interjected, throwing her a warning glance. "I'm with Catherine here- work with what we have until this guy makes a wrong move, which he will. Assuming our focus is in the right place"

I let out a quiet, involuntary snort, drawing the attention of violent blue and hazel eyes, Sofia still focused on Rachel with a deep level of indignation. I had tried so hard to remain out of this conversation.

"How long is it going to be until he messes up? Two dead kids from now, five? We have nothing to work with, and yet we have a very likely suspect that we can't touch, because of what, politics?"

I gestured a hand at nothing in particular, my all too familiar frustrations once again growing.

"And what exactly are we going to ask him, Sara? Hey James, how's it going? Kill anyone lately?"

I took a breath, suppressing an eye roll as I met her gaze. I could feel it through my entire body- penetrating and angry with an edge of aching.

"Yeah, that's exactly it" Sofia shot, Catherine's gaze like piercing daggers returning to the blonde.

"I wasn't talking to you"

I could feel this conversation rapidly unraveling. Glancing over at Rachel, I silently prayed that she would be the one to defuse this. It was like walking on eggshells these days, something I had never quite mastered the art of. I was keeping a figurative hand outstretched towards Sofia, anticipating an eventual stumble. I knew that she was still reeling from the shooting, despite her steadfast denial.

Catherine on the other hand was like dealing with the uncertainty of a coastal spring- never quite sure whether you were in for a torrential downpour or the soft warmth of the returning sun. I had been harsh with her after the incident in the parking lot, the details of which I refused to dwell on. I was trying to make amends without putting myself out there. She had all the destructive power of a grenade- she knew it. A lingering touch, a toss of wavy hair over a slim shoulder and she held all of the power. But it was unfair to blame her for my own undoing- it wasn't her fault that she was undeniably intoxicating. It wasn't her fault that the walls I had built up years ago- the first time her beauty shook me-were beginning to crumble. I needed to rebuild them while not destroying this foundation on which we had managed to build the framework of a friendship. I was so tired of fighting- I only wanted peace. I couldn't muster the words, but I missed her. I missed her madly.

"Give it a few more days, work with what you have, and we will go from there. Try to play nice in the mean time" Rachel met Catherine's irritated gaze gently- her chosen favorite among us all. Maybe it was the low cut power suits and narrowly suppressed rage that connected them, storming around on their six inch heels. Either way, her and I were night and day, and in her eyes, Sofia was just a shell shocked liability. These were testing days.

"I'll be speaking with Ecklie incase anything magically comes up" Rachel spoke over her shoulder, drifting out of the room.

Catherine glanced between the two of us as though contemplating sharing her own plans before giving the faintest hint of an eye roll, heading out the door.

I watched her go, puffing out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding as I shifted my gaze to Sofia. She sighed, running a hand through her hair as she turned to face me.

"Well this is highly unsatisfying"

"We've got no range of motion here. We just have to go where we're told and try not to kill anyone in the process"

A smile tugged at her lips as I pushed off the wall, moving to join her by the doorway.

"Look at you falling in line" she teased, my hand subtly grasping hers for a brief moment, barely long enough to draw even the most conservative of attention, but the comfort was deep.

"Don't be silly, I'm telling _you_ to stay in line" I gave her a quick wink as I walked backwards out the door, pursing my lips into a smile. "I'm going to try to sway Catherine over to our side"

She chuckled, quirking an eyebrow "I'm not sure even you are that talented"

"Oh you know that I am" I replied huskily, meeting her amused gaze with a teasing smile before turning down the hall.

/

I hesitated outside of Catherine's office, her blinds uncharacteristically shut. I couldn't very well feel out her mood this way, I noted with annoyance. I didn't want an argument, I didn't even want to discuss the case- I just wanted to effortlessly land on the same page, and be friends again. Was that so much to ask?

I sighed, leaning forward to knock before I lost the nerve. A muffled _"come in"_ reached my ears, and I pushed into the familiar space with a deep breath.

Liev was leaning next to her against her desk, leg half propped on the surface as she scowled down at the papers in front of her, amber framed glasses perched on her nose. I plastered a smile on, giving a slight nod at a grinning Liev. Catherine glanced up briefly, doing a double take to meet my gaze for a lingering moment.

"Sorry- it's not important, I can come back" I shot them a smile as I turned to go, though Catherine's voice beckoned me back, her bright eyes flicking up at Liev with an edge of irritation as she pushed her glasses to rest on top of silky blonde waves.

"No, come in. Liev was just leaving"

He smiled, shifting his tall, burly form back into a standing position, leaning down to whisper something assumedly intimate against her hair before straightening up.

"Alright, I'll let you two talk- always good to see you Sara" he spoke, midnight eyes meeting mine on his way past.

"Likewise" I replied over my shoulder, watching him disappear down the hall. I shifted my focus back to Catherine, moving further into her office.

"Does he ever go home?" I came to lean against the side of her desk, glancing down at the paperwork she had resumed.

She snorted quietly, tossing her glasses onto the desk as she leaned back in her chair.

"God willing he's on his way there now" she pushed a hand through loose blonde waves, tussling them absently as she glanced over at her covered windows. "Do you know how many men have tried their hand at having sex in my office? What is that about?"

Apparently we were side stepping the irritation and right back to our easy rapport- how predictable and relieving. Azure eyes met mine and I immediately felt a slight blush rise against my skin, the initial disgust at the thought of her with Liev fading into far more enjoyable mental images. I had been one-more-volatile-word-out-of-her-mouth away from slamming her back against that desk and silencing her with the bruising force of my mouth on multiple occasions. That desire was born out of rage and fuelled by the tension that hung so heavily between us. It was more about violence, frustration and some sort of wild desperation to release all that was pent up more than it was about sex or some quick thrill.

I hadn't thought about it in any other sense- I never allowed myself to go there. But trailing my eyes over her form- tan blouse hanging low and loose over porcelain skin, tucked into a pair of skin tight jeans- I couldn't deny the sudden tension building in my lower stomach. When my eyes met hers again, they were a shade darker, the depth of oceans.

It felt wildly tenacious to hold her gaze as long and as intensely as I did, the tension palpable. After a few drawn out moments I crossed my arms, resting a hip casually against her desk, lips pursing into a coy smile.

"No idea"

A hint of a smirk tugged at her lips as she leaned further back in her chair, an eyebrow raising in question. I felt utterly enraged by her flirtatious moves only a few days ago and now I craved nothing more than the warmth of her attention. One moment I wanted to strangle her, the next there was a nervous tension building through my entire being beneath her gaze. It was like a game of wills- a far more enjoyable one than the anger fuelled battles we had grown used to. She may not mean it, and I may be breaking all of the rules I had set for myself the moment I realized she could undo me with a single glance, but what was the worst that could happen?

She took a deep breath, a visible rise and fall of her chest, mouth opening to say something when a sharp knock on the doorframe resounded through the room.

"Hey, Sara"

I whipped my head around so fast my neck strained, wincing slightly as I met the pale blue eyes of officer Keaton.

"Eli, what's up?" I turned completely around, hand coming up to absently massage my neck. He offered us a quick smile, giving Catherine a nod before focusing tense eyes back on me.

"What is Sofia…uh, Detective Curtis" he corrected himself, my lips pursing to suppress a smile. "What's her relationship like with her mother?"

I frowned in confusion, eyes shifting over to Catherine whose brow was furrowed in bemusement. I turned the question over in my mind, trying to understand but coming up empty.

"…what?"

"It's just been a difficult couple of weeks for her, and…"

I felt my stomach drop, eyes widening slightly.

"Oh no" I interrupted. He glanced over his shoulder before meeting my gaze again tiredly. "Oh yeah. Breezed into the lab about five minutes ago"

I shot a glance over at Catherine that I hope portrayed my intentions to finish this conversation later before moving towards the door, resting a firm hand on Eli's chest absently on my way by.

I had not had the pleasure of meeting Elizabeth Curtis, nor had the foresight to prepare for the occasion, but I had heard stories. Beautiful, tenacious, tough as nails. Sofia hadn't spoken of her much, though when she did it was always with a quiet sort of tension. I knew that she was dreading the impending reunion- Keaton's concern was certainly warranted.

She could take care of herself, I knew that. She could enter most situations with an air of calm neutrality that held fast until she was behind closed doors. But I had come to know intimately the woman behind the tough façade, and the desire to protect that soft eyed, tender heart was fierce.

Poking my head into the break room I took a quick scan before meeting Warrick's placid gaze with a tense smile.

"Have you seen Sofia?"

Green eyes shifted over my shoulder, motioning with a slight nod.

I felt the weight of her hand on my shoulder before I had a chance to turn around.

"I'm swinging by PD for a quick workout to relive some of this…" she hesitated, rubbing a hand over the clearly sore muscles in her neck "workplace stress"

I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off by a smooth voice, like liquid honey, calling out Sofia's name. Ice blue eyes held mine for a moment, as though trying to remain outside of this current reality for as long as possible, before she turned resolutely towards the voice.

"You are a difficult woman to track down- perhaps if you answered your phone calls…"

I was immediately transfixed by the approaching woman- a familiar saunter to her walk. She held the same disarming beauty as Sofia, though her features were sharper- the confidence radiating off of her more refined than cocky. She stopped a few feet away, crossing strong arms over her chest. A thick braid was woven into her long hair, a beautiful golden white, falling over her shoulder- the balance of femininity and masculinity in her presence so similar to the ridged woman beside me.

"I'm working" Sofia defended, though stepped forward to wrap an arm around the older woman in a casual hug. Elizabeth enveloped her for a moment, identical glacial eyes suddenly flicking over to meet mine over her shoulder. I shifted uncomfortably beneath her analytical gaze as Sofia moved back, colliding lightly into me, though making no move to create any distance.

"Hello, Captain Curtis" I forced a smile onto my face. "I'm…"

"Sleeping with my daughter, clearly" she cut in, feelings unreadable.

I mimicked a fish out of water for a few moments, trying to formulate a response, brows furrowed as I crossed my arms protectively over my chest. I glanced over at Sofia who was glaring at the older woman with an intensity I hadn't seen from her before.

Warrick was suddenly moving quietly out of the break room behind us, looking almost as uncomfortable as I felt. He flashed a smile at the older woman.

"Captain, always a pleasure"

I focused my frown towards him, wondering when they had met and why he hadn't mentioned it. He met my gaze with a silent invitation and I looked to Sofia, who gave an almost imperceptible nod.

I turned to the older woman, still staring at me with the same analytical intensity, opening my mouth with the intention of saying something, but coming up entirely at a loss I simply plastered an uneasy smile onto my face before turning on the ball of my foot to follow Warrick anywhere else.

"Wow" he whispered as we rounded the corner, sending me a quick glance, somewhere between pity and amusement.

"Yeah" I breathed out, mind full of unprocessed thoughts.

It was three hours later that Sofia found me in the locker room, light trench coat wrapped around her form and a tension settled deeply into her features. I slung my bag over a shoulder, shutting my locker before turning to face her with a soft, crooked smile.

"Desert trail run and a beer?"

Her face softened and she turned with me as I headed out the door, shoulder brushing mine as we walked into the hall.

"Three beers" she compromised, tugging the elastic out of her hair, blonde tresses falling loose with a shake of her head. I smiled, giving a conceding nod. We were navigating these waters with a shaky level of cohesion, but cohesion none the less. That deserved a few drinks, at least.


	22. Chapter 22

**Those of you that take a minute to tell me your thoughts- I really appreciate it. Thanks for reading!**

 _Catherine_

The smell of sweat and expensive cologne. Rough hands travelling over my skin, grasping my hair almost painfully- this once was like igniting a fire. This once was enough.

I once was a simpler woman.

His guttural grunts against my neck were… ineffective. The feel of his strong hips rocking between my thighs, my body moving like ocean waves. It wasn't always like this. He may not have sparked any romantic feelings, or been the optimal person to wake up to, but he had been doing a fine job at distracting me from my vast array of unwelcome thoughts.

But now…

The charcoal black of his eyes was unnerving, the roughness of his hands felt wrong. The weight of him was suffocating, but I needed this to work. I needed this distraction, this perfectly sensible relationship to come to some sort of fruition.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on something else. Someone else. The clean cut defense lawyer that had given me his number a few weeks ago, voice thick and deep, eyes like a forest… I groaned quietly in frustration, Liev taking this as a sign that he was doing something right, mumbling something intimate and unintelligible against my neck.

Hesitantly I allowed my mind to wander to her chocolate eyes- the intensity behind them. The penetrating way that she had looked at me in my office the other night. Her earthy smell, the thought of her strong body on top of mine, finally. A break in the tension between us.

I wrapped my legs tighter around frantic hips, nails digging lightly into muscled flesh with a quiet moan, slipping into my own secret reverie. My sudden participation pushed him over the edge, hips jerking, grunting out his release.

I sighed as his weight settled on top of me for a long moment, before rolling heavily away. I pushed a hand through my hair, panting up at the ceiling. He disappeared into the bathroom and I was grateful for the space. He had a propensity for closeness afterwards that I never shared.

I slid my dress, bunched up around my waist, back down. We were already late for Greg's birthday, a hint of guilt tugging at my mind as my phone vibrated lightly against the dresser. Liev wandered languidly back in, unashamed in his nakedness. He really was handsome- chiseled features, a body that at any other point in my life I would have praised. He sat down next to me and my eyes slowly trailed over his features, the slight wrinkles around his eyes soft, barely worn in. He hadn't even reached 40.

I offered a soft smile as he leaned down to cup my cheek, running a thumb over my skin gently. The tenderness I found in his gaze was almost unbearable.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

Pushing myself up beside him, adjusting my dress to cover exposed cleavage, I turned to brush my fingertips over his jawline gently.

"Where were you back there?" he nodded backwards at the bed and I smiled softly, letting my hand rest on his cheek for a long moment before dropping it away.

"Just worried about the time… we're running late"

Pushing off the bed, I padded over to the mirror of my vanity, frowning at the sight of my mussed hair that had been flawless before this little tryst.

"So, who is it you're trying to devastate?"

"What?" I furrowed my brows slightly into the mirror, running fingers through my hair. He smiled, gesturing vaguely at me.

"You look incredible"

My black dress was simple but hugged every curve- long sleeved, offering a glimpse of cleavage without exposing too much. Gold earrings hung low, almost blending into my loose strawberry hair. Dark makeup accentuated my eyes, without falling on the wrong side of excessive. It was a simple look that I knew would hit hard- he had me there. I was counting on the attention.

I shot him a smile before reaching down to grab his brown shirt off the floor, tossing it at him as I walked past the bed.

"Get dressed"

/

Joes was a run down bar sandwiched between a twenty-four hour donair shop and a seedy tattoo parlor, far enough away from the strip that tourists rarely wandered in. It had been a cop haunt long before I had first set foot into it, some fifteen years go- a well known spot for an after work beer or six, depending on the day. You could always count on running into a familiar face with an open ear and intimate understanding of the trials and tribulations of the job. I used to drag Grissom here religiously on Friday nights, back when I still had hope of him finding some semblance of a social life.

Greg was the first to spot us as we entered the intimate yet crowded space, eagerly making his way through the masses. I hadn't seen it this busy in years, though word of the party had spread through the lab like wildfire, everyone in desperate need of some lighthearted fun.

Liev kept a protective hand on my shoulder, even as Greg came to sling an arm around my waist with an enthusiastic grin. I pulled away from his possessive touch, shooting a warning look over my shoulder as I leaned in to wrap my arms around Greg.

"Happy birthday, having fun?" I shouted into his ear. He smelled of boyish cologne and tequila- the latter definitely had Nick or Sara behind it I noted with amusement. Likely both.

"You look incredible" he yelled excitedly over the deafening hum of voices and music. "I mean really. Thanks for dressing up for me"

He added a wink, shifting his smile towards Liev with a kind greeting before looking to me with a nod towards the dance floor.

"Since it's my birthday and all…"

He looked so hopeful that I couldn't hold back a soft chuckle, glancing over at Liev.

"I'll grab you a drink- white wine?"

I bit back the desire to ask for something stronger, instead just giving a nod and a grateful smile, allowing Greg to lead me away.

It felt incredibly gratifying, swaying freely, lost among the throngs of people. I was comfortable here, with the weight of hungry eyes on me. My confidences were always a touch higher when I was dancing; when I knew I looked good.

I allowed Greg to spin me around, dip me backwards. laughing as he pulled me back up, clinging tightly to his bony shoulder. I missed this easy love, this uncomplicated sort of fun.

"You guys are really showing us up"

I brushed wild hair away from my face, meeting Nicks warm coffee eyes. He was swaying with Sofia, an arm draped casually around his neck, beer bottle resting loosely in her free hand. There was an effortlessness to her beauty that was enviable- makeup-less face, a loose fitting navy jumpsuit somehow accentuating every curve of her body, thick hair pulled into a messy ponytail, strong arms the color of golden honey.

Glacial eyes gave me a slow once over before meeting mine with a hint of that ever-cocky grin. I felt a subtle flutter in my stomach, thoroughly surprising myself. She was hardly my type, but those eyes- I couldn't deny that they could be utilized like weapons.

She tipped back a long swig of beer and Nick sighed, glancing at her with an edge of irritation at her obvious disinterest.

"You know maybe if you put a little effort in we might look better up here"

He took the blondes hand, raising it up above them. She eyed him for a moment with heavy apprehension before relenting, turning in a gradual, unenthused spin, leaning back into him with a throaty chuckle, that soft implacable lilt to her voice.

"I'm sorry, but what were you thinking asking me to dance?"

"Your grace is inspiring" a husky voice sounded behind them, Sara's dark head appearing over Sofia's shoulder, amused smile gracing her lips.

I wondered if Greg could feel the sudden tension in my body, the way my attention was entirely hers. Four drinks in, I knew it was doubtful.

"You finally ready for a dance?" Greg slid his arms away from me to reach eagerly for the brunette who quirked an amused eyebrow, holding her hand up firmly.

"No, that's still not ever happening. I'm here on a delivery"

Dark eyes drifted over to me, raising the wine glass in her hand with a soft smile. I ignored the way my heart jumped, forcing my emotions to make way for a conjured confidence, sending her a flirtatious grin.

It was Eli who ultimately swooped in to rescue Sofia from any more forced dances with an offer of a cigarette break, the blonde sauntering away from us before all the words had even left his mouth. Sara chuckled at his eagerness, closing the distance between us.

"Doesn't it bother you?"

She quirked an eyebrow as she handed me the wine "Eli? Please"

Their dynamics were so foreign to me.

"I can't really take credit for this, it's compliments of the man at the bar" she leaned in to speak this against my hair. I glanced over at Liev who had made himself comfortable, nodding at me with a smile. God, he was so obnoxiously sweet I almost deplored how deeply unmoved I was by him.

A violent bump against my side served as a reminder the dance floor wasn't the ideal place for a conversation. I turned towards the tables, reaching out to grasp Sara's hand in mine under the guise of keeping close, leading us away from the swarm of moving bodies.

I really believed I had a solid hold on my compose, a swing of confidence to my hips as I lightly brushed my thumb over her skin, pulling her behind me. It was when I paused, glancing around for an empty table that she closed the distance between us, body molding against my back, leaning down to let hot breath play over my ear. Her free hand grasped my hip, assumedly for balance, but I felt her pull my body back into her ever so slightly as her gravelly voice spoke, "There's a spot in the corner"

My breath caught audibly in my throat, the sound lost beneath the thumping beat. I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to drop my head back against her shoulder as a wave of desire washed through me so heavily it made me shiver. Stone cold sober, at the peak of my confidences, and she was able to reduce me to this. I drowned my wine in a single shot, praying she didn't notice the obvious falter in my composure.

Desperate to have her to myself for a while in this relaxed state- playful, a little drunk- I ignored the familiar faces gesturing towards empty seats at their respective tables, leading her to the only vacant space in the corner of the bar. I was hesitant to let go of her hand, cool and soft in mine.

She was so different away from work, so much more at ease. We spoke about Lindsay and plans for her birthday. About Lady Heather showing up in Grissoms office on 'unofficial business' the other day. We drank and laughed and her eyes barely left mine. My leg was resting casually against hers beneath the table- an accidental connection that had gone unadjusted.

Eventually; inevitably, other showed up and Sara was pulled away and Lievs hand came to rest on my thigh beneath the table- a soft, burning reminder of who I was going home with.

/

"San Francisco wasn't like this, you know- respect was top priority. Not to say there isn't respect here, I know you respect me… "

Wendy's brow furrowed lightly; thoughtfully, raising her beer to her lips. I'd lost count of how many either of us had consumed, as well as the direction of her ranting thoughts. Something about the lab, or the authorities. We all had our issues with the current state of things at work, it was hard to keep track of everyone's personal grievances.

"Right" I assured her absently, my gaze focused on the thinning crowd. Greg had become friendly with a woman I didn't recognize, seemingly charmed by his drunken affection. Sara was leaning against the bar, in a deep conversation with Sofia and Brass, who had managed to make a last minute appearance thanks to a slow night at PD.

I'm not sure how I hadn't noticed the sensual ease behind everything she did- how she drank her beer, the casual way she held herself, the way her smile spread slowly throughout her features- soft and disarming. The toughness that she had always tried so hard to emulate seemed to have faded into a quiet sort of confidence in herself, her steadfast convictions, her actions. It was a slow transition that I had never paid enough attention to notice, but I saw clearly now.

She laughed, pursing her lips into a smile as she tucked a strand of wild hair behind an ear and I felt a familiar flutter in my stomach, raising the glass that had been hovering absently in my grasp up to meet my lips.

I was treading so deeply in unfamiliar waters here. I wanted her with a burning sort of desperation, but there was still the lingering fear that this feeling would dissipate if this attraction ever came to any sort of fruition. Not once in 46 years had I ever desired a woman in this way. Not once in 46 years had I wanted someone so deeply. The arm sliding around her neck, younger body leaning into her as she spoke intimately against dark hair was a sharp reminder that this was a pointless concern. The 7 years of conflict and general disregard for her made these thoughts even less realistic. I glanced down at my empty drink with a hazy dissonance.

Wendy seemed distraught, still speaking about something I had stopped listening to entirely. Regardless, the confidence she was putting in me, liquor fuelled as it may be, gave me a certain, acute tenderness towards her. I suppose we could consider each other friends….

"Have you ever been with a woman?" I interrupted, her words coming to an abrupt, mid sentence halt as dark eyes darted over to me, eyebrows raising. Somewhere between amusement, disbelief and confusion, a smile played over her lips.

"Never mind" I cut her off before she could answer with a half hearted wave of my hand, clearly I was a few drinks too deep. I whirled the melting ice around in my glass absently, the sharp edges of restlessness beginning to set in.

"Sexually? Yes. Romantically… yes" she answered, my eyes drifting back up to meet hers in surprise.

"I dated a woman in Frisco for two years" dark eyes met mine again, trying to gage my reaction. "She was a nurse, her name was June, and we were… too different in ways that it's important to be similar"

My attention shifted to her fully- the sudden sadness in her features, thin fingers trailing an invisible line on her beer bottle absently.

"I loved her more than anyone I've been with- though that doesn't take away from what I have now"

Eric, the sweet man that I had met a handful of times, bringing her extravagant lunches in the lab. He was a handsome college professor that she seemed to genuinely _want_ to love, but hadn't quite reached that height.

"And the 'sexually' part?" I asked after a moment, assuming that was a different story entirely. She glanced down at her beer, taking a quick swig before meeting my gaze again with a sly smile.

 _Definitely a different story_.

"Christmas party, two years ago. I had just started here, and she was having a rough week. There was way too much tequila involved, and she was… a smooth talker"

She glanced over at the bar and I followed her gaze straight to the place my eyes had been trained for most of the night. My stomach dropped violently, eyes tracing over Sara's form with a shock wave of jealously laced surprise. Wendy hardly seemed like her type, though I suppose I really didn't know the first thing about her type. Pain in the ass blondes with superiority complexes, maybe.

Sofia, doubling over with laughter at her side drew my attention long enough for it all to fall neatly into place- Wendy's drawn out stares, her surprisingly fierce protectiveness...

"Sofia" I spoke softly. She smiled, though a hint of misery remained.

"Yeah. I always thought maybe we could eventually be _something_ … but she's never looked at me like that" she gave a nod towards the bar in reference, Sofia beaming at the relaxed brunette. Their happiness made my stomach turn.

A sudden knock on the table surprised me, a gin and tonic to replace the one I had finished plopped down in front of me, sloshing slightly at the impact. I glanced up at Mandy, who dropped down into the seat next to me with a sigh. I raised my eyebrows in bemusement, glancing at the drink suspiciously.

"Thank you…"

"This is all getting very hard to watch" she motioned at the two of us, adjusting her glasses absently.

"You," she shifted her dark gaze to Wendy, speaking before either of us had a chance to question her "need to let her go, man. You are too good to be pining over a woman who you casually hooked up with two years ago"

Wendy frowned, Mandy's gaze shifting to me before the other woman had a chance to formulate a response.

"And you… looked like you could use another drink"

A smile tugged at my lips- I could respect her straightforwardness.

"You've been watching me?"

She scoffed in amusement, "everyone in here has been watching you, it's actually a little unnerving. But, being impartial to your good looks, I've actually been _noticing_ you"

I crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back to observe her fully, wondering where the hell she was going with this. She mimicked my position, bold as always in her own quiet way.

"Every moment you're not staring, moony-eyed at her, she's staring at you"

I frowned, opening my mouth to speak but she cut me off sharply

"Those two," she gestured absently behind her "are not in love. Two moody peas in a complicated pod, obviously- hooking up, definitely. But there is no romance there. Trust me. She's been eye fucking you all night and I know you've been sitting over here pining. You two have been dancing around this for _months_ "

 _Well Jesus fucking Christ_ , _was it that obvious?_

She leaned forward so that she could lower her voice an octave.

"Look, I know this is none of my business, but I needed something to focus on besides Hodges relentless whining tonight, and I am not one to sit by and watch romance slip pointlessly away. Also, I severely detest your current choice in men. No offence"

I laughed, hair tumbling over my shoulders as I leaned forward to rest an elbow on the wooden bar table, examining Mandy with a new found appreciation and slight distain. She leaned back, taking a sip of her own drink as she glanced out at the crowd.

"Tonight would be a good night for bold moves, that's all I'm saying"

/

Manicured nails tapped against the dark wood of the bar as I glanced around anxiously. I had gently but firmly sent Liev home alone, uninterested in any of the liquor fuelled ideas he had whisper-shouted into my hair as he slid a hand roughly up my thigh beneath the bar in an attempt to be suave. My mind was a hurricane of workplace stress, sexual confusion, irritation and gin, and I needed some distance.

Mandy's words still fresh in my mind, I was on a quiet mission to find Sara. I'm not sure that any excess boldness was the right course of action tonight, but I needed to find some sort of clarity.

Heading to the back of the bar, I slipped out through the heavy door into the cool city air. The breeze was a relief against my overheated skin, running a hand through my matted hair as I glanced around for any sight of her.

It took a few moments, clicking across cracked and uneven pavement with a surprising level of coordination before I spotted her, leaning back against the brick wall, an ember glowing in the darkness, resting between her fingers. A lazy half smile spread across her features as I met her gaze.

"Are you hiding from someone?"

I made my way over to her, admiring the way her dark leather jacket clung to her form.

"Sofia. We made a stop-smoking bet, I faltered" she smiled again, raising the smoke up in reference before tossing it down to stub out with a booted toe.

I chuckled, moving to lean next to her against the wall.

"Hasn't she been smoking all night?"

"Yeah, she owes me a pretty penny"

She stared at the sky for a few long moments before shifting against the wall to face me.

"You, uh" she pursed her lips into a smile, glancing away for a moment "you look beautiful"

I stared at her, blinking beneath the distant streetlight, heart suddenly in my throat.

"I mean, you always do. Just, especially tonight. That dress is…good. I am rambling…"

She smiled down at the ground, the light blush to her cheeks visible even in the near darkness.

"It was nice just being with you, tonight. I missed that… I missed you"

The sudden lump in my throat surprised me, not one to be moved to tears often. But that warm, tender look in her eyes was so sincere, my fingernails digging into my palm in an attempt to keep from reaching for her.

"I…" I began, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice.

 _Fuck it all_.

I closed the distance between us, stepping into her arms. Patchouli and earth; the steady feel of her. I slid an arm around her waist, the other reaching up to tangle tightly in dark waves. I felt the ghost of a smile against the sensitive skin of my neck as returned the embrace.

I was completely overwhelmed by her, yet entirely at ease. Comfortable, while my heart was pounding out of my chest. I curled my fingers into a fist, holding onto her unruly hair like a life line, eyes pressing shut.

She ran a hand over the small of my back- probably meant to be comforting, but paired with her hot breath against my neck, desire washed over me like a wave.

On its own accord, my hand slid around to grasp the front of her leather jacket in a loose fist, the fingers in her hair becoming nails at the back of her neck. Gently scraping over the warm skin beneath them, my heavy lidded eyes drifted open, met with the sight of glacial daggers bearing directly into mine.

 _Oh god_.

I instantly released my grip on her jacket, holding the approaching blondes gaze steadily as I took a few silent steps backwards. It took Sara a moment to register the approaching footsteps, the violent swing in the blondes confident swagger fuelled entirely at this point by tequila and distain.

"Good to see you two getting along" she spoke casually, though the look she had directed at me was anything but. _Eyes like god damn weapons_. Sara turned, an easy half smile skirting over her lips as she regarded the other woman warmly.

"I wasn't smoking" she blurted. I wasn't sure if it was cute or disheartening that that was her concern here.

"Yeah, you're full of shit" Sofia muttered gently, shifting her electric gaze towards Sara with a softened edge. She ignored me as she stepped into the brunettes space, sliding a hand to her waist, tilting her head ever so slightly to capture her lips in a kiss.

It was soft, simple and devastating, their noses brushing gently. The intimacy of it- these moments they shared every day. Sweet and commonplace. I felt it like a blow to the chest.

She pulled back far enough to raise an amused eyebrow, clearly tasting the linger remnants of smoke. Nodding her head towards the street, she took a few steps backwards.

"Cab's on its way"

Bright eyes shifted over to hold mine for an intense moment- a warning- before sauntering back off towards the street.

My chest felt tight, nails speared into my palms. She knew- without a shadow of a doubt, she knew. Sara, oblivious to everything, turned to me with more of that tender eyed sweetness that did nothing but add to my overall sense of crippling anxiety. I needed to go.

"I'll see you tomorrow" I choked out, brushing past her as I moved back into the bar. She called out after me- something indiscernible, drown out beneath the violent click of my heels.

A pair of deep grey eyes locked with mine from a seat at the quiet bar as I powered past- a rugged man, salt and pepper hair, just unruly enough to intrigue me. My pace slowed for a moment, eyes scanning over him with momentary consideration. It would be so easy…

He tilted his glass of whiskey towards me slightly with a soft smile- an invitation. I forced my nails deeper into my skin, offering a brief smile before continuing towards the door.

The cab ride was quiet and sobering, a message from Sara vibrating the phone held loosely in my hand- _hope you made it home safe… breakfast after shift tomorrow?_

I tossed it into my clutch, focusing on the passing lights.

I was grateful to see nothing but darkness as I walked up the stone pathway to the front steps of the familiar house. I didn't need any questions tonight. Fumbling with the small rocks lining the garden, I slid the key out from beneath the smallest one, letting myself in quietly.

I abandoned my shoes by the door, padding quietly up the stairs. I slipped into the small room as silently as possible, stepping over piles of clothes and books as I made my way to the bed. Easing down onto the mattress, I reached out to brush messy blonde hair away from Lindsay's face. She shifted slightly, before settling back into unconsciousness.

Sliding beneath the patchwork quilt Nancy had bought her years ago, I settled in next to her, resting my hand gently on her small shoulder. We had been at odds lately- though that wasn't unusual. I worked too much and she couldn't understand. I dated men she opposed of. She just wanted to be at home.

"Mom" she whispered sleepily, rolling over onto her back to blink tired eyes up at me.

"Hey you… I didn't mean to wake you"

"Are you okay?" she frowned, reaching up to touch my face softly, brushing away a stray tear that I hadn't realized had fallen.

"Yeah" I offered her a reassuring smile, "I just wanted to see you"

She kept her warm hand on my cheek for a moment, before letting it fall away.

"Is it Liev, did he do something?"

I shook my head, shifting down to lay fully beside her.

"It's just been a really long week. Can I stay with you?"

She nodded, a sleepy smile passing over her features before rolling onto her side, sliding back into my arms. I smiled against her hair, the familiar scent of peaches.

"You look really pretty" she whispered drowsily, before drifting easily back to sleep. As soon as her breathing evened out, I allowed it all to reach me- the stress of the case, Liev's unwanted touch, Sara's steady embrace, Sofia's warning eyes. Silently, I allowed tears to fall against messy blonde hair, holding her closely.


	23. Chapter 23

_Sara_

The outskirts of North Vegas- desolate and eerie. A space where misguided youth partook in typical teenage debauchery, leaving empty beer bottles and cigarette butts scattered. Just past the edge of the trailer park, there was nothing but a handful of abandoned buildings and the beginning of miles of endless desert.

This morning, it was unrecognizable. Police cruisers surrounded the area- more than I was used to at a body dump, though the crowd swarming the scene seemed to warrant it. I glanced over at Sofia, tension held in her jaw as she navigated around the news vans, coming to an abrupt stop behind the first of the cruisers.

"Vultures" she scoffed quietly, shifting violently into park. I reached across the center console to give her arm a soft squeeze, eyeing the crowded scene wearily.

It had been a quiet morning turned tense- a few after work beers in her sundrenched apartment. The uncluttered space and white walls made for a dreamy feel that I loved and Sofia loathed- an amplification of the emptiness, she said.

The feel of her beneath me, arching into my touch, hips rocking slowly against the appendage strapped firmly to my bare hips. Slow and sensual, drawn out pleasure. Golden legs wrapped tightly around my waist, golden hair loose and wild. I tried to commit to memory her breathlessness, her needy cries as our movements became frantic and deep; my teeth against her neck as she arched up into me, nails speared into the flesh of my back as she came.

Already on edge, every soft touch felt electric, her mouth taking its time trailing over every inch of my skin. Drawing it out, I finally came with my fingers tangled tightly in blonde tresses, feeling that arrogant smirk against me before she slid up my body to press a soft kiss against my lips.

This slow sort of passion was unusual for us, and when she finally moved away from me after a few long minutes, it was abrupt- a severing of connection. I felt a tightness growing in my chest as she pushed wild hair away from her face, moving to the edge of the bed, glacial eyes bearing into mine. It was the sudden gleam of unshed tears caught in the light streaming through sheer curtains that amplified the growing tightness painfully as I slid up against the headboard with concern. Reaching out for her, only able to skim my fingertips over the soft skin of her wrist, I forced out an almost inaudible "Fia, what?"

The next quiet words out of her swollen lips- "we should talk"- were abruptly cut off by a loud knock at the door. Captain Curtis, sharp and unnerving, eyeing us distastefully from the doorway- Sofia wrapped loosely in a crumpled sheet, an LVPD t-shirt I had hastily grabbed out of her dresser thrown on with my jeans, awkwardly trying to smooth down my hair- a clear giveaway to our morning activities.

A body had been found on the way out of Vegas matching the serial MO- the feds doing a preliminary investigation before anyone else was notified. The heads up was an appreciated kindness, though her heavy gaze clearly stated that the courtesy wasn't intended for me.

So here we were, half finished coffee's abandoned in the center console, a tension headache building rapidly at the base of my skull as we approached the scene, professional masks drawn.

I followed closely behind as she sauntered through the crowd, aviators barley obscuring her scowl as she barked a sharp "no comment" at the pushy reporters. I eyed the eager crowd as I passed- news anchors in their pressed suits, residents of the nearby trailer park- a woman smoking thin cigarettes and gesturing wildly to an older man, swaying drunkenly in the morning light. I sighed, flipping my sunglasses down from their perch on top of finger combed hair as I ducked beneath the crime scene tape, taking a scan of the scene.

David was already with the body, strewn out as I knew it would be- arms raised, pale and slender against blood drenched sand. I noted Agent Callum speaking to a man I didn't recognize by the edge of the taped off area, cloaked in black from her hair to her impractical shoes. Having witnessed Catherine trudging through sand in heels like that enough times, I decided to save her the effort, making my way over with a tight lipped smile.

"Sara"

"Rachel" I replied, earning myself a barely concealed scowl at the flippant use of her first name.

"You know I would have gotten here sooner, had anyone bothered to let me know we had a scene"

"We survey it first- it's protocol, Sara" she brushed off my irritation, gesturing tensely towards the gathering crowd behind the tape, "though it hardly matters, most of them beat us to it"

I sighed, catching sight of Elizabeth Curtis making her way through the crowd with the same irritation laced professionalism as Sofia. What she was doing at a scene in Vegas was beyond me, but it was far from the top of my currently overwhelming list of concerns.

"So what do we know?"

"Very little. Unlike most of the victims, there hasn't been a missing persons report filed. So, for now she is a Jane Doe in an all to familiar position"

Excusing myself, I headed towards David with an underlying sense of dread. The fire that this case had initially ignited was fading into dim embers of exhaustion. We were getting nowhere, and the lifeless bodies of young girls were piling up.

An eruption of voices behind me drew my attention, turning around to see Catherine moving effortlessly through the growing crowd of people, ignoring the questions hurdled at her with an air of experienced confidence. Vest tight around her frame, freckled arms bare, a dark toque covering strawberry hair, she stepped under the tape held up by a nearby officer. I couldn't suppress a smile as she made her way over to me, kit in hand.

"A little confused about the weather?" I asked, earning a momentary scrunch of a perfectly shaped eyebrow, a hand running absently over her hat

"It's February in Nevada, aren't you?"

I pursed my lips into a smile as she glanced over at David for a moment, eyes shifting towards Agent Callum with a snort, hand coming to rest on a cocked hip.

"Can you believe her?" her glare shifted back to me, eyes softening slightly "Thanks for the heads up"

Her gaze was oceanic in the late morning light and I had to tear mine away. Her beauty had been a cause of distraction from day one, her protective indignation as irritating as it was endearing, but I had quickly erected a wall in that space. A wall that at this point had become little more than a pile of rubble at her feet. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, refocusing.

"We've got no ID on the body, but from here it looks like the same MO- young girl, blonde, stab wound. Would you rather the body or the perimeter?"

She sighed, giving a nod towards David

"Why don't you go get the run down on the body, I'll start on the perimeter"

She threw a glance back over at Callum and for a moment I thought I might have to persuade her to let it go, but she simply let out an angry little puff of breath before turning towards the opposite end of the scene.

The body was in an identical position to the others, blue eyes the same cloudy shade of blue. Beneath the milky opaqueness, they were the same familiar shade as Lindsay's; the same almond shape. Even the freckles scattered across the pale skin of her face were similar. I felt a wave of nausea, pressing my lips into a thin line. Catherine was a stronger woman than me, to face this time and time again. I was grateful that she had allowed me to take the initial brunt of emotional impact this time around.

David shot me a gentle smile of greeting as I knelt down across from him, scanning over her form.

"Hey David. Same COD as the others I'm guessing?"

"Same COD, but there are some differences with her"

I glanced up at him in question, forehead creasing.

"She has two stab wounds, one direct entry into the upper left chest, the other to her lower left side- maybe she tried to dodge him and he missed?"

I pulled a pair of gloves out of my kit before tracing my fingers along the outline of the wound- the entry point aimed at nothing specific. Moving up to the angry red gash on her chest, I let my fingers trace her small collar bone softly.

"You know, this looks a bit too high to have penetrated the heart"

David nodded, "I won't know for sure until I can see the angle of entry, but I would guess it is a miss by far"

"All of the other victims had a single entry straight to the heart- simple, precise. What would cause him to suddenly get sloppy?"

"I don't know, but this body definitely stands out among the rest"

I sighed as I pushed up off the ground, faces eyeing us with intrigue behind the crime scene tape, curious gazes roving over her exposed form. Taking note of Catherine photographing something in the distance, I shot a final glare at the crowd, resting a hand on David's shoulder softly.

"Get her out of here Dave"

/

The rapidly approaching sound of heels against the cement floor shot another wave of pain up behind my eyes, closing them against my palm, bracing for whatever was coming. I felt Greg's hand move up to squeeze my shoulder supportively.

"I don't envy you, man" Nick spoke quietly.

"Sara"

I hesitated a moment before lifting my head up off my hand, blinking a few times at Rachel to clear my vision. I could tell by the blank expression on her face that she had no sympathy for our double shift becoming a triple, hazel eyes cold.

"Break times over. We've got a lead- tire marks came back to a 89 Chevy Silverado, DMV records kicked back a very short list in the Vegas area. Catherine and your friend detective Curtis are waiting outside"

 _Fantastic._

I bit back the urge to tell her exactly where to shove it as she turned on her heel to go, instead sliding the remainder of my gas station brownie towards Greg, pushing up onto tired legs.

"Now why are you always choosing him over me like that?" Nick asked, eyeing the double fudge square with a frown

"She likes me better man, what can I say" Greg shot me a charming smile, pulling the cellophane wrapper off slowly

"Fight it out" I mumbled, moving out into the hall.

The Tahoe was parked out front, Sofia leaning casually against the back, half smoked cigarette hanging between thin fingers. Catherine was perched against the front bumper, flicking absently through her phone. The civility between them had clearly dwindled down to a complete disregard for one another.

 _That's just perfect._

I took a deep breath before closing the distance, Catherine glancing up at me with a quiet, exasperated sigh. "It's about time" she shot, uncrossing her legs and moving around to the drivers side. Sofia appeared from the rear, my chest clenching beneath her gaze. I had come to read her effortlessly- her finger-tapping anxiety, fingers pushing back blonde locks incessantly on stressful days, the heavy tension held in her jaw beneath the strain of barely suppressed anger. That absent tug at the soft edges of her lips when she was happy. But this… the heaviness of her gaze felt ambiguous and crushing.

I moved towards her, pulling the remains of the cigarette gently from her grasp and taking a desperately needed drag. Stubbing it out against the bottom of the Tahoe, I gave a nod of invitation towards the passenger seat, eliciting a quiet chuckle as she grabbed the back door handle instead.

"Please, enjoy"

The ride was silent, a contrast to the nervous energy coursing through me. I could feel the unnamable tension radiating off of Catherine, the weight of the impending conversation Sofia and I were eventually going to have, the collective anxiety about finally having a thread to follow in this case.

Eventually, it became too much.

"So is this a home or work address?" I asked casually, rolling down my window a crack despite the drizzle that had began falling, cloaking the bright city in a gloomy fog.

"It's a steel factory on the East side, the guys name is Corey Wright. He's got no prior convictions, but there are only two other owners of this truck in the Vegas area- a 79 year old man named Wendell outside of Henderson who claims he hasn't used the truck in months, and a 16 year old whose using the old family truck as her first vehicle. So, we're starting here"

Catherine tapped her fingers against the steering wheel as she spoke- an uncharacteristically nervous tick

"I don't know, this all seems too easy. Tire treads leading away from the scene, skin beneath the victims fingernails…"

"Maybe she put up enough of a fight to throw him off his game" Sofia offered.

"Maybe" I mused as I focused back out the window, feeling a few light drops splash against my forehead as the drizzle became a light rain.

It was as simple as walking in, Sofia flashing her badge and the gun holstered on her cocked hip, Catherine navigating the defensive rhetoric we were so accustomed to in typical no bullshit fashion, tucking the search warrant for his truck between his crossed arms as she passed.

He was a tall man, thin and nervous- full of big words, giving the general feel of being uncomfortable in his own skin. Dark eyes darted between us from behind rimless glasses, finally settling on me with a forced sort of resolve. Sofia immediately took my place, forcing his gaze onto her with a typically abrasive comment as I followed Catherine out into the parking lot.

"He certainly seems a little off" she commented, pulling the hood of her jacket up to protect blonde waves. I didn't bother, knowing there was little that could make my tangled, overgrown hair any less presentable.

The truck was off-white and run down, rusted along the edges with a windshield in desperate need of replacement. Catherine gave it a disgusted once over before prying open the rusted door. I did the same, beginning a general search of the garbage littered back seat.

"Do you want to grab a bite after shift? My treat"

She poked her head up from the back to give me an incredulous look, shaking her head slightly

"You look like the walking dead Sara, no offence. You should get some rest"

I offered a weary smile, and I knew she could tell I was about to protest as she cut me off before I could form my next words.

"I am sleeping with my phone on silent until next shift. You should do the same"

"Yeah" I sighed, pushing back a grease stained McDonalds bag to reveal more trash beneath. I could feel her heavy gaze on me, and I glanced up to meet it, laced with concern.

"Is everything okay?"

I sighed, shrugging slightly

"I don't know. Sofia wants to talk later… it feels like a conversation I'm not going to want to have"

The look that painted her face was difficult to read- something between surprise and horror- a flash of raw emotion before it fell away, replaced by a cool mask of composure.

I didn't have time to question it as my hand collided with a fabric wrapped item, frowning lightly as I leaned heavily down to look beneath the seat. Pulling out a knife by the handle, wrapped in blood soaked fabric, I looked up at Catherine incredulously. Her expression perfectly matched my own, letting out a humorless chuckle of disbelief.

"Seriously?"

It was as if he was asking to be caught, I couldn't understand it. Frowning, I passed the item across the front seat into Catherine's gloved hand.

"I'm going to call for a cruiser to take him in"

/

Arrogance. It was written across his entire being, from the smug grin tugging at the edges of his thin mouth to his hands folded neatly on the table in front of him- ridged, unmoving. Unnerving, to say the least.

I was running on cold, bottom-of-the-pot coffee and a furious resolve to understand what exactly was happening here. It was the nervous undertones in everything he did that had me unconvinced. He was responsible for the most recent death- DNA on the body and fingerprints on the murder weapon proved that- but he didn't possess the patience or competence of a serial killer as successful as the one we were dealing with.

"Hey"

I glanced over at Sofia, changed into a deep grey blouse, hair pulled away from her tired face. I fought the urge to reach out for her as she moved beside me, staring in at Wright.

"He seems so pleased with himself" I muttered, digging my fingertips into the edge of the windowsill, pursing my lips against the anger bubbling beneath the blanket of exhaustion. I felt her gaze shift towards me, lingering softly.

"You should go home, get some sleep"

I couldn't help but smile, the suggestion so uncharacteristically gentle.

"Well that's hardly fair when you're stuck here dealing with this". I nodded at Wright, feeling another sneer of irritation tugging at my lips. "I'll stay too"

A smile ghosted over her features as she stepped away from the window, moving in the direction of the door.

"Go home Sara, please. Both of us don't need to be exhausted. I'll call you as soon as I'm done with him, let you know what he has to say"

I sighed, opening my mouth to argue when she cut me off, hand grasping the door handle.

"You're not useful as a zombie babe, just go"

The regretful hesitation as the familiar term slipped from her lips wasn't lost on me, but it was enough to pull my heart out of the disquieted depths it had fallen to over the past few days. I was getting by on fragile threads of hope in every aspect of my life, but hope was there nonetheless.

Raising my hands in defeat, I pursed my lips into a small smile "Fine. I'm gone"

A soft smile of gratitude played over her lips before she took a deep breath, moving into the interrogation room.

I watched her saunter over to the table, dropping a file folder down in front of her before I turned away, moving in the direction of the locker room. I didn't have it in me to fight to stay.

A familiar voice reached my ears as I moved through the hall, Catherine appearing from a conjoining hallway, bright eyes shooting over at me in irritation, phone held loosely to her ear.

"I don't care Lindsay, you can't spring these things on me last minute. I'll pick you up from Brooke's at five"

She fell into sync at my side, heels bringing her almost to my height.

"Just stop, I'll see you tonight"

She flipped her phone shut with an audible snap, slipping it into her back pocket with a sigh. "Don't even ask. I am asleep on my feet"

I shifted my gaze over to her, letting it linger on her features- the soft red of her lips, the even warmth of her skin, hair bouncing against her shoulders as she walked, soft and gleaming. Her perfection baffled me, three shifts in and aside from her escalating moods, you would never guess. Meanwhile, I was beginning to resemble a prisoner of war. I shook my head, eyes trailing over her form softly "I wouldn't guess it- you look beautiful"

I knew instantly that was a slip of the tongue, but I couldn't find the energy to attempt to backtrack, instead just offering an awkward smile as her pace faltered slightly in surprise. A smile graced her features, chucking slightly as she ran a hand absently over blonde locks, bright eyes meeting mine. She held my gaze for a lingering moment before a frown suddenly tugged at her lips and she stopped abruptly, turning to face me.

"You know, what does that even mean?"

I frowned, shaking my head slightly in confusion, "what?"

She scoffed, hand coming to her hip angrily, azure eyes flashing an indecipherable warning.

"You can't keep saying these things and expect me to just…". She let that unfinished thought hang heavy, giving her head a violent shake. "It's too much, Sara. Just fucking save it"

She punctuated that riddle of a statement with a glare sharp enough to feel, turning on her heel and marching off towards the break room. I stared at her retreating form, mouth slightly agape, hands slightly raised in what was some subconscious attempt to calm her down.

"What the fuck?" I muttered to no one at all, turning slowly back towards the locker room, eyes locking with Warrick's as he headed towards me, an amused smile pulling at his lips

"You look like you could use a drink"

I shook my head slightly, still bewildered. I needed sleep- I needed to refocus, recharge. I needed to get back here and reassess this case as soon as I could. Sighing, I turned with him, a strong arm draping casually over my shoulder, my bewildered gaze melting into a tired frown.

"Yeah, I could use several"

 _What the fuck is going on?_


	24. Chapter 24

**You guys- your reviews are so deeply appreciated, thank you for taking the time! I hope you enjoy.**

 _Sara_

Frank's diner at 6 pm brought in a eclectic crowd. An elderly couple shared dinner and comfortable silence while a young family seated behind them argued indiscreetly across the table, parents turning a blind eye to their children's obnoxious behavior. A man in biking chaps was resting against the counter nursing a whiskey and a bruised lip, voice rough as he spoke quietly to the kind eyed waitress. An older woman absorbed in a worn out book sat a few seats away, adjusting her glasses every few minutes, an abandoned dinner plate resting precariously on the counter beside her.

Sensing eyes on me I shifted my gaze to a corner table, met with a hazel eyed woman, young enough to make me feel old in comparison. Her dark hair was tied into a loose bun, a sleeve of dark tattoos peeking from beneath the bunched up sleeves of her navy sweater. Textbooks were scattered across the surface in front of her, a large cup of coffee held between slim hands. She offered a smile, the ghost of a frown playing over my lips- I looked like a corpse in three day old clothes. She raised a dark eyebrow in amusement, my lips eventually pursing into a soft grin.

 _As if this was what you need right now._

"Sara"

I shifted my attention back to Warrick, meeting his bright gaze as I trailed my fingertips absently over the rim of my fourth beer.

"Huh?"

"I was asking why you think she…" he hesitated, observing me with concern before letting out a heavy sigh, reaching across the table to grasp my forearm gently. "Never mind. You need to get some sleep, girl"

A conversation about the intricacies of the case had led to complaints about the complexities of women, which inevitably led to questions about Sofia- the latest of which I had apparently chosen to tune out. Avoidance at its best.

I nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear with an apologetic smile.

"I really do"

The bell above the door chimed, drawing my absent minded attention as I took a swig of beer, stomach dropping violently as I noted the familiar swing of hips, icy eyes examining the menu above the counter as though she wasn't intimately familiar with every item on it.

 _Fantastic._

Behind her, I caught sight of the hazel eye'd woman glancing up from her reading, eyes dragging appreciatively over her form. Sofia had that effect.

Warrick followed my gaze to the counter, letting out a quiet laugh. So much for avoidance.

"Well I'm going to take that as my cue to leave. Some of us have to go back to work tonight" He pushed out of the booth to regard me with warm concern. "I've got the bill, you good?"

I gave him a nod, tipping my beer towards him in thanks. He grasped my shoulder softly before turning to go. I could hear the murmurings of their brief conversation, my eyes trained down on the label of the bottle with a forced sense of interest.

It was a few minutes before she came over, hesitating briefly before dropping down into the seat Warrick had vacated, a beer of her own in hand. I lifted my gaze to meet hers with a strength I didn't feel, observing her uncharachteristically mussed hair, the half moons beneath her eyes ever darkening. The soft lines on her forehead were more prominent- too much stress, too much horror. I bit back the urge to reach out for her, taking a long swig of beer instead.

"You look like death" she spoke tiredly, soft lilt more prominent under the veil of exhaustion. I pursed my lips into a gentle smile, "I was thinking the same about you"

She smirked, setting her keys and an unopened pack of Marlboros down on the table.

"We're not supposed to be smoking" I reminded her half heartedly, the taste of my last cigarette still lingering on my lips.

"Yeah, well" she glanced at her beer with the same level of absent interest I had moments ago, lowering her voice "I had to tell a single mother that her daughter was brutally murdered while she was supposed to be at ballet camp- console her for an hour after interrogating that… fucking monster"

I exhaled deeply, my foot immediately shifting beneath the table to find hers, our legs tangling intimately.

"I can't believe he confessed to everything"

She had called as I was heading out to tell me the bare bones of his statement as promised- a full confession of guilt to all of the murders, with no solid reason as to why. She knew that was bullshit just as well as I did, a hand coming up to run absently over her lips.

"I can't talk about it any more today, I am maxed out. I thought you were going home?"

I shrugged, offering nothing more than a tired half-smile in response. She knew me well enough to know that sleep didn't come easily on nights like this, her leg pressing comfortingly into mine as she took a swig of beer. The silence lingered between us for a few long moments before her eyes drifted back up to mine.

"Just say it, Sof" I spoke softly, cursing the vulnerability heavy in my voice. She held my gaze for what felt like a small eternity before sitting back, picking absently at the edges of her beer label.

"What are we doing, Sara?"

I ignored the sparks of dread leaping into my throat; the panic rising.

"I don't know, smoking too much and having incredible sex?"

A smile tugged at her lips despite her attempt at steadfast resolve.

"I honestly haven't thought too hard about it"

She nodded softly, eyes drifting out the window for a lingering moment.

"If I thought we could keep smoking ourselves into the grave and fucking in unconventional places, I'd be all for it" she mused, taking another slow swig of beer.

"And we can't because? I'm personally having a great time…"

A smile skirted over her lips, meeting my gaze again, more firmly this time.

"Because if I have to work with the _suffocating_ tension between you and Catherine for another day, I am going to lose my mind"

"What?"

A confused frown tugged at my lips, shaking my head lightly in confusion. She took a quick glance at my expression, snorting softly in amusement, eyes drifting over to absently observe the biker at the counter tossing back a dram of whiskey.

"Come on Sara, you've been wild about her for years"

I snorted, mimicking her position as I leaned heavily back against the booth. While I wouldn't deny that the lines of our friendship had been shifting with the violence of tectonic plates over the past few months, there was not even the spark of anything tangible there. And wild certainly wasn't the right word. Wildly irritated, maybe. Wildly provoked.

"So you're breaking up with me because you think there's something between Catherine and I? Do you realize how insane that sounds?"

She furrowed her brow in amusement laced frustration, running her tongue over her lip.

"Breaking up is a strong phrase, we've hardly been dating"

I sat forward, frown deepening in frustration as I untangled my leg from hers, pulling it back beneath me.

"The point is there's nothing between Catherine and I- never has been, never will be"

"Really? That's the story you're going with? Because I've been watching her get under your skin for years now, and she's barely keeping it together around you"

 _Huh?_

"No" I answered softly, shaking my head with a furrowed brow.

Her eyes rolled discretely as she ran a hand over her mouth, glacial eyes meeting mine.

"Okay. Well I caught her about a moment away from kissing you the other night, that's why she's been finding every reason to avoid me. And while I'd like to hit her gently with my car, I won't stand in the way of something that could be good for you"

The thoughts suddenly invading my mind were forceful- what could she possibly be taking about? Had she seen us arguing in the parking lot weeks ago? Had she caught sight of Catherine bringing me coffee the other night, sliding her hands onto my overworked shoulders, leaning down to whisper words of encouragement against my hair? Was she talking about the other night at the bar, drunk and overly affectionate? My frown deepened- were there really this many scenarios that could be mistaken for intimate?

I met her gaze again, angry and unsteady.

"So you're telling me what it is I want?"

She stared back at me for a long moment, searching my eyes before sighing, downing the rest of her beer before focusing back out the window. The setting sun illuminated her eyes an impossible shade of blue, hair golden in the fading light.

"Do you feel anything for me?" I asked after a long moment.

She scoffed quietly in amusement, still not meeting my gaze.

"That's a… complicated question"

I could feel my chest tightening- in anger, in heartache, in desperation. Please don't do this, I wanted to plead. Please don't go.

"Actually it's not"

"Sara" she shifted her gaze back to meet mine steadily. "Being with you makes me… incredibly happy. You are _the_ most important person in my life. But we're hardly dating- we're good friends fucking. And I don't want that to stand in the way of something real… for you or me"

I scoffed, giving her a stiff nod.

"So this isn't real for you. Got it"

"That's not what I…" she sighed, icy eyes baring into mine wistfully before breaking away as she slid tiredly out of the booth. I refused to let the prick of tears I felt behind exhausted eyes show, glaring darkly. She leaned on the table, close enough for the familiar smell of vanilla and leather to overwhelm me.

"If you think that I don't care about you, you're so fucking far off base. If you want to pass on that opportunity, that is entirely up to you. But I won't be a factor"

She spoke with a quiet harshness against my hair before leaning back. "Get home safe"

I stared after her retreating form, hesitating all of 60 seconds before downing the rest of my beer and following her determinedly into the parking lot.

She was at her SUV in the corner of the lot when I reached her, grasping her arm and spinning her around with just enough force to demand her attention. She ripped her arm away, staring at me with pained expectance. Any reasonable thoughts vanished and I simply stared at her with a deep set frown for a few lingering moments before stepping forward and pressing my lips to hers.

When she remained despondent I kissed her harder, pulling her hips into mine. She remained ridged for another moment before relenting, melting into my touch.

I kissed her with a wild sort of desperation, pushing her back against the door. She whimpered quietly, a hand coming up to tangle gently in my hair. It wasn't until I pressed a thigh up between her legs, drawing a strangled moan from her throat that she broke away, panting against the hollow of my neck.

I caught my breath, remaining pressed against her, the beginnings of dread beginning to oscillate in my chest. She ran a hand through my hair softly, and I pulled back just far enough to catch the gleam of tears that I knew she wouldn't allow to fall. Not now.

"I love you" I whispered, my breath hot against her skin. Words we hadn't uttered out loud to one another before, safe in the intimate space between us. "Don't do this"

She took a shaky breath, sliding an arm around my waist and holding me impossibly close for a few long moments, face buried in the mess of my hair before pushing me gently back.

"I love you too. That's _why_ I'm doing this". She held my gaze heavily before breaking away, "I have to go"

I felt her sudden absence like a blow to the chest that I refused to let undo me. I turned back towards the diner as her car door shut, lips pursed resolutely against the threat of tears. She was my safe place on nights like this. She had become my home.

/

A loud knocking made its way into my blissful unconscious, the edges of lucidity returning as I cracked open my eyes, wincing beneath the harsh morning light. A second set of knocks drew a tired groan from my sandpaper throat, kicking back the covers and sitting up, my head pounding.

A third knock elicited a dark glare in the direction of the door, pushing a sleep-weak hand through my hair before mumbling a quiet "I'm coming"

A quick glance through the peephole revealed Greg, a tray of coffee and a bag of what I was praying to be breakfast in his hands. I unlocked the door, pulling it open and stepping back to allow him space to enter.

"I don't know why you're here but you're a god send. I need that" I mused, motioning at the coffee. He smiled, stepping in as he held the tray up for me to grab.

"Good morning to you too. You look like…"

I cut him off with a deep set glare. "I'm tired"

I had sent him a text swearing off of women last night. I assume that had something to do with his presence. I dropped down on the couch, adjusting my crumpled, oversized t-shirt as he glanced around the messy space.

"Cleaning hasn't exactly been a priority" I defended, getting an amused smile as he sat down in the chair across from me. "Hey, no judgment here- still looks better than my place"

I eyed the bag, taking a long sip of coffee and reveling in the comfort. Two sugars, no cream. She wasn't the only one that knew me.

He spilled out two giant breakfast burritos wrapped in foil onto the table, glancing up at my grateful grin with a self-satisfied smirk.

"I love you"

"I know" he mused, grabbing the one labeled 'bacon' and hastily unwrapping it. We let the comfortable silence linger, taking a few bites of our breakfast before he leaned back, toffee eyes meeting mine.

"So do you wanna talk about it?"

I sighed, glancing at the insides of my burrito- scrambled egg yellow, pepper green, mushroom brown.

"Which problem are you referring to? You're gonna have to be specific" I mused, taking another bite.

"Well let's start with last night- I'm assuming something happened with Sofia?"

I nodded, dropping the remains of my breakfast onto the foil and pushing it away. "She ended things"

His eyes softened, a concerned look painting his boyish face.

"What happened?"

I gave him a brief run down of our conversation; my attempts to dissuade her.

"It's fine, I knew it would eventually run it's course. I just thought we had more time"

"Well maybe this is a good thing. You can both move on to something that has more depth"

I wasn't about to try to explain that there was more depth to our relationship than I had experienced with anyone before. That the only positive here was that there would be no eventual collapse that took our friendship down with it.

"It's not like I exactly have a list of suitors, Greg. We've been having fun, she's been my one escape from this…. nightmare of a year"

"Well it's not like your loosing her, right? Just… adjusting your relationship"

I sighed, pushing tired fingers through my hair before taking a long sip of coffee.

"She thinks I have feelings for Catherine" I spoke into my mug, words muffled.

His eyes shot up to meet mine, taken aback by the excitement I found dancing behind them.

"Do you?"

I scoffed, shooting him a warning look. "No. I mean… no"

A smile grew on his face, slowly breaking into a full on toothy grin.

"I don't, Greg" I insisted firmly "and she definitely doesn't have feelings for me. I mean, that's ridiculous, we're talking about Catherine"

"Come on- you guys seem so close now, plus all that built up tension…"

I shook my head, holding up a hand in a plea for him to stop. I glanced towards the window at the morning sunlight pouring in through sheer curtains, dust drifting ethereally in the stagnant, illuminated air.

If I was being honest, my mind was a complicated constellation of thoughts- Catherine's words the last time I had seen her, vile and confusing. Catherine at the bar the other night looking like something right out of one of Greg's fantasies, her fingers tangling around mine; the smell of jasmine as she slid into my arms.

The feel of her pressed against me, whispering bitter words against my hair. That night at her house, her soft hand against my thigh, heavy lidded eyes as she whispered ' _stay_ '.

The idea that she could want me seemed completely ludicrous- she had just been flaunting her sexuality to get her way. _Right?_

Furthermore, when I pushed back all of the obviously sexual tension that clouded everything around her, was I left with any feelings? I loved her, but in a familial way- no different than Nick or Warrick. She drove me insane on the best of days- existing with her was like battling a small but relentless wildfire.

But then there was her smile. The way she could make you feel infinitely important, just by touching your arm in that gentle way; looking at you with those eyes.

Her natural confidence. Her laughter.

 _God dammit._

I pressed the heel of my palms into my eyes with a quiet groan, pushing them up through my sleep-mussed hair. She was seeping in, in every way I had worked so hard to prevent.

I cracked opened my eyes, meeting Greg's amused gaze tiredly.

"I don't know, okay? I can't focus on that right now"

He nodded, holding his own hand up half heartedly in surrender, dropping back against the chair.

"So how did you leave things with Sofia?"

I winced lightly at the memory, the painful tension in my temple increasing steadily.

"I told her I loved her, I watched her go…"

"And yet you're hung over and exhausted…" he pointed out, knowing full well there was more to the story.

"I um, had a few drinks with a woman about ten years too young for me, and then came home"

He raised an eyebrow. "Did you at least get her number?"

"I gave her Sofia's"

He hesitated, turning that over in his mind as though searching for some sort of logic, eventually frowning at me in amused confusion.

"It doesn't matter, I couldn't date right now even if I wanted to" I mused, glossing over that drunkenly passive aggressive move, dropping my head back against the back of the couch.

"Do you wanna talk about your case? I heard Wright confessed to everything"

I stared up at the ceiling, tapping my fingertips against the paper cup in my hand.

"He did, which means we have a very narrow time frame to prove that he in fact didn't commit most of those murders before we're forced to close the case with the actual killer still out there"

"You still think it's O'Riley?"

I lifted my head off the couch to meet his gaze again, nodding softly as I took a sip of coffee.

"I'm sure of it, Greg. But we've got absolutely no substantial evidence to prove it"

The sound of my phone vibrating quietly from the bedroom reached my ears. I sighed, shooting Greg a regretful glance, knowing this was the end of my peaceful morning.

I padded quickly into my room, glancing down at Catherine's name lighting up the screen, taking a breath before answering.

"Hey, wh…"

" _Turn on the news_ " she cut me off sharply.

"What's going on?" I asked, frowning as I moved back into the living room, searching around for the remote, finding it wedged between couch cushions.

" _Channel Five, just turn it on_ "

I shot Greg a concerned glance as I sat back down on the edge of the couch, flipping on the TV. McKeen was at a podium in front of PD, looking as confident as I'd ever seen him, speaking to the crowd of reporters and gathered citizens.

"… _with the exhaustive efforts of the crime lab, under the lead of Special Agent Rachel Callum with the Federal Beauro of Investigations, we were able to get this dangerous criminal off of the streets. I'd like to extend my thanks to…."_

I dropped the remote onto the table, glancing over at Greg who was shaking his head softly at the scene.

"I can't believe them" I spoke quietly into the phone

" _I should have seen this coming… that bastard told me to my face, that we would have a meeting about it this morning, and discuss a press conference this afternoon_ "

I could hear the slam of a car door in the background, confirming my suspicions that she was on her way to raise a little hell.

"I'll be in as soon as I can"

I flipped my phone shut, dropping it beside me with a quiet groan, pushing a hand through my hair.

"I take it you didn't know this was happening"

I shook my head as I stood, ruffling his wild hair as I walked past, pausing to squeeze his shoulder softly.

"I so appreciate you coming by"

He smiled, standing up and grabbing his coffee and I moved towards the bedroom to dress.

"Good luck, I'll see you tonight"

/

Palpable tension. That was the feel of the lab the moment I entered, everyone not involved with the case seemingly confused, but wise enough to make themselves scarce.

Moving through the halls, I glanced into each room as I passed, silently debating whether to opt for a coffee first or delve straight into this chaos. I braced myself at the sound of heels rounding the corner, my dark eyes meeting darker ones, Wendy offering me a half smile as I let out a breath of relief.

"Break room" she spoke in passing. I turned to look back at her in question, meeting her gaze over a slim shoulder.

"I would personally be avoiding it, but I imagine it's Catherine you're looking for" she gave a nod in the direction of the break room and I sighed, eyeing it wearily.

To my surprise it was Grissom alone who was enduring her wrath, sitting across from her at the large table, leaned back casually as she paced across the floor in front of him. Grey eyes shifted over to mine, raising an eyebrow ever so slightly. It took a moment for Catherine to notice me, turning on her heel to regard me intensely.

I was taken aback by her beauty- the ferocity behind azure eyes, blonde hair falling in loose waves over her shoulders. The black tank top she was wearing plunged deeply to show the outline of ample cleavage- a power move? I had my suspicions. Her freckled arms were crossed, jeans hugging every curve…

"Sara"

My eyes shot up to meet hers, expectant and confused. _Right, not the time._

Refocusing, I moved into the room with an awkward half smile, dropping down into the seat next to her.

"What's going on"

She scoffed, shooting a glare over at Grissom who appeared characteristically unfazed.

"The sheriff isn't here yet so she's practicing her speech on me"

I shot him a quick grin, Catherine bracing her hands on the table beside me, leaning forward to look him directly in the eyes.

"You are supposed to be the supervisor of this lab- at least the only one that seems to get any respect around here, and you haven't said a word about the unjust way this investigation has been handled… I'm not even sure where you've actually been. So for god sake Gil, I need you to have my back here"

He crossed his hands neatly in his lap, holding her icy gaze with calm eyes. "I always have your back"

She stared at him for a long moment until she seemed to accept his words, collapsing into the chair beside me. I absently slid my hand across the space to grasp her forearm, giving it a soft squeeze. She looked up at me, a fraction of the tension held in her body seeming to dissipate, gaze softening.

"I thought you were going to get some rest last night, you look exhausted" she spoke gently, eyes drifting over my tired features.

"I tried" I told her honestly, offering a half hearted smile. She kept her focus on me, slender arm still in my grip shifting to take hold of my hand.

"I know it's been a tough few month"

Her thumb ran gently over my knuckles, surprising me with her sudden tenderness. Grissom had the ghost of a self congratulating smirk on his lips as he observed us from across the table, undoubtedly giving himself full credit for the relatively newfound intimate peace of our relationship. I had to admit, we weren't exactly holding hands in the break room before he forced us together months ago.

A sound at the door drew our attention, Liev wandering in with a soft smile. Making a move to pull my hand out of hers, she tightened her grip, leaving it encircled in her lap. The weight of strong hands came to rest on her shoulders, charcoal eyes gazing down at her with concern.

"I see you haven't torn anyone apart yet"

I glanced at him awkwardly, all of my focus on the warmth of her delicate fingers wrapped around mine.

"Yeah well, stick around" she mused, shifting uncomfortably beneath his touch.

"I spoke to Ecklie about half an hour ago, he should be back here by now"

She turned to look up at him, hands falling from her slim shoulders as her incredulous gaze met his.

"You're kidding. All of my calls have gone straight to voicemail"

"Well what did you expect babe, he knows you're pissed"

Her grip on my hand had tightened painfully, the glare she had directed at him heavy and violent.

"I don't know, to be treated like a part of this team? to be given just a sliver of respect?"

The condescending smile that played over his lips made my chest clench in distain; the obvious notion that her anger was misplaced.

"Just try to hear them out Cat, before you jump down their throats"

She scoffed, shaking her head as she moved to stand up, surprised to realize that my hand was still in her grasp. Azure eyes shot up to mine for a lingering moment before she shifted her attention back to Liev, the loss of contact sharp.

"Why don't you just stay the hell out of my way today, okay?" she hissed, moving around him and out the door, the click of heels disappearing down the hall. I watched her go, shifting my gaze over to him darkly.

"You can't honestly think this is okay?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest as he sighed, taking the seat Catherine had vacated.

"Look, I'm not saying it's okay, but you can't please everyone, and in my experience sometimes the most productive way of dealing with that is to go ahead with the opinion of the majority, and deal with the backlash later"

I chuckled humorlessly, shaking my head as I pushed up out of my seat. "You know Liev, she deserves so much better than you"

I was gone before he had a chance to formulate a response, knowing full well that was a heavy statement to make, but meaning it to the marrow of my bones.

I headed towards her office, hoping she had simply opted for a quiet place to cool down. Glancing through the window I could see that that was wishful thinking, taking a deep breath before redirecting.

Sure enough I heard her muffled voice as I approached Ecklie's office, pausing outside of the cracked open door for a moment before knocking softly. He beckoned me in, tired eyes meeting mine as I moved into the room.

"I'm a little busy right now, Sidle…"

"Oh please, you owe her just as much of an apology" Catherine spat, a hand resting tensely on her jutted out hip.

He held my gaze for a moment before shifting his focus back to her with a sigh.

"It wasn't my decision to make, Catherine. The sheriff wanted to make an announcement before the news caught wind of it and spun their own version of what was happening"

"And no one thought to at least inform us of that decision? You specifically told me that we would discuss everything this morning, before making any further moves"

He leaned back, waving a hand absently towards us with another deep sigh.

"I am sorry that you weren't informed, but that's just the politics of it"

She scoffed, taking a step towards his desk.

"That's bullshit, Conrad. That isn't politics, it's a group of men with superiority complexes thinking they know better than the women who actually conducted this investigation"

I took a cautionary step towards her, the concern for her tendency towards unbridled anger overpowering the matching distain I felt towards the entire situation.

"That's not fair Catherine, this isn't a gender inequality issue, Agent Callum was entirely involved in our decision"

"The agent who came in and took control for a fucking week was involved when we weren't? Is that really supposed to make me feel better here?"

She was leaning on his desk now, hands pressed firmly onto the wooden surface as she leaned forward, azure eyes burning into his. He held her gaze for a moment before looking away, his eyes eventually coming to linger on the exposed swell of her breasts before shifting up to meet hers once again.

"You are pathetic, Conrad. You can't face a little opposition so instead you hide from it until you've gotten what you want"

"Be careful, Willows"

I chose that moment to intervene, moving behind her to grasp her shoulder, gently but firmly.

"Catherine" I spoke quietly, her body tense beneath my hand.

"That press conference shouldn't have happened, it was premature and you know it"

"And what makes you so sure about that? You have given me nothing to support these claims you have so confidently made"

"Just let it go, Cat" I urged gently, pulling her shoulder firmly. She took a deep breath and for a moment I was sure she was going to go off on another tangent, but instead she scoffed quietly, turning on her heel and heading out the door.

"Thank you, Sara. I…"

"Don't thank me" I cut him off sharply, holding his gaze with a narrow glare before turning to follow her out.

She was gathering looks from every direction as she stormed down the hall, making a beeline for her office. I hurried behind her, ignoring the unwanted attention. We were nearing her office when I managed to catch up.

I noticed Hodges staring out from the nearest lab, shooting him a warning glare before reaching out to grasp her arm gently. She tore it away, coming to an abrupt halt as she spun around to face me with dizzying speed, glaring sharply.

"Do you really not have anything to say? Incase you don't realize, they fucked you too"

Hodges and one of the new bright eyed dayshift techs had abandoned their work to focus on us, gazing out the window with intrigue. I gave them another warning look, turning my attention back to her.

"Do you really want to do this in the hallway?" I asked, her glare holding mine for a moment before she turned back towards her office, leading the way.

The moment the door closed she reeled around to face me.

"Why are you never angry when its justified? Your passive attitude is so frustrating"

I didn't bother trying to explain that only one of us could afford to go off the deep end at a time, moving around her to pull the blinds shut.

"I am angry, Catherine. This was our investigation and we both deserved to be a part of that discussion, but coming at it with blind anger isn't the answer here"

"It's not blind, it's actually very narrowly directed"

"Yelling at Ecklie for everyone to hear is not productive. You know he'll have you suspended in a second, is that what you want?"

She sighed as I moved back towards her, a manicured hand running through soft waves as she leaned heavily back against the door.

"I'm fucking livid"

I pursed my lips to suppress a smile at that statement, as if it wasn't abundantly clear. She frowned, anger flickering dangerously behind bright eyes.

"You know it would be refreshing if you showed just a hint of emotion once in a while" she spat, eyes daring me to engage. I took a step towards her, hands becoming fists at my side.

"Controlling my anger doesn't make me emotionless" I defended.

"Really? Because…"

I closed the distance between us before she could finish that assumedly provocative statement, her words trailing off. I stopped just short of her, not quite sure where to go from there but feeling the edges of my pent up frustration fighting to escape. Taking a calming breath, I closed my eyes, trying not to focus on the smell of jasmine or the warmth of her body inches from mine.

"Do you really want to fight me right now?" I asked through clenched teeth.

I took her silence as a no, saying a silent prayer of thanks for that small victory. I opened my eyes, keeping them trained on the freckled skin of her collar bone, softening my tone.

"I know this is frustrating, but you have to relax. Fuck them, okay? We will figure this out"

Raising my gaze to meet hers, I was met with overwhelming intensity, realizing for the first time the intimacy of our position. I wanted to brush back a stray lock of hair that had fallen across her face, my fingers ached with the desire, but they remained paralyzed at my side, eyes searching hers for a hint as to what she was feeling.

Suddenly her gaze dropped down to my mouth, lingering there for a moment before bright eyes shifted back up to meet mine.

 _…Oh._

There was no mistaking the look in her eyes, breathing more rapid than it had been moments ago. I opened my mouth to say something, but let it fall hesitantly shut. There were no adequate words.

I didn't realize I was gravitating towards her until our bodies brushed, my own breath catching at the back of my throat as her hands slid tentatively to my hips, the warmth of her skin burning through my shirt, searing my flesh.

My body was on autopilot, an unsteady hand coming up to tuck stray waves behind her ear softly. Sliding through silky hair, it came to rest at the base of her neck, her gaze locked with mine. She took a shaky breath, eyelids leaden as her grip on my hips tightened, pulling me gently into her.

I inhaled sharply at the contact, the tightness in my lower stomach expanding, becoming molten heat spreading through me. Her hand left my hip, returning a moment later to slide easily into my messy hair, eyes darting rapidly down to my lips and back up to mine. My free hand moved to grasp her soft hip, pressing her back into the door as I leaned in, nose brushing against hers as I let out a shaky breath.

I couldn't think, couldn't comprehend this, completely intoxicated by the electricity between us. Nails raked lightly over the sensitive skin at the base of my head, a quiet moan escaping my lips as she tugged me impossibly closer. "Sara" she half whispered, half moaned, her breath hot against my lips. Her husky voice was like gasoline on a flame. Wild and uncontained, I caught her lips roughly with mine.

I was on sensory overload, a quiet whimper disappearing into my mouth as she kissed me back with equal intensity, body pressed flush against mine. Fingers tangled themselves in my hair painfully as her other hand slipped beneath the thin material of my shirt, moaning as it travelled over the bare flesh of my lower back. I pressed her further against the door, a thigh sliding between hers as her nails dug into my flesh, catching my bottom lip between her teeth.

It was too much and not enough- I needed her closer, I couldn't breathe. Her tongue brushed against mine, hips pressing against my thigh as my hand slid steadily up the soft skin of her side, dragging her shirt up along with it.

Nails raked over the small of my back, fingertips tracing the skin just beneath the waistband of my jeans and I moaned into her mouth, completely drunk on desire. This felt so obscenely good.

Despite the fact that we were up against the door, it took a moment for the quiet knocking to penetrate our hazy consciousness.

"Cat, can we talk?" Liev's muffled voice sounded through the door.

The expression that painted her face as she tore her lips away from mine, glaring over her shoulder with a new level of ferocity, would have been amusing had I not been completely dumbfounded by the reality I had suddenly found myself in, the sight of my hand beneath her shirt, just shy of her lace-clad breast painfully surreal.

I took a few steps back, breathing heavily as she remained against the door, chest heaving, lips swollen, eyes locked with mine. Even in this undone state, she was breathtaking.

I ran a hand through mussed hair as she straightened her shirt, our eyes remaining locked.

Another knock jolted us out of our trance once again, Catherine running a shaky hand over her mouth with a deep breath before turning around to throw the door open, stepping aside to allow Liev room to enter.

"I told you I need some space" she spoke quietly, voice raspier than usual as I moved past him, azure eyes meeting mine once more before I disappeared out the door.

 _Jesus. Christ._

I took a few calming breaths as I walked down the hallway as casually as I could with my heart pounding out of my chest, my mind on overdrive.  
 _  
What the fuck was that?_

"Looked like an intense conversation you two were having"

I jumped in surprise, glaring at Hodges standing in the doorway of the Trace lab, not bothering to stop as I continued past him down the hall.

"What are you even doing here, it's 9 AM" I tossed over my shoulder

"Just offering up my services to Ecklie, tying up loose ends with the serial case"

 _Typical._

Ignoring him, I continued down the hall, realizing as I neared the break room that I had no actual destination in mind, deciding last minute to duck in, searching blindly for the comfort of coffee and any sort of immediate distraction.

"Hey" Aaron greeted, not looking up from the Forensic journal in front of him. He was the most familiar face on the day shift, joining Greg and I for drinks on occasion. I appreciated his obvious disinterest in the chaos surrounding the night shift, offering a quiet greeting as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

Footsteps sounded at the doorway as I reached for the sugar, faltering briefly before continuing towards me. I glanced up, chest clenching painfully at the unexpected sight of Sofia. Eyes dark with exhaustion met mine for a fleeting moment before she moved behind me, her familiar body brushing up against my back as she reached over me to grab a mug from the cupboard above.

I stared at my coffee, unsure of what to do with my hands as she poured herself a cup, placing the pot back in it's place before I felt the weight of her eyes on me again. I met them with a violent ache, gripping my mug like a life line.

After a moment she reached out, taking me completely off guard as her thumb traced over my bottom lip- twice, with heart wrenching softness. I remained frozen in place, watching her intensely as glacial eyes remained trained on my lips before flicking up to meet mine with an empty expression, holding her thumb up for me to see a blurred streak of deep red lipstick.

"Red isn't your color" she spoke quietly, holding my gaze for a moment before turning on a booted heel, sauntering back out of the room.

I felt my heart drop, my throat tightening painfully.

 _Fuck… Fuck._

"Do you want to talk about it" Aaron asked with genuine disinterest, still not looking up from his magazine as I collapsed down into the furthest seat, propping my forehead against trembling hands. I took a few shaky breaths, blinking back the hot tears threatening to fall.

"No" I answered, voice raspy with the tension of holding back a full blown break down. I had feelings for Catherine, that was no longer deniable. The thought of loosing Sofia was devastating- the thought of hurting her unbearable. We had failed at bringing our case to a proper close. I felt on the brink of exhaustion triggered delirium.

 _What now?_


	25. Chapter 25

_Catherine_

She kissed me.

 _My god_ , did she kiss me.

She tasted of mint and sweet coffee, smelled of patchouli and hints of smoke. Unsteady wasn't an adequate word for what I was feeling. There were no adequate words.

She left me tongue tied and breathless, hands aching for her skin. I had been moments away from encouraging her take me up against my office door, completely blinded by desire. The thought of her soft fingers slipping beneath the barrier of silk, sliding firmly inside of me elicited a wave of desire so strong my breath caught silently at the back of my throat.

"Are you even listening to me?" Grissom asked tiredly. I glanced back towards him from where I was seated, a leg pulled up close to my chest, staring intently out between a slot in the curtains that I had pushed ever so slightly open.

"Yeah, Gil. I hear you- drop the insubordination and leave the sheriff alone" I mused, lowering my head to peek back through the small gap.

"Do you, Catherine? You know Ecklie wants to suspend you"

I sighed, releasing the blinds and turning to face him, giving him my full attention for the first time since I entered his office.

"Let him suspend me, then. They've shut the door on the case I've been working for six months, and I am exhausted" I stared back at concerned grey eyes, tapping manicured fingers together softly. "And I'm not sorry, so don't even bother asking me to apologize"

He leaned back with a sigh, glancing down at the papers strewn across his desk, waving a hand at me half heartedly.

"Just… be civil, okay? There's enough going on without you getting yourself suspended. I need you here"

I eyed the paperwork that had been piling up for weeks stacked messily beside him; noted the lines worn in beneath tired eyes. I had been so absorbed in my own life, my own case- it had been far too long since I had checked in.

"Okay" I agreed softly, the corners of his mouth twitching into the ghost of a smile. I leaned back in the chair, pushing tussled hair away from my face, eyes drifting back to the small gap in the curtains.

"Who are you avoiding?"

I frowned, glancing back at him in surprise. "No one"

He raised an eyebrow, but ultimately didn't push it, dropping his focus back onto the paperwork in front of him.

That was a loaded question. I couldn't look at Liev- couldn't bare the softness behind his eyes. We deserved so much better than one another.

The thought of Sara and her lust darkened gaze sent such a whirlwind of butterflies through my stomach it was nauseating. I wanted to talk to her, to understand. I wanted so much more of her mouth and her skin and her breathless moans. But it meant something to me and I'm not sure it was anything beyond a weak moment for her- the fragility I felt in her hands was terrifying.

And then there was Sofia. I couldn't bear the thought of those tired, violent eyes.

"I don't suppose I could just hang out in here for a while?"

I could tell immediately that he was gearing up to say something profound, eyeing him wearily.

"Avoiding problems you need to face is avoiding…"

I cut off whatever quote he was reciting with a groan as I stood abruptly, moving towards the door. The peace of avoidance wasn't worth this.

/

As I suspected, Ecklie lacked either the audacity or the desire to suspend me, entirely aware that I was a large part of what kept things flowing smoothly around here. I had agreed to taking three days off in lieu of suspension- I was aware I needed a break.

I managed to hold my composure when I ran into the sheriff, while in no gentle terms telling him exactly what I thought about being left in the dark. He feigned ignorance, which I called bullshit on with as much tact as I could muster through clenched teeth. I couldn't tell whether he was impressed or taken aback by me, not that it mattered much at all.

I made a thorough mental list of everything I needed for Lindsay's party on Saturday, spent twenty minutes in the break room with Wendy discussing the hurricane of DNA evidence that Nick's case was raining down; her upcoming anniversary with Eric that she seemed more hesitant than excited about. I even sorted through the paperwork that would be waiting for me when I got back, and still I couldn't get her off of my mind. I couldn't shake the weight sitting in my chest; the desire to be near her.

I needed to get out of here- as much as we needed to talk, it wasn't the place for fragile confrontations.

Breezing into the locker room, I immediately came to a dead halt at the sight of Sara pulling her bag out of her locker. She glanced over, movement pausing as coffee eyes locked with mine.

I took a breath, nails digging softly into my palms. Her face was unreadable, though I could see the softness in her gaze- the silent plea for something I couldn't quite decipher.

"It is a hot one out there, man"

I startled at the sound of two vaguely familiar swing-shift members entering from outside, breaking the tense moment sharply. I chatted absently with them as they prepared for their shift, my eyes never straying far from Sara who was slowly gathering her things. Even with the weariness that she was clearly shouldering; the slight disarray of her entire being, she was beautiful.

By the time they left she had her bag slung over a slim shoulder, locker shut, pensive eyes once again meeting mine.

I wasn't one to be at a loss for words, but this felt fragile. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing, and tact had never quite been my strong suit. I let the weight in my chest win out over my desire to keep things light, pressing my lips together softly.

"I need to know… did you kiss me because you felt something or was that just a… heated moment?"

I refused to let my gaze falter, calmly regarding her while my heart sat like a rock in my chest. A few moments of deafening silence passed, heart sinking slowly as dark eyes held mine uncertainly. I tried to keep the heavy disappointment from coloring my features as I took a step backwards.

"Cat.."

I shook my head, waves tumbling over my shoulders with the motion as I shot her a forced smile, turning to go.

"It's okay, Sara" I tossed over my shoulder, palms aching as I let the nails I had speared into them drop away, moving out into the hall with more confidence than I felt.

This felt like fracturing. This wasn't at all okay.

/

I slept, phone on silent for the better part of twelve hours. I kept Lindsay home from school on Friday, inviting family over for a giant breakfast that her and I prepared together. She was the one thing that kept my mind from drifting to unwanted places- her wrinkled nose laughter, her clever jokes.

It was drying dishes in the kitchen, watching the kids kick a soccer ball around in the yard, my mother lounging in the warm March sun beneath a hat large enough to cover every inch of her ivory skin, that the gentle pangs of sadness began to settle in.

I did a good job at strategically avoiding loneliness- keeping busy with Lindsay and her many activities, working, holding friends close. I enjoyed any alone time I managed to find, but the closer Liev wanted to be, the heavier the loneliness felt. The closer I felt to Sara, the more I longed for a sort of intimacy.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?"

I sighed as Nancy took the dried bowl from my hands.

"Nothing, I'm just tired"

"Is it Liev?" she asked, refusing to allow my bullshit.

I ran a hand through my hair, abandoning the dishes to lean back against the island, hands taking purchase on my lukewarm mug of coffee.

"Not really. He's an ignorant misogynist, but I knew that going in. He's actually been extremely sweet"

She caught the hint of irritation in my voice, chuckling as she came to lean beside me, arm pressing comfortably against mine as she took a sip of her tea.

"You do realize sweet is a good thing, right?"

I sighed, shaking my head softly. I didn't want to get into the specifics of why the handsome, intelligent, 38 year old Russian man desperate for my attention wasn't what I wanted.

"Work has just been overwhelming, with our case being closed prematurely and Sara and I at odds again…"

"When aren't you and Sara at odds?" she asked through a sip of tea. She had been the sounding board for so much of my frustration over the years, much of it to do with the stubborn brunette. She made for a good neutral party, adoring Sara from the moment they met years ago.

"I don't know" I sighed, anxiously moving back to the dishes.

"That's what's bothering you, isn't it?"

I began drying a plate silently, staring out at the cloudless sky.

"What happened this time?"

"Its just been an intense few months, you know how it gets"

She scoffed in amusement, coming to take the plate from me.

"Yeah, I do. I've seen you frustrated and tired and ready to rip her throat out, but never sad. This is new"

"Can we just drop it, please?" I asked tiredly, drying off the counter.

"Don't tell me she finally made a move"

I hesitated for a split second, body tensing up at her words. I knew she was kidding by her absent minded tone, but she easily picked up on my slight falter.

"…Oh my god. She did, didn't she?"

"Nancy" I warned tiredly, turning around to meet her bright gaze. I was gearing up for defence, but the desire to talk about it won out. "What do you mean by 'finally'?"

She stared at me for a moment, eyes searching mine for a definitive answer to her question.

"You know you're a paid observer, right? How could you possibly not know that she is into you?"

I stared at her with a frown, a smile tugging at her lips as she slipped the tea towel out of my hands, hanging it over the sink.

"Maybe I should be the CSI"

Leave it to Nancy to read between every line and remain unfazed by the idea of me hooking up with a woman for the first time at the callous age of 46. I felt her hand on my arm, drawing me softly out of my thoughts.

"What happened?"

I sighed, grabbing for the comfort of my coffee and leaning back against the sink tiredly. How was I supposed to explain something that I could barely wrap my own mind around.

"She kissed me… there's been this tension building for a while"

"I can imagine. How did you react?"

"… I kissed her back"

She stared at me expectantly, waiting for more. It was rare that I was so tight lipped about anything. I widened my eyes at her with irritation, shrugging my shoulders exaggeratedly.

"We were arguing, and she kissed me. It was intense. It was… unexpected"

"Do you have feelings for her?"

I wasn't sure whether to appreciate or detest her nonchalant attitude towards this. My mind was still reeling and she was picking absently at the left over fruit platter.

"I… don't know. I don't know!" I repeated in frustration, tucking loose hair behind my ear anxiously. "I mean I've been feeling… something towards her. So much… something"

She smirked, biting into a strawberry with a raise of an eyebrow "So the answer is yes, then"

Sighing, I grabbed a grape from the plate, twisting it between my fingers nervously. I hadn't spoken to anyone about this- the only one who had an inkling was Lindsay, who was wise enough not to bring it up directly, but sly enough to drop Sara innocently into our daily conversations.

"She kissed me and I felt more in that moment than I ever have with Liev, or anyone since Eddie. And I loved him, so where exactly does that leave me?"

She laughed softly, "So you're into her, stop acting like this is some catastrophe. Who knows, it could work out"

I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Yeah, right. She's in love with another woman. She's my coworker- that is just an entire issue on it's own. We argue about most things. I'm questioning my sexuality at 46, which is just…" I let out a loud puff of air in frustration, waving my hand emphatically at nothing in particular.

"Sexuality is a spectrum and sometimes it's more about the person than it is their gender. Just because you've been exclusively into men all your life doesn't mean you can't fall in love with a woman for who she is. You know who you are, don't let this throw you into a tailspin"

I stared at her for a moment before sighing, leaning gently into her, ever grateful for her steady demeanor and effortlessly reassuring words.

"And the rest of it… will work itself out one way or another"

She made it sound so much easier than it was, but she was right- I needed to fucking relax. I nodded softly, offering a grateful smile as she slid a comforting arm around my waist.

"But don't think I didn't catch that this has been going on for _months_ and you failed to mention it to me"

I rolled my eyes, shooting her a look. I could barely admit what was going on to myself, let alone anyone else.

"Is Sara coming to the party tomorrow?"

"Yep" Lindsay answered before I had a chance, moving in through the balcony door. I frowned as she came over to grab a handful of fruit, jumping up to perch on the edge of the island casually.

"How do you know?"

"I asked her, she told me" she stated obviously, tossing a grape into her mouth. My frown deepened, opening my mouth to speak before letting it fall shut. When did they become so close?

"I didn't know you guys talked"

"Yeah, she's been helping me with my algebra" she explained.

 _Of course she has._

Nancy threw a look over at me, a smile tugging at her lips. "How nice of her"

I sighed, forcing thoughts of the brunette and the warm flood of emotion mixing with the looming dread in my chest away, changing the subject to tomorrows party.

/

It wasn't until I had peeled myself off the couch, sending a half asleep Lindsay off to bed and dropping tiredly onto my mattress that I finally mustered the courage to check my phone.

There were three texts from Liev, checking in. Despite his good intentions, I felt the fluttering's of irritation at his refusal to give me the space I needed. I ignored the notification of a missed call from Sara, sending off a few messages and checking my overflowing e-mail before finally addressing the voicemail that already had my stomach in knots. I held my breath until Sara's warm voice played soothingly through the earpiece.

" _Hey… it's me_ "

I smiled softly, leaning back against my headboard.

" _I felt like we should talk… I don't like how we left things the other day_ "

I let out a quiet exhalation, nerves building. I didn't want to hear that she was sorry, or that it was a mistake. But more than that, I needed to know what she was feeling.

" _I'm sorry, if what happened was over the line…_ "

She was silent for another moment, nothing but the sound of quiet shuffling.

" _It meant something, Catherine. I'm not exactly sure what, this month has been total chaos and I can't seem to get a grip on any of it. But you asked me if it meant something and I just need you to know that it did"_

I felt the weight on my chest instantly lighten, tension dissipating softly at her confession.

" _And it's okay, if you don't feel the same_ " She added quickly, a smile drifting onto my face at her sweetness " _I know this is complicated timing, on top of a complicated situation_. _I just... I don't want to lose you over a mistake. Not that it was a mistake_ " she added hastily, my brow furrowing in a mix of concern and amusement. " _Not that **I** think it was a mistake… I am rambling"_

God help my heart.

" _Anyway, I told Linds I'd be there tomorrow… I hope that's okay. If I can pick anything up, please let me know. I'll um, see you then. Goodnight Cat"_

I flipped my phone shut, dropping it beside me as I sank down into bed with a quiet sigh of relief. I wasn't sure what this meant for us, if anything. I wasn't sure what problems would inevitably arise, or what an actual conversation would unearth, but she didn't regret it. That much I knew, and for the moment it was enough to calm my overanxious mind.


	26. Chapter 26

**As always, thanks for reading. Happy Holidays!**

 _Sara_

Ten words for love- _anger, aching._

The burnt orange walls of our trailer weren't thick enough to keep my parent's rage from seeping through. My fathers baritone voice seemed to penetrate every corner on the worst days, my mothers cries always manic, never muted. The full experience of dysfunction laid fully out for me at the tender age of seven.

My mother came to me once, drunk and wild, staring at me from the doorway of the kitchen with a cigarette hanging loosely between her fingers. I was upset by their fighting and she told me in the most comforting way she knew how that they fought because they loved each other- that he yells because he cares. I remember calling bullshit. I remember the ashes piling up at the end of her smoke, eventually floating heavily to the ground- the chaos in her eyes, unnerved.

I buried myself in books and waited for the days that my mother was out and my father was calm, unrecognizable from the short fused alcoholic he had been hours before. He read me pages from whatever book he was engaged in at the time, far too advanced for me to grasp, but I eagerly soaked up every word. He taped nature documentaries for us to watch together, praising me so deeply when I came home with good grades that I made sure to never let them drop. But eventually my mother would come home and set him off with some offhand remark and I would retreat back to the shelter of my room and tell myself that this was just a confused form of love.

 _Tenderness, volatility_. A boy who ricocheted so quickly between softness and brutality that it made my parents relationship seem cohesive; came from the same sort of malnourished roots that I did. We fueled one another's dysfunctions. He was my first brush with love.

The softest woman I have ever known took me with all of my damage and deeply fractured understanding of love, holding me as though she wasn't being sliced with every jagged edge. _Patience, affection._ She molded me into a softer, gentler woman at the critical age of twenty-two. The difference between patience and understanding led to our eventual downfall, my heart wounded for so long I was certain it was just another permanently disassembled piece, but I owe the beginnings of my healing to her.

 _Understanding, safety_ \- the steady hand on my shoulder on the un-steadiest days, offering a cigarette when my fingers were aching for one, lips fervent against mine when I needed a distraction. She slept beside me to keep the loneliness out, whispered sarcastic comments to me beneath her breath to keep me smiling on hard days. She inherently knew what form of love I needed when I needed it. It was honest and raw and unconditional. Of course Sofia understood that I had feelings beyond attraction for Catherine before I did, of course she ended things to allow me the freedom to explore it. Of course I got defensive when my heart was touched and fell into a panic. Over the past few days I had managed to alchemize everything into a clearer understanding, but not before hurting her and inevitably myself and creating an even deeper pit of complication.

 _Desire, passion_.

I wasn't naïve enough to call this love, but those bright eyes burning into mine with something besides fury was enough to set every nerve ending on fire. There had never been passion lacking between us, but it was typically followed by something volatile- anger, frustration, arguments, insults. Take away the negative and we were left with passionate conversations, palpable tension, impassioned kisses against her office door.

I couldn't think about it without desire taking hold- the sound of her moan against my lips, the feel of her bare skin beneath exploring hands, her body flush against mine… I knew we had been building up to something, but despite every signal she had given me, I hadn't realized it was this.

I had meant what I had said the other night, chain smoking outside of the lab before shift, awkwardly trying to express myself to her voicemail. I didn't know what this meant, but it was something. It was more than an attempted relief of tension, which had ultimately done nothing but amplify it ten fold. These feelings were newly discovered, having been masked heavily beneath layer upon layer of frustration, but her eyes had always swayed me. Being close to her had always shaken me. I had always enjoyed her company in pointedly different ways than anyone else. And now… I was sitting outside of her house with a gift for her daughter in my lap and butterflies wreaking havoc in my chest.

It didn't matter that my first understanding of love was tied to fear; to anxieties. That it took me twenty more years to learn that love can exist without equal amounts pain. That the echoes of trauma still reverberate through me like ghosts. I could be something good for her- as a friend, as a lover- assuming that's where this blind, winding path was leading.

 _Right?_

I stared at my reflection in the rearview mirror, unruly hair tamed for the moment, leather jacket wrapped around me like a protective second skin. I dropped my shoulders, taking a deep breath. _Relax._

A sudden bang startled me, jolting wide eyed towards the sound. Azure eyes met mine in amusement, a typical smirk set on painted lips as Nancy observed me with crossed arms through the drivers side window. I shot her a look, pushing open my door.

"Lindsay and I have been waging bets on how long you can avoid coming inside, but she's starting to worry that you might not. I'm here to strong arm you in"

I smiled sheepishly, pushing back a stray lock of hair. "I didn't realize I was being watched"

She chuckled as I stepped out of my SUV, tucking Lindsay's gift under my arm.

"Fighting with my sister again?"

She asked this casually, though the amusement that flashed through her eyes suggested that she knew exactly why it was I was hiding out in the street.

"Something like that" I mused, falling into easy conversation as we made our way towards the house. Nancy had always been the calm to Catherine's storm- similar, yet elementally different. Infinitely easier to navigate.

The living room was decorated in a mix of pink and grey, a string of letters spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY hanging neatly across the wall. Nick was lounging on the couch, a beer in hand as Greg and Lindsay huddled on the floor over a Risk board laid chaotically out on the coffee table, quietly strategizing. She glanced over her shoulder, eyes lighting up as she pushed up onto her feet.

"Finally, Sara" she huffed, grabbing my hand and tugging me further into the house. I raised an eyebrow, returning the guys greetings as I passed.

Catherine glanced up as we passed through the kitchen, eyes locking with mine for an intense moment before I was dragged into the dining room. Lindsay grabbed a large rolled up paper from the corner, smiling coyly when I questioned her about it. As she unrolled them into two pages, I was greeted with rich orange and terra cotta gradients of color- a sea of earth tones. It took a moment to register what exactly I was looking at, my heart clenching softly as I recognized the landscape of Red Rock canyon. One painting was from below, the looming curves and colored gradients contrasting against the grey of the clouds, hints of blue peeking through.

The second was of the view from the summit of the hike we had taken, the distant off-white of the sierra Nevada mountains, snow capped and rolling. The green Joshua trees contrasting against the rich coloring of the canyons.

Lindsay's eyes darted between the paintings and my face, awaiting a reaction. Eventually running out of patience, she broke the silence.

"It's from our hike a few months ago. I won an art contest at school… Do you like them?"

"These are incredible." I tore my eyes away from them to look at her, "Really, Lind's. I love them"

Catherine wandered in from the kitchen, the warmth of her hand sliding casually onto my arm distinct as she glanced over my shoulder. "She's been dying to show you"

My heart swelled almost painfully, wrapping an arm around Lindsay's shoulders as I picked up the view from the cliff to admire the details. _Twelve_ words for love- _i_ _nnocent, selfless_.

"That ones for you" she told me, soft hands absently holding my arm wrapped around her chest. This week had been such a rollercoaster of chaos, this was a much needed softness.

"I'm supposed to be bringing you gifts today" I told her, sliding her present across the table towards her, pressing a quick kiss to her blonde head. "It's going on my wall"

She beamed, grabbing my gift as Greg called to her from the living room.

"Lindsay, Nick's taken Russia"

I chuckled as she turned to run back through the kitchen. "I'm glad you're here Sara" she called over her shoulder, disappearing around the corner. I tucked the paintings back into the corner for safe keeping before moving to stand awkwardly in the doorway of the kitchen.

Catherine was bustling gracefully around, moving between stirring things on the stove to chopping vegetables. She wore a simple black dress that accentuated every curve while somehow still appropriate for the occasion. Her bare feet and tiny wooden beads that hung low around her neck played it all down; the floral apron tied neatly around her waist. She looked like a fifties housewife, stirring up some previously undiscovered fantasies as she glanced over at me with those eyes, tossing a handful of bright peppers onto the cutting board. "I'm glad you're here too, I need your hands"

I raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorway as I pursed my lips into a smile. She hesitated, momentarily thrown off by her own words before shooting me a seductive grin, moving towards the fridge.

So that's how we were playing this.

I wandered into the kitchen, coming to lean against the counter, settling my heavy gaze on her until blue eyes met mine. I held it for a moment before lowering my voice a few octaves. "Whatever you need"

I bit back a smile as she stared at me, the milk jug almost slipping from her grasp, startling her back into the moment as she fumbled with it, kicking the fridge shut. It was going to be a long afternoon.

We worked around each other in general quiet, everyone wandering in and out, the sound of distant game related frustrations filtering in.

There was so much we needed to talk about- how to proceed with the closed serial case, her upcoming day in court with O'Riley, the fact that I had not only kissed her but admitted that it meant something- but this was not the time or place. So here we were, preparing lunch and commenting on the weather, my breath catching every time she brushed absently past me in the small quarters.

"Lunch is served" I announced as I wandered back into the kitchen, Nachos laid out on the table. She flashed me a smile, peering into the living room to ensure everyone was engaged in one thing or another before swaying slowly towards me.

"Well no good deed should go unrewarded" she mused, pausing just short of me before leaning in, body brushing lightly against mine, breath hot against my ear. I closed my eyes, a hand coming to her hip to steady myself. She inhaled, pausing for dramatic effect before her lips gazed over my earlobe

"There's beer in the fridge"

A smile crept slowly onto my lips as she pulled away, opening my eyes to meet her teasing blue ones, holding my gaze for a moment before moving away, back into the living room to gather everyone for lunch.

 _Jesus._

At least one of us was unwaveringly sure of herself.

/

Everyone began slowly filtering out as Lindsay's friends began showing up, leaving Nancy and I alone on the patio with beers and talk of our youthful travels. Catherine eventually abandoned her hostess duties to join us, a glass of white wine in hand.

"Well that's part one down" she mused, pushing a hand through her waves as she dropped down beside Nancy.

"Nice work" she complimented, reaching over to squeeze Catherines arm softly, eyes drifting over to me. Her gaze held mine for a lingering moment before she glanced down theatrically at her watch.

"Well, I should get going"

Catherine's head snapped in her direction, eyes flashing wide before narrowing dangerously.

"What? You're just going to leave me here with a house full of teenage girls?"

She smiled, standing up with a light stretch. "I'd stay if I could but I'm having dinner with Ben"

I watched their silent interaction, Catherine sending her a warning glare which she blatantly ignored, motioning casually towards me "Sara's not working tonight, maybe she can hang around for a while"

 _Well fuck._

I glanced between them, taking a long sip of beer before meeting Catherine's gaze with a soft smile. "I can, if you want"

Despite the anxiety gnawing at the threads of my composure, I knew that we needed to talk. This wasn't exactly something that we could allow to play itself out. If not because of Liev, then because of work. If not because of work, then because of our recently solidified friendship. The fragility of this was not something I was used to.

Bright eyes held mine for a moment, wine glass hovering near her mouth before she raised it ever so slightly towards me in thanks, a smile playing over her lips.

 _Relax._

/

Watching Catherine navigate the evening was enthralling- sharing a bottle of wine with me on the deck, at ease and cheerful; serving dinner to ten kids, decorating a birthday cake, conversing as easily with them as with anyone else she encounters. She eventually sent them upstairs with snacks and movies, exhaling a deep sigh of relief when their voices faded into quiet.

"You're amazing" I noted from the couch, tipping my wine glass at her with a soft smile. I wasn't sure if the light blush was from the wine or my words, but she chuckled softly, taking a sip. "Don't I know it"

We held each others gazes for a long moment, unsure what to do with this sudden privacy that we had been longing for and dreading all day. She was the first to break away, downing the rest of her wine before grabbing a couple of abandoned glasses off a table and turning towards the kitchen. "I don't know what I would have done without you today" she mused, voice drifting.

Finishing off my own wine I took a deep breath, following her into the kitchen.

"It would have been a disaster I'm sure" I teased, pursing my lips into a smile and resting my arms back against the counter. She chuckled, tossing strawberry waves as she glanced over her shoulder. Bright eyes held mine for a moment before trailing over my features, my neck, down my frame before dragging slowly back up to meet mine. My smile became a lazy smirk as she bit down on her bottom lip absently, turning back towards the sink.

I knew that my leather jacket was flattering; that the subtle makeup I had nervously applied had paid off. That my sun-darkened skin was suiting.

"Shit" she hissed quietly as a glass slipped from her hands, clattering against the bottom of the sink.

I pushed off of the island to move behind her, boldly resting my hands against the marble on either side of her. She let out a quiet breath, relaxing back against me. "You seem a little distracted" I murmured against her ear as I slid a hand to rest softly on her hip, the other reaching around to pull the fallen glass from the sink, placing it upright on the counter.

Her head fell back against my shoulder, the familiar smell of jasmine invading my senses. The feel of her in my arms elicited such a swarm of emotions- tenderness, nerves, disbelief, a deep seated burning arousal. My mouth fell just below her jawline, lips trailing slowly downwards over milky skin. A breathless moan fell from her lips as a hand came up to tangle in my hair, holding me against her. I bit down softly against her pulse point, her body pressing back into mine.

She released my hair, turning around in the small space. Azure eyes met mine, dark with desire. The tension between us was palpable, the air thick with it. Her beauty was overwhelming- the almost imperceptible gold flecks in her eyes, the soft curves of her delicate features. I felt a wave of arousal wash over me, hands immediately finding her waist as I pushed her back against the counter, hips flush against mine. Another moan fell from her lips, the quiet, throaty noise rapidly becoming my favourite sound. Her small hand slid from my shoulder into dark waves, pulling me down towards her.

"We need to talk" she whispered, words contradicting her actions as she pressed her body further into mine. I nodded absently, leaning in to brush my nose against hers.

"I meant it, when I said this means something to me"

"What does it mean?"

Her voice was deep, breath hot against my lips. Heavy gaze trained on my mouth, she scraped her nails softly at the back of my head, eyes darting up to meet mine hungrily.

At a loss for words, I closed the slight distance between us, capturing her lips in a searing kiss. She whimpered, hand coming to rest on my lower back as she returned the kiss with equal vigor.

She was intoxicating, my mind nothing more than a useless haze as my body took over control. A hand slid down to the hemline of her dress, dragging it up slowly as it trailed over the smooth skin of her outer thigh. She bit down on my bottom lip, sucking it softly into her mouth and it was my turn to moan, hand boldly sliding up over soft lace, grasping her ass.

"God Sara" she moaned as she broke away from my lips, my mouth immediately trailing down along the soft expanse of her neck.

We needed to stop, I knew that. We weren't alone and we needed to talk, but her hand slid around to press firmly into me through my jeans and every rational thought flew out the window.

I lost track of our hands; of time. She was melting beneath my touch and then her legs were wrapped around my waist, dress bunched around her hips as she rested on the edge of the counter. Rocking lightly against my lower stomach she held my head in place, panting up at the ceiling. My mouth had been on a slow path down her body, a hand roughly massaging her breast while I nipped along the lowered neckline of her dress when there was a quiet sound on the stairs. We had been keeping a cautious ear out despite the complete abandon of our actions and froze momentarily before I tore myself away from her, perfect legs dropping away from me, sliding quietly to the ground.

I tried to gain control of my breathing as I stared at her across the small space. Her hair was mussed, lips swollen and red, eyes lust darkened as she took a few deep breaths, smoothing down her dress. My fingers ached for her skin, a hint of a cocky smirk making its way to her lips as she leaned back against the counter. I watched her gaze shift towards the living room, waiting expectantly for a few moment before glancing back at me with a shrug.

She moved to the cabinet above the sink, grabbing the remains of a bottle of red and re-filling our abandoned glasses. Turning around, she held it out towards me, an offer I accepted gratefully. Soft fingertips brushed against mine and I found myself immediately caught in her gravitational pull, unsure who initiated it, but her lips were on mine again, languid and intense.

After a minute I tore my mouth from hers, walking backwards with my free hand up. She watched me in confusion as I clumsily navigated my way around the island.

"I can't keep my hands off of you" I confessed, moving to sit on a stool across the island from her. "We aren't going to get any talking done if I'm over there"

She chuckled, deep and throaty before taking a sip of wine. "Fine"

I stared at her for a long moment, trying to formulate the proper words to begin this conversation, but between the liquor, her proximity and the arousal still coursing through my body, I was coming up short.

"What is this to you, exactly?" she eventually took pity on me while going straight for the most complex question she could ask in typical Catherine fashion.

I offered a half smile, nerves settling heavily in my chest. "Honestly, I'm not sure. It's complicated… I think I've been fighting off feelings for you for a while now"

"You think?"

For a moment I thought she was being derisive, but the gentle look on her face instantly dispelled my worry.

"I mean it's you, Cat. How could I not feel something?" I nervously took a sip of wine as she stared at me with a softness I had never seen in her before. "I'm just not sure when I let down those walls"

Completely unsure of myself, I took another sip of wine. I had more or less laid down the bones of what I felt, meanwhile I wasn't even sure she felt anything more than attraction. It was a long few moments before she spoke.

"I've felt something for you for months"

I managed to swallow my wine with only a minor falter, eyes darting over to her in surprise.

 _Months?  
_ _Months._

She sighed, draining the rest of her wine before coming to rest her arms against the island, bright eyes raising up to meet mine. She smiled gently, gaze flicking down to the marble countertop for a long moment before they found mine once again, searching them silently. It was the final impossibility- she was nervous.

"I'm going to be straight up here, because I don't know how else to broach this. Since that hike… maybe even before then, I've felt something for you. It took me a while to work it out, this all came a bit out of left field"

I chuckled at that understatement, reaching across the space to grasp her hand softly. She tangled her fingers with mine, staring down at them as she ran the pad of her thumb over my cool skin.

"The way that you are with Lindsay, the support that you've offered me, the tension between us… there's just something about you that I can't seem to shake"

"I know the feeling"

She held my gaze for a moment, smile faltering as her gaze dropped back down to our hands.

"…and Sofia?"

I sighed, pushing my free hand through my hair. That was an aspect of this I wasn't quite sure how to explain.

"Things between us are… complicated, right now. She ended things with me a few days ago, and she was right to" I met her graze softly, "she knew I had feelings for you before I did"

She nodded, eyes drifting away momentarily as I tipped back another long sip of wine. How badly I wanted to keep them separate- my love for Sofia and my feelings for Catherine. They were so different, yet I had no idea how they would ever be able to exist cohesively. The thought made my stomach turn.

"You obviously love her" she stated, face not giving away any emotions though her eyes were swirling with nerves, softness, some form of hope laced dread.

"I'm not _in_ love with her. We got close, we held each others hands through this year, she's…. my best friend" I mused, searching her eyes softly for some form of understanding. After a few long moments she nodded, thumb tracing absently over my skin.

"I'll have to take your word for that, because if it's not love you two have everyone fooled. Well, almost everyone" she mumbled the last part quietly, brow momentarily furrowing. I raised an eyebrow in question to which she took a breath, shaking her head in dismissal.

"Just a weird conversation with Mandy" she mused. My eyebrow raised to meet the other one, a hint of a smile tugging at my lips.

"When were you and Mandy discussing my relationship?"

She stared blankly at me for a moment before leaning across the island, fingers coming to tangle gently in the hair at the back of my neck, pulling me in to capture my lips with hers. The contact immediately sparked up the embers of arousal that had quieted, a moan escaping as her tongue slid softly against my bottom lip, grip in my hair tightening.

We remained like that for a few drawn out moments, leaning awkwardly over the island, drawn together like magnets- everything about her overwhelming me- her smell, her touch, her kisses; the low, almost inaudible moan reverberating against my lips.

I broke away gently, fingertips brushing over her perfect jawline before leaning back into my seat with a crooked smile, fully aware of her entirely effective techniques of distraction. She smirked softly, sipping her wine.

I wanted so much more of this simplicity, this lighthearted connection, but things were entirely more complicated than that. I glanced down at my wine glass, tracing my fingers around it gently.

"So you and Liev…?"

It was her turn to sigh, leaning back against the sink. She motioned her hand absently at nothing in particular before crossing her arms tightly over her chest.

"He was a distraction, there's nothing there. I'm going to end things properly, he deserves that much. But he was never what I wanted"

She held my gaze steadily this time, that familiar confidence back in place and I felt the butterflies oscillating in my chest once again, all of this surreal and beautiful and wildly confusing.

She wanted _me_.

/

We decided to continue our investigation into the serial case quietly, on our own time. O'Riley was no longer under surveillance, which meant he was under the impression that he was in the clear- a thought that could be vital for us.

I kissed her in the doorway, so much more tenderly than any kiss we had shared. I kept it short, knowing I could very easily get carried away. This felt like a beginning of sorts- maybe not a relationship, maybe not anything more than testing out the waters, but a beginning nonetheless. I stared at azure eyes for a drawn out moment, still not entirely convinced that this was for real, before squeezing her hand softly and turning away.

Immediately, something at the edge of the gravel path caught my eye- a bright splash against the dark rocks. I moved towards it, chest clenching the moment I recognized what it was. Tied neatly into a bow with brown twine was a drooping bouquet of yellow Arnica. I glanced up at Catherine who was frowning from the doorway, arms crossed over her chest as she looked over confusion.

I leaned closer to observe the small tag that hung from it- simple brown paper with Lindsey's name scribbled neatly onto it.

"Catherine" I spoke, concern lacing my voice despite my attempt to keep it neutral. She padded quickly across the rocks as I stood up, dropping down to take a look.

"Oh you've got to be kidding" she mumbled, turning to hurry back into the house.

"I'm calling Brass" I called after her, sliding my phone out of my back pocket, eyes trained on the tauntingly bright flowers.

It had come so close to being a perfect day.


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks for reading!**

 _Catherine_

Anxious and overwhelmed, wine glass in a vice grip, I submitted to the ongoing chaos surrounding me.

The worst part of the evening landed somewhere between the convoy of judgmental parents picking up their over stimulated daughters sometime after midnight, my moody 14 year old ricocheting violently between upset and confused, and Detective Curtis standing hip cocked, brow furrowed, toothpick jutting defensively out between clenched teeth, speaking with Lindsay in the middle of my living room. Combine that with Sara in a silent rage outside and Nancy leaning casually against the island, eyeing up the blonde with intrigue and this was a full blown nightmare.

"Can you stop" I shot Nancy a warning look, tipping back a long sip of wine. I had been banished to the kitchen by Brass, unable to answer any of my 101 questions, strongly suggesting a tea to calm my nerves. Tea obviously wasn't going to cut it tonight.

"I'm just curious about the tangled webs you manage to weave"

I scoffed, shaking my head stiffly. "Now is really not the time"

I had called Nancy in a moment of panic, desperate to hear her voice- to assure myself that she was safe. I wasn't sure what exactly this particular psychopath was about- playing mind games, coming after my daughter; after my family- I didn't know how far his scope was set.

"Cat, everyone is on top of this. Try to relax a little bit"

 _Right, relax._ As if that was even a remote possibility. Nancy seemed so calm; so certain that the two cop cars outside and the brazen detective in my living room guaranteed some ironclad form of safety. I didn't know how to explain to her that even the most prepared can be blindsided- I'd seen it far too many times. That humans are capable of horrors that would shake even her. I didn't want her to ever have to find out. I took another sip of wine, pacing anxiously back to the other end of the kitchen.

"Mom was very taken with Warrick today, she asked me on the way home if you two were secretly involved" she snorted, raising an eyebrow at me as I paced back in her direction. "She clearly missed the mark there… I'm not going to pry, but know that I am _very_ curious how your evening went"

I ignored her, eyes drifting over to where Sara had joined the conversation in the living room. She had been waiting for Greg to arrive so she could walk him through what happened, hopefully finding some solace in his presence. I could feel the tension radiating off of her from the moment she discovered the ominous gift, a violent shift from the softness of our evening. I watched her slide an arm around Lindsay's shoulders, leaning against the arm of the couch as her eyes shifted up to the blonde. It was chaos in my heart- fluttering at the way Lindsay leaned into her embrace, tumbling at the way she regarded Sofia.

Watching them interact was maddening. The tension was blatant- Sara's dark gaze held firmly on the blonde, jaw clenched, daring her to make eye contact. Sofia on the other hand remained outwardly un-phased, professional mask drawn as she questioned Lindsay, scribbling notes into a small pad.

The incessant voice at the back of my mind when the two of them were together was quiet but deafening. It reminded me of the eleven year age difference between Sara and I; the twelve year advantage Sofia had over me, obvious in her smooth complexion, her toned body; my age-freckled skin. I held no lack of confidence, I knew that I was beautiful- but I wasn't 34. I wasn't the same breed as Sara. We didn't share a silent language.

Their eyes finally met and I tossed back the last drops of wine, abandoning my glass on the counter as I broke out of the kitchen, heading determinately towards them. I felt like a caged animal in my own home, unnerved by everything. Warm eyes fell on me but I held out for Sofia's, red rimmed and heavy, though she allowed no other signs of her obvious exhaustion.

"Catherine" she greeted with an unexpected tenderness that I found just as unnerving as anything else that night, crossing my arms tightly over my chest.

"Is there anything linking this to O'Riley?"

She inhaled sharply, the lines of her forehead creasing as she hesitated, shifting her gaze over to Lindsay. "Hey Lindsay, could you go see how Greg's doing with those shoe impressions?"

Azure eyes rolled dramatically, but she conceded, brushing past us on the way out. Waiting until she was out of earshot, Sofia turned her attention back to me.

"No. But that doesn't mean we won't, or at least link this to someone. No one is taking this lightly, Catherine"

I managed to pull some comfort from her words, sitting down on the couch with a tired sigh.

"Did you hear anything at all? See anything unusual today?"

I shook my head, running the evening through my mind for the hundredth time.

"There was a sound- a muffled bang that I thought came from the stairs, but nothing ever came of it. It could have come from outside… I don't know"

"What time was that?"

I glanced up at Sara, dark eyes shifting down to meet mine. A flash of sensations flowed immediately through me- hot breath against my neck; her toned stomach between my legs, tongue brushing firmly against mine, hands sliding up the backs of my desperate, parting thighs. I blinked glossy eyes, clearing my throat lightly as I tore my gaze away from her, focusing back on Sofia.

"Around ten? I don't know exactly"

She nodded, sticking the worn toothpick back between her teeth and scribbling a note down pointedly.

"A few of your neighbors lights are on, I'm going to go bang on some doors, see if anyone saw anything" She gave me a soft nod, hair falling from behind her ear as she turned to go.

"Can I talk to you before you head back to PD" Sara asked tiredly, some final half hearted attempt to communicate, clearly already anticipating rejection.

"It's a busy night" she tossed over her shoulder, barely more than a brief pause on her way out. Sara sighed, closing her eyes for a long moment before letting it go, turning to me with gentler eyes.

"You doing okay?" she laid a hand on my shoulder and I sighed, pushing both hands through limp hair as I leaned heavily back against the couch. "Everyone keeps telling me to relax, and I don't know how I possibly could"

She squeezed my arm softly, offering the ghost of a crooked smile. "Well, we can be stressed out together then"

I tried to distract the butterflies that had suddenly taken up their oscillations once again, sliding my hand up to cover hers. "You know you are more than welcome here, but you don't have to stay"

She shrugged, glancing over her shoulder before meeting my eyes once again. "I want to be here"

Her gaze was so warm, so full of sincerity. I fought the urge to brush back the loose strands of hair that had fallen against her face; touch her soft cheek, wondering when exactly I had fallen into this so deeply.

Nancy tore me out of my silent musing as she appeared beside Sara, nodding in the direction of the stairs. "Since Jeremy's with mom tonight, I'm going to crash in the spare room- I'd like to stay close to you guys tonight"

For every ounce of irritation I held towards my sister, there were a hundred more of gratitude. I nodded softly, offering an affectionate smile. "Yeah, of course"

Her gaze shifted to Sara expectantly, taking a slow sip of wine.

 _Of course_.

I shot her the umpteenth glare of the evening, her innocent gaze giving away nothing of her obvious intentions. Before Sara could put together that there was only one spare bed in this huge house, I excused myself to find Lindsay.

/

With a few shoe impressions lifted from the yard that were likely to match frequent visitors and a uniform stationed outside of the house, everyone left just after two. Lindsay, too stubborn to admit that she was scared, slipped into the spare bed with Nancy under the guise of a sleepover. I tucked her in with a kiss and the promise of a redo whenever this all blew over, trying not to take her coldness personally. While tonight had been difficult on all of us, it was her birthday ruined; her name on that terrifying bouquet.

Nancy snatched my wrist as I moved past her, pulling me gently back. I met her gaze expectantly, bright eyes searching mine. "You know the only reason I took the spare room instead of offering it up was so that you could suavely invite her into your bed" she whispered. I sighed, taking a step into the hall "She still would have taken the couch, so don't feel too bad"

Her grip on my wrist tightened as I turned to go, demanding my attention which I gave her with tired, warning eyes.

"Look, this is your life and I don't mean to push, but she is a good thing and I can tell that scares you." She paused, letting go of my wrist to brush her hand affectionately through my hair. "You don't have to deal with everything alone"

I stared at her for a long moment before leaning into press a quick kiss to her cheek. "Goodnight" I whispered, closing the door quietly behind me. I passed by the closet where the spare blankets were, slipping into the bathroom instead.

Bracing my hands on the cold counter I stared at my reflection, weariness evident on my features. The white V-neck I slept in was oversized and light, hanging off a freckled shoulder, showing off the age spots on my chest, my breasts hanging slightly lower than they used to, free beneath the sheer fabric. The wrinkles around my eyes were slowly becoming a permanent fixture- more than just temporary creases when I smiled. I took a shaky breath, pushing fingers roughly into my hair, tightening my grip painfully before letting it tumble back down around my neck. Nancy was right, I was scared.

I could enter casual relationships with ease; I could handle sex without attachment. I enjoyed the lightness of desire driven affairs. Despite my uneasy awareness of aging, I knew that I wore it well. I could enter a room and demand attention silently, effortlessly- I could bring men to their knees. But she looked at me and I felt raw. I felt beautiful; terrified; exposed.

She was sitting in my living room offering up everything I desired; everything I needed, and I was holding her at arms length over this terrifying feeling of vulnerability. I pinched my eyes shut, taking a deep breath before pushing off the counter, heading determinately back out into the hall.

I padded down the stairs, dark sweat pants hugging my legs as I moved to the entrance of the living room. She was engrossed in some large leather bound book that Lindsay had left abandoned on the coffee table, a long leg bent beneath her, leaning against the arm of the couch. My lips tugged into a smile at the concentration painting her features, the subtle crease of her forehead.

"Interesting read?" I asked, crossing my arms loosely over my chest as I leaned back against the wall. She glanced up, a timid smile playing over her lips.

"I uh, thought I'd try to take my mind off things"

She returned the book to the table, turning back to regard me. Dark eyes held mine for a moment before dropping down to slowly rake over my body- over all the imperfections I had been scrutinizing minutes ago. I watched her eyes drinking in the subtleties of my makeup-less, underdressed form until they met mine once again- steadily, with more affection than I knew how to hold.

 _… Fuck it._

"You threw your neck out the last time you fell asleep out here… there's plenty of room in my bed"

Her eyes searched mine for a drawn out moment- for what I wasn't quite sure- before she pursed her lips into a soft smile.

"If you think it's best for my neck"

I was overwhelmed by the familiar fluttering of juvenile butterflies as she stood, moving towards me. I turned before she reached me, not trusting my self restraint. I led her up the stairs, grateful that I had unconsciously kept things neat this weekend.

She glanced around at the beige walls of my room, the beige comforter- navy pillows offsetting the light. I padded across the warm Persian rugs draped across hardwood floors, pulling some makeshift pajamas from a drawer for her.

I couldn't hold back a chuckle as she emerged from the bathroom in sweatpants that cinched awkwardly around her mid calf- the worn out LVU t-shirt that I drown in neatly covering her lanky form. She sent me a mock glare as she crawled into bed beside me, plunging us into darkness as she flipped off the light.

It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, moonlight flooding in through the open blinds. We laid in silence, chocolate eyes trailing over my features as I stared at her from across my pillow. It felt surreal being in such an intimate space with her, despite the closeness of the past few days. We had become more physical with one another this year- drastically so over the past few days, but it was different with the blind desire and desperation stripped away. I could make out a small scar near her hairline, the freckles littering her nose. I was getting lost in the small details of her when she reached out, fingertips brushing against my cheek.

"I'm sorry that tonight didn't go as planned"

"Me too" I whispered, a smile ghosting over my lips, "though it wasn't all bad"

That crooked grin that was going to be my complete undoing flashed over her features, fingertips trailing gently over my jawline; along my neck.

"Brass thinks you guys should stay somewhere else for a while, until they can get a hold on this situation. I'd offer my apartment, but it's just too small"

I reached up to take her wandering hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. "My father owning a casino comes with benefits like a cushy room whenever we need it"

She cocked an eyebrow gently, "this could go on for a while, you're planning to move into a casino?"

I chuckled, "that doesn't even make the list of strangest things I've had to do". Her brow creased and I ran a thumb gently over her knuckles.

"Don't worry, Sara"

"We're going to get this guy"

The tension had returned to her features and I felt my heart clench softly at her protectiveness; with the desire to take her mind off of unpleasant things.

"I know" I whispered, shifting closer. Our feet brushed, my pulse jumping at our proximity. Hesitantly, her hand slid to the valley of my hip, breath warm against my cheek.

I leaned in, her breath hitching lightly as I slid my fingers into burnished waves. Smiling softly at her response, I hesitated only a moment before capturing her lips with mine.

The kiss was slow and exploratory, the first time we hadn't been caught up in the heat of the moment. As incredible as those heated kisses had been, the sensuality behind this had me melting beneath her talented mouth. I traced her lower lip with my tongue before capturing her bottom lip softly between my teeth. The throaty moan that reverberated against my mouth sending jolts of electricity through me, the loose grip I had in her hair tightening as I pressed my body flush against hers.

Her hand travelled slowly along my silhouette, hesitating just short of my breast before moving slowly back down. We kept the kiss languid, my hand slipping beneath her shirt to explore the soft skin of her back, nails raking lightly over her warm flesh. She moaned into my mouth, hand sliding down to grasp my ass, pulling me further into her.

I whimpered, my body aching to feel the weight of her on top of me; beneath me; inside me, hips pressing into hers on their own accord. I knew this wasn't the time- exhausted, my sister and Lindsay a room over- but god it was difficult to keep this light with pent up desire coursing through me. I was just getting lost in the feel of her entirely when she broke away from my lips, hand sliding up to rest on my lower back as she pressed a few soft, lingering kisses against my swollen mouth.

I brushed my nose again hers, reveling in the subtle smell of patchouli. Our labored breath mingled, my lips capturing hers once more, fleetingly.

"God you're good at that" I whispered, leaning back into my pillow.

She chuckled, cool hand brushing back my hair before sliding into the small, safe space that I had created between us. I pressed my feet against her cool ones, suddenly feeling the full weight of my exhaustion wash over me.

"Goodnight" I whispered, eyes continuing to drink in the beauty of her relaxed features until I couldn't hold them open anymore.


	28. Chapter 28

**I'm hoping the fact that this is longer than usual makes up for the major neglect. I wrote this on bed rest after tooth surgery while high on a cocktail of pills, so forgive any imperfections. Thanks so much for reading!**

 _Sara_

Sunlight streaming through the open blinds fell in a patch across her face, illuminating her cascade of burnished waves; the soft details of her pale complexion. I trailed my eyes over the tiny constellation of freckles that lay just below her jawline, watching the flutter of long eyelashes, in the throes of a dream. My fascination with her beauty was endless.

I adjusted my arm, head propped up against my hand as I studied her, our bodies having gravitated together through the night. Slender legs were molded against mine, her back flush against me. I had been fighting the urge to slip an arm around her since I woke; to hold her closer. Despite how natural it felt to be intimate, the truth was that this all still felt wildly surreal and there was a part of me waiting anxiously for her to snap back to reality and claim some form of temporary insanity. I was working on those self deprecating thoughts.

Shifting my leg, she let out a tiny moan of disapproval, eyes blinking slowly open. Her unfocused gaze drifted around before landing on me with a hint of confusion.

"Good morning" I whispered, an amused grin tugging at my lips as I watched confusion become realization, a languid smile drifting across her features.

"Mmmm" she mumbled contentedly, rolling onto her back. I finally allowed my fingertips to brush back her hair, admiring the way the sunlight played through the reds and golds.

"What time is it?" she asked, voice husky from sleep.

"Just after nine"

Her hand slid up to cover mine, resting lightly on her stomach, eyes blinking softly against the light.

"And how long have you been staring at me?"

"A while" I admitted sheepishly, mouth curving into a crooked grin. She chucked, throaty and warm in the intimate space.

"A little weird, but okay"

I pursed my lips gently, running my fingers gingerly through her waves. Dust floated ethereally in thick rays of sunlight, my fingertips gently grazing her temple as bright eyes searched mine slowly- oceanic blue, flecks of gold. Eventually her hand slid into my sleep mussed hair, tugging me gently down towards her. I let her guide me, a tiny smile ghosting over her lips before they captured mine in a kiss.

It was languid and intense, a caress of flesh and tongues, fingertips grazing unexplored skin. My hand slid down to grasp the bare flesh of her hip as she bit down on my bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth before her lips traced soothingly over mine. Her kisses alone were dizzying.

I pushed my palm up along the soft skin of her stomach, thin shirt bunching around my wrist as it moved slowly upward. She arched into my touch as I reached her breast, fingertips brushing teasingly over the swell. The feel of cleavage that had been taunting me for years pressing desperately into my hungry hands was almost too much, a strangled moan escaping my throat as I kissed her harder, trying to be everywhere at once.

She broke away from my lips to whimper into my hair, breath coming out labored and needy as she grasped my shoulder, urging me on top of her. Perfect legs parted to allow me between them, kissing me deeply as they tangled firmly around my hips. I couldn't get enough of her- the softness of her skin, the sound of her moan against my lips - god, I wanted her to keep making that sound.

I'm not sure how long we spent exploring each other, her hips rocking softly against mine. Hands slid beneath my shirt to trail over my back before her nails speared lightly into my shoulders, raking them down slowly. I moaned at the sensation, my lips tracing over her jawline, teeth grazing the warm skin of her neck.

Turned on wasn't an adequate description of what I was feeling. The ache between my legs was throbbing with the need to relieve it. I wanted beneath her skin. I bit down on her pulse point, a quiet gasp escaping through parted lips as her hips pressed desperately up into mine.

Hands slid down to grasp the curves of my ass firmly, her legs tightening their grip on my hips as my teeth nipped at her flesh. Her head was pressed firmly back against the mattress, strawberry hair splayed out around her. I pulled back breathlessly, completely undone by her beauty. Azure eyes slowly opened, heavy lidded and dark. Her swollen lips were lightly parted, a flush to her pale cheeks. She stared up at me for a long moment before her hand slid to the back of my neck, pulling me back down. Lips grazed over mine softly.

"We should stop" I breathed, body betraying me as I captured her lips in a bruising kiss, unwilling to separate from her just yet.

"Sara" she countered breathlessly, hips beginning a painfully slow rhythm against mine. I moaned, on complete sensory overload. My fingertips trailed over the soft flesh of her stomach, held back by nothing more than a small, nagging voice of uncertainty and the knowledge that we weren't alone. She silenced that voice effectively as bright eyes opened to meet mine, the need behind them almost tangible as her lips ghosted over mine with a simple breathless request.

"Please"

I held her gaze, committing to memory the sight of Catherine Willows, patron saint of ever confident ferocity, breathlessly pleading for my touch. My fingertips grazed her waistline, watching her reactions as I slipped underneath the barrier of fabric; beneath silk underwear, down to cup her soft wetness. Her eyes snapped shut, hips pressing into my hand as her lips parted with a silent moan.

 _My god._

I began a steady rhythm, making sure to circle her clit before moving down teasingly. Fingernails speared into my shoulder as she whimpered, trying to keep the sound to a minimum. I was caught between the desire to watch her and the temptation to taste her. The latter finally won out as I dropped my mouth to her neck, sliding two fingers just inside of her.

She gasped, hips rocking forward, a hand tangling in my hair almost painfully. I was about to loose the last threads of control when a casual knock sounded at the door, Lindsay's muffled voice penetrating the charged space.

"Mom, you awake?"

I stilled my motion, lips pausing against her neck as I cursed all of the gods silently. She let out an almost inaudible groan of frustration, hand remaining tightly in my hair, keeping me close.

"Morning Linds- what's up"

"We made breakfast- it'll be ready in 5" she announced, nails drumming playfully at the wood.

"Okay, I'll be right down"

Ten seconds to make sure she was out of earshot before she captured my lips softly, hips grinding up against my stilled hand with a groan that was half pleasure, half frustration.

"God I want you" she moaned against my mouth, my fingers sliding through her wetness once more before forcing them back to her soft hip. I thought for a lingering moment about taking those five minutes to continue this- god knows were both desperate for it, but I wasn't about to let my first time with Catherine be a quick, hushed fuck followed immediately by breakfast with her family.

"One day" I mumbled discontentedly against her skin, pressing a final kiss to her lips before rolling onto my back to take a few deep, calming breaths. She caught her own breath, a hand coming to rest on my thigh softly, my body still throbbing with desire.

"Stay for breakfast?" she asked with a gentle smile.

"Of course"

She grinned in satisfaction, sliding out from beneath the blankets with a soft stretch. I watched her pad across the room, shooting a sly smile over her shoulder as she grasped the hem of her shirt, tugging it over her head in one graceful motion. Golden locks tumbled over her bare shoulders, breasts full and milky white as she moved to the closet, sunlight playing over her skin. Her beauty was sure to be the death of me.

"This is unkind" I breathed, a smile tugging at my lips as she slid a deep scarlet tank top from its hanger, pulling it casually over her head. She performed the same dance with a pair of lacy red underwear and impossibly tight jeans before turning to raise an expectant eyebrow at me. Bright eyes followed every movement as I rolled out of bed, moving determinately towards her. She gasped quietly as I grabbed her hips, leaning in for a kiss filled with every ounce of desire I was harboring. I broke away as abruptly as I had come, backing into the bathroom with a crooked grin.

" _That_ is unkind" she countered playfully through the door. The way her eyes roamed over my body with that needy gaze was far too testing on my self control to attempt undressing beneath.

Pulling my shirt ungracefully over my head, I observed myself in the large mirror- my wild mess of waves, my kiss stained lips. I looked out of place amidst the marble and immaculate décor, bare feet sunk into the plush mat beneath them. I hadn't bothered to replace the cheap bathmat I had thrown out months ago, suddenly feeling self conscious about the state of my bathroom and the state of my hair and the cold, unwelcoming tiles of my own messy floor.

I focused back on my reflection, trailing my fingertips tenderly over the scar splayed across my hip; the one sloped violently down my side- the largest of many. I wasn't particularly ashamed of them- it was barely a consideration with fleeting lovers, and Sofia had understood. The first time she saw them she had met my gaze steadily, wordlessly pressing a kiss to every one she came across. I had eventually done the same to hers. We were the same breed, there was no need for explanations.

Catherine on the other hand was as close to flawless as I had seen a person come, and though I knew her well enough to expect no judgment or distaste, I wasn't ready to answer any questions she might have. To feel any amount of pity from her wasn't something I was sure I could take.

/

Downstairs, she straightened her posture slightly; ran a hand through her hair a final time before rounding the corner, moving confidently into the kitchen. Nancy glanced up from her coffee, smiling at us gently with a soft "Good morning"

Lindsay turned from the fridge, the picture of Sunday morning disarray- messy hair, mismatched pajamas, a glass of juice in hand. Her eyes met Catherine's momentarily before darting over to me in surprise laced confusion.

"I thought you slept on the couch last night? I figured you had gone home"

I threw a nervous glance over at Catherine who seemed fine with leaving this delicate question in my hands, ignoring us as she poured herself a steaming cup of coffee.

"I uh, have a bad neck" I answered lamely, looking to Nancy for help. She just grinned into her mug, raising an eyebrow in mock suspicion.

"I can't sleep on couches… because of my neck. Your mom was nice enough to let me crash with her"

I met Catherine's amused gaze as she slid a mug of coffee across the island to me. A smile crept onto Lindsay's face as she came to lean against the island, glancing at Catherine and biting her lip in a half-hearted attempt at hiding her amusement.

"That's so nice of you, mom"

Nancy chuckled, pushing off the counter to join us, resting her hands gently on Lindsay's shoulders.

"So selfless" she added, biting back a grin at the warning look Catherine shot the both of them. Offering me a playful smile she used her grip to guide Lindsay into the dining room, saving us from further embarrassment. Catherine took a slow sip of coffee before leaning over to grasp my hand, a soft smile gracing her lips.

"Relax, they adore you"

Nancy had laid out plates in the dining room- stacks of pancakes and leftover fruit, condiments splayed across the long table. The tension was still obvious in Catherine- I could see it in the rigidity of her shoulders, the seriousness that never quite left her eyes- but the comfortable atmosphere seemed to be maintaining her sense of calm. Lindsay at her best was like sunshine- always enthusiastic about something, while Nancy consistently kept Catherine from tipping too far in any emotional direction with her laid back presence. It was the sort of family dynamic I had never known.

I slid in next to Lindsay, trying not to focus too much on Catherine in an attempt to stave off any further teasing.

"I asked Sam to come by this morning" Catherine announced casually, taking a long sip of coffee. Nancy sighed, dropping her fork onto the table with a quiet clang, startling me.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I need to talk to him, and I'm not dragging Lindsay downtown to track him down"

"But I love going downtown" Lindsay mumbled quietly, pouring an abundance of syrup over her pancakes.

"Why wouldn't you tell me this before hand? You know I'm not talking to him"

Catherine sighed, leaning forward to drag a small pancake onto her plate.

"I'm in a bit of a tight situation here, incase you haven't been paying attention. I'm sorry if I didn't consider all of our family dynamics before asking for help"

Nancy puffed out a breath, pushing a hand anxiously through dirty blonde hair. "What time? Because I really don't want to be here"

"I don't know, you know him- I'm sure he'll be fashionably late"

The ring of the doorbell a few moments later was almost too synchronistic, Nancy's bright eyes rolling towards the ceiling as she leaned back in her chair tiredly.

"Spooky. I've got it" Lindsay announced, slipping excitedly out of her chair and darting out of the kitchen.

"Pancakes are delicious" I tried, offering Nancy a weary smile as she sighed, taking another bite. It was unnerving to see her exhibit anything more than a Zen-like calm.

"If he mentions mom, I'm going to lose it" she warned with an emphatic point of her fork which Catherine rolled her eyes at dismissively, taking another sip of coffee. Lindsay returned with a scowl of irritation that I was about to question when my answer rounded the corner behind her- dark ray bans covering darker eyes, an unnervingly crisp outfit on. My face fell into an even deeper scowl which I attempted to hide behind a drawn out sip of coffee.

"Good morning ladies" Liev greeted with a wide grin, the feel of the room changing from tense to outright uncomfortable. Nancy offered a quiet hello as he slid his hands to Catherine's shoulders, leaning forward to kiss her head softly. I felt my stomach turn, fingers gripping my fork a little too tightly.

Bright eyes glanced over at me, a flash of annoyance creasing her features as he moved to sit down next to Nancy, slipping his sunglasses off to hang them loosely from his white shirt.

"I heard that you guys had a rough night- I wish you would have called"

He grabbed a slice of melon from the fruit platter, Catherine leaning heavily back in her chair.

"There was a lot going on, calling you wasn't exactly my top priority"

He sat back, regarding her with a slight frown before holding a hand up softly in a confused sort of surrender.

"Okay, I was just concerned, that's all" he explained, dark eyes shifting over to meet mine. "I'm glad you were here, Sara. Thanks for keeping an eye on them for me"

I snorted softly, taking a final sip of my coffee before pushing away from the table.

"I should go"

"You didn't even finish your breakfast" Lindsay protested, shooting me a look that was somewhere between a plea to stay and a dare to walk out of here. I sighed, offering her an apologetic glance.

"Sara…" Catherine began, bright eyes meeting mine in a soft, wordless plea. I held up a hand, pressing my lips into a smile as I regarded everyone else.

"This was great, thanks"

I moved swiftly through the house, the tenderness of the morning forgotten as I felt the full weight of everything bearing down on me once again. The thought of Liev had been so easy to push away in theory- in reality, he was a very real, overly protective, blissfully unaware piece of Catherine's life. I made it just out the door when Catherine reached me, grasping my forearm in a firm grip.

"Sara, wait"

I let out a deep breath, turning to face her. Tension was obvious in her lightly furrowed brow; the ridged way she held herself.

"I need to talk to him. I'm _going_ to talk to him" she pressed, thumb tracing over the skin of my wrist softly. I smiled at the sheer absurdity of this- the fine line we were treading, with a hundred complications just waiting to arise.

"Until you do, we can't keep doing this" I glanced over her shoulder nervously, at the empty window of the door. "It's not fair to anyone"

She nodded, pushing a hand through her perfect blonde waves.

"I think we need to take a step back here, until we figure out what exactly we're doing"

She frowned, taking a step towards me in silent protest, leaving only a few inches of space between us. "I don't want to pause this, Sara. I know I need to end things with Liev and I will, but I am only interested in moving forward here"

I nodded slowly, pressing my lips into a thin line, trying not to let her proximity affect me.

"Lindsay knows about us… whatever "us" means right now, and I'm glad that she seems happy about it, but what if things between us don't work out?"

An incredulous look crossed Catherine's features, a hand coming to rest on her hip- a sure sign of annoyance.

"Then she'll get over it. She's fourteen Sara, she understands that these things don't always work out"

I sighed, sensing this conversation beginning to unravel.

"She's got a lot going on right now. I want to be able to be there for her- and you- without complication… I want to explore this, Catherine. I really, _really_ do" I reached out to grasp her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm just saying maybe we should give it a little time- to focus on the case and to sort out our own… stuff"

Azure eyes rolled softly, tearing her hand out of my grip.

"Half an hour ago you were a moment away from fucking me and now you want to slow things down?" She scoffed, hurt obvious in her eyes beneath the thin veil of anger. "Whatever. Figure out whatever it is you need to"

Before I could speak, a familiar voice chimed in from behind us.

"I hope I'm not interrupting"

I whipped around, greeted with the sight of Sam Braun- a large, immaculately wrapped gift stuck beneath his suited arm- clearly aware that he was indeed interrupting.

"No Sam, your timing is perfect" Catherine spoke, voice dripping with sarcasm as she threw her hands up in general defeat.

I tried to catch her gaze, desperate not to part like this but she simply motioned Sam towards the door.

"I'll talk to you later" she tossed over her shoulder, heading back inside. Sam paused beside me, chuckling quietly at my deer-in-the-headlights look of discomfort. I had no doubt he'd caught the tail end of our conversation. He rested a hand on my shoulder for a brief moment.

"Hang in there. She'll come around"

A smile tugged at my lips, offering a grateful nod as he moved into the awaiting lions den.

/

"Fuck" I cursed quietly as the steaming coffee I had picked up from the nearest drive through spilt through the cheap lid, splashing down my shirt. I wiped a hand over my chin, glaring up at the red light in front of me with misplaced irritation. With a quick flick of my wrist I signaled right, deciding that things weren't going to get any better today. I may as well delve full force into my life's current state of chaos.

An hour ago I had Catherine moaning beneath me- telling me she wanted us to give this a try, and somehow I had managed to fumble it all. I wasn't going to be the other woman in her relationship, I wouldn't allow myself to feel in the wrong for voicing that, but gracefully navigating those kinds of conversations was not my strong suit. I may as well have just guided her gently back into Liev's open, muscled arms.

Sliding a cigarette one-handedly out of the crumpled packet I had stuffed into the glove box for days like this, I made a right onto Dawson, glancing briefly down at my phone to put a call through to the other head-strong blonde I had managed to disappoint this week.

Predictably, it went straight to voicemail. I took a long drag, glancing out at the vaguely familiar neighborhood. It wasn't particularly distinct, another district of cookie-cutter houses with expensive cars parked in the driveways and turquoise pools hidden out back. There wasn't much unknown to me in Vegas anymore- crime had a way of seeping into every crease and corner of this place.

"Good morning detective. I'm sure you're swamped and that's why you haven't returned any of my calls" I mused with a hint of sarcasm, making another slow right.

"You can ignore me all you want, but at least let me know how you're doing"

I knew that short of having her in front of me, in private, there was no way her answer would be anything more than some irritated form of 'I'm fine'. I had become skilled at reading her through her nervous ticks though; the edge to her voice when things were far from okay. I just needed her to talk to me.

"I am about to scope out O'Riley's house, incase you were curious what I'm doing. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, just…. something. Anything"

This entire neighborhood was off limits to us, according to the undersheriff. So much as mentioning the O'Rileys was just asking for a lawsuit in his eyes, so we had been sitting for weeks on our hands like scolded children. Now he was openly threatening us behind this audacious sense of immunity and I was done with it.

Also, I knew Sofia wouldn't let this slide silently. I had officially entered into some desperate times.

Pulling over across from the familiar blue house I killed the engine, fingers lingering over the end call button on my dash. There was so much I needed to say.

"Just call me, please" I spoke tiredly, ending the call before focusing my attention back out the window.

There was a van in the driveway that I recognized as Liam O'Riley's- the brother. The second victims father. It had been difficult to get a read on him during the whirlwind of the case, but no one had clocked him as anything more than a regular, grieving father.

The vehicle in the open garage was a dark blue SUV- a match to the description a neighbour had given on an unfamiliar vehicle parked nearby Catherine's place late last night. I knew that wasn't enough to warrant adequate suspicion for any sort of action to be taken- a real testament to the priorities of the lab, as well as the brazen attitude O'Riley had clearly adopted.

The yard was in pristine condition- flowers beginning to bloom, a bike parked neatly beside the garage. A picture of suburban normalcy. I exhaled sharply, letting a stream of smoke flow out the open window as my phone rang quietly through the car. I glanced at the name, heart dropping as quickly as it had risen. Stubbing my smoke out against the door, I answered it tiredly.

"Good morning Conrad"

I was certain that I wasn't about to receive any admittance of error on his part for completely dismissing my claims that we had the wrong man behind bars, but I was hoping for at least some sort of acknowledgement that we needed to change course.

"Sara," he greeted half heartedly. "I heard about what happened last night…"

"It's the same guy, you know that. He's playing games" I noted a figure moving in the garage, leaning back inconspicuously into my seat.

"I don't want you to think this means that I'm going to let you reopen the case, James O'Riley is still off limits as far as the sheriff is concerned"

 _Of course_.

"But I agree that we can't take this lightly. I don't want Catherine involved with this for now, not while our focus involves Lindsay, but I need you and Grissom in my office before shift tomorrow. Bring a streamlined list of what we have to work with, and we'll go from there.

I closed my eyes in a moment of relief, grateful that not all of Ecklie's actions were dictated by the sheriff. "I'll be there"

Hanging up, I watched the figure that had clearly become visible as James O'Riley move around the garage, motor oil smeared over this overalls; his hands. My jaw tensed as resentment flooded through me- it had been a while since I had seen him in the flesh. Despite the desire to watch him, I knew it was only a matter of time before he noticed me. His guard may be down, but he wasn't dumb enough to drop it entirely.

I waited until he disappeared back into the house before leaving, heading straight towards the lab for a long afternoon of caffeine and paperwork.

/

A loud banging on the door tore me out of a restless sleep, momentarily confused by everything. Feeling around for my phone, I flipped it over, squinting at the too-bright screen- _2 am_.

 _Why,_ I thought with a tired groan.

Rolling out of bed, I stumbled blindly to the wall, feeling for the light switch. Padding to the door, I glanced through the peep hole, letting out a slow breath of relief. Sofia stood stiffly in front of me - brow furrowed, arms crossed protectively over her chest. I noted her white blouse and dark vest- obviously just off of work. Her jaw was clenched tightly, a common theme these days. Despite the tension dripping off of her, I felt a weight lifted at the sight of her willingly at my doorstep.

She sighed, ponytail falling over her shoulder as she leaned in to bang a fist against the door again, the noise deafening next to my ear. I threw it open, her fist still in mid air- a momentary wave of dejavu hitting me as bright eyes met mine with a flash of surprise.

"Do you possess even a hint of patience?" I rubbed a hand over a sleep-blurred eye, stepping back to allow her space to enter. She brushed past me wordlessly, moving into the kitchen. She headed straight for the fridge as I dropped tiredly down onto a stool at the island, letting out another quiet breath of relief at the intimacy of her actions.

Pulling a beer from the door, she rifled around a drawer for a bottle opener, eventually coming to lean back against the counter, meeting my gaze steadily.

I was silent, taking in the exhaustion induced redness around her eyes, collar bones more prominent than usual. She looked utterly worn down.

"A sixteen year old died in interrogation today- heroin overdose" she took a swig of beer, eyes drifting around my apartment. "Her mother was devastated- I sat with her for two hours tonight, trying to console her"

I leaned back in my seat, biting my tongue. She needed space to speak, not an impossible attempt at comforting words.

" _My_ mother is trying to recruit me to head up the cold cases department in Boulder City. Apparently she see's me as just as much a liability as everyone else here" she scoffed quietly, tipping back her drink once again.

"I can't stop seeing Sedin's face"

My fists clenched at the idea of her working two cities away; at the trauma she was still carrying the full weight of. She ran a hand over her hair, avoiding my eyes.

"You," she gestured tiredly towards me "are staking out probable serial killers homes with no regard for the consequences if anyone found out, let alone the dangers of provoking a psychopath"

I crossed my arms lightly over my chest- I had expected that. Bright eyes finally drifted over to meet mine.

"I haven't slept in three days" she continued, a short pause punctuated by a sharp, quiet inhale- that predictable little quirk. "And I miss you. That's how I'm doing, since you're so interested"

I held her gaze steadily for a few lingering moments, allowing silence to settle gently between us. Not uncomfortable, but full of unspoken thoughts.

She sighed, drowning the better part of her beer before coming to lean against the island, closer to me.

"I mean what were you thinking, Sara? What did you really expect to find over there? He had an officer on him for a month and they didn't see anything"

"Exactly, he thinks he's in the clear now, so we…"

"So we wait for him to slip up" she cut me off sharply, bright eyes baring into mine with complete seriousness. "Don't go over there again. I love you, but I will report you"

I held her gaze for a long moment before my posture softened in acceptance, leaning forward to brush back a stray lock of hair that had slipped from her ponytail.

"I am sorry for everything"

She dropped her gaze down to the counter, picking absently at the beer label. Another heavy silence. I knew she was weighing out the benefits of talking about our unspoken argument.

"You told me that there was _nothing_ between you two…" I let out a heavy breath, forcing myself not to look away as her eyes met mine once again. There it was, the root of our problems.

"I know…"

"I knew there was, I just thought there might be more than twelve hours between you begging me not to go and hooking up with her"

I sighed, offering a look that I hoped conveyed how sorry I was. Words weren't always my strong suit- not when it mattered.

"I know. I… wasn't thinking. I love you, I have feelings for her- you were right about everything, it's… been a lot to sort out"

She nodded, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips after a long moment, tipping her bottle towards me knowingly. "I told you"

I snorted, resting my arms on the island tiredly. "Yeah, you did"

"I'm not mad, Sara. I just needed some time" tipping back the last of her beer, she nodded towards the cupboard. "Do you want a drink?"

I chuckled, dragging a hand through my sleep mussed hair. Only Sofia would have the audacity to offer someone a drink in their own home. "Depends, are you staying?"

She hesitated, lips parting to speak before pressing them closed. I pushed off the stool and moved into the kitchen, grabbing the scotch from the cabinet above the stove.

"You're exhausted and I know you sleep better here"

I pulled two glasses down before turning to face her, exhaustion evident on her features.

"…Have you gone to any of your grief counseling?"

She gave her head a single, firm shake. I sighed, leaning my hip against the counter, observing her closely.

"It could be good, Sof… you know that you have to deal with all of this eventually or it's going to just… tear you apart"

"And have you dealt with everything haunting you, Sara?" she shot, a flash of warning through glacial eyes.

"I'm worried about you" I pressed, ignoring the question. She knew full well I hadn't. " _Everyone_ is worried about you. You take offence to it, but anyone that went through what you did would be struggling. That doesn't make you weak"

She sighed, undoing the top two, constricting buttons of her blouse; tugging her hair out of it's loose ponytail, golden hair cascading down around her shoulders. Leaning back against the counter she pressed her palms into her eyes for a long moment before pushing them through her burnished hair.

"I slept with Eli"

 _Oh._

My lips parted in surprise, brows furrowing lightly. I tried to ignore the violent pang of irritation that swept through me- he wasn't enough for her, we both knew that. I expected some sort of offhand comment to follow; a crude joke maybe- anything besides the almost imperceptible shrug of her shoulders. The unshed tears that gathered in her eyes as they met mine poignantly.

" _That_ makes me weak"

I shook my head, stepping in front of her. She didn't resist as I enveloped her in my arms, feeling her immediately relax into the close embrace. Vanilla and leather; cigarettes and that sweet smell that was uniquely Sofia. She took a few deep breaths against my hair, fingers digging into my back as she tried to keep a hold on her composure.

"It's okay" I whispered into her hair. We remained like that for a few minutes, strong shoulders shaking lightly in my arms, before she eventually pulled back, impossibly blue eyes meeting mine. I brushed her tears away ungracefully with the pad of my thumb, running a hand over her hair gently.

"Was it that bad?"

A quiet chuckle erupted from her throat, her head falling forward to rest softly against mine for a moment before moving away. I grabbed the whiskey, following her towards the couch.

"Well he's no Catherine, I'll tell you that much" she replied, running a hand over her face as she regained her composure, dropping down onto the couch. "Tell me, do everyone's fantasies live up to the reality?"

"Not that I would tell you" I pursed my lips into an amused smile, coming to sit next to her "But we haven't exactly made it that far. We're taking… a step back for a while"

She quirked an eyebrow, uncorking the whiskey with a quiet chuckle. "You've barely even begun and you're taking a break? That's a terrible sign"

"She hasn't ended things with Liev, and she's being… particularly difficult right now" I mumbled, leaning back tiredly against the couch.

"Do you think it could be because a serial killer is targeting her daughter?" she asked sarcastically, eyebrow quirking even further. I sighed, taking the glass she handed me with an annoyed glance. She was right, it was unfair to expect Catherine to be the picture of stability right now.

"So what's going on?" she asked, pulling her legs up beneath her as she settled into the couch. I took a sip of whiskey before dropping back against the cushions, trying to decide where to begin.

At least one crushing weight had been lifted.

/

A steady knock on the door once again tore me out of a deep sleep, groaning quietly as I blinked my eyes open to meet the agonizing brightness of morning.

 _What now?_

I threw back the covers, laying still for a drawn out moment before dragging myself out of bed. Padding into the living room, I glanced over at the couch on my way by, a pillow thrown over Sofia's head, a tired groan emanating from beneath it.

When did calling people stop being the go-to form of communication?

I glanced through the peephole, irritation dissolving at the sight of Catherine- arms crossed, a folder held loosely in her hand.

A smile tugged at my lips as I ran a hand over my hair in a feeble attempt to appear presentable, glancing down at my dark boxers and Star Trek t-shirt with a regretful sigh. Adjusting the crumpled shirt for good measure, I pulled the door open, blinking against the bright light.

"Good morning" I smiled, leaning tiredly against the door frame. Azure eyes took in my state with a suppressed grin, clearing her throat lightly.

"Did I wake you?" she asked, clearly already aware of the answer.

"No" I shook my head, waves falling chaotically around my shoulders. "I'm up. What are you doing here so early?"

Moving forward, she slid a soft hand to my waist. "First of all, it's ten o'clock." I smiled sheepishly, eliciting a throaty chuckle from her. "I didn't like how we left things, I know I was being unfair, it's been… a long week" she sighed, taking another step into my space.

"Also I found something…" she trailed off as azure eyes became fixed on something behind me, her expression changing from relaxed to ridged instantly. She remained still for a moment before her gaze shot back to meet mine with a familiar flash of violence, hand falling abruptly from my hip.

Despite being completely aware of what had caused this shift, I glanced over my shoulder at Sofia blinking tiredly on the couch, blonde hair mussed into a complete state of disarray, my Harvard shirt that was really more hers than mine at this point draped loosely over her form.

"I didn't realize you had company"

I opened my mouth to reply but was silenced by the venomous glare Catherine had pinned on me, daring me to speak. She hesitated a moment before brushing past me into the apartment, heels clicking violently against the hardwood.

"Sofia" she greeted coldly as she moved to the island.

"Catherine" Sofia replied tiredly, eyes meeting mine as though to tell me she did not sign up for this.

"I found something I thought you should see- it won't take long"

I closed my eyes, leaning back against the door frame heavily for a long moment.

 _Here we go._


	29. Chapter 29

_Catherine_

I stared down at the folder I had tossed unceremoniously onto the wooden countertop, flipping it open with a bit too much force. The ink was lightly smudged at the edges of the copied police report, a flaw from my printer that was on it's last legs. I needed to get that fixed. I needed to pass this along to Ecklie so that he could get the sheriff off of our backs. I needed to focus on work and not on Sofia's half dressed form untangling from blankets on the couch.

I heard Sara approaching tentatively.

"Cat…"

"14 years ago a woman named Celia Larson was killed outside of Billings Montana" I cut her off sharply, focusing intently on the dark text. She came to stand beside me, eyes lingering on my features for a long moment before glancing down at the police report with a furrowed brow.

"She was sixteen at the time, living with Liam O'Riley and their six month old daughter Anna"

"The second victim" she noted, eyes scrunching lightly as she examined the paper.

"I thought Liam's grieving wife was her mother… she never said otherwise" Sofia chimed in, voice raspy from sleep.

I lifted my gaze to regard her, lingering momentarily on tired features before travelling slowly over her form. Sara's worn out Harvard t-shirt hung off her frame, long legs interrupted only by a pair of barely there shorts. She pushed a hand through wild hair, glancing between Sara and I uncertainly for a long moment before apparently deciding there was nothing to do but commit to this awkward situation, moving into the kitchen.

"Her and Liam have been married for what, twelve years? By most accounts she is her mother. Just not biologically" I replied, watching her move effortlessly through the small space, grabbing the coffee from one cupboard, the filter from another. I forced my gaze back onto the report, biting back the hurt threatening to spill over in the form of poorly thought out words.

"This report is extremely vague… death by exsanguination?" Sara looked up from the file, searching for my gaze which I blatantly refused her.

"Orson O'Riley- the O'Riley brothers father- was police chief in Billings at the time. Real piece of work. He headed up the investigation and closed it a few days later due to lack of sufficient evidence" I scoffed quietly, tapping a finger against the paper softly. "He wrote this up and tossed it over to the cold cases department, which is more like a dusty drawer in a desk than an actual department"

"How do you know all this?" Sofia asked, the comforting smell of brewing coffee beginning to drift through the apartment.

"I have a friend in the department down there- thought I'd get him to check into the O'Riley name since they're from the area and we are grasping at straws"

"This is great, but how does it tie into the serial case?" Sara asked, dropping down onto a stool. I took a step away, fingertips pressing into the cool wooden countertop.

"They found her body in the desert of Eastern Montana- naked, single stab wound to the chest" I elaborated, glancing up at Sofia. It was marginally easier to look her in the eyes. A blonde eyebrow cocked, lips parting lightly in surprise.

"Let me guess- blonde hair, blue eyes"

I nodded, flipping the folder shut. "Spitting image of Anna O'Riley"

"This is big, Cat- we can work with this" Sara spoke enthusiastically, a steaming cup of coffee slid in front of her in an uncharacteristically pink mug, covered in an array of mismatched hearts. Dark eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she glanced up at Sofia, who suppressed an amused grin, turning to me.

"Coffee?"

The ease of their relationship made my stomach turn. I held her gaze, the reality of her breezing half-dressed through Sara's kitchen, offering me coffee as though she belonged here grating violently against my nerves. The grey shirt accentuated the ice blue of her eyes, and I scoffed quietly at her beauty; at her flippancy; at the cruelty of this situation.

She looked away, over at Sara for a fraction of a second before pressing her lips into a thin line. "I should go"

"No, stay" I spoke firmly enough to make her pause her retreat, letting out a quiet sigh of uncertainty. Sara rubbed a fist against her eye tiredly before sliding a hand on top of the papers, staring at me until I had no choice but to meet her gaze.

"Can I hold onto these for now?" she asked softly, "I've got a meeting with Ecklie tonight and I'd like to have something substantial to show him"

She was beautiful in the morning- wavy hair in a state of dissaray, eyes bright, voice raspier than usual. Even the childish star trek t-shirt that she had obviously owned for ages, worn into a thin fabric with a few holes wearing through was charming. I had come here longing for the feel of her; the smell of her, the comfort of her arms. I just felt nauseous.

"I was going to pass them along myself, but go ahead"

The silent plea to stay was clear behind chocolate eyes, which I ignored entirely, tearing my gaze away and turning towards the door.

"I'll see you tonight"

Some indistinct words to Sofia barely met my ears as I crossed the small space, not looking back as I pulled the door shut behind me. I took a deep breath of the stagnant Vegas air, already heavy with the heat of the day, not allowing the destructive thoughts lingering at the forefront of my mind to take hold.

Predictably, I heard a door open moments later, though I didn't slow my rapid pace towards the stairs.

"Catherine" Sara called, hand grasping my arm lightly a moment later. I spun around, tearing my eyes from the escape path a few feet away to meet her gaze.

"What?"

She let out a breath, eyes unbearably soft.

"Sofia had a rough night, and we needed to talk- there's nothing…"

"You don't need to explain yourself" I cut her off blankly, crossing my arms over my chest. "We're taking a step back from this, remember?"

Dark eyes remained trained on me for a long moment before she scoffed quietly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I know you are having a tough time right now, but give me a little credit. I'm worried about Lindsay, and I don't want to be a third party in your relationship. I don't see what's so unfair about that"

"It's difficult to give you credit when your ex is half naked in your kitchen, cooking you breakfast"

She shoved a hand through dark locks, taking a handful into her fist as she bit back her frustration.

"She slept on the couch, and she's not making breakfast- she hasn't cooked a proper meal in her life…"

Meeting my gaze, she let her hair tumble from her grip with a tired sigh. "You know what? That's not the point. I thought we decided to take some time to sort out our stuff, and that's exactly what I'm trying to do"

I snorted, rolling my eyes as I turned to go.

"Well by all means, don't let me keep you"

Her hand immediately raised up to grab my wrist, rougher than before but still with an edge of tenderness. I spun back to look at her expectantly, crossing my arms protectively over my chest.

"Catherine, what do you want me to say?"

I narrowed my eyes, taking a step towards her.

"Do you really not get it? You two broke up a week ago, Sara"

I could see the tension in her- ready to defend herself against whatever I was going to say. I felt the weight of my exhaustion settling neatly in my chest, biting my tongue against the words that were on the tip of it- it didn't matter. Not now.

I exhaled deeply, shaking my head. "I have to go, just get that file to Ecklie and we'll talk later"

I could tell she wasn't ready to let this go, but I was heading down the steps before she had a chance to protest. There was only so much arguing I could handle in a day and I had yet to face Sam and get Lindsay settled at the Rampart. This was going to have to wait.

/

Steam billowed up from my large cup of chamomile tea, evaporating into the cool, dry air of the lab. Stirring the tea bag absently, I watched the clear water slowly fade into a pale yellow. For the moment, this cup of tea and a silent break room were the remedies to my ever growing list of problems.

Dropping down into a chair, I slid my glasses on, flipping open the files I had gathered over the past few hours.

There was no one at the Billings PD that had worked the Celia Larson case, so that was a dead end. I had managed to get Dan to send over a few more equally vague documents related to the case with the promise of an evening out the next time he was in town. Just another situation to skillfully sidestep when the time came.

The evidence list was barely enough to work with, though the lack of findings was in line with every scene we had worked. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, glancing over the list- _rope fragments, undetermined substance on victims hands…_

"You do know you have an office"

I glanced up at Grissom, shooting me a questioning look as he entered the room.

"Yeah, everyone else knows it too" I explained, flipping over the paper in my hands. The questioning look still lingering on his features, I met his gaze tiredly. "I'm hiding"

A smile skirted over his lips as he took a seat across from me.

"Have you talked to Sara?"

I frowned, eyes still skimming over the report. "About what?"

"Our meeting with Ecklie. I figured you'd want to be-"

"Wait, you were involved in that?" I cut him off with a raised hand, sitting back to give him my full attention.

"Yes" he replied after a moment.

"Why wasn't I there? This is my case"

He shrugged absently, glancing down at the forensic journal that had been left splayed open on the table.

"The latest focus of whoever we're dealing with is Lindsay, Catherine. It's a conflict of interest"

 _Unbelievable._

"So what, I'm off the case now? Was anyone going to bother talking to me about this?"

"We're talking about it now" He answered simply, leaning back in his chair. "And no one said you were off the case, you just need to take a backseat for a little while. You've been too involved with this guy"

"Sara assaulted him and she's still involved, has everyone forgotten about that?"

"I doubt it"

Eyes shooting up to the doorway, I met Sara's heavy gaze. She crossed her arms, brow furrowing as Warrick moved past her into the room.

 _Perfect, well done_ I chastised myself tiredly, mimicking her actions as I crossed my arms tightly over my chest.

"I just mean that we're all a little too involved with this case, I don't see why I should be shut out"

"You're not being shut out, Catherine. It was just a meeting"

Dark eyes held mine as she moved into the room. Warrick met her halfway to the coffee, pushing a steaming cup into her hands which she accepted gratefully. I felt an irrational pang of hurt as she chose a seat a few chairs away from mine, chastising myself at the absurdity. I simultaneously wanted her so close and so far.

"I would like to at least be notified as to what's going on, I am the supervisor here"

She rolled her eyes almost imperceptibly, the furrow never quite leaving her brow.

"I told you I had a meeting with Ecklie this morning, you _gave_ me the police report to show him"

I scoffed, opening my mouth to speak but was cut off by Grissom holding his hand up tiredly.

"Brass is going to bring the brother in for some questioning, and Detective Curtis is making a trip up to Idaho to speak with Celia Larson's mother. That's what we've landed on for now"

"Idaho? She must have pissed someone off to get sent up there" Warrick mused, taking a seat between Sara and I casually, clearly unaware of the tension.

"Ortega doesn't exactly instill a desire to cooperate" Sara pointed out.

"And Sofia does?" I asked in amusement, taking a long sip of tea. I knew I was being petty, but I didn't care.

"Do you want to go down there and talk to her?" came her irritated response, shooting me an equally irritated look. I held up a hand in surrender, turning my attention to Gil.

"Billings PD sent over a few more files on the Larson case- not much to work with, but I've got an evidence list, a coroners report, and an appallingly short list of suspects questioned"

"How short?"

"Liam O'Riley, and Larson's father who died last January"

He sighed, "Well, short is better than nothing"

"You and Lindsay are keeping out of harms way?" Warrick asked

"Moved our lives into a room at the Rampart this morning. Don't even ask how many bags a 14 year old girl thinks fall under the category of 'necessary'"

Thankfully two eager bus boys had hauled our pile of things from the car up to the eighth floor, much to Lindsay's pleasure. She was enjoying this entire situation far more than was reasonable, thought I suppose I was grateful for that.

Warrick chuckled while Sara simply stared at me from across the table.

"I could have helped you guys" she replied softly.

I met chocolate eyes silently, the familiar butterflies still there beneath her gaze. The desire to have her beside me today was fierce, even despite our earlier argument. I was a self sufficient woman, I didn't need the help, but if I was being honest I was growing tired of facing every obstacle of life alone.

The eager concierge following me around under the guise of being helpful didn't count, ordering staff around in his charming English accent at every opportunity to make our transition easier. The young woman behind the desk whose attitude changed the moment I gave her my name- setting me up with a complimentary bottle of champagne and offering her services wherever needed. I could see straight through these kindnesses. I was tired of courtesy that came with an agenda- tired of men believing that helpfulness would inevitably be generously rewarded.

I craved someone who genuinely wanted to be beside me on days like this- someone who despised the entire process just as much as I did, but showed up anyway. I knew that was who Sara was- I had seen her dedication to the people she loved. Sometime, before all this chaos began, she had shown up for work half asleep, arms torn up from cardboard cuts, laughing about the many attempts to get Greg's couch up the stairs of his new 6th floor apartment.

The way she looked at me, I could feel that closeness at my fingertips. It absolutely terrified me, the depth of that desire. I cleared my throat lightly, stubbornly refusing to let my guards down.

"We managed"

After a moment her softness slipped back into irritation, eyes narrowing.

"Can I talk to you?"

I leaned back in my chair, pulling my glasses off and folding them gently into my lap.

"Sure"

Sighing, she glanced momentarily over at Grissom before meeting my gaze with that pleading, gentle request to let this go.

"Alone"

I sighed, opening my mouth to speak when she cut me off. "Let me guess, you're too busy. You do look absolutely swamped" she gestured to my mug of tea and the few papers in front of me.

"Try to keep things civilized, please" Grissom interjected tiredly as he stood, shooting us both a pointed look before heading out of the room.

Before I could properly respond, Sara followed suit, pushing up out of her chair hastily. "I'm going to check in with Wendy, see if she's gotten anything off those swabs" she told Warrick. I watched her go, eyes travelling over her form- loose jeans, that maroon shirt hugging her modest curves. Letting out a sigh, I leaned heavily back in my seat, closing my eyes for a long moment.

A warm hand grasped my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"You and Sara at it again?"

I chucked humorlessly, cracking open my eyes to glance over at him.

"Shocking, I know"

"You two have seemed pretty tight lately, what's going on?"

Letting out a tired exhale, I shook my head lightly, not ready to delve into that with anyone yet.

"Close doesn't mean conflict free. We're working through some things. Also this case is just…" I trailed off with an exasperated huff, pushing both hands through my hair tiredly. This case was tearing everything apart.

"You're getting through it, Cath. You're doing great"

I leaned lightly into the arm he slipped around my shoulder, the brush of lips against my hair soft and fleeting. I was grateful for the comfort.

"I've got a double homicide at the trailer park and Greg is out sick, so I have the pleasure of working with our little ray of sunshine tonight" he squeezed my arm gently, green eyes meeting mine. "I have a feeling my night might go a bit smoother if you two can find the love again"

I offered a smile as he sat back, turning his focus to his buzzing phone. I glanced at my tea, barely lukewarm. So much for simple remedies.

/

"You look like you could use a drink"

I turned my attention towards Liev's voice, finding him leaning against the cement planters outside of the lab doors. The Yucca plants were beginning to regain their vibrancy, little yellow flowers I had a fondness for but no actual knowledge about already beginning to burst into bloom.

The evergreen sweater he wore suited him, rolled up at the sleeves to show off his naturally olive skin. He had grown his hair out just enough to look a little less conservative, dark eyes meeting mine softly. I pulled my navy jacket tightly around myself in an attempt to stave off the early morning chill, tossing tired waves over my shoulder.

"You're not wrong, but I'm settling for a walk and a very strong coffee" I told him, resuming my pace as he came to fall into step along side me.

"Mind if I join you? I just pulled a double and could really use some decent coffee and pleasant company"

I chuckled, glancing up at the earliest of commuter traffic passing by, the golden hue of morning painting the city in a softened light.

"I can't promise pleasant company, but there will be coffee"

He smiled, grasping my elbow lightly as a biker passed by on an early morning delivery with a single trill of his bell, the gesture painfully gentle.

"Still struggling with the serial case?"

I shrugged, pushing my hands into silk lined pockets. "We've been making some headway, but I'm not sure that it's actually getting us anywhere"

"And how are dad's finest accommodations treating you?"

I snorted, shaking my head lightly. "I know for a fact that he has finer, but free housekeeping and no cooking is something I could get used to"

He laughed, hand sliding to the small of my back as we crossed the street.

"Are you ever going to give me a tour?"

There it was. The perfect segue into the conversation that we needed to have. I could feel the tension in the back of my mind, urging me to just say the words. I glanced up at him, dark eyes soft as he offered me a gentle smile, and I knew it wouldn't be today.

I had no problem breaking things off with men, I had become rather skilled at it over the years. But something felt different with Liev. It wasn't attraction and clearly not love that was giving me pause- the way that it felt to have Sara on top of me, hands working their way over my skin; the way I felt beneath her warm gaze was enough to assure me without a doubt that it was her I wanted. But his steadfast dedication to me, the strong hand guiding me away from harm felt infinitely comforting.

"Maybe when things are a little less chaotic"

He smiled softly, hand coming down to grasp mine as we walked the rest of the way in silence.

Jane was behind the counter as usual, shooting me a quick smile of greeting as she moved hurriedly between morning tasks. I glanced up at the menu above the counter out of habit, debating whether a plain coffee was enough or if an espresso at this point in my endless day would kill me.

"Good morning detective"

My eyes shot down at Liev's cheerful words, greeted immediately by the ice blue gaze of Sofia, having turned from where she stood at the counter. I let my hand slip from Liev's grasp, trying to play it off by tucking loose hair behind my ear, though I knew it was too late.

"Liev, Catherine" she greeted, tearing her gaze from mine only when a large coffee was slid in front of her. She took it with a half smile of thanks, brushing past us.

"She was much better company a few months ago" he commented quietly, my stomach turning softly in disgust as I moved away from him.

"Can you order me a coffee? I'm just going to touch base with her"

I took a breath, bell jingling as I pushed out of the glass doors. She was leaning against her SUV expectantly, parked conveniently in front of the building. Blonde hair was illuminated by the first light of morning, everything about her appearing softer than usual. I noted a large bag in her passenger seat, probably about to leave for Weiser.

I walked towards her, the click of my heels filling the silence as I came to stand in front of her. She blew out a breath of smoke, a cigarette resting predictably between her fingers, coffee held tightly in the other hand.

"I'm trying to quit, but I'm finding it difficult with all of the bullshit going on around here" she raised the cigarette lightly in reference.

So that's how we were going to do this. I crossed my arms, shifting my weight to one hip. I wasn't going to let her make me feel in the wrong here.

"You know, what I'm doing with my life is really none of your business"

She smiled, an eyebrow quirking momentarily "You're right"

"And yet…" I motioned to her judgmental gaze with irritation

"Sara is my business" she elaborated calmly. "If you're not interested in giving up men, that is a surprise to no one. But don't you dare drag her down to satisfy some curiosity"

I scoffed, tightening my crossed arms, furious at her audacity.

"You love her"

It came out as an accusation, some harsh criticism of something beautiful. She didn't miss a beat in answering, "Of course I do"

She didn't bother elaborating on that statement, and as much as I wanted to demand a detailed explanation of what exactly she meant, I respected her straightforwardness.

"I've watched the tension between you two building for years, and I know that you feel something for her. But I won't watch you fuck with her emotions because you're insecure"

I opened my mouth, a whole host of volatile thoughts at the tip of my tongue, but something made me pause. Perhaps the worn down sight of her, standing up for a woman we both love, or the weight of the truth behind her words. I was insecure- that was something I could barely admit to myself. My entire image was built on confidence- on a steadfast belief in myself. I embodied it, I rarely faltered in it, and the whispers of doubt circling through my mind felt strange and destructive.

Liev was safe- familiar in the sense of being a simple man. He was the easy, obvious option for my life. He could be a father figure for Lindsay; I had no doubt about his dedication to me. What I felt for Sara was unexplored and frightening- I had thought it through a hundred times since this revelation and it seemed to be something we could really make work, but in reality we had little beyond years of disputes and a few passionate moments. Once the purging of all our built up tension had passed, would she still want me? Once the novelty of having me in her bed wore off, would she be able to love the creases of my skin, the age freckles beginning to litter my body, the few white strands of hair that I kept meticulously hidden?

I met her gaze- what I wouldn't give to be 34 again, full of effortless confidence and a cigarette in hand. I sighed, pressing my lips together as I let my arms fall to my side in some form of defeat.

"She is crazy about you, Catherine. I'm not abandoning our friendship because you don't know how to accept it, but I hope that you can trust that our relationship is nothing more than that. Because god, does she want you"

Bright eyes held mine, drifting over my form briefly before taking another long drag from her smoke. She was beautiful- I suppose that's what made their closeness so difficult to accept. Her ferocity was quieter, more controlled than mine, and I envied that. I envied her ability to read Sara, whose moods I could barely decipher on a good day.

Despite my distain for her, it was hard to ignore her collar bones jutting out beneath her thin shirt; the darkness beneath her eyes still lingering. There was an exhaustion that seemed to cling to her like a ghost these days with a sort of relentlessness that concerned even me.

I sighed, feeling a strange sort of tenderness towards her as she gave a soft nod of acknowledgement at the understanding in my eyes, stubbing out her cigarette against the lower bumper of her car.

"… are you doing okay?" I asked hesitantly as she pushed off the hood, sauntering around to the door. She chuckled, glancing up at me briefly.

"Let's not pretend you give a fuck about how I'm doing, Catherine"

 _Charming as always_.

I rolled my eyes at her typical tactlessness, watching her slide into the vehicle before turning on my heel back towards the diner.

Liev met me before I made it back inside, a smile tugging at my lips as he passed me a warm coffee. I accepted it gratefully, about to take a much needed sip when his hand slid down to my waist, surprising me as he leaned in to press a soft kiss, full of intention against my lips.

He pulled back before I could react, the feel of light stubble scratching against my mouth lingering. I could read the desire behind his eyes; in the soft motion of his thumb against my waist.

"Come home with me?"

I searched dark eyes before sighing softly, giving an almost perceptible nod. A smile worked its way across his lips as he wrapped a large arm around my shoulder, beginning our walk back to our vehicles still parked at the lab.


	30. Chapter 30

**Your reviews are everything, you guys. Thank you. It's been a chaotic few months but I've finally got some free time to continue writing this. I hope you enjoy!**

 _Catherine_

I had the words at the tip of my tongue by the time we entered his condo, the crisp white interior distracting me momentarily, sunlight flooding aggressively through the open space.

Before I had a chance to slip off my jacket; formulate a sentence, he had me pressed up against the closed door. It wasn't rough, it never was- just always on the wrong side of gentle.

His hands were at my waist, hastily untying my jacket as his lips moved fervently against mine. I kissed him back out of habit; out of some instilled sense of power that comes with possessing what a man desires. He tugged the offending article off, letting it fall behind me as I grasped his shoulder, steadying myself.

His fingers fumbled ungracefully with the small buttons of my blouse, eventually breaking away from my lips to get a better look. Immediately distracted, dark eyes lingered on my chest before travelling over my neck, my jawline, up to meet my eyes hungrily.

And I thought about it.

For a moment, I considered following this through. Because I was hurt. Because I was uncertain. Because the sexual tension in me had built up to an almost unbearable point, and though it had nothing to do with Liev, he was a warm body that I knew how to work.

"You are…." He began, but seemed lost for words as he shook his head lightly, running a hand over my hair as his eyes searched mine. "I've missed you"

 _Right._

He tried to recapture my lips, but I raised both hands to rest firmly on his chest, pushing him back. He frowned, a question in his eyes as I leaned back against the door. I may not always make the most appropriate decisions, but my moral compass was functional enough to know this was wrong. This was more than just sex to him, and the thought of Sara made me rigid beneath his touch.

The intimacy of our position felt strangely appropriate, despite the confusion coloring his features; the awkwardness of the conversation to come. My beige blouse was partially undone, breasts rising and falling with each breath, concealed by an expensive lace bra the color of lilacs. The sunlight streaming in through the large windows softly illuminated my hair, my pale skin. I could feel him pressing into my lower stomach, bodies still touching- that feeling of power lingering in me.

His confusion seemed to shift into an uneasy understanding and I offered him a soft, apologetic smile. Before he could speak I leaned forward, fingers tangling in his hair softly as I kissed him with a tender finality.

He grasped my waist, kissing me back until I pulled firmly away, sliding out from the space between him and the door. Sitting down on the edge of the couch, I ran a hand through my hair tiredly, glancing up at where he stood, regarding me with a look of tired frustration.

"Why?"

I sighed- what a deceptively complicated question.

"We both deserve more than this"

Crossing thick arms, his frown deepened. "I don't want more than this"

"I do" I answered, holding his gaze steadily. For a moment I thought he was going to put up a fight, but eventually he sighed in defeat, coming to sit on the edge of the coffee table, resting his hands on my knees softly as his dark eyes searched mine.

"What do you want from me, Catherine? "

I let out a quiet sigh, waves tumbling over my shoulders as I leaned slightly forward, resting a hand over his.

"Nothing. This is just…. bad timing"

That wasn't a lie. Despite our differences and my lack of genuine interest, he was far from the worst man I'd dated. A year ago, I would have let this run it's course.

He chuckled softly, dragging a hand over his face as he sat back.

"You know, I was warned that you would do this"

Inhaling sharply, I straightened up, immediately on the defense. I knew the reputation I had around the lab; I knew the sort of lewd ideas men held about me. Sensing my tension, he grabbed my hand, giving it a soft squeeze.

"They don't know you, Cath. But I'm glad I got a chance to"

Searching his gaze I lost myself in wondering when exactly he had fallen for me. Between my general sense of irritation at his presence and my typical absence during sex- trying to project myself into a different bed, beneath different hands- I wasn't exactly an ideal lover.

A smile played over my lips as I leaned back against the couch, glancing around at the OCD cleanliness surrounding me; the artistically decorated walls. There was so much that I would never really know about him.

"I should go"

I retrieved my jacket from the floor, hand grasping the doorknob as he called my name. I glanced back, meeting his gaze.

"… Are you going to tell me who he is?"

I paused, chuckling quietly. That was a riskier game that I was willing to play today. Pleased with the unexpected ease of this conversation I opted to leave on a peaceful note, pulling open the door with a soft smile.

"I'll see you around"

/

Sleep was a holy thing. I prayed for it, I worshiped it, and seven full hours felt like a blessing from whatever god was above.

Refreshed, I dragged myself out of impossibly soft sheets and managed a quick shower before my phone was buzzing with messages from Lindsay, back from school and heading straight to the hotel pool. She had set her sights on a tanned lifeguard with a knotted ponytail of blonde dreads and a tribal shoulder tattoo- a bitter taste of what I had to look forward to, but a welcome distraction none the less. The less attention she was paying to what was going on the better.

Hearing the faint sound of the front door opening, I groaned quietly into the empty space. I knew that giving a second key to my sister was a mistake, having taken an unnervingly deep interest in my life since I had become involved with two coworkers and began simultaneously investigating and hiding out from a renowned serial killer. But being the second parental figure in Lindsay's life, she had earned these small privileges.

Tying the soft cotton robe the casino had provided around myself, I ran my fingers through wet hair a final time, noting appreciatively what a decent sleep could do for my complexion.

Nancy was lounging on my bed as I emerged from the bathroom, immediately eyeing up the floor length robe enviously.

"Can I stay here too?"

I snorted, "Sure, but you should know that it comes with a visit from Sam almost daily and a handsy concierge"

She sighed, laying back against the comforter. "Right, never mind"

"You look tired darling" my mother cooed as she settled into the plush corner chair, effortlessly knocking my confidences down a notch. Genuine concern danced behind bright green eyes as she studied my features and I sighed, dropping down into the chair in front of the vanity, tussling my damp hair softly.

"It's just been a long week, I'm fine"

"Please tell me you've at least gotten closer to catching this monster"

What was I supposed to say? The man we suspect is free as ever and we can't get near him? I am utterly terrified about the entire situation? I met her gaze briefly in the mirror, pulling a brush through my tangled hair.

"You know I can't talk about it mom, but we are making some headway"

That seemed to pacify her for the moment, sitting back in the navy chair.

"I haven't heard anything about Liev in a while, how is he doing?"

 _Of course._

Trying not to let the irritation at her innocent questions take hold, I forced my brush through a particularly difficult knot, wincing slightly. "We ended things this morning"

"Oh, how come?"

I met her gaze in the mirror once again, taken aback by her lack of surprise. She seemed to think every man I spent more than two weeks with was sure to be the one.

"He was more invested than I was. It's for the best, trust me" I replied, eyes lingering suspiciously on her before focusing back on my reflection.

"…and how are you and Sara getting along?"

 _Oh, for god sake…_

I turned completely around to focus expectantly on Nancy, who was pressing her palms firmly into her eyes, elbows bent in the air.

"Are you serious?" I asked flatly.

After a moment she let her hands fall, pushing up into a sitting position to eye our mother with heavy irritation.

"I told you to keep a lid on that"

Lily waved a hand at her dismissively, "I just want to know what's going on with you girls" she turned her focus to me, "she's a lovely girl, Catherine. I can't say I wasn't surprised, but then again you've always had a propensity for the unconventional"

"We are not talking about this" I stated firmly, flipping open my makeup bag.

"Are you two seeing each other?"

"No"

"Well why not?"

"I'm not talking about this"

"Darling don't be coy…"

I spun around in my seat to glare over at Nancy who had the audacity to ask, with a sudden air of seriousness, "are you still hung up on this Sofia thing?"

"Sofia? Was this someone she was with before?" she asked Nancy, clearly aware that she was going to get nothing from me.

I snorted at the absurdity of that question, opening my mouth to shut this down when Nancy interrupted, "She's Sara's ex"

Lily turned her gaze to me with a soft shake of her head, "Oh don't be ridiculous, Catherine. Jealousy doesn't suit you"

"Okay" I interjected loudly, gesturing pointedly towards the door. "This has been _great_ , but I need to get ready for work"

"Why don't you invite her over for dinner this week? Everyone can come, I'll order tapas" she suggested casually as she stood, grabbing her purse. Before I had a chance to turn down that ludicrous invitation she glanced at the bedside clock, a small smile skirting over her painted lips as warm hands came to rest on my shoulders from behind.

"I'm having dinner with Sam at the Bellagio, so don't expect me to check in with you tonight"

"Oh my god" I muttered quietly, cringing at the mental images that statement conjured. She squeezed my arm, holding my gaze in the mirror with a maternal softness.

"Don't let love slip away over trivial things, darling. Trust me"

Nancy slid off the bed the moment she was gone, nodding towards the door with an exaggerated air of aloofness.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it"

"Oh no, you're not getting out of this unscathed" I crossed my arms, turning to face her. "Why the hell would you tell her about Sara and I?"

She ran a hand over her face tiredly. "In my defense, she wasn't supposed to say anything"

I snorted, shaking my head incredulously.

"I'd had some wine and she was worried about you, Cat. I just told her that you had a lot of… support"

I opened my mouth to respond but she moved quickly into my space, pecking my cheek with a quick kiss. "The way I see it, I saved you an awkward future conversation"

She was heading out the door before I could give her any further grief, shooting a quick, teasing smile over her shoulder on the way out.

"I hope Sara likes tapas"

/

Heels pounding against the pavement of the parking garage, I ran a hand through perfectly styled waves one final time, pressing together subtly painted lips. I was going to solve some aspect of this case tonight. I was going to fix this disconnect between Sara and I, and I was going to do all of it in the most unassumingly sexy outfit I owned.

My blouse hugged my figure perfectly while leaving just enough to the imagination, the dark material a stark contrast against my strawberry hair. My black pants were much the same- form fitting, while loose enough to keep eyes lingering. I looked good and I knew it, which was exactly how I liked to enter these sort of dicy situations.

The cool air of the lab hit me like a wave, a relief to my overheated skin. Rounding the corner of the locker room, my eyes immediately fell onto Sara, the only occupant of the dimly lit room. Steps faltering, I came to a silent stop, watching as she pulled her leather jacket on in front of her open locker, shrugging easily into the familiar garment.

I loved that worn in jacket. I loved the way her long hair fell around her shoulders, natural and barely tamed. She exuded such an air of casual ease, even in her smallest acts. I could fuss forever over the intricacies of a jacket; an outfit, always checking myself carefully in a mirror for good measure. I'm not sure whether it was confidence or disinterest that her laid back ease stemmed from, but to say I found it attractive would be a gross understatement.

Leaning against the locker beside me, I watched her silently for another moment until the desire to be close to her won out.

"Going somewhere?"

She spun around, dark eyes meeting mine. Concern seemed to lace her features, though a half smile tugged at the corner of her lips, eliciting a chaos of butterflies through my stomach.

"Cat…"

I pushed off the lockers, sauntering over to her with an added sway to my hips. Her eyes travelled over my form, that little smirk still clinging to her lips as I threw a cautionary glance over her shoulder at the empty doorway before stepping just over the threshold of her personal space.

"Listen, I've been unfair. I know that. I don't want to further complicate an already complicated situation…"

"Catherine" she pressed gently, but I gave my head a shake, meeting her gaze as I took another small step towards her, hands coming to softly grasp the edges of her jacket in my fists. "Please let me finish"

Her small hitch of breath at my proximity wasn't lost on me, providing me with a sliver of hope that I hadn't fucked this up beyond repair. The subtle scent of patchouli invaded my senses, the desire to touch her threatening to overtake my focus, but I took a breath, regrouping.

"I ended things with Liev. And we can be cautious, with Lindsay. I'd like to… go out, with you" I toyed with the zipper of her jacket, gazing up at her from beneath side swept bangs. "If you're still interested"

She chuckled throatily at that, shooting a quick glance over her shoulder before nodding softly, dark gaze bearing into mine. "You could say that"

This wasn't the time or place for any of the things I had the sudden desire to do, but I allowed myself the momentary satisfaction of slipping my hands from her jacket to her waist, closing the final distance between us. I leaned in, reveling in the feel of her body against mine as I tilted my head slightly, lips grazing her ear as I spoke. "Good" I whispered, breath lingering against her neck before I pushed against her stomach softly, taking a few steps back. Her body followed mine for a moment, gaze slightly unfocused, and I pressed my lips into a smile that I hoped was more sweet than self congratulating.

She pursed her lips, desire flickering through her eyes before she seemed to remember herself, concern reinstating itself firmly on her features.

"We have a case"

The words sounded regretful as they left her mouth, eyes searching mine. I understood immediately what she meant by that, my stomach plunging violently.

"I just got off the phone with Lindsay, just to make sure…" she trailed off, unsure how to finish that statement tactfully. _To make sure it's not her, naked and lifeless on the ground._

She sighed, a hint of a smile tugging softly at the corner of her lips "She's afraid you'll be mad that she ordered another movie, but she ordered one anyway. Also, she wants to go hiking again- she seems to think I can convince you"

I chuckled, moving to take hold of her arm softly as we moved into the hallway.

"Smart girl" I husked quietly, catching Warrick's bemused look with a sweet smile as he passed us, Sara's razor focus narrowed entirely on me.

/

The mood was tense as we drove through the city- all of the things I wanted to say put on hold as thoughts circled my mind about what exactly we were going to find. This never got easier. Every body we found felt like a heavier blow than the last.

I turned my focus to Sara as we left the distracting lights of the city, her features hard set beneath the last light of evening, hands tense on the steering wheel. I wanted to offer her some sort of comfort, but I had none to give.

We hadn't figured this out in time. We had failed another child. I knew exactly the thoughts that were coloring her mind because they were the same as my own.

Our best wasn't enough.

I reached over to brush her thick brunette hair behind her ear, trailing my hand down to linger against her neck softly. Pulled out of her thoughts she glanced over at me, features softening into a gentle smile.

"So where are you going to take us hiking?" I asked, thumb grazing over her pulse point gently.

Her smile grew, tension easing slightly as she leaned back in her seat.

"I've been thinking about Mount Charleston- there's a lot of beautiful hikes up there"

"You've been thinking about it?"

"Yeah" she glanced over at me, softness evident. "Anything to get you back in spandex"

I laughed, fingers brushing softly through her hair before forcing them back into my lap.

"I used to take Lindsay up there, when things were bad with Eddie. An escape from the volatility. We mostly just drove up to the outlook and ate cheap gas station candies, watching all the tourists. Lindsay loved it"

She smiled, "Well I know some beautiful spots. Maybe I'll even take you guys camping"

I scoffed playfully, "Let's take this outdoorsman thing one step at a time"

She chuckled, agreeing quietly. As I turned back towards the window, my chest clenched at the beauty of her. At the thought of the three of us around a campfire, away from all of this. At the memory of her pointing out constellations to me what felt like ages ago. I wanted it all so deeply it was almost an ache.

/

Pulling up to the scene, I took a deep breath as she killed the engine, plunging us into a tense silence. I turned to her, the tension fully returned to her form as she stared out at the crowded scene.

"Well, at least we beat the press" she noted softly, turning her dark gaze towards me.

"God, they're going to have a field day with this" I muttered, sliding my hand up to squeeze her shoulder softly. After a long moment I let out a heavy sigh, pushing open the door.

I led us easily past the uniforms, beneath the crime scene tape, spotting Grissom already knelt over the body, talking to David.

"Hey" I greeted as I came to stand behind them, glancing briefly around at the emptiness stretching out for miles beneath the moonlit sky. I already knew we would find nothing- our only hope was any evidence left on the body.

"Looks like the same MO" Sara noted softly as she came to stand beside me. I finally allowed my gaze to drop down to the body, eyes that same milky blue, blank yet full of obvious horror. Her thick hair was tied into a messy braid, four distinct freckles littering her cheek…

 _Oh god._

I took an involuntary step backwards, feeling suddenly lightheaded. My fingertips tingled with a sort of cold numbness, my body gone rigid.

That unkempt braid, the braces that I knew lay hidden beneath her closed mouth- they had only been on a few weeks. Those endearing freckles. I tried to find my breath but couldn't, taking another clumsy step backwards as a hand came up to hover over my parted lips.

My gaze fell down to meet Grissom's, a question behind his grey eyes.

"Her name is Madison" I managed to say, my mouth like sandpaper. "Madison Levitt"

His gaze softened, concern evident as his eyes remained locked with mine.

A hand on my arm drew my attention, my eyes flicking up to meet dark ones.

"You know her?" Grissom asked softly, Sara's eyes searching my own.

"Yeah" I nodded, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. "She's a friend of Lindsay's, they've known each other for years"

I let my eyes fall back onto her, nausea rolling through me like a violent wave. I had seen her last week, at one of Lindsay's dance recitals. They were on the volleyball team together. They took ballet together.

 _Dammit.  
God dammit.  
Breathe._

Grissom stood, making an instinctive move towards me, but Sara beat him to it, sliding an arm around me while turning us gently but firmly away from the scene.

"You should take the night off" Grissom spoke, moving tentatively around to look at me. I shook my head venomously, remaining in Sara's half-embrace.

"I need to work this, Gil. I _need_ to do something"

The emotion finally found its way into my voice, tears hot behind my eyes. I needed to feel useful. I needed to keep preoccupied.

"If you didn't have a conflict of interest in this case before, you certainly do now. Besides, you should be with Lindsay"

I scoffed, grip on my own waist tightening. "And tell her that her friend is dead? That can wait. _Please_ let me help"

He opened his mouth to speak, gaze shifting uncertainly over to Sara. She simply guided me past him, closer to the open desert; further from the blinding lights, the familiar body, Grissom's unwelcome words.

"Catherine…"

"Don't" I warned, turning to face her. "I can't go sit in that unfamiliar hotel room while she's laying in a body bag… I _need_ to work this, Sara"

"You can't, Catherine- you know that". Her words were soft, her eyes softer. "Grissom's right, you should go be with Lindsay"

"I can't" I choked out, running a hand through my hair roughly. "Sara, I've driven that girl to volleyball practice, she's slept at my house. I know her mother…"

 _God, her mother._

I felt a tear escape, brushing it away harshly with the back of my hand, meeting her gaze with a heavy conviction.

"Okay, okay" she spoke softly, hand grasping my wrist gently. "Let me deal with the body… and Grissom". She threw a weary glance over her shoulder at Gil who had resumed his position next to the body, grey eyes still focused uneasily on me. "Just stick to the perimeter, okay?"

I nodded as she squeezed my arm softly, hesitantly letting go.

"Cover her up" I spoke quietly, turning towards the sound of the first news vans rapidly approaching, creating a storm of desert sand in the glow of their taillights.

/

The rest of the night was a blur. I took down statements; spoke to the hiker who discovered the body. I scoured the scene until my eyes ached from the strain of concentration. I had narrowly kept it together when a young news reporter set his sights on me pushing my way back to the Tahoe, blocking me to ask about the body with a morbid sense of excitement. Tongue between my teeth, the taste of iron in my mouth, I noted Sara's weary eyes on me from a distance, watching as I side stepped him with nothing more than a seething glare.

I barely remember the drive back into town, logging the evidence, Sara insisting on driving me back to the Rampart. She walked beside me as we made our way to her SUV, unsure what to do with her hands but smart enough to not attempt breaking the silence.

I'm not sure what it was that triggered it- the thought of returning to that flashy, unfamiliar hotel room; my anxiety about the conversation with Lindsay that the morning held, the feeling of being alone in this grey, empty space beneath harsh florescent lights, but as we approached her car I felt everything begin to unravel.

My chest felt constricted, my breath catching violently in my throat, fighting to escape. I forced a deep breath, willing the tears welling in my eyes not to fall- not in front of her, not here. But her hand on my shoulder was too soft; too tentative, and I felt the tears flow over as I pressed my hands against the door, leaning forward with a muffled sob.

 _Fuck._

She moved behind me silently, both hands grasping my shaking shoulders as she held me just closely enough to be felt- like a grounding rod to my kite string chaos. I couldn't have held the tears back if I'd tried- the full force of my fear, my failures, my sorrow completely overwhelming me.

I rested an arm against the window, letting my forehead fall against it as she rubbed my back comfortingly, whispering gentle words that were lost beneath the sound of my sobs.

I'm not sure how long we remained like that, but as my tears slowed she stepped tentatively forward, wrapping her arms around my waist as she pulled me gently back into her arms. I let my head rest against her shoulder, taking a few deep breaths as her thumb traced a soothing pattern over my hip.

I brushed my mascara darkened tears from beneath my eyes, ran a hand over my face before gently turning around in her embrace. She offered a hint of a sad smile, her thumb coming up to brush away the rest of my tears before pushing my mussed hair gently away from my face.

"Sorry, I…" I began, though found myself at a loss for the proper words. She shook her head, reaching down to tangle her fingers with mine.

"Don't" she spoke softly.

"I don't think I can go back there tonight" I let out a heavy exhale, leaning back against the car.

"Come home with me" she offered, squeezing my hand softly. "Nothing is going to be ready here until morning anyways, I'll drop you off at the hotel my way back in"

I didn't have the emotional energy to even entertain the typical nagging thoughts of self sufficiency or maintaining the perpetual façade of strength. I wanted to be in her arms, in her bed. I didn't want to be alone.

Nodding softly, I offered her a ghost of a smile, moving around to the passenger side.

/

Her apartment held a subtle, lingering smell of incense and vanilla, the small space so inviting without the tension of half naked ex girlfriends monopolizing it. I moved through the living room as she changed for bed, the too-big sweatpants she had apologetically offered me dragging lightly beneath my bare feet.

Pulling her star trek t-shirt that I had swiped from her unmade bed before she could protest tightly around myself, I reveled in the scent of her, glancing around with intrigue. The painted picture of red rock canyon that Lindsay had given her was hanging beside a few beautiful, framed photos of the desert- the reds and terra cotta oranges complimenting each other. Across from them were photos of the coast- California, I assumed- seascapes and wild forests. I found myself lost in the evergreens and ocean blues.

Turning absently around, I caught sight of myself in the large framed mirror hanging on the wall- mascara clinging beneath tired eyes, hair in a state of disarray. I had put so much effort into looking perfect today- into being undeniable. I chuckled softly at the absurdity, half heartedly tussling my waves as I turned towards the bedroom.

She was pulling back blankets, shooting a glance over her shoulder as I entered, lips pursing into a soft smile. I watched her for a moment, muscles in her back tensing beneath her thin shirt as she smoothed out dark sheets.

I approached her quietly, hands coming to rest on her hips from behind. I felt her movements still at the contact, straightening up slightly. She was taller than I was used to, my heels typically drawing me closer to her height. I let my forehead rest against her back for a moment before brushing my lips over the space between her shoulder blades, inhaling the scent of her as she leaned ever so slightly into me.

"Thank you" I mused quietly, voice lightly muffled by her shirt, my hands trailing absently over her back before I stepped away, moving around her to sit on the edge of the bed. Dark eyes followed me, meeting mine with an impossible softness.

"For everything" I added, feeling the full weight of my emotional exhaustion settling in at the inviting feel of her bed beneath me.

"Anything for you" she pursed her lips into a soft smile before dropping down beside me. Sliding a hand onto my knee, she met my gaze steadily. "I'm here, Catherine. Always"

I lost myself in her eyes for a long moment, watching the emotion dance behind them. Eventually they shifted down to my lips, lingering there as her hand came up to cup my cheek softly. I smiled at the tenderness; at the tentative nature of her actions. Even now I could feel her hesitation, as though she was unsure if this was what I actually wanted.

I didn't share her uncertainty, leaning in to capture her lips in a kiss that I hoped conveyed every ounce of affection I held for her. She returned the kiss with equal intensity, hand sliding from my cheek into my hair.

I kept it short, brushing my nose intimately against hers, remaining close for a drawn out moment. "Let's get some sleep" she whispered, fingers releasing their grip in my hair.

With her arm tangled protectively around my waist, breath warm and even against my hair, my mind drifted inevitably back to unwanted places, balanced out by the safety of her arms.


	31. Chapter 31

_Sara_

The smell of coffee drifting in from the kitchen roused me from sleep, blinking tired eyes open against the soft light of early morning. I could hear faint music playing through the cracked open door, the sound of dishes clinking quietly. The softness of it nearly lulled me back to sleep, but the desire to watch Catherine milling about my small kitchen drew me sleepily out of bed.

Stretching as I moved out of the bedroom, I was greeted with the sight of pancakes cooking on a cast iron pan that had been gathering dust at the back of my cupboard, golden hash browns piled onto a plate. Catherine was stirring sugar into a steaming cup of coffee, throwing a warm glance over her shoulder.

I could tell by the lingering dampness of her waves that she had already showered, her own pants replacing my oversized sweats while my tattered shirt still hung off of her frame as she moved around the island, pressing the warm cup into my hands.

"Good morning" she greeted softly, a smile gracing her lips. Somehow she managed to make my ratty shirt look sexy, flashes of her pale skin visible beneath the little tears. Bare faced, elbow deep in pancake batter, her beauty was almost impossible.

Attempting to focus my sleepy, caveman mind somewhere beyond her looks, I offered her a crooked smile as she leaned in, catching my lips in a gentle kiss.

"I could get used to this" I mused, dropping down onto the stool, voice like tumbling gravel.

"I figured you could use some food that doesn't come from a takeout container"

Gathering my wild hair up absently, I tied it with the elastic I kept on my wrist, Catherine's phone drawing my attention at the edge of the counter. It was opened to some news article, a piece of paper torn from my fridge notepad laid out beside it, a few indecipherable notes jotted down.

Noticing my attention she nodded towards it, moving to the stove. "The press is all over this- I already spoke to Ecklie this morning, the sheriff wants a press conference as soon as possible- try to save the few shreds of dignity the department has left" she scoffed, flipping a pancake with a practiced flick of her wrist. I glanced up at the clock, squinting my eyes tiredly. _6:03_

"How long have you been up?" I asked, brows furrowing as I noted the subtle darkness beneath her eyes.

"A while" she answered dismissively, flipping the finished product onto an already heaping plate. "He wants me to make a statement on behalf of the lab- can you believe the audacity?" she snorted quietly, shaking her head. "I told him we've got nothing to say- no evidence so far, no leads, and no good explanation"

She leaned over to smack my hand away from the plate of hash browns that I was reaching for with a practiced motherly ease, shooting me a mock glare. I held my hands up in surrender as I leaned back in the stool, taking a sip of coffee instead.

"I wonder if they'll manage to rope Grissom into this- they'd probably be better off with no statement at all" I glanced back at the article with a soft nod. "What are they saying?"

"Arnica killer slays 13th victim while LVPD is busy congratulating themselves on a job well done" she quoted with a roll of her eyes. "They deserve this, no doubt about that. But it makes all of us look incompetent"

"Well at least we're all back on the same page now, that counts for something" I pointed out as she slid a loaded plate of food in front of me.

"This is amazing, _you're_ amazing. Thank you"

She shot me a smile as she turned to prepare herself a small plate.

I'm not sure what exactly I expected this morning to hold. I suppose I thought I had broken through to some softer, more vulnerable side of Catherine, one that would allow herself to be upset outside the lines of a breakdown; to let me hold her for a while longer. Maybe that she would transparently dread walking out that door- curse the fact that we woke up to another day of dead girls and horrific men. Anything but to see her put seamlessly back together, moving full steam ahead.

It's not her resilience that surprised me, it was no secret that she possessed some superhuman ability to keep on under impossible circumstances. It was the depth of her strength that I found myself suddenly in awe of. I had always assumed it was a façade- a case of burying her feelings, allowing them to fuel her- to give her the fiery tenacity that she approached every day with. I had always imagined she must be brimming with just enough anger; hatred; sorrow to tear her completely apart if she let it. I could see clearly now that it wasn't that at all.

It was an acceptance of herself, entirely. It was the result of 40 odd years spent building up a tolerance to life itself; spent learning how to let all the pain touch you and then alchemize it into something useful. Let the rest fall away. Discard what doesn't serve you- how entirely profound.

It was a small revelation that turned my solidified notions of her to dust, this new light painting her so clearly; so wildly beautiful. She quirked a shaped eyebrow at me as she moved around the island to the vacant stool and I realized I had been staring. I cleared my throat softly against the magnitude of the emotions washing through me, tearing my gaze away.

Focusing on my plate I felt her hand slide gently over my back, glancing up to meet her bright, inquisitive gaze.

"You okay?"

The almost imperceptible amber flecks looked like universes to me. The band of darker blue around her bright irises. The subtle lines beside her eyes that creased as a bemused smile pulled at her lips, searching my gaze.

The feel of nails scraping ever so slightly against the skin above the collar of my t-shirt snapped me out of my daze. Giving my head a light shake, an embarrassed half smile ghosted over my features.

"I'm okay" I assured her, voice raspier than usual. Her eyebrow quirked even further, as though to tell me she didn't believe that. I could feel the words burning my mouth, searing the the tip of my tongue with their intensity- _I love you_. _I'm so, entirely in love with you._

Unable to voice them, I leaned in, fingers tangling in the silky hair at the back of her head as I pulled her gently towards me. Leaning forward, she let out a quiet exhale against my lips before capturing them softly.

I knew this was a dangerous move instantly, desire flooding through me as her hand slid down to grasp my bicep, urging me towards her. I slid off the stool, her body moving forward to press flush against mine as she kissed me languidly, taking complete control.

I was hyper aware of everything- the feel of her breasts, free beneath my baggy shirt; the subtle taste of coffee and maple syrup and something uniquely Catherine. The confident movement of her fingertips over the skin of my back, her hand having found its way beneath my thin shirt. Her legs had parted to allow space for me, wrapping around my waist, heels hooking loosely around the back of my thighs. The breathy moan that escaped against my lips as I scraped dull nails across the back of her neck sent electric currents through me, deepening our kiss.

Unmoving, I focused entirely on the intimate feel of her tongue brushing against mine- kissing her was like a sort of hypnosis that I continually found myself lost in. She pulled away a breath, eyes unfocused as they travelled over my chest, my lips, up to meet my gaze- heavy and lust darkened. _My god._

"Breakfast" I managed to get out, hands betraying my better judgment as they slid down to the small of her back, pulling her impossibly closer. She let out a shaky breath, hips rolling into mine. Tightening my grip on her hair, I brushed my nose against hers as our ragged breath mingling in the charged space.

"The uh…" she caught my bottom lip between her teeth, sucking on it gently before releasing it, driving me completely to distraction. "The… case. The press conference" I breathed out. She sighed, nodding gently as her legs slid away from my hips, taking a calming breath.

Unsteadily, I slid back onto the stool, unable to tear my gaze away from her. She took a long sip of coffee, pushing a hand through her waves before turning back to me with an air of regained composure.

"One day… one day _soon_ , we're going to do this. On the bed, on the couch… on this god damn island. I don't care" she paused, running her tongue over her suddenly dry lip, just incase she hadn't undone me entirely. "I want you so much it's painful"

Her throaty voice was clear and unfaltering, her usual confidence shining through as she held my gaze, as though to make sure she had achieved the intended affect. My lips parting slightly with the intention to speak, but remaining ultimately silent seemed to please her as she grabbed her fork, turning her focus back to breakfast.

"But you're right- there's a lot to broach today"

Forcing my mouth shut I tangled my fingers around the handle of my coffee mug, turning back to my forgotten pancakes. As the fog of arousal began to dissipate, my lips pursed into a soft smile. Maybe it was wrong, with so much horror happening around us, demanding our full attention, but beneath the stress and frustration plaguing me almost constantly these days, I was happy.

/

If Catherine was anxious as we made our way up to the hotel room, she didn't show it. Aside from holding my hand stiffly for the entire elevator ride, tapping fingertips against her leg nervously, no one would be the wiser to the chaos that was about to occur.

I had been running through ways to say 'good luck' without actually uttering those useless words; to say 'I love you' without making that poorly timed statement when she asked me if I would come up. She asked it casually as we neared the hotel, eyes trained out the window, and though it came out with a naturally graceful nonchalance, I knew that asking for help didn't come easily to her.

Nancy met us at the elevator doors, dressed in such an uncharacteristically conservative outfit I almost didn't recognize her- ID lanyard tied around her neck, long hair pulled into a loose but pristine bun. As we stepped into the hall she let her bottom lip out from the prison of her teeth, exhaling deeply as she pulled Catherine into her arms for a brief but intimate hug.

"I'm so fucking sorry" she breathed as she let go, moving immediately to slide thin arms around me in a warm embrace, taking me momentarily off guard.

I met her azure eyes with the ghost of a smile, squeezing her shoulder gently.

"She doesn't understand why I'm not taking her to school, and she's pissed about missing first period- apparently it's drama rehearsal and it's 'very important'" she puffed out a breath as she moved to jab the down button with unnecessary force, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. Her tension was almost as uncharacteristic as her outfit, all of it just another unnerving aspect to this day.

"I have no idea what to say to her. I've got fucking pancakes in my purse" Catherine rolled her eyes at herself, pushing an anxious hand through her hair.

"Just talk to her, Cat. Be straight up… there's no right way with this"

The elevator doors opened with a quiet ding, a momentary look of panic flashing across Catherine's features as Nancy backed inside.

"Thank you" she breathed as the younger woman gave us both the warmest look she could conjure.

"I'll come by after work to check in"

As the doors shut I reached for her hand, giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze.

We were met immediately by irritation, followed by confusion at my presence; at the tense energy that we simply couldn't shake. I kept a hand gently on Catherine's back as she spoke, barely faltering in her words- soft and apologetic and direct.

I watched the smaller blonde go through every stage of grief in the period of twenty minutes. It felt like a small hurricane tearing through the room. Catherine absorbed every verbal blow, held her for the few minutes that Lindsay allowed for it. To say she reached acceptance might be a stretch, but her violence turned to quiet, leaving us unsure what exactly to do.

She disappeared into her own room long enough for Catherine to allow a few silent tears to fall, to kiss me with a sweetness I hadn't felt from her before. I was about to head back to the lab when a silent Lindsay reentered the room, moving towards the cushioned bench that I was perched on. To my relief the headphones peeking out of her ears left no space for conversation. I could barely find the words to comfort myself these days, let alone a heartbroken teenager. Tear stains against her pale cheeks caused a violent ache; the vacant look in her eyes that were almost turquoise with despair.

She sat next to me, hesitating a moment before she pulled her legs up onto the bench, leaning back against me. The smell of strawberries was subtle and sweet, her blonde hair brushing against my cheek as she stared out the window at the neighboring buildings, drenched in the golden glow of the rising desert sun.

Shifting slightly, I observed her tentatively for a moment before wrapping an arm around her in a move that I hoped was more comforting than suffocating. She had spent a few lengthy minutes cursing the both of us for not solving the case sooner; for allowing her to become involved; for being CSI's in the first place. Her affection was unexpected to say the least. I felt tears burning the back of my eyes, tightening my grip on her ever so slightly as I turned my gaze out the window.

We were going to catch this motherfucker. I felt the determination like wildfire in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly understood to a miniscule degree the indignation that Catherine felt working these cases- the way situations involving children shook her. Glancing over, I was met with the burning intensity of azure eyes. She was leaning against the edge of the wall, between the kitchen nook and bedroom, arms crossed loosely over her chest.

I couldn't quite read the pointed look she had set on me, searching my gaze. "I…" she began, though that thought trailed off into silence and she took a quiet breath. "…thank you"

The ghost of a smile played over my lips, giving her a soft nod. I knew the few pieces of evidence we had sent to trace must have come back with some results by now; that the dayshift coroner would be waiting to discuss her findings with me. That Ecklie was just waiting for me to walk through the door, armed with an arsenal of questions and demands.

It could wait. For at least that moment, it could wait.


	32. Chapter 32

**I really haven't forgotten about this. I hope you're still enjoying it!**

 _Sara_

The wind blowing in over the Sierra Nevadas was scorching, the air thick with the smell of lilacs and smoke. Everyone seemed to be keeping an anxious eye on the clouds forming over the mountains, threatening a weekend of indoors and ruined plans. Pushing my sunglasses up to rest on top of unruly hair, I threw a final glance up at the hazy sky through squinted eyes. The relentless sun was wearing on me, my west coast roots aching for some rain; some relief from the unseasonal warmth.

Wendy was the first thing I saw as I stepped through the doors of the lab, her general state of disarray just another incongruity that had become normal as of late. Her tired gaze immediately met mine with a sudden wide eyed intensity, adjusting her trajectory towards me with a soft shake of her head. I frowned, trying to make sense of it; of her weary presence at 10 am.

"Sidle"

Turning towards the irritated voice I was greeted with the sight of Ecklie, equally disheveled and heading my way. Sighing, I gripped the strap of my bag with a tight fist, preparing for the onslaught. Glancing back in search of Wendy, I found her disappearing quietly down one of the adjacent hallways, unnoticed.

"I hope you enjoyed your morning- took in the sights on the way here, stopped for breakfast maybe…"

I stared at him for a moment, lips upturning slightly in a joyless smile. "Conrad" I greeted slowly. "You do know that I work nights, right? That I don't actually have to be here?"

His sneer only grew in strength as he approached. "Well you chose a hell of a time to get a personal life"

Hiking my bag up, I pursed my lips against the growing irritation. "I came in as soon as I could"

He scoffed, glancing down the hall for a moment before focusing back on me, a sense of weariness overshadowing his irritation.

"We're going to have to have more than a hallway chat, but until the sheriff decides to head back to PD or take another Valium, I'm holding off on a meeting"

 _Hallelujah._

"Sara, I need you to make some sort of headway with this case. Give me something to feed to the press- anything. We need to salvage at least a few shreds of dignity here"

Opening my mouth to speak, he held a silencing hand up. "I don't want to hear about how we jumped the gun on Wright- we should have given it more time, let's leave it at that. Just… give me something to pacify the sheriff before he has another coronary"

The darkness beneath his eyes was enough to let it go for the moment, giving him a soft nod before moving around him, in search of caffeine and a quiet space to think.

I could see McKeen's face gracing the TV screen through the window of the break room, the deep set lines of his forehead prominent beneath the harsh lights; the flash of press camera's. His voice reached my ears as I entered the room- the delicate art of making an apology without apologizing; maintaining an air of strength without looking ignorant. Apparently they had gone ahead with the conference.

"You're here late" I mused, coming to stand behind Nick, seated at the couch watching the chaos unfold. He glanced up over his shoulder, giving me a flash of his big Texan smile. We hadn't seen each other in days; felt like weeks.

"You're here early" he countered. I gave a nod towards the TV by way of explanation.

"Are the press really buying this?" I asked, crossing my arms tightly over my chest, feeling the stress begin to take hold once again.

"Of course not, he's just going through the motions. There's no disguising this grand level fuck up"

I turned towards the smooth voice, met with the sight of a flawless face framed by violently angled hair, the color of midnight. Round hazel eyes cold and lifeless. _Give me a fucking break._

"Rachel" I greeted, forcing a smile. I hadn't noticed her at the end of the table- black outfit blending in with the chair. "What are you doing here?"

"My job, Sara. Did you think we were just giving up on this investigation?"

Pressing my smile into a thin line, I moved in the direction of coffee, suddenly desperate to have something to do with my hands. If working with the feds was difficult before, it was going to be damn near impossible now. If there was one thing the CIA didn't respond well to, it was getting it wrong.

"Look, I'm aware that our collaborative efforts work better from a distance" she stated coolly, eyes following me. I snorted softly in agreement, grabbing Sofia's usual LVPD mug from the cupboard. "I'm assuming you and Willows are still hell bent on proving this O'Riley theory, so do it. Don't draw attention to yourselves, but get me something. As history has shown, we can't do anything with your strong convictions if you don't have anything to back it"

The sharp sound of papers being straightened against the table concealed my scoff, biting my tongue. She wasn't wrong, but her condescension was grating.

"I want to hear more about this theory of yours later"

I frowned, turning towards her in question, noting her gaze lingering on Nick as she headed out the door, a smirk pulling at her painted lips.

"Oh you can count on that" he called after her with a chuckle, watching her disappear down the hall before turning back to the TV. My frown deepened, moving towards the door with him in my direct trajectory. I let my hand fall heavily onto his shoulder for a fleeting moment, brown eyes glancing up to meet mine.

"No" I warned pointedly, giving my head a small shake as I backed my way towards the open doors. "No"

He sighed, giving me a bemused look. "Come on now, just because you two don't get along doesn't mean we can't. Besides, you've got a bit of a monopoly on the women around here"

I bumped into the frame of the door, coffee spilling slightly over as I awkwardly tilted my head, frown reaching it's limits. There was no way he could know…

"Don't think I don't see that new lab tech… what's her name, Ellen? Erica?... always looking at you. We all know Sofia is off limits. And you and Catherine are basically a married couple these days" he listed off, relief flooding though me as I realized he didn't know. It's not that I wanted to keep this change in our relationship from them, but the shift in our work structure was going to be drastic once this got out. Besides, it all still felt impossibly delicate.

I shot him a smile as I turned to go, tossing a final warning glance over my shoulder.

"No"

/

Finding an empty layout room, I dropped onto a stool, pulling out my phone. The lab had a different feel during the day- a whole host of vaguely familiar faces milling around at all times. The day shift had a tendency to overlap for a period with the swing shift, creating an atmosphere of semi-organized chaos.

I wiped absently at a smudge on the translucent glass of the table, phone pressed firmly to my ear.

"Curtis"

"When are you getting back?"

A quiet scoff sounded on the other end; the crumple of what sounded like bed sheets.

"Good morning to you too. My trip has been fine, thanks for asking"

A half smile pulled at my lips, tapping my fingertips softly against my mug.

"Talking to the mother was a bust, but I managed to get in touch with the vic's sister. She lives in Boise, that's where I am now. We've got a meeting this afternoon, so god willing she offers up something and I can be home by tomorrow"

"Tap into that charm you have buried deep, deep down, because we need something. The feds just showed back up"

She chuckled, the sound of bed springs creaking. I could almost see her padding towards her little hotel coffee maker, hair in it's natural state of morning disarray.

"Oh, let me pack my bags then" she rasped sarcastically.

"Seriously, the moment you're done up there…"

"I'll be on my way back" she assured me tiredly, the sound of a muffled woman's voice sounding on the other end. I quirked an eyebrow, listening to her unintelligible reply- phone resting momentarily against her shoulder.

"Do you have someone over?" amusement painted my voice and she made a quiet humming noise, the sound of a fridge door closing. "I don't know what you're talking about"

"Uh-huh"

My phone buzzed, pulling it back to glance at the message illuminating the screen.

"I'll talk to you later. Enjoy" I mumbled with a smile, snapping my phone shut and downing the rest of my lukewarm coffee. The dayshift coroner was ready with her report, and I had a morbid sense of relief at the invitation to escape the living for a while.

/

I heard Catherine approaching before I saw her, heels clicking rapidly against the cement floor. Rachel and I had been going through case photos for the thousandth time at her insistence, the tension I was holding in my shoulders creeping up my neck, shooting through the base of my skull. Somewhere along the line my mind had stopped compartmentalizing this horror and every photo of every young, lifeless body was like a physical blow. I was in desperate need of a distraction.

Already halfway around when she called my name, I met her bright eyes instantly, drinking in the sight of her. Since I left the hotel she had managed to pull herself together seamlessly in typical Catherine fashion, chiffon blouse an appropriate shade of crimson.

Rachel turned, regarding Catherine with all the warmth of an ice bath. It took a moment for Catherine to notice her- pace faltering slightly, surprise flashing across her features before she mumbled something that sounded a lot like "fuck me" under her breath.

"Catherine, thanks for making an appearance today"

Catherine shot her a sideways glance that dared her to make another comment so audacious.

"Likewise Rachel, so glad to have you back"

I pursed my lips against the chuckle threatening to surface, Catherine's focus shifting back to me with a flash of excitement, raising the folder in her manicured hand.

"We got something. Doc Robbins sent a sample of a substance that he noticed on one of the bruises on the vic's arm to trace. Wendy just got the results"

Leave it to Catherine to take the morning off and still be running the show. I took the folder from her, shifting her weight to one hip as I opened it curiously.

"It's invisible glove- this gel coating that creates a protective barrier on your hands. It's used by painters, gardeners…"

"Mechanics" I interrupted, her grin returning with a nod. "Yeah, looks like he might have finally slipped up"

"Have you shown this to Ecklie? He could use some good news"

Strawberry waves fell over her shoulder with a light toss of her head, beauty razor sharp as her gaze shifted over to Rachel. "I'm not sure I won't kill any of them just yet. I'll leave the honors to you."

She let her hand fall to my forearm as she moved past, giving it a soft squeeze. "I'm going to talk to Ortega, see if Madison's family offered up anything useful"

Rachel couldn't know the depth of Catherine's involvement in the Jennings case if we wanted her to keep working it without a battle, so I simply gave her a nod. "I'll see you later"

"Look at you two getting along" Rachel mused, turning on her own dangerously high heel, reaching over to slide the folder smoothly from my gasp. "I was on my way to speak with Conrad, I'll pass this along"

My desire to avoid Ecklie won out over my pride, rolling my eyes as she clicked away down the hall, turning towards the break room.

The sound of something hitting the glass beside me grabbed my attention, turning just in time to see a balled up set of latex gloves fall to the ground, Wendy looking at me from the bench inside the trace lab with as much enthusiasm as I imagined she could muster.

I gave her an amused glance through the glass, heading towards the door.

"I'm sorry, I just don't have the energy to chase down anyone else today"

I took in her olive blouse un-tucked from high-waisted pants, her dark ponytail about to fall out entirely, lab coat hanging from her thin shoulders.

"What are you doing in trace at 11 in the morning?" I asked, coming to lean against the bench.

"The tests weren't finished by the time Hodges left, and I was not about to leave the new girl in charge of this with Morticia breathing down our necks"

I smiled, pursing my lips as she turned to grab a crisp paper from the desk, handing it to me.

"We swabbed the inside of the cap you guys found and got a match. You're not gonna believe this. It's Arnica gel"

"Arnica? As in…?"

"Yeah" she reached up to tighten her ponytail absently. "Arnica killer leaves Arnica gel cap behind… do you think it was intentional or is this guy just some… holistic enthusiast?"

Frowning, I shook my head lightly, unsure. Images of yellow petals contrasting against ghostly skin; vacant, milk-blue eyes flashed through my mind and I clenched my fist in an attempt to clear them.

"I'm not sure it matters" I mused, smacking her shoulder gently with the paper as I pushed off the desk. "Thank you"

She shot me a tired smile, and I turned back briefly from the doorway to return it. "Get some rest"

/

"How is she doing?"

I spun around from where I had been all but leering at Catherine across the hallway, met with Grissom's grey eyes as he came to sit at the break room table.

"Uh, fine" I crossed my arms, leaning against the wall in an attempt to be casual. "As well as you would expect, considering"

He nodded, glancing across the hall where Catherine and Rachel were having a discussion that had been on the verge of heated for a while.

"Are we not having a meeting right now?" he asked, eyebrow quirking in a sure sign of irritation. I shrugged, following his gaze back into the layout room. Catherine had turned to lean back against the table, head thrown momentarily back to sigh at the ceiling. I admired the curve of her neck, the tension she was harboring obvious in her stance- trying to exhale the negative.

Burnished waves tumbled around her shoulders as her head dropped back down, gaze immediately locking with mine. I felt a smile pull at my lips, pursing them lightly as I held her heated gaze for a lingering moment before turning away from the window, taking a seat across from Grissom. If anything could take my mind away from thoughts of Catherine beneath me, it was the irritated pout pulling at Grissom's mouth as he stared down at the Forensic Weekly article on molecular death.

"Ecklie's probably still stuck reassuring McKeen" I offered, fingertips trailing absently over the handle of my coffee mug. "I don't envy him"

"Me either" he agreed, flipping a worn out page.

"Alright, let's get this over with" Catherine huffed as she breezed into the room, heading straight for the coffee. She held her tongue for all of five seconds before turning towards us, coffee pot in hand.

"I think we should bring in the brother, see what his story is. That's the logical next step, even though not everyone agrees…"

"There is nothing indicating Connor O'Riley as a suspect. You want to focus on James O'Riley, and you've been given free reign to do that. So do it"

I used a booted foot to swivel my chair tiredly towards the door, regarding Rachel as she entered the room.

"Interviewing the brother of our suspect falls under the umbrella of focusing on the suspect…" I could hear the irritation in Catherine's voice, threatening to boil over into a full blown argument. It was a small nuance I knew all too well.

"Catherine, I'm saying no"

I met Grissom's own weary gaze briefly, bracing for the blow back.

"Look" she pressed, jaw clenched as she took a calming breath. "I know that you've been told to keep a distance from the O'Riley's because HR doesn't want another lawsuit on their hands, but we are not going to solve this case if we can't investigate the obvious suspects"

Dropping into the seat next to me, she held Rachel's gaze with a dangerous intensity. "Conner's van was seen near my house the night that the flowers were left, his girlfriend was mysteriously killed 14 years ago, his daughter was the second victim in this case. Why are we even debating this?"

"Good to see everyone getting along" Ecklie remarked tiredly as he wandered into the room.

"Seriously Conrad, what is the logic here?"

"The man has no criminal record, Catherine. No misdemeanors, not even a parking ticket. Until he gives us any reason to suspect him, we leave him alone"

"Are we really doing this again?" she asked, glancing around the table in bemusement "Am I the only one who remembers that the last time you kept them off limits to cover the departments asses, you put the wrong guy behind bars?"

"If we can't touch James O'Riley, then at least let us talk to Conner" I suggested, Ecklie's gaze shifting hesitantly over to me. "The cap we found was a match to a Nalgene container, which means the arnica gel was either hand made, or put in there for ease of use. Conner O'Riley is a sports medicine doctor…"

I glanced between Ecklie and Rachel, showing no signs of being intrigued by this. "It's a connection, even if it is a stretch. It's enough to ask him to come in, get a read on him, see if we can get any more information on James"

"Sara…"

"You can't ask us to find evidence if you don't give us any access. Just a few questions…"

Rachel was the first to fold, crossing her arms as she turned to Ecklie with a sigh. "They're not wrong. James O'Riley is the best suspect…"

"The _only_ suspect" I cut in, earning a fleeting glare in my direction.

"The best shot we've got right now of moving forward. If everything goes smoothly, they have nothing to hold against us"

Ecklie sighed, running a hand over his balding head, the stress radiating from him almost tangible.

"Alright, get Ortega to bring him in first thing tomorrow, and stress that it is just for a routine questioning. I don't want anyone interacting with him aside from Ortega and Callum" he glanced over at Rachel, receiving a curt nod of understanding.

I bit back the desire to argue that Sofia should do the talking. If I couldn't question him, at least she knew the intricacies of this entire situation. At the same time, I was glad she was miles away from this dangerous line we were toeing. There was no doubt this would only aggravate whatever vendetta seemed to be held against me, Catherine, or the department in it's entirety.

I felt a hand glide over my thigh, glancing at Catherine who had leaned forward to take a sip of coffee, eyes trained on Ecklie as she gave it a soft squeeze.

"Something good better come of this, because the DA is going to be all over us now" Ecklie sighed, taking a seat.

It took two hours and copious amounts of coffee to go over everything from top to bottom, finding ourselves no further than we had been initially. Ecklie however seemed to have found a touch of compassion, seeing first hand how empty handed every case had left us; seeing their little faces lined up in a morbid row.

Catherine had piles of paperwork to address, while Grissom recruited me to give Greg a hand with a B and E downtown. The thought alone felt like a breath of fresh air- no dead bodies, no shattered families. Just good old petty theft.

Catherine caught my wrist before I made it out the door of the break room, tugging me gently back. I was met with a soft smile, thumb brushing gently over my skin before hesitantly letting it go.

"So Lindsay is having a night with Nancy and Jeremy at the hotel… I think she needs a bit of space from all of this"

I nodded, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "I was thinking, if you're free after work, I could come over…"

She let that thought hang for a moment, dripping with intention. Long enough for images from this morning to flash through my mind- her seductive words. I held her gaze for a drawn out moment before breaking away to glance around us, the break room empty.

"I could crash on the couch" she added casually, though the smirk that flashed across her features told me she knew exactly how undone I was by her.

"I'll get out the guest sheets" I told her with a teasing smile, eyes trailing after her as she squeezed my arm gently, heading down the hallway with an added sway to her slim hips.


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks so much for the reviews you guys, they keep me inspired!**

 _Catherine_

Raindrops had begun falling steadily by the time I parked on the quiet street in front of Sara's apartment complex, the muffled sound echoing through the confines of my car. Nothing ever happened in the desert by halves- rain came in torrential downpours, the sun in month long stretches of relentless heat. It never ceased to amaze me- the harshness; the beauty. I had never been one for watered down experiences- give me intensity or give me nothing. The desert had always suited me well.

I had been planning to stop by the hotel to check in on Lindsay; to throw on something more appealing than the outfit I had been sporting all day, but I found myself turning towards Sara's, drawn by the thought of her cozy apartment. Nancy assured me that Lindsay was fine, watching Dirty Dancing for the seventeenth time and bickering with Jeremy in predictable fashion. I bit back the guilt tugging at the back of my mind, telling me I should be better at this. I should have the right words. I should be there.

Running a hand through my tired hair, I dropped my head back against the seat, staring out at the abandoned street, dimly lit and distorted through the rain drenched glass. Abstractions. These days, I craved them.

Dead / alive. Innocent / guilty. This job was so black and white- the lines so clearly drawn. It was the way we operated, the way my mind had been trained to work. In the midst of this intensity however, I was craving the blurred lines. The gray areas. The analysis was exhausting- labeling everything as this or that, right or wrong. It was suddenly so easy to accept the blurry spectrum that existed between straight / gay. Love / hate. Friends / lovers.

I wanted Sara, and the tangled web of confusion surrounding that fact had abruptly dissipated. She offered me a sense of safety. She was where my mind wandered, in the quiet moments. It's her touch I craved. The why was irrelevant.

Grabbing my purse from the passenger seat, I sent a final weary glance at the sky before throwing open the door and dashing towards the overhang above the stairs.

Sara and Greg had wrapped up their case around midnight, the storm a sure sign of a slow night. Greg drew the short straw between the two of them, sticking around for the rest of the shift. Him and Warrick had been engaged in a heated game of Call Of Duty when I headed out around 1, even Grissom too weary to care much about make-work productivity right now.

A mix of nerves and excitement coursed through me softly as I approached her door, the reality of a proper night together finally settling in. I had half expected to be handed a case before I managed to escape; Nancy to be called in last minute, leaving Lindsay alone. I took a moment to straighten my blouse, gently tussling my hair before leaning in to knock.

After a moment I heard the lock slide out of place, greeted by the sight of Sara, wine glass in hand. She regarded me with a lazy smile, stepping back to allow me room to enter.

"You made it" she greeted with that California lilt, my eyes immediately trailing over her form. I loved this relaxed version of her- the dark jeans with a hole wearing through one of the knees, her feet bare against the hardwood. A black Rolling Stones t-shirt hung loosely over her frame, the ends of her dark waves still damp from the shower. Her sun kissed skin was beautiful, subtle freckles beginning to litter her face. I smiled appreciatively as I moved into the apartment.

Tea lights were placed carefully around the room, a few on the coffee table, on the island, on the bookshelf. A string of fairy lights that I hadn't noticed before hung high above the couch, casting the room in a warm glow. I turned to her with a smile, tossing my purse onto the island before sliding my hands to her hips.

"Who knew you were such a romantic" I teased, the ghost of a frown playing over her features as she wiped stray raindrops away from my forehead with the pad of her thumb. "It's beautiful in here" I added, leaning forward to capture her lips in a kiss.

I drew it out for a moment, reveling in the feel of her after a day of being so close but so distant. A day of brutality, mentally speaking.

"It's been a while since I've attempted it" she admitted with a smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "And there's a lot you don't know about me"

I smiled at her mock-offence, reveling in the feel of her thumb stroking my hip softly before letting me go, turning towards the kitchen.

I chuckled, glancing around the small space, trying to soak up every hint of Sara.

"Oh yeah, like what?" I asked absently, turning to observe the pictures hung on her fridge. Three people on snowboards in the mountains, surrounded by evergreens and piles of snow. The summit of a hike, Sara in shorts that showed off the entirety of her legs, hair wild as she held up a beer to cheers another woman, both of them looking young, tired and happy. A girl that couldn't have been more than 11, laughing heartily with Sara's arms wrapped around her from behind, flashing that gap-tooth smile at the camera. The truth was, I barely knew anything about her life. I felt that realization go down like a bitter pill- I had never bothered to ask.

"Well" she mused, pursing her lips into a smile. "For starters, I would hardly call myself a good cook, but I do make a mean pizza…" she finished that thought by pulling the oven door open, leaning in to check on what I assumed was exactly that.

"Oh my god" I murmured, the last meal I ate being a cold burrito that Warrick had brought me from the place down the street from the lab. "This date is amazing already"

She chuckled, grabbing a bottle of wine from the counter. I turned back to the fridge, eyes scanning over a picture of the entire team on Nick's birthday, smiling at the memory of that drunken evening on my back deck. There was one of her and Greg in the canyons, eyeing him in amused skepticism as he awkwardly clung to the wall of a canyon, no more than a few feet up.

The last one was of her and Sofia, clearly the same day. Sara had an arm draped around her shoulder, a beer held loosely in that hand as she laughed heartily at something, a cap on her burnished waves. Sofia was looking at her with the sort of smile that I hadn't seen grace her features recently, if ever, her own arm wrapped securely around her waist. Before the inevitable jealousy had a chance to settle in, her hand ghosted over my back gently, garnering my attention.

"That was in Death Valley, back in March" she held a glass of wine out towards me which I gratefully accepted, turning away from the fridge. "It was our first day off in ages and Greg wanted to learn to boulder. He gave it a few solid attempts, but we ended up drinking beer and sleeping under the stars"

I chuckled at the thought of Greg attempting anything athletic, moving towards the couch. The burgundy shade of the walls added to the warmth of the room, the rich color illuminated beneath the warm lights; the sound of rain falling steadily against the roof

"Did you ever want to do anything besides criminal justice?" I asked as I folded a leg beneath me on the couch, leaning back against the cushions. "Mountain guide, maybe? Sky diving instructor?"

She snorted, grabbing a pair of oven mitts from a drawer. "I actually did consider becoming a professional surfer once, but I was 8 and life got in the way"

She shot me a pursed lip grin and I chuckled, sipping my wine.

"I was pretty serious about going to medical school after I graduated from Harvard. I'd just gotten out of my first serious relationship, I felt completely directionless, I missed the west coast. I knew that I wanted to help people, and I was questioning how I would ever be able to do that effectively with a physics major" she bent down to pull the pizza from the oven, sliding it onto the cutting board before searching for her wine glass, taking a quick sip. "So I settled on the most obvious way to do that. I even applied to the Pre-med program at Stanford"

My eyes followed her as she moved into the living room, placing the cutting board onto the table. "So what changed your mind?"

Slicing a few pieces, she passed me a loaded plate which I gratefully accepted, the smell of homemade crust and spices wafting through the room. "I moved back to California, took a month off to just surf and climb and come back to myself, and then reassessed. Decided I've got more of a temperament suited for math and dead bodies"

I chuckled, nodding softly. Her eyes trailed over my jawline, my neck, dropping lower for a moment before meeting mine. I could feel a warmth spreading through my body beneath her appreciative gaze, eyes dropping to her lips as she took another long sip of wine.

"What about you?"

I snorted, swishing the deep red liquid around in my glass absently. "I was too focused on boys to even consider what I wanted to do after high school. And then I stumbled into stripping, making more money than I knew what to do with. I could barely see beyond the next line, next drink, next fuck let alone have any career aspirations" I picked up a slice of pizza, meeting her gaze steadily before taking a bite. "I was a different person back then"

She smiled softly, not a hint of judgment in her eyes. Savoring the pizza, our conversation swayed from exes to ideologies to music before falling back to the realm of relationships, never touching on work for too long. Lighting cracked through the sky, illuminating the darkness as thunder rolled overhead. I waited for the sound to quiet, noting the tug of a smile at Sara's lips- she loved this weather, I could tell by the way the windows were cracked open, allowing for a little more intensity; the smell of rain.

"Can I ask you something?" I mused, head resting against my hand as I observed her closely, the effect of the wine warm and relaxing.

"Of course"

"Do you think if Grissom hadn't forced us to work together, we would have ever ended up here?"

She smiled, leaning forward to twist the cork out of the wine bottle with a satisfying squeak, pouring the remains into each of our empty glasses. Settling back against the cushions she hesitated a moment before meeting my gaze.

"I think that if something is meant to happen, it'll happen one way or another. And this feels… right. It doesn't feel like a random thing that we're doing. Somehow it… fits"

She was right. A year ago the thought of us together would have been absolutely ludicrous, and yet somehow here we were. I smiled, my heart in my throat at the intensity of my feelings for her.

"Look at you getting all metaphysical" I teased gently, taking a sip of wine. "I never would have guessed"

"I told you there's a lot you don't know about me" she pursed her lips into a soft smile. "What do you think?"

"I think you're right. This feels… right. Besides, there was so much tension built up between us by the time he assigned us together, it was only a matter of time before _something_ happened"

Just the thought of that day in my office; the intensity of our initial connection was enough to spark up the desire that had been simmering impatiently for weeks now. I shifted slightly in my seat, watching her closely.

"I remember one of our last big fights- god, we were so angry at each other. You had me backed up against my desk…"

"I remember" she spoke, voice an octave lower than normal, dark eyes burning.

"…I thought about it. In that moment, words weren't enough, my frustration was so overwhelming. At that point it wasn't love, it was just… pure intensity, but there was this fleeting moment of needing to be under your skin"

The intensity of her gaze deepened and I cleared my throat lightly, standing up and moving over to the window. The spark of arousal was quickly becoming a wildfire, and while I knew exactly where this night was leading, I was trying to not fall directly into her bed. For once in my life, I wanted revel in the feeling of just being with her; talking to her. I wanted it almost as much as I wanted to feel her beneath me.

Another blinding flash of lightening cut across the sky and suddenly the few lights that had been on flickered off, leaving us in the glow of candlelight. I stared out at the sudden darkness for a moment- the entire area in a blackout- turning back to Sara, her bemused expression softly illuminated.

"And what about at this point?"

I frowned lightly in confusion, leaning against the windowsill.

"You said at that point it wasn't love, just intensity…"

I let that sink in for a moment, silently cursing my slip of the tongue. I loved her, I had put that together days ago, but I had no idea how she felt. As far as our relationship was concerned, it had barely begun. I had essentially professed my love on our first date.

I opened my mouth to speak before letting it fall slowly shut, eyes meeting hers. She was still giving me a slightly bemused look, my emotions undoubtedly transparent. I let my gaze drop down to her soft lips, lingering there for a moment before meeting her eyes once again.

 _Fuck it all._

I pushed slowly off of the window sill, moving towards her. She watched me with an almost overwhelming intensity as I stepped around the table and climbed onto her lap, straddling her.

Her hands immediately came to rest on my hips as I looped my arms around her neck loosely, thumb gently running over the soft skin at the back of her neck. I bit back my nerves, allowing my confidence to take over control as I met her gaze steadily.

"I love you, Sara" I breathed. "You're brilliant, you're kind, you're amazing with Lindsay, you're a fantastic kisser" I gave her a teasing half smile, leaning in to brush my lips over hers. "I'm in love with you"

She was silent for a long moment, grip on my hips firm as her eyes searched mine with an unreadable look. Finally, one hand moved up to my waist, pulling me into her as the other slid into my hair, capturing my lips in a deep kiss.

Just as I was loosing myself entirely in the feel of her she broke away, nose brushing against mine gently, breath ragged against my lips. "I love you too"

I smiled, forehead pressing against hers for a moment before desire got the better of me and my lips reconnected with hers. It was languid and thick with pent up tension, her fingers eventually finding their way to the buttons of my blouse with shaky hands. My own unsteady hands had migrated beneath her shirt and were trailing up along her ribcage, my mouth breaking away from hers to connect with the soft skin of her neck.

Thunder rolled over head as my hands found her breasts, moaning softly against her skin as I cupped them experimentally in my hands, thumb brushing over her nipples which immediately hardened beneath my touch.

She pushed the silky material over my shoulders and I sat back, letting it fall from my arms. Dark eyes travelled over my body for a long moment, lingering appreciatively on my barely concealed breasts before reaching around to unclasp the black lace bra with an innocent smirk.

She inhaled sharply as the material fell away, hands coming to grasp my hips for a moment. She shook her head lightly, almost imperceptibly and I would have felt self conscious had she not slid a hand up to massage my breast, eyes glued to the sight of her hand moving against my skin. She remained transfixed for a long moment before her other hand came up to tangle roughly in my hair once again, pulling me back in for a searing kiss.

This was incomparable to anything I'd experienced in years. Eddie was the last person I could remember having such an intense connection with, and even that was different. That had been almost entirely about me pleasing Eddie, and the pleasure that came along with that. The way she was bracing my back firmly as her mouth worked over the flesh of my heaving breasts was infinitely different- the perfect balance of rough and gentle.

I moaned up at the ceiling, hips pressing into hers as the feel of her sucking at my flesh encompassed me. Eventually the desire to feel her skin became too much and I grasped at the bottom of her shirt, forcing her backwards as I tore it off in a swift, ungraceful motion.

I barely had a chance to admire her lithe body before she grabbed my hips and shifted me back until I was laying flat on the couch, climbing on top of me.

It's not to say I hadn't had good sex in the past few years- great sex, even. There was a lot to be said for rough, casual encounters after a stressful week. I'd gone so far as to convince myself that love would be nice if it came around again, but the real fun was in the seduction; the un-attachment of it all. But my _god_ I was fooling myself, because nothing came close to this- the feeling of her mouth working over my skin as she popped open the button of my jeans; the overwhelming desire to feel her skin against mine; to give her what she needed.

I moaned as she sucked gently at my pulse point, slowly pulling down the zipper of my pants. I pressed my hips up against her thigh, desperate for some pressure against my throbbing center.

She sat back on her heels, and in the glow of the candle light I could finally see her- the way her wavy hair fell around bare collar bones, the freckles littering her skin. Trailing my eyes down, I stopped at the beginning of her ribcage, a long, pale scar ran almost the length of her torso. Another one curled around by her hip bone, the scar tissue a contrast to her sun darkened skin.

"I uh…" she started, running a hand through her mussed waves. I pushed myself up before she could finish, hands tangling in her hair as I pulled her into a kiss. I tried to convey every ounce of love I felt for her, pulling her slowly back down with me.

"You're beautiful" I breathed against her lips, wrapping an arm around her to keep her as close to me as possible, breasts pressing against hers as I tangled my legs around her hips. "You're so beautiful"

She trailed her lips slowly over every inch of available skin, taking her time over my breasts as I pushed my head back against the cushions, whimpering at her actions. By the time she reached the top of my lace underwear, peeking out from my unzipped jeans I was openly moaning. My body was on fire.

She slid off the couch, gaze locking with mine as she pulled my jeans and underwear down my legs. I watched her through heavy lidded eyes as her eyes trailed slowly over my form before resting a knee between my legs and lowering herself onto of me. "God Catherine" she breathed, hand ghosting over my breast on its way down my body. My nails dug into her shoulder as her fingers slid through my wetness, a strangled moan escaping against her hair.

She repeated the action a few times before focusing on my clit, mouth moving down my jawline to my neck. I rocked my hips into her hand, panting up at the ceiling. When she slid two fingers into me I pressed my head back against the couch, back arching up into her as my mouth parted with a silent moan.

She began a steady motion with her hand, mouth trailing down to suck roughly at my breasts, continuing down. My moans were deep and breathless as she added a third finger and enveloped my clit in her mouth.

"Sara, yes" I hissed, fingers grasping desperately at her hair, making sure she didn't even think about going anywhere. The pleasure was like white heat coursing through me. I tried to stave off my orgasm, desperate to hold onto this feeling, but as she sped up her pace I knew that was a lost cause. I tumbled over the edge, body going ridged against her, head thrown back before collapsing boneless against the couch.

She pressed a gentle kiss against my stomach, moving to withdraw her fingers. I quickly slid my hand down to cover hers, keeping her in place. She smirked softly against my stomach, my fingers running absently through her hair as she continued to press soft kisses intermittently across my skin. We remained like that for a few drawn out moments before I let go of her hand and she slid back up my body, the loss of connection heavy.

"Hey" she breathed, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips.

A lazy smile pulled at my lips as I wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her close. I felt a deep need to hold onto this intimacy that I had been craving for so long- this feeling of safety that I hadn't felt in months. The smell of patchouli was subtle and familiar, and before long I was acutely aware once again of her breasts pushed against my skin, her lower stomach pressed against my core. I trailed my fingertips up over the length of her back before raking them gently down. She arched lightly into the touch, her sharp inhale quiet against my hair. I found her lips again, kissing her with a languid intensity, tongue brushing against hers softly.

"Bedroom" I moaned quietly into the kiss, hips rolling up into her.

We stumbled through the small apartment, her body pressing mine against the wall beside the bedroom for a few moments of intense distraction before finally making it to the bed.

I pushed her back onto the mattress, trailing my eyes over the sight of her naked against the white comforter, illuminated by the glow of a few candles. Her gaze was soft yet intense, fingers lightly grasping at the duvet in anticipation.

I crawled slowly on top of her, hyper aware of every breath, every movement. Settling on her hips, I grasped her thin wrists, pushing them against the mattress above her head. Her eyes fell half-shut as I leaned in, trailing open mouthed kisses down her neck. She began subtly grinding her hips up into me, which I countered, the friction against her clit eliciting a soft moan, hands struggling slightly in my grip, desperate to touch me. I bit down roughly against her pulse point, rewarded with the feel of her body arching up into mine.

I shifted back slightly, moving a hand between us to slide two fingers along her wetness. I watched her reactions closely as I circled her clit with a few rapid motions, loving the way her breath caught in her throat, her hand coming to grasp my hip almost painfully. I pushed two fingers slowly into her, her hips rocking up into my touch. Adding a third, I began a slow, exploratory rhythm, the earthy sound of her moans almost enough to undo me entirely. I leaned in to capture her lips in a kiss. I didn't notice her hand moving down until I felt her fingertips pressing gently at my entrance. I adjusted my hips, allowing her to push slowly into me. I moaned, grinding down against her touch as I sped up my rhythm slightly.

My free hand slid up to her breast, massaging it roughly as I rocked my hips into her slow, deep thrusts. "You feel so good" I moaned breathlessly against her parted lips, her hips picking up their pace. I took the hint, speeding up the motion of my hand, a moment later her teeth clamping down on my neck, muffling her cries as her body shook beneath mine. The feel of her coming beneath me sent me over the edge once again, losing the smooth rhythm of my hips as I rode out my orgasm against her hand.

The sound of our ragged breath filled the space between us, silent aside from the falling rain. As I came back to myself, I felt her smile between heavy breaths, lips brushing over my cheek.

We remained like that for a few long moments before I rolled off of her, pushing my hand through tangled hair as I took a few calming breaths. If I thought kissing her was intense, this was on another level entirely.

Rolling onto my side, I was met with her dark gaze focused intently on me. I searched for her hand, tangling our fingers together. I was struck by how gorgeous she looked in this post sex haze- hair wild, comfortable in her nakedness. Her body was in good shape, I knew that much, but the soft swell of her breasts came as a surprise; the shapely curve of her hips. I leaned in to press a kiss against her freckled shoulder, shifting over to nestle my head into the crook of her neck. Her arm slid around me, lips ghosting over my hair.

"You're awfully good at that" I mused, fingertips tracing lazy patterns over the skin of her stomach. She chuckled, deep and throaty. "Likewise"

"I've never been with a woman" I spoke quietly, feeling her glance down at me in surprise.

"What?"

"You're my first" I mused, nails scraping gently over her lower stomach, watching her muscles twitch gently beneath my touch. She rolled over top of me, my hands immediately finding her hips as she stared down at me with a knitted brow.

"Really?"

"Why is that so surprising?" I asked with a quiet chuckle, reaching up to tuck a strand of wild hair behind her ear.

"I don't know, because you're you"

My heart immediately dropped, smile fading as I searched her eyes. I had heard my share of 'Catherine gets around' comments from her in our day, but now…

"That came out wrong" she mumbled, brow knitting softly. "You're gorgeous, Cat. You… embody sexuality. And you danced with women for so many years, I just assumed you had experimented a little"

"It's not like I never fooled around with my dancing friends, it just never went very far. I enjoyed the company of men, and never saw beyond that… never wanted anything else" I traced her bottom lip with my thumb, still transfixed by her beauty in this intimate space. "Until you"

She stared down at me for a long moment, and I tried not to let the fear of how exposed I was in every sense seep in. _This was safe, she was safe_.

She leaned down to capture my lips in a deep kiss, pushing me into the bed. I threaded my hands into her hair, hips wrapping around her waist as her tongue brushed against mine. I lost myself completely in her, my body slowly starting to respond once again as I moaned quietly into her mouth. She broke away with a shaky breath, pressing a final kiss to my lips.

"I've got to put out these candles before the apartment catches on fire"

"They'll be fine" I protested, nails raking over her shoulder blades gently. I watched her eyes flutter shut at the sensation, taking a breath before pushing off of me.

"That's not how fire works" she chuckled softly, padding into the living room. I watched her go before moving to crawl beneath the soft covers. I pushed a hand through my mussed hair as I stared up at the ceiling, unable to shake the soft smile tugging at my lips.


End file.
